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Parents just told me I'm fat then HAD A GO AT ME for getting upset.

Anon or delete please.

I just went down to breakfast, and I put the first bite into my mouth, and my mum goes:

'Did you eat two cupcakes before you wet to bed last night?' (she'd baked a batch and counted how many there were)

I was like 'er yes...'

Then she goes 'You've gotton fat, you really shouldnt eat like that.'
Silence. My dad just looks at me nonplussed, then my lovely little sister stares incredulously at them and pipes up 'Thats not very nice!'

Immediately my dad goes 'WHY? Why isn't it very nice, don't be like those stupid people who get offended, there's nothing wrong with saying it'

My mum, knowing I'm getting upset, just carries on, going, you've gotton larger, you just eat and you're lazy etc etc. and then MAKING EXCUSES for herself while she says it, saying she's not to blame or anything, she's only being truthful.

So anyway then my parents launch into a 'we're allowed to insult you bcause we're your parents' mantra, and my dad doesnt see any problem either, and says, 'its the same as us telling you to work hard at school, or stop biting your nails.'

I havent said anything yet, I'm just staring at them and then I'm like, 'NO it's not the bloody same at all, and on top of that, my size is none of your business'

Then my dad gets really angry and says 'I'LL tell you whether it's the same or not, don't you tell me otherwise'

So the tears erupt and I storm upstairs :frown:

Thig is, they know I'm really sensitive about this issue, and in truth, I've been making an effort to lose weight quietly for some time, it's something I've wanted to do for myself for ages. I just really hate anyone else getting involved, and the slightest comment really gets to me. I already have really crap self esteem. Plus, a couple of years back, I went through a phase of eating NOTHING, literally, and they know it, and lost a dangerous amount of weight. They know it's a bit of a problem with me, but that doesnt seem to matter. I really hate being exposed emotionally.

Did I overreact? Do they have the right to say these things, and then defend themselves, with aggression?

I can hear my mum now screaming about how I'm ungrateful, selfish and stroppy and a 'cow' who has no right to be upset. It just doesn't phase her, and she always makes herself into the victim after she says something hurtful, because, o gosh, I got upset and stormed out, the nerve of me!

***Btw I'm 5'7'', and 65kg, used to be 60, 55 at lowest a few years back. That gives me a bmi of 22.

Thoughts? Comfort? Derision at me?

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Reply 1

Anonymous #1

** correction= 5'8 not 5'7

Reply 2

Muffinz

Tell them to **** off, and you'll eat as many cakes as you want? It's not like you're 16 stone, damn...

Reply 3

SOTEK

They just sound like nasty people, and i'm sorry you're stuck with them. And no, 65kg is not heavy for 5'8, i'm 6'0 and 92kg, and i'm happy and healthy.

Reply 4

Paul Bartram

Try excercising - get your parents involved in what you do. Get them to join the gym with you or something.

Reply 5

SUCKMEOFF

light up a joint in front of them and shout skin up boys and then say **** you with the V

Reply 6

didgeridoo12uk

Anonymous

Then my dad gets really angry and says 'I'LL tell you whether it's the same or not, don't you tell me otherwise'

Did I overreact? Do they have the right to say these things, and then defend themselves, with aggression?

i actually hate it when my parents say stuff like that. i just tell them their idiots and to stfu then walk out. its just such a retarded position to take.

meh before i read the thing about them knowing you have an issue with it, and had trouble with it in the past. i was like nope, thats perfectly fair, family/friends are allowed to mention this sort of stuff. but well if they've known you've had problems in the past its a bit bloody tactless.

i'd personally go back down and tell them to get the hell out of your life and let you sort yourself out.... then go join a gym? dieting can only get you so far, and excercise always puts me in a much better mood when i'm feeling like crap

and you're not fat anyway :/ but yeh if you want to improve on your figure, go to the gym, or join a sports team or two etc

Reply 7

Melting Sugar.

I found they changed their tune pretty quickly when I stopped eating. :rolleyes:

ITS OKAY I know how you feel. :shifty:

Reply 8

llys

Anonymous

***Btw I'm 5'7'', and 65kg, used to be 60, 55 at lowest a few years back. That gives me a bmi of 22.

You are NOT fat.

If you WERE obese I think your parents should tell you the truth and give you incentives to / help you eat more healthily. But even then there would just be no need to be so rude about it...

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

Your weight loss is for yourself. Continue in a way that is healthy. Try to ignore criticism that will make you feel bad about yourself, and focus on feeling good about positive changes you make to your diet/lifestyle.

It's like revision - if you get all jittery and start feeling like a bum cause you haven't done enough - it's difficult to do. Much easier if you have a positive mindset.

Maybe your mum was annoyed that you had some of her cupcakes :p:

If your parents have a dig at you about it again - don't be rude or shout (not saying that you did) - as a rule this works for all arguments. Being rude and shouting makes you look like a child, and vilifies you. I suggest that if your parents start this up again you just leave the room.

You can't afford to get yourself really down about your weight - it will make you feel like giving up, and then you'll feel like you've failed --> vicious cycle.

Ignore outside influences - set little targets for yourself - when you accomplish them you can feel good. Weight loss happens gradually.

Reply 10

RealityIsDull

:hug: They sound horrible!

This is how eating disorders start! Ignore them, If your happy then it doesnt matter to them! Its your body!

Reply 11

Anonymous #2

Also

BMI 22 is within the healthy range. My advice was based on the idea that you actually needed to lose weight :p:

If your happy with the way you are stick with it. If you wish to lose weight for yourself, do it gradually and healthily.

Reply 12

Entangled

Lose weight. I'm 5'8"-ish and 65kg, and can't really see my ribs properly. Do that Thinspiration thing.

Reply 13

username358506

Comfort eating leads to obesity and your parents do have a responsibility for your well being. Nonetheless, if you're happy with your weight, then tell them to **** off.

Reply 14

badboy1

im about 16-17 stone, as long as ur comfortable who cares, just be happy with ur body and urself, at end of day thats all that really matters, because ur only in it for one person, arent u?

Reply 15

Anonymous #3

I'm no expert, but your bmi doesn't seem that high.
Try not to let them get to you and keep your head up :smile:

Reply 16

XCRUSHESX

Don't pay attention to their comments. They are wrong! You are not fat and probably not even near to being overweight. Parents sometimes have their "I'm your parent,my opinion matters,listen to me as I'm your superior" moment and there is nothing you can really do about it because it's their ego trip. Just try and do something enjoyable to get your mind off it all.

Reply 17

amii_G

You're not fat at all.

Reply 18

Planto

Anonymous

So anyway then my parents launch into a 'we're allowed to insult you bcause we're your parents' mantra, and my dad doesnt see any problem either, and says, 'its the same as us telling you to work hard at school, or stop biting your nails.'

I havent said anything yet, I'm just staring at them and then I'm like, 'NO it's not the bloody same at all, and on top of that, my size is none of your business'

Actually, it is the same. The only conceivable difference is the social stigma around being fat, which is irrelevant. Ultimately, being overweight means you are unhealthy, so if they're trying to get you to lose weight then they're just looking out for your health.

Reply 19

Anonymous #1

Thing is, I reallty elieve that they'd rather I was thin, and had some kind of eating disorder (very restricted calorie intake type, not the vomity type), than I be fat.

I eat really really healthily at meal times, and not too much, and I eat fruit. HOWEVER I'm not deluded about the fact that I eat too many snacks, and unhealthy snacks. So although recently I've been eating too much junky snacks, I still get nutrition from the healthy habits I've had all my life. So basically I'm healthier than when I ate nothing at all and became anaemic due to iron deficiency.

But they're so wrapped up in looks and superficiality, and other people's perceptions to them. My mum said, 'I want to be able to be PROUD of you when people see you, proud that you're my daughter. You're good looking, but you're ruining it by getting fat'

I just hate the idea that I'll somehow be worth more, or she'll APPROVE of me more if I'm slimmer, like I'm a showpiece or something, not a human with feelings and er, talents to show off instead.

And yes, she's the type of person who scoffs openly at the hippo mums waddling through morrisons.