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Have a baby during postgrad degree, or wait?

Hi guys.

This is all a bit hypothetical, but I'd love some opinions. I've just started my degree. Do people think it's possible to have a baby during the course? My course is the full 3 year deal and apparently you can get some maternity leave if you have funding. I know that jobs afterwards are likely to be 1 or 2 year contracts for the first few, so this may be the longest period doing one thing that I get for a while. My partner and I are planning to get married, and we would like children, so that's not in question. What I'd like to know is, do people think it would be harder to have a baby during the degree, or during a job afterwards? I'm not expecting it to be easy any time, btw!

Thanks ...

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Reply 1
No. It's only three years.
Reply 2
Well, its a very personal decision obviously, but having a baby during your degree may somewhat take away from the overall university experience and you would obviously miss some of the good things about being at university. You have to think about whether you would want to miss precious moments with your baby because you had bucket loads of work to do etc.

But, like I said, it's a very personal choice.
I wouldn't have a baby during a degree just because you're still young and you'd probably like to have some of the experiences of being a young adult like partying and with a baby you wouldn't be able to do this and also you're unlikely to be able to do as well in your degree even after you've had the baby which will limit your potential jobs. It's also going to be very stressful I mean how would you look after it whilst studying, what position is your partner in, is he in university? I would wait until after university maybe when you're in a firm job position so you know that you're financially secure :smile: you can't be 100% that you're going to stay with this guy I mean what if it all went wrong you'd be a single parent :/ I'd wait until after or if you really can't wait at least until the final year so it doesn't affect your education too much but remember these are meant to be the best years of your life and with a baby to look after you won't enjoy it as much :/
Reply 4
Well, a girl in my class is pregnant with her second child; the first was born during her A levels, and the second will be due around exam time later next year. Another girl in my class has a small child. A third friend is having a child around exam too. All third years, and all seem to manage fine.
Reply 5
Thanks for the replies! I know it's only three years, but the point is, if I don't do it within this three years, will it be any easier afterwards?

SmileyGurl13
I wouldn't have a baby during a degree just because you're still young and you'd probably like to have some of the experiences of being a young adult like partying and with a baby you wouldn't be able to do this and also you're unlikely to be able to do as well in your degree even after you've had the baby which will limit your potential jobs. It's also going to be very stressful I mean how would you look after it whilst studying, what position is your partner in, is he in university? I would wait until after university maybe when you're in a firm job position so you know that you're financially secure :smile: you can't be 100% that you're going to stay with this guy I mean what if it all went wrong you'd be a single parent :/ I'd wait until after or if you really can't wait at least until the final year so it doesn't affect your education too much but remember these are meant to be the best years of your life and with a baby to look after you won't enjoy it as much :/


I think I've had plenty of time to party already tba. My partner has a job, and I have funding so we are financially secure. I know I can't be 100% sure I'll stay with this guy, but doesn't us planning to get married mean anything?
SleepyGrad
Thanks for the replies! I know it's only three years, but the point is, if I don't do it within this three years, will it be any easier afterwards?



I think I've had plenty of time to party already tba. My partner has a job, and I have funding so we are financially secure. I know I can't be 100% sure I'll stay with this guy, but doesn't us planning to get married mean anything?

Just wait, you only get the one shot at your degree (typically) and that will be on your CV forever with that class - give it all you can. It is possible to do both but so hard that why knowingly do so? Your partner has a fulltime job and although Im sure hed be v.helpful its not the best study situation to have a screaming baby in the other room is it? Youre young which means if you waited the 5 years until after uni and your 2 year contract is done youd be a qualified, well experienced person with better job prospects and still what 23/25? A young mother still, plus youd have put everything into setting yourself up and gotten married assumingly in that time.

BTW what youve heard about maternity time means you can take time out and come back to your course and carry on your fee and maintenance funding - you dont get paid to not go to uni so financially youd be just the same as if you werent working when you have a child. The only good thing is youd get more funding for childcare and possibly a creche on site but youd still have to pay and no the funding doesnt mean it pays for all the childcare and no you wont definitely get a place in an on-site creche.
Well do what suits you best, I mean parenting comes at different times for everyone. A girl on my course has 2 young kids and is 35 and the other is a young mother an had a baby a year ago. They cope fine.

Plus the whole 'best years of your life' thing is ******** about anything. Not all young adults go partying on the weekend same as all university students so I wouldn't worry about what people think you "should" be doing.
Jennie1987
Just wait, you only get the one shot at your degree (typically) and that will be on your CV forever with that class - give it all you can. It is possible to do both but so hard that why knowingly do so? Your partner has a fulltime job and although Im sure hed be v.helpful its not the best study situation to have a screaming baby in the other room is it? Youre young which means if you waited the 5 years until after uni and your 2 year contract is done youd be a qualified, well experienced person with better job prospects and still what 23/25? A young mother still, plus youd have put everything into setting yourself up and gotten married assumingly in that time.

BTW what youve heard about maternity time means you can take time out and come back to your course and carry on your fee and maintenance funding - you dont get paid to not go to uni so financially youd be just the same as if you werent working when you have a child. The only good thing is youd get more funding for childcare and possibly a creche on site but youd still have to pay and no the funding doesnt mean it pays for all the childcare and no you wont definitely get a place in an on-site creche.


OP is 25 - she's a grad! :p:

But I think you've certainly made some good points - even 30 wouldn't be "old" to be starting a family. :nah:
Reply 9
Jennie1987
Just wait, you only get the one shot at your degree (typically) and that will be on your CV forever with that class - give it all you can. It is possible to do both but so hard that why knowingly do so? Your partner has a fulltime job and although Im sure hed be v.helpful its not the best study situation to have a screaming baby in the other room is it? Youre young which means if you waited the 5 years until after uni and your 2 year contract is done youd be a qualified, well experienced person with better job prospects and still what 23/25? A young mother still, plus youd have put everything into setting yourself up and gotten married assumingly in that time.

BTW what youve heard about maternity time means you can take time out and come back to your course and carry on your fee and maintenance funding - you dont get paid to not go to uni so financially youd be just the same as if you werent working when you have a child. The only good thing is youd get more funding for childcare and possibly a creche on site but youd still have to pay and no the funding doesnt mean it pays for all the childcare and no you wont definitely get a place in an on-site creche.


Woah! Sorry - as MuppetyKid points out, I'm a grad! Maybe should have said it more carefully, but I thought my name and posting in the grad forum would be enough clue (plus the funding - obv. that's for a postgrad degree, not undergrad). But yes, sorry, I have got two degrees already. I just wanted to know from people who have done a long postgraduate degree, whether or not they'd think having a baby was possible. I know it would be hard, but I don't know that it would be easier later. This suggestion that I could get through the degree and a 3-year contract and then have the baby is kind of confusing - why would it suddenly get easier then?
Reply 10
Spinnerette
Well do what suits you best, I mean parenting comes at different times for everyone. A girl on my course has 2 young kids and is 35 and the other is a young mother an had a baby a year ago. They cope fine.

Plus the whole 'best years of your life' thing is ******** about anything. Not all young adults go partying on the weekend same as all university students so I wouldn't worry about what people think you "should" be doing.


Thanks honey, that is reassuring!
SleepyGrad
Thanks honey, that is reassuring!


My advice would apply to gaduates like yourself too. I didn't realise it was the grad forum either but reading back over it does also apply to your situation. Just do what feels right for you. I mean if you look back on after you've got it and think "damn maybe I should've had kids then" you'll be regretting it. As they say no time like the present :smile:

EDIT: Also the time is never going to be the right time to have kids, it'd be nice if life were perfect but it's not so just go ahead.
SleepyGrad
Woah! Sorry - as MuppetyKid points out, I'm a grad! Maybe should have said it more carefully, but I thought my name and posting in the grad forum would be enough clue (plus the funding - obv. that's for a postgrad degree, not undergrad). But yes, sorry, I have got two degrees already. I just wanted to know from people who have done a long postgraduate degree, whether or not they'd think having a baby was possible. I know it would be hard, but I don't know that it would be easier later. This suggestion that I could get through the degree and a 3-year contract and then have the baby is kind of confusing - why would it suddenly get easier then?

Sorry but it said during a degree so all Id do is change the age cos youd still be young and better set up after as thats what you want to do and the profession you want to go into.

It would suddenly get easier because a degree takes more work then a 9-5 job and youd have a good experience from the contract for securing a well-paying/benefited job and more secure should the job market still be bad then.

But having 2 degrees already if you have a baby during this one I guess youd be fine if the toll is as great as people say and you dont get the accolades you desire or need for as good a start in your career as if you didnt have a child at that time. And the money it takes for a child, would be more ready if your partner is also older as Id assume you would have saved for it as well as the wedding/bigger place if needed. So you could do it with the only risk being your degree/health(stress)/finance (you wouldnt get post grad maternity funding for your time off) whereas doing it with a job youd get certain benefits, could take time off and have something to go back to.
Reply 13
SleepyGrad
Woah! Sorry - as MuppetyKid points out, I'm a grad! Maybe should have said it more carefully, but I thought my name and posting in the grad forum would be enough clue (plus the funding - obv. that's for a postgrad degree, not undergrad). But yes, sorry, I have got two degrees already. I just wanted to know from people who have done a long postgraduate degree, whether or not they'd think having a baby was possible. I know it would be hard, but I don't know that it would be easier later. This suggestion that I could get through the degree and a 3-year contract and then have the baby is kind of confusing - why would it suddenly get easier then?

Half the people in the neighbouring office had kids last year, so it's hardly uncommon. You can get leaves of absence for PhDs at my uni, so I presume your funding is suspended for them and resumes when you continue your studies.
Reply 14
Jennie1987
Sorry but it said during a degree so all Id do is change the age cos youd still be young and better set up after as thats what you want to do and the profession you want to go into.

It would suddenly get easier because a degree takes more work then a 9-5 job and youd have a good experience from the contract for securing a well-paying/benefited job and more secure should the job market still be bad then.

But having 2 degrees already if you have a baby during this one I guess youd be fine if the toll is as great as people say and you dont get the accolades you desire or need for as good a start in your career as if you didnt have a child at that time. And the money it takes for a child, would be more ready if your partner is also older as Id assume you would have saved for it as well as the wedding/bigger place if needed. So you could do it with the only risk being your degree/health(stress)/finance (you wouldnt get post grad maternity funding for your time off) whereas doing it with a job youd get certain benefits, could take time off and have something to go back to.



Thanks for replying again Jennie. What you say makes a lot of sense. I have to say, I don't think degrees take more work than a 9-5, not for my subject. I do English Lit so I don't have to do time in a lab or anything like that, which is pretty lucky.

The job situation is slightly odd - if you go into academia you don't have much job security at all - you might be as old as 30/35 before you get tenure, easily. Before that, you'll get short-term contracts and no guarantee of a job when they finish. That's why I think it might be the better option to have the baby during the degree. But I am really grateful for your advice and I'll have a good think about it. Sorry again about not putting enough info on the original post!
SleepyGrad
Thanks for replying again Jennie. What you say makes a lot of sense. I have to say, I don't think degrees take more work than a 9-5, not for my subject. I do English Lit so I don't have to do time in a lab or anything like that, which is pretty lucky.

The job situation is slightly odd - if you go into academia you don't have much job security at all - you might be as old as 30/35 before you get tenure, easily. Before that, you'll get short-term contracts and no guarantee of a job when they finish. That's why I think it might be the better option to have the baby during the degree. But I am really grateful for your advice and I'll have a good think about it. Sorry again about not putting enough info on the original post!

The thing I do have to say on a personal level is that 25 isnt old in general terms but have you done anything to find out about your fertility? If you dont know now youll kick yourself in 5 years if you later learn something that would have helped you make the decision differently. Years cant be replaced - if you both want children you should both know the odds when you try now and when you try later or you could go down a path where you didnt know the consequences.

And btw I meant job security in that youd have something to come back to after the baby and automatic period where you would obtain maternity pay.
I would look at it from the fairly selfish perspective of would you be willing to give it all up (the postgrad) if something happened with your child that meant you needed to care for them and put your studies to one side? I know that is a fairly selfish way of looking at it but I know that if I were to have a child in the next few years (I'm almost 22, graduate in the summer and am applying for postgrad courses at the moment) as well as studying, I can't help but feel I wouldn't have a bit of resentment that I hadn't waited if something happened in my family situation which meant I had to totally stop studying and potentially never finish.

I know this can happen with a job too but I feel that because you obviously get some financial pay back for the time/effort/money you invest in an actual job, if I were to give it all up due to my child it wouldn't feel as though I'd "wasted" a couple of years on study. But if I were two years into a three year course, I wouldn't really get much return for it beyond more debt as if I never finished it I'm not sure what good a half finished course would do in terms of enhancing my life but if I were to say, go back into the working world (say, only working a few hours a week or something low key) a few years later I'd be able to transfer the skills etc from the job I'd had in the two years much more easily than if I were trying to transfer academic knowledge.

Obviously this is all my own view point though and you're welcome to take it or leave it, but I see having a child as something which I'll only do when I'm willing to give up my entire life for it should that need to happen, and if I were considering further study (as I am now) which I know will commit me for the next few years, I wouldn't also consider having a child in that period simply because I know that if I only finished half of it, I'd regret not finishing it and having a child later. Obviously, I'd love my baby unconditionally and would give up studying for it, but I think I'd feel more resentment of the fact I'd done that than if I'd given up a job for my child.
If it is a PhD its possible but not great. I'd wait.
SleepyGrad
The job situation is slightly odd - if you go into academia you don't have much job security at all - you might be as old as 30/35 before you get tenure, easily. Before that, you'll get short-term contracts and no guarantee of a job when they finish. That's why I think it might be the better option to have the baby during the degree. But I am really grateful for your advice and I'll have a good think about it. Sorry again about not putting enough info on the original post!


Do you have any female tutors/lecturers who you could ask advice from? I've been meaning to ask similar questions to my female tutors about the compatibility of children and academia/when the best time to have a baby is (not coz I'm thinking of it imminently but if I get onto my ideal course, I could be on it for 5-8 years! :eek: ) but never find the right moment :smile:
I know a girl with a baby at uni... but she didn't plan her.

She struggles big time, she barely sees her, with some lecture running til 6pm it's really not ideal.

I mean it's doable if you found yourself in that situation but it'snot something that many people would choose.

She admits that her university work suffers because she has other things that come first, but really if you're going to pay like £3225 per year to do something then you should be abel to put your all into it

I think you and your partner should just enjoy eachother for now, you have plenty of time for babies and I think you'll probably regret having a baby while you're at uni