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How do I put myself back together?

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    #1

    I have felt **** for some time now, thanks to a exboyfriend who paraded his exes around me, physically and mentally, couldn't come unless behind me and changed his mind constantly about whether he wanted to be with me or not. I lost my job at the same time, enrolled on 3 different courses, dropped two as the work has been too much, now I feel like I'm not with anything and that life isn't worth it.

    I've done a lot of good things in my life that I've enjoyed but feel like my self esteem is so damaged, that it won't happen again. I think I'll find no-one again, that I'll never find a job again. It feels like this is it, I'm not supposed to be here. Please help! What can I do to improve self esteem?
    #2

    Do things that you enjoy! Take up a hobby, evening classes or something where you can meet people as well as do something you enjoy.

    Make a life plan - goals you want to achieve and even simple things you want to do and when you achieve them, tick them off your list and u will lyk ur achieving something and feel better about urself. Then set yourself bigger goals..ie. go for that job or start a new course.

    Also be around people who care about you, spend time with friends and family. Its good to have a support network when your feeling low.

    In regards to finding someone, It will sound cheesy but its true - don't go looking for someone else, they will come to you. right now just look at what you do have an enjoy single life!
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    Well unfortunately if you keep in that frame of mind: " I think I'll find no-one again, that I'll never find a job again", not much will change..

    You just need to be active and however hard or indeed patronising the advice is just try to move on, and forget about the past. One good thing thats happened is that your boyfriend is gone, which you probably should've done a long time ago, you now have a chance for a completely fresh start: New Job, new boyfriend, new friends perhaps, there is place for you its just up to to find it!

    Try not to feel sorry for yourself and just go and rave up the fresh start you have been given!
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    Hello my friend, I may not know you but I know the way you feel...Listen to this song please;
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSCE8uLuTJY

    God loves you, he created you in His image!
    Everything he does is perfect, the way it should be... so are you,
    because he created you, and loved you way before you were born.
    He gave his only son so that you could be FREE, free of pain, of sin,
    and so that you could be healed, of any sickness, of any heartache...

    I send you a BIG HUG, and don't give up, Jesus never gave up on you1!!!
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    Well my friend I have the answer.
    You can use glue if you wish, however, the problem with certain glues, such as plastic glue, is that they don't last very long. I would suggest the good ol'needle and thread. Works like a charm, and you can get coloured thread too!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Do things that you enjoy! Take up a hobby, evening classes or something where you can meet people as well as do something you enjoy.

    Make a life plan - goals you want to achieve and even simple things you want to do and when you achieve them, tick them off your list and u will lyk ur achieving something and feel better about urself. Then set yourself bigger goals..ie. go for that job or start a new course.

    Also be around people who care about you, spend time with friends and family. Its good to have a support network when your feeling low.

    In regards to finding someone, It will sound cheesy but its true - don't go looking for someone else, they will come to you. right now just look at what you do have an enjoy single life!
    :ditto:

    I would have +repped you but you were anon
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    (Original post by Teaddict)
    Well my friend I have the answer.
    You can use glue if you wish, however, the problem with certain glues, such as plastic glue, is that they don't last very long. I would suggest the good ol'needle and thread. Works like a charm, and you can get coloured thread too!
    I was going to say that!

    really, though:
    wake up every morning with a smile and think "I know I can get a job, [etc]"
    And do what Anon2 has said.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    couldn't come unless behind me
    haha, thats pretty funny
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Metropolis)
    haha, thats pretty funny
    Well, I would've found it funny if it wasn't me obviously! It's the most horrible way of telling you I'm just ******* you for the sake of it, although he says it isn't my fault...right...

    Thanks for the advice guys, although I do a lot of hobbies but doesn't make me think of it less, unfortunately. I do like this guy but I'm sure he's taken, as I find is often the case. Hmmm... the positive thinking is so hard to do though, it's like telling an atheist to believe in religion, it requires a lot of faith.
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    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3S6ri1R61Jg

    Jesus is THE healer!
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    He WILL give you all the faith you want, just ask Him to
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Errr...great, I'd rather have self esteem through myself first though :P and jokes about construction paper and glue seem to have come earlier than I thought. Hmm, any more helpful comments would be coolios though
    #3

    I had an ex who crushed my self-esteem just before the summer. What really helped me was making a new start at university, where no-one knew him, no-one knew about the old me, and I just started from scratch I'm still pretty insecure, but it's a lot better than I was before. I don't know if getting away from it all is possible or desirable for you, but it might be worth considering...it's a big risk if it doesn't work out though

    Good luck, hope you find some way to feel better x
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    Chocolate is an alternative... in all it's forms and shapes!
    Oh and exercising too, for it releases the happiness hormone as well lol
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    I really don't understand why some girls put up with 'boyfriends' like that :confused: He obviously had/has no respect for you whatsoever, and you knew it. So why go through with it? Why stay with him for longer than a second??
    And then you complain that your pride has been hurt - what do you expect?

    When everything else in your life seems to go down the pan, and it is stressful and depressing. But all you can do is start from scratch, and do it with a new attitude.

    Then most importantly, once you feel life is going somwhere again, and you feel more emotionally stable, only then let someone into your life who is crazy about you, no less. It might take time, but it'll happen.
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    (Original post by milesofsea)
    I really don't understand why some girls put up with 'boyfriends' like that :confused: He obviously had/has no respect for you whatsoever, and you knew it. So why go through with it? Why stay with him for longer than a second??
    And then you complain that your pride has been hurt - what do you expect?
    You don't know until you've been there. No offense I hope you never understand, it's not a nice thing to go through.

    My ex came better with his best friend (male!) than with me, and apparently used to think about some other girl when we did stuff. Nice :rolleyes:

    I'm currently in a normal relationship, so there is hope for that OP. He literally did turn up when I wasn't looking (and at an inconvenient time :rolleyes:) but I couldn't be happier.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have felt **** for some time now, thanks to a exboyfriend who paraded his exes around me, physically and mentally, couldn't come unless behind me and changed his mind constantly about whether he wanted to be with me or not. I lost my job at the same time, enrolled on 3 different courses, dropped two as the work has been too much, now I feel like I'm not with anything and that life isn't worth it.

    I've done a lot of good things in my life that I've enjoyed but feel like my self esteem is so damaged, that it won't happen again. I think I'll find no-one again, that I'll never find a job again. It feels like this is it, I'm not supposed to be here. Please help! What can I do to improve self esteem?
    The ex-boyfriend sounds like a sadistic prick who screwed with you for kicks, you shouldn't have given him the chance to decide whether or not he wanted to be with you.

    Between that, taking on more courses you can handle, and your current pessimism, it sounds like you're setting yourself up to fail. If you frequently tell yourself you'll fail, you'll just make yourself stressed and lose motivation.

    Take things slow if you have to - things really suck right now, sure, but they probably can't get much worse, so it doesn't matter if you have to take your time getting to a good place in life. No one can say that things will definitely get better the first time you try, but actually trying to improve things is better than, well, telling yourself you're going to fail on an internet forum.

    As for self esteem...I haven't a clue, I've no miracle cure for feeling good about yourself. To me, it makes more sense for things to be the other way around - fix your life first, then having something to be proud of would surely give you more self esteem. Hard to have self-esteem if you don't have much to be happy about.

    Oh, and make sure your next boyfriend isn't a sodding freak.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by milesofsea)
    I really don't understand why some girls put up with 'boyfriends' like that :confused: He obviously had/has no respect for you whatsoever, and you knew it. So why go through with it? Why stay with him for longer than a second??
    And then you complain that your pride has been hurt - what do you expect?
    I used to say exactly the same thing as you actually! I used to shake my head in disbelief while girls did this, and now I know why. It's never straight away that they do this, just little glimpses, but by then they're so sweet and kind that you overlook them. Once you get into the swing of things and the feelings are set, you see them for who they really are. Problem is, by that time you get attached to them.That's why you hear people saying "He was never like this, now he's like a different person." It's horrible and manipulative.

    Thank you for that advice though. I volunteer a lot but nothing paid yet since my last job. I gave up some of the courses and am doing some smaller ones next year, ones that I will enjoy

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Updated: December 4, 2009
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