Need boy advice

Right, I have a boyfriend who I’ve been with for 12 months. Everything is going great. The thing is, I’ve started this course the other week, and there’s this guy there called James. Now, I know James likes me, and I haven’t exactly told him he doesn’t stand a chance as I’ve got a bf. I’ve been laughing and joking with him (in a friendly way). Anyway, well he asked for my number, and without thinking about it, I gave it to him. Now a hours ago I had a text, from James, asking if I wanted to go out with him to the cinema tomorrow afternoon after the course. I don’t know what to do. I like him as a friend, and would like to go to the cinema with him, in a purely friendship sense. only, I don’t want to tell him I already have a boyfriend, as I don’t want to seem to be leading him on (if that makes sense) I’ve already had six missed calls from him tonight…and in fact he’s calling as I type this. He likes me, and to him, I might have been giving off the wrong impression, so he might think I feel the same. argh, I don’t know what to do. Help someone.

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Reply 1

erk

Um. You should've told him as soon as you were aware of his interest.

Tell him.

That is all.

Reply 2

SideView

Hayley_2k4

only, I don’t want to tell him I already have a boyfriend, as I don’t want to seem to be leading him on (if that makes sense)

sorry doesnt make sense to me as I see you need to tell him you have a BF theres no big deal

Reply 3

Sarah7

I had a position very similar to this when I started uni. You need to tell him. But tell him in a way that you won't be too embarrassed if he only wants you as a friend (although that sounds pretty unlikely to me!).

Reply 4

Lush Law

Tell him you already have a boyfriend - ASAP.

I don't see any problem with you going to the cinema in a friendship sense (or is your bf the jealous type. I had this problem - I went out for lunch with a girl [a friend] and her boyfriend found out and went berserk! He calmed down once she informed him that I'm actually gay!).

Reply 5

GarageMc

Tell him before you go to the cinema, but say that you still want to go to the cinema with him just as friends though - this way he shouldn't be too heart broken; but if he tries anything funny with you at the cinema you know what to do.

Reply 6

Adhsur

Also, something others haven't really mentioned is that if you do decide to go to the cinema with this guy, you really should tell your bf about it. As well as it being good manners in your relationship, it'll make you feel more comfortable about it. That's after you've set it straight with this guy about you having a bf!

Reply 7

UpliftMof0

accept the call! its a simple way of doing it, talk t ohim on the phone and just let it slip that you have a boyfriend.

"oh the funbniest thing happened today, me n xxx, my boyfriend were walking through town and he fell over on his face, oh it was a right h00t!"

"oh man , weird thing toda,y was kissing my bf outside the co-op when this guy bumped into us, i nearly choked on my bfs toungue lol"

"oh crumbs my bf trying to take me out for dinner again, he has the worst taste in resteruants"

or something like that
easy simple nicely done job. XD

Reply 8

Adarah

UpliftMof0

good advice there! you already said you don't really want to just say: 'i have a BF', so just say something like: yeah, you'd really like to go to the cinema, you just have to check if that's ok with your bf, because you aren't sure if he had anything planned or something like that ...

Reply 9

technik

Hayley_2k4

only, I don’t want to tell him I already have a boyfriend, as I don’t want to seem to be leading him on (if that makes sense)

im afraid it makes no sense. tell him and you'd instantly stopped leading him on.

Reply 10

Adhsur

Adarah

just say something like: yeah, you'd really like to go to the cinema, you just have to check if that's ok with your bf, because you aren't sure if he had anything planned or something like that ...

Best advice yet methinks!

Reply 11

nige

Can't you just tell him straight? 'I have a boyfriend'. What would said boyfriend think if he saw this thread? Plus - 6 missed calls, he doesn't want you as a friend, and he's way over-keen.

Reply 12

MattG

Personally i would add in, "i hope i didnt give you the impression that... i'm sorry if i did."

There is nothing stopping you from becoming good friends once you get over this slight hurdle. go to the cinema and have a laugh.

Reply 13

JSB19

Just speak/txt him something casual like, "well i'm seeing my bf later on in the week/day after cinema (or somethign similar) so yeh i'm free to go out tomorrow"

Or perhaps speak to him on the phone and talk like your thinking out loud thinking to yourself what you have planned this week. and mention your seeing your bf. Or even sorry i missed your calls I was out with my bf etc etc

Reply 14

Hayley_2k4

thank you all :smile:

xxx

Reply 15

SamTheMan

Hayley_2k4

No it does not make any sense. You're leading him on if you don't tell him. You seem to like this guy a bit too much if you're so willing to become his friend and he likes you a lot... before you start a friendship or tell him to bugger off, you need to know how you feel about him. If you're positive you could only see him as a friend, then go for it.
But I know you girls! You'll pretend to just want to be friends, because it's always nice to have an extra guy handy so you can keep your options open just in case you might get a better offer.
Girls :rolleyes:

Reply 16

SamTheMan

Adarah

That's a horrible way to reveal you have a bf! It reaks of premeditation. If I was a guy and a girl told me that or sent me a message or whatever, it would just seem like she stuck it into the conversation, pretending her intention wasn't to reveal she had a boyfriend. She just "happens" to mention her boyfriend. It's not clever. Guys aren't as thick as you might think and they'll notice what your intention was.
Best option? Upfront honesty: say yes I'll go to the cinema but you have to realise I have a boyfriend. Don't pretend you're accidentally letting slip the information you have a boyfriend. Because it won't appear like that one bit.

When I was travelling, I met a girl and I'd go see her all the time, we'd go out, do stuff and one day, she just mentioned a concert and said "yeah I went to it with my boyfriend". 3 weeks I'd be pursuing her and she comes up with that?

Reply 17

jd27

SamTheMan

Lol...

There really is a window in which you slip in the boyfriend to a conversation, and that's about 20-40 minutes in. It has to be done, otherwise these situations occur. Don't do it straightaway though, or you'll sound uptight and defensive!
In future, just stir the conversation to an area related to your boyfriend, wait a minute then drop him in. Otherwise it will just cause problems, and - believe me - we'd rather know earlier!

Reply 18

SamTheMan

jd27

Lol...

My excuse is that I didn't sleep last night... lol... I meant If I was a guy in that situation :redface:

"Drop him in". That's a possibility but what I admire is a girl who's upfront and doesn't play around: she should just tell him "You do realise I have a boyfriend" and that's it. She's acknowledging the fact that she has a boyfriend AND that the guy should not hit on her.
The other option is a bit cowardly. It involves mentioning a boyfriend without acknowledging the situation in which you're in and the fact that he might interpret this as a romantic date.

Reply 19

jd27

SamTheMan

My excuse is that I didn't sleep last night... lol... I meant If I was a guy in that situation :redface:

In this situation, I think you're right. She has to cut it off as quickly as possible. In general, however, when she/you/anyone meets new people who might me flirting - and even if they're not - it's a good idea to mention it early, but casually.