What do you do or have done to fund drugs?

I'm not saying you haven't, I'm just offering some advice from my point of view. I think you are perfectly justified as a parent to worry, especially if he has taken all those on the list - is it just a list, or an actual descriptive entry of each drug trip? If he hasn't read it already, or if you haven't, I'd recommend reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson. It does glamorise drugs a little, but also describes their ugly side.

The majority of drug users don't fund their drug use by selling, honestly. He might be racking up some debt from a 'friendly' dealer though if he doesn't have any money.

Yeah, all those drugs doesn't sound like experimenting lightly at all. Doing a bit of weed from time to time is 'experimenting lightly' - taking drugs on a list as long as your arm is drug abuse and is not safe at all. It depends what stuff the police found in his room, if they just found a bit of weed or whatever, then maybe those were just one off experiments, but if they found a load of stuff (like on that list) then he definitely needs some kind of serious help IMO.

I don't do (nor have ever done) drugs though, so I can't answer your initial question.

He knows that we do not approve of drugs and have said that whilst we cannot control him, we do not want him to smoke indoors or take drugs in the house...but as we now know he keeps breaking both these rules.

So far there have been no consequences for him except our hurt feelings...and as he is 18...its hard to see what we can do when he comes home and continues to break these rules which I do not think are unreasonable.

He is now an emotionless zombie

You said you thought you had you caring loving son back for 6 months or something, but maybe he had been doing drugs for those 6 months and just was a happier, more upbeat person because he had better rapport with you. Now that you're obviously treating him differently because of this - probably nagging him etc. he maybe just doesn't want to speak to you because the whole atmosphere has changed?

I can't deny that he can see that we are more worried but he has been at uni the whole time since we re-discovered that he was on drugs...and he does not seem "happy" when we have seen him but just stoned/emotionless...we have not nagged him but have expressed our concern for his welfare...even at the police station all we said to him was that we love him and want to help him. You are right though...right now we are very much parents and on the outside of his life...when all he wants is to be at uni and do what he is doing.

Yeah but sometimes parents can say that in such a way (and so often) that it gets kind of oppressive, for lack of a better word. You shouldn't 'force' this help onto him. Make sure he knows that he can turn to you when he does need help, and once you're sure he knows, go back to treating him in the same way that you did when you thought he wasn't doing drugs. It might make him feel it's easier to speak with you without thinking that all you're thinking about is drugs, and maybe give him some room to breathe. He might even cut down on drugs because of the support/harmony at home and less need to find harmony and peace through drugs. Of course he might also, you know, not. But I assume you've been trying your method for a long time, and it can't hurt to try what I've suggested

The simplistic (and from parental perspective probably incredibly difficult) thing to do would be to tell him that if he breaks the rules he's not welcome in your house.

The phrasing of the OP was what I was referring to. Of course cannabis is illegal, but it's a socially accepted substance these days. The other, yet to be established, illegal drugs, I would be worried about.
Does that make it more clear?

******* unbelievable. People are acting as if weed is like orange juice, completely harmless and non-addictive.

All potheads take years to stop smoking the ****, as I've lost many friends because of it in the past. None of this 'I'm a good, hardworking, intelligent student, AND I smoke weed'. Truth is, you're displaying idiocy that is so often benchmarked and attributed to students.

The other drugs are just the fart on top of the already steaming load of crap. If you feel you must; alcohol and fags- keep it simple folks.

******* unbelievable. People are acting as if weed is like orange juice, completely harmless and non-addictive.

All potheads take years to stop smoking the ****, as I've lost many friends because of it in the past. None of this 'I'm a good, hardworking, intelligent student, AND I smoke weed'. Truth is, you're displaying idiocy that is so often benchmarked and attributed to students.

The other drugs are just the fart on top of the already steaming load of crap. If you feel you must; alcohol and fags- keep it simple folks.

That would be akin to trying to cut off a live arm even if it has got gangrene though I do not doubt the logic and inherent sense in what you are suggesting.

Slightly Ironic that you have an avatar of Johnny Depp playing Hunter S. Thompson from Fear and loathing isn't it?

******** unbelievable. Have you read anything in the news over the last week? Cannabis is non-addictive physically, you can only get addicited to it mentally, which is the same with any substance on the Earth, chocolate, apples or cannabis.

I would say I am hard working and intelligent, and my grades would agree with that, and I smoke cannabis a few times a week.

As for the last 'keep it simple' comment, please for the love of God go and read a newspaper!! The governments chief advisor on drugs was sacked this week for saying a scientific truth that cannabis is less harmful that alcohol and tobacco, and there was a huge uproar because he was sacked for telling the truth.


Sorry this was off-topic, but I felt I needed to set him right.

He had not been doing well and was not even going to lectures 4 weeks in...but I now realise that if he wants to not get a degree that's his choice

The main worry is what is he doing to fund himself as he has no job and refuses to work...I hate the thought of him dealing and bringing all that in the house when he comes home.

The past few weeks have made me realise that he has to learn from his own behaviour and consequences...however much hurt I may want to spare him but the fear re. funding reamins...as he has no job and no student loan yet...what is he doing re. funding...what will he do when he gets home? Will he start stealing...? I have 2 friends who have offered him jobs over the Xmas holidays (even though they know he does drugs) as a favour to me but he is not interested

Didn't know who/what it was, but thanks for clearing that up, Dick.