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My bf has put on weight (chubby)... and im starting to find him unattractive

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    tell him very bluntly that he needs to lose some weight. As a guy I can say that hinting is very ineffective. My ex girlfriend used to hint at things, and even if i suspected it I would shrug it off as I wasn't sure.

    TELL HIM. BE BLUNT.

    You're not shallow for wanting him to be attractive physically.
    Alot of people are saying that you shouldn't care what he looks like if you love him. I think you should care! You should want to lust him as well as love him.

    Infact if he loves the OP then he should want to look his best for her, I know I would in that situation.

    To all those thinking the OP is shallow, ask yourself:

    Is it worse to want your other half whom you (assumingly) love to be more physically attractive to you when all it takes is losing a bit of weight.

    or

    Is it worse to become a slob and not care enough to WANT to be as attractive as you can to the person you love??

    I vote the second.

    TELL HIM VERY BLUNTLY.
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    how old are you op? just wondered
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    For those of you slating the OP - what has she done wrong? If she doesn't find her boyfriend sexually attractive in his current state it's not her fault, it's just the way things are. If the relationship isn't going to work without that sexual attraction, it's actually kinder for the OP to bring it up because that suggests she cares enough about the relationship to want it working again, instead of just giving up and going on with something that no longer excites her.

    Staying in shape is good for you and relatively easy. If the OP's boyfriend gets back into shape, he will be happier and healthier, she will feel attracted to him and their relationship won't be one-sided in terms of sexual attraction. Where are the negatives?
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    (Original post by tinktinktinkerbell)
    shes already said shes given him nudges and it doesnt look like he wants to do anything about it
    She just needs to nudge harder - he probably couldn't feel it through his layer of blubber.
    #2

    (Original post by *Star*Guitar*)
    I'm 21. I want a bikini body. Perspective can come when I'm more like your age. Get over it.
    Well I feel sorry for you then. Your boyfriend complained when your only a size 10? I could understand if you were size 16 all of a sudden, but a size 10? Not a very nice boyfriend if you ask me!
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    This is a tricky one. I think its perfectly acceptable to lose attraction if their body type changes, but would I tell my girlfriend shes got fat and needs to lose weight? Not in a gazillion years, it would destroy her confidence and probably ruin the relationship. I think subtle is the way to go with it, gradually introduce more activity and healthier food.
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    try and carry him to bed.....exaggerate the struggle you encounter and he should cry and take the message.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So as the title says, hes not fat, but has become chubby,... its mainly the top half of his body.

    I wish i could still find him attractive, but i cant,.. i just realised the other day, he took his top off and thought it would turn me on, however the opposite happened.. and i got turned off and preferred him with his top on.

    Ive talked to him about eating healthy and exercise.. and he says he does try,... but i dont think he really is, and he could easily look alot better.... he is very good looking.

    Im not trying to be a **** but i feel its affecting our sexual life, because i just get turned off after abit. And i dont want to keep pretending that its okay.

    So i dont know what to do, or to say to him?
    Dont listen to people saying you should stay with him even though you find him unattractive.

    Its his fault for being lazy and not doing enough excersise, we all have a right to take care of our bodies and he hasn't done so.

    Tell him nicely and if he doesn't act leave him.
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    Blackmail. Is the only way.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So as the title says, hes not fat, but has become chubby,... its mainly the top half of his body.

    I wish i could still find him attractive, but i cant,.. i just realised the other day, he took his top off and thought it would turn me on, however the opposite happened.. and i got turned off and preferred him with his top on.

    Ive talked to him about eating healthy and exercise.. and he says he does try,... but i dont think he really is, and he could easily look alot better.... he is very good looking.

    Im not trying to be a **** but i feel its affecting our sexual life, because i just get turned off after abit. And i dont want to keep pretending that its okay.

    So i dont know what to do, or to say to him?
    If you're as hot as you think you are, leave that loser and you can be humping a 6 pack in no time.

    If you have no options, then stay.
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    (Original post by Red Blade)
    Dont listen to people saying you should stay with him even though you find him unattractive.

    Its his fault for being lazy and not doing enough excersise, we all have a right to take care of our bodies and he hasn't done so.

    Tell him nicely and if he doesn't act leave him.


    and we all have the right to look how we want without our partner trying to tell us how to look
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    (Original post by tinktinktinkerbell)
    and we all have the right to look how we want without our partner trying to tell us how to look
    Thats a load of bs.
    If you have a partner you should try to look attractive for them and make them happy, or the bottom line is that they are going to leave you.

    Yeah you can look how we want, but if we have a partner we need to please their views as well.
    Your saying it as if we are forced into getting a 'partner', as if a partner is a parent or a teacher, which isnt true.
    Its a mutual relationship.
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    (Original post by Red Blade)
    Thats a load of bs.
    If you have a partner you should try to look attractive for them and make them happy, or the bottom line is that they are going to leave you.

    Yeah you can look how we want, but if we have a partner we need to please their views as well.
    Your saying it as if we are forced into getting a 'partner', as if a partner is a parent or a teacher, which isnt true.
    Its a mutual relationship.

    and you are saying it like a partner is forced to stay if they find their partner unatractive
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    Did you know that 4 pints of beer have same calories as average food intake for average male in a day?
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    Tell him straight up, none of this "nice" ****, unless you think he's a pussy in which case, leave his ass.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So as the title says, hes not fat, but has become chubby,... its mainly the top half of his body.

    I wish i could still find him attractive, but i cant,.. i just realised the other day, he took his top off and thought it would turn me on, however the opposite happened.. and i got turned off and preferred him with his top on.

    Ive talked to him about eating healthy and exercise.. and he says he does try,... but i dont think he really is, and he could easily look alot better.... he is very good looking.

    Im not trying to be a **** but i feel its affecting our sexual life, because i just get turned off after abit. And i dont want to keep pretending that its okay.

    So i dont know what to do, or to say to him?
    This is a shallow discusion but I don't really understand why everyone is being so defensive about it? Some people just value looks highly and if that is what makes them happy then so be it. You may have a ******* as you get old though lol! I mean, what is going to happen when all the wrinkles start and other stuff that can't be changed? You will surely loose the physical attaction then too, and you won't be looking so good yourself lol.

    I think if it is such an issue you should just be honest. "For me looks are really important and you have put on too much weight". You will have to decide if your going to leave him as he may not want / be able to loose weight. It's not always as simple as spouting the eating healthily and exercise speech. How long has he been putting on weight? Could it just be temporary stress? If so I wouldn't say anything and just wait (if you can cope with his looks that long). As soon as a partner puts a cap on the other's looks like this there will be an underlying stress as someone prone to put on weight will always be putting effort in to keep up their appearence and this could wear down the relationship in the end by stressing them out. (btw I'm not overweight myself).

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Updated: April 6, 2010
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