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Reply 140
Original post by Sammi_K?
I know this was 3 years ago but I just have to point this out:

Most Pakistani people were originally Hindustani - meaning they shared the same culture as Indians. Pakistan hasn't been around for a long time. I have noticed that Pakistani's are more strict than Indians. The only difference between them is religion. And if there are any cultural differences b/w them, then it is the result of Islam. So in other words, it is the religion.


That's not entirely accurate. There are regional differences too. Most British Indians originate from the Punjab region of the Indian sub-continent, whereas most British Pakistanis (60-70%) originated from the Kashmir Mirpur region.
Crud... Ur a guy. My bad Sorry!

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Reply 142
Original post by Anonymous
sorry for the long post, really have got a lot on my plate.

My family are extremely strict muslims, completely hardcore. Some of their beliefs are jsut so completely wrong and immoral in my opinion (i'm not saying that islam is wrong or immoral - I don't believe that these particular beliefs have any place in the religion). But i go through everyday of my life pretending i believe the same things, because if i didn't i'd be kicked out and disowned, or beaten or whatever - i have no idea, i just no it would be extremely extremely bad, there's no way they'd ever accept it.

But i don't have the means to leave home and support myself and more importantly, i don't have the courage to do it. I'm starting uni in october, and my parents are working so hard to help finance it since we're not very wealthy. But i don't want them to - i don't want to owe them anything more, i feel so bad about wanting to leave. But they've completely and absolutely controlled my life. I've never had a social life much because i've never been allowed out with friends, I've had to lie jsut to go to the cinema, or even to the park. Most of the friends i do have are distant, and i don't blame them, if i'm never around then i can hardly be a good friend. They don't understand that i can't help it, and that as pathetic as it sounds, they're the only friends i really have.

My muslim friends would completely reject me too - i'd be hated by most of them. I feel like i'm completely stuck leading this life, and i'm so damn miserable. I can't even ask any girls i like out, the most social interaction i've had on my gap year is through facebook, and my parents are constantly screaming and shouting at me, having a complete go at me. They treat me like i'm 5 years old, completely controlling my life, and yet have a go at me for not being mature etc

They've always fought too, and I mean physically as well, which ahs resulted in me completely hating my dad. I once tried to protect my mum - she ended up not talking to me because i showed my dad "disrespect". He's not had a job for years - he runs an islamic bookshop which barely breaks even.

I feel like i'm going crazy. I can't tell anyone this, they either don't understand, think i'm pathetic or would completely hate me for it. I just want to be able to live my own life. They expect me to get married in a few years (i'm 19) and move in and look after them and basically let them carry on dictating my life. I have no intention of doing that - but i can't see any possible way to break free of them, and it's incredibly difficult to just up and leave the people who have provided for you for 19 years.

It's made me a complete wreck - i've become good at hiding my feelings - i have a reputation as someone who's always happy and constantly joking, ironically the guy other people rely on and go to for advice. I tried to tell a friend i was actually miserable the otehr day - he thought i was joking.

my life is a complete mess. i don't even feel like it is my life. I'm constantly lying and manipulating people to hide my true beliefs, and I feel like a complete coward.


How do they control you? Everyone has a choice, I think your parents have to give you a choice - if they're pressuring you then that's obviously wrong.

Don't you have any cousins or young aunts and uncles who could help you sort this out? It's like they're interpreting Islam in a different way and making it too extreme. I come from a Muslim family, and from where I am, most teenagers have a choice. Maybe it's where you live, they might think you're getting too involved with the western culture.

I'm sorry I'm babbling. I just believe you have the right to make your own decision, your parents should encourage you but not control your life. That's what can make a person fall out of a religion. If they don't give you freedom then how can you explore your religion (ex).
Just out of interest, have you or your parents already been Umrah?
Reply 143
Guys, this thread is 3 years old. There is no way that he is monitoring this thread any more. Not to mention that by now, he has moved out and has probably dealt with his dilemma.
Original post by B-Man.
That's not entirely accurate. There are regional differences too. Most British Indians originate from the Punjab region of the Indian sub-continent, whereas most British Pakistanis (60-70%) originated from the Kashmir Mirpur region.


Also there are differences in terms of heritage.........Pakistan does have a lot more Persian roots due to the Mughal's compared to the rest of India. But thats not to say they are different...........there still exists very similar mentality across the board, the views in rural areas are very much the same as are the views of those who come from cities, those from cities tend to be far more liberal and open minded.
And most of those who came to the UK for a better life come from what were the poorer regions of the subcontinent and especially rural places.
Wow I didn't even realise. 2010. Hope he sorted it all out then

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Reply 146
Hey, I don't know what steps you took and don't know if it's too late, but I still wanted to help you. It's really sad but Pakistani culture breeds this kind of narcissistic behavior in our parents and they simply don't understand the effects it has on children. What makes it really bad is the fact that they're immigrants and are aggravated with the society they don't understand. they try to hold on to ideas from their previous culture not realizing it doesn't apply here since you aren't growing up in an environment kids in Pakistan are growing up in. It's a lot of "what they don't understand" really...they don't know all that they're doing is doing the opposite of what they want. I think you need to be fearless. You need to dorm at your university. DO REALLLLY WELL in school. Trust me, that's your only outlet. Once you do, get a fabulous job. Money makes fear go away. You'll be fine. But to your question, it's definitely culture. I hope you were able to do all these things. If you didn't, I hope I still helped. If your current situation turned out differently, I'm still here to help! =)
Reply 147
Financial independence is the key to everything.

I wouldn't risk saying a word until i'm financially independent and can take care of myself. Although this is much, much easier said than done.

I really feel for you, OP. There is nothing I can honestly think of to help your situation other than to lead a double life, which I'm sure you can learn how to execute properly as there are so many young Muslims living this kind of double life, especially at university.

I hope you're not too mad at your parents, they do it for your own good although it's not good in pretty much any way I can think of... Religion will do that to people, especially Islam.

EDIT: Didn't check the thread date... My bad.
(edited 9 years ago)
It would be nice to know what happened after all....
you are completely right
The worst thing you can do in this situation is aggravate your parents even if you dont have the intention to do so. Leaving Islam wont solve anything as it will make problems worse. Keep in mind that whatever your parents are doing, is probably based around culture, NOT RELIGION, trust me, im turning 18 and I have pakistani parents so I know the difference when my parents are applying culture and religion into my life.
Just do dua, remember if you left Islam, you left it because of your parents attitudes and how they treated you which probably made you realise that maybe its Islams teachings that has made them so strict
I pray that you come back to Islam and realise that you left Islam because of culture, not because of the religions teachings itself. Stay safe :-)
imagine being a girl and going through all this...man i have the same situation but only harder BC i am a girl i cant even be 5 mins late from school. my older brother is even more strict and my mom don't trust me at all. i never did anything wrong but she never lets me hang out im not allowed to go to movies. my friends dont even bother inviting me for anything! and forget about me going away for uni and moving out of my house. they would rather have me uneducated then to go to uni in a different. they are planning to get me married to some guy when im 20 (im 18 rn), someone they choose regardless of what i think. i dont even know how to get my self out of this situation i hate my life rn. sometimes i wanna really kill my self coz i literally cant take it anymore!
Reply 152
Aww

it might be easier when your older. My religious family members cannot tell me **** nowadays, I even actively insult them and their practices to assure my dominance and cleanse the feelings of pain from all those forced prayer classes!
Original post by Thighs
Aww

it might be easier when your older. My religious family members cannot tell me **** nowadays, I even actively insult them and their practices to assure my dominance and cleanse the feelings of pain from all those forced prayer classes!


That sounds like some good payback. :smile:
Original post by nowwegotprolems
imagine being a girl and going through all this...man i have the same situation but only harder BC i am a girl i cant even be 5 mins late from school. my older brother is even more strict and my mom don't trust me at all. i never did anything wrong but she never lets me hang out im not allowed to go to movies. my friends dont even bother inviting me for anything! and forget about me going away for uni and moving out of my house. they would rather have me uneducated then to go to uni in a different. they are planning to get me married to some guy when im 20 (im 18 rn), someone they choose regardless of what i think. i dont even know how to get my self out of this situation i hate my life rn. sometimes i wanna really kill my self coz i literally cant take it anymore!


www.karmanirvana.org.uk
Reply 155
Original post by nowwegotprolems
imagine being a girl and going through all this...man i have the same situation but only harder BC i am a girl i cant even be 5 mins late from school. my older brother is even more strict and my mom don't trust me at all. i never did anything wrong but she never lets me hang out im not allowed to go to movies. my friends dont even bother inviting me for anything! and forget about me going away for uni and moving out of my house. they would rather have me uneducated then to go to uni in a different. they are planning to get me married to some guy when im 20 (im 18 rn), someone they choose regardless of what i think. i dont even know how to get my self out of this situation i hate my life rn. sometimes i wanna really kill my self coz i literally cant take it anymore!


Find a nice white guy to liberate you

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Original post by nowwegotprolems
imagine being a girl and going through all this...man i have the same situation but only harder BC i am a girl i cant even be 5 mins late from school. my older brother is even more strict and my mom don't trust me at all. i never did anything wrong but she never lets me hang out im not allowed to go to movies. my friends dont even bother inviting me for anything! and forget about me going away for uni and moving out of my house. they would rather have me uneducated then to go to uni in a different. they are planning to get me married to some guy when im 20 (im 18 rn), someone they choose regardless of what i think. i dont even know how to get my self out of this situation i hate my life rn. sometimes i wanna really kill my self coz i literally cant take it anymore!


isn't this the story of every asian kid?! fml yeah i get you tho... im not even allowed a phone ffs every time i go out with my friends my parents come up with the most random **** ever they start to suspect things which never happen ffs so ive stopped going altogether now!! was the point... anyway if you wanna ever talk im here let me know yeah
Original post by Anonymous
sorry for the long post, really have got a lot on my plate.

My family are extremely strict muslims, completely hardcore. Some of their beliefs are jsut so completely wrong and immoral in my opinion (i'm not saying that islam is wrong or immoral - I don't believe that these particular beliefs have any place in the religion). But i go through everyday of my life pretending i believe the same things, because if i didn't i'd be kicked out and disowned, or beaten or whatever - i have no idea, i just no it would be extremely extremely bad, there's no way they'd ever accept it.

But i don't have the means to leave home and support myself and more importantly, i don't have the courage to do it. I'm starting uni in october, and my parents are working so hard to help finance it since we're not very wealthy. But i don't want them to - i don't want to owe them anything more, i feel so bad about wanting to leave. But they've completely and absolutely controlled my life. I've never had a social life much because i've never been allowed out with friends, I've had to lie jsut to go to the cinema, or even to the park. Most of the friends i do have are distant, and i don't blame them, if i'm never around then i can hardly be a good friend. They don't understand that i can't help it, and that as pathetic as it sounds, they're the only friends i really have.

My muslim friends would completely reject me too - i'd be hated by most of them. I feel like i'm completely stuck leading this life, and i'm so damn miserable. I can't even ask any girls i like out, the most social interaction i've had on my gap year is through facebook, and my parents are constantly screaming and shouting at me, having a complete go at me. They treat me like i'm 5 years old, completely controlling my life, and yet have a go at me for not being mature etc

They've always fought too, and I mean physically as well, which ahs resulted in me completely hating my dad. I once tried to protect my mum - she ended up not talking to me because i showed my dad "disrespect". He's not had a job for years - he runs an islamic bookshop which barely breaks even.

I feel like i'm going crazy. I can't tell anyone this, they either don't understand, think i'm pathetic or would completely hate me for it. I just want to be able to live my own life. They expect me to get married in a few years (i'm 19) and move in and look after them and basically let them carry on dictating my life. I have no intention of doing that - but i can't see any possible way to break free of them, and it's incredibly difficult to just up and leave the people who have provided for you for 19 years.

It's made me a complete wreck - i've become good at hiding my feelings - i have a reputation as someone who's always happy and constantly joking, ironically the guy other people rely on and go to for advice. I tried to tell a friend i was actually miserable the otehr day - he thought i was joking.

my life is a complete mess. i don't even feel like it is my life. I'm constantly lying and manipulating people to hide my true beliefs, and I feel like a complete coward.

allahu akbar
This is a really good idea, does this exist?
Dont follow the line of least resistence. As muslims we are meant to struggle, this is the honourable path not all this boozing and social networking. Follow the path your parents have set for you, this is your destiny as set out by Allah.