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Self-harm scars on girls?

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I have a couple from a 'bad phase' when I was younger. My boyfriend knows about them and he's fine with it - he knows I've stopped and that's enough for him.

I'd imagine most guys would be the same if they actually care about you.

Reply 21

Toffee_Kid

tomcuk123

It wouldnt put me off no. I know what its like to harm yourself, so there we go. Id hope it wouldnt put her off either.

^^ This exactly.

How ignorant would a person have to be, to be put off by the fact that someone has self harmed? It would be like going off someone because you found out they once had an eating disorder, or depression. It might be scary for someone who has never SI'd/known people who have, but the fact that a person has self harmed doesn't define them as a person, and it certainly doesn't dictate their ability to form stable, loving relationships.

It doesn't mean a person's weak willed, or attention seeking, or any of the typical bullcrap stereotypes that are thrown around. It's a very personal thing, and self harmers often go to incredible lengths to hide their scars/problem. There is a huge wealth of reasons behind self harm, so it would be stupid to define a person by it, as it would be daft to make conclusions about someone from something they did in the past.

Reply 22

Chrrye

I think the only fair basis to be put off by such a thing would be a worry for the individual to start doing it again for whatever reason subsequent to the relationship (when they broke up or whatever).

If the person seeing the scars believes this to be a real risk, fair enough to retreat at that point. They might not be correct but they have the other's best interests at heart so you cant really blame them.

Reply 23

Laura_Dora

OP, im in a similar position. My scars are on my arms, legs and stomach, and are quite extensive. I also was ill when i was younger (14). To be honest, i can understand why scars can be a 'turn off' after all, theyre not exactly seen as beautiful in our society. None the less, i think if the person no longer self harms, they shouldn't be a huge issue. And if they are, the likelihood is that your with the wrong person.

Reply 24

forsaken_earth

Boozah

Forking right. Just shows how weak willed she is.
My girlfriend used to do it back when we were about 14/15 and i just said that theres other ways to deal with frustration and stress than to cut yourself. I also said it wasnt being fair on me and she was selfish for that reason, so i said if she did it again i'd break up with her, and she hasn't done it since (trust me) I still check from time to time when shes really depressed by like kissing up her arms so she doesnt know what im upto, and i haven't had any problems since.

Besides most of the girls who do it, are just after attention or in that silly little gothic phase (emo) anyway. It doesn't need to be done, so yeah it would turn me right off.

sheltered ****

starts with c and rhymes with punt.

Reply 25

mazzie111

i have self harm marks and no i did not do it for attention contrary to what many peoplethink.
i also have a boyfriend whos seen them and well he was sad that i felt like that but he kissed them and was very nice about it. it didnt turn him off. and it shouldnt be a turn off for guys. i have plenty of guy mates and some question me about it but ive never had an issue. i mean i dont show my arms willingly but they do see sometimes and its not a problem.
good luck
do not worry. they are scars. youve obviously has a f****** s*** time and most people, like myself repsect you for getting through it. atthe time it was the only way you could cope
much love
xxxx :smile:

Reply 26

Planto

Edit: Missed the "several years ago" part.

No, it makes no difference, but anyone who judges someone who says otherwise is a hypocrite.

Reply 27

Dnator

Anonymous

Guys - say a girl had quite severe white scars that were obviously from self-harm on her arms, but they were from several years ago and she hadn't harmed herself since.

Would this be a massive turn-off or a relationship deal-breaker?

No, ive been with a girl who had quite bad scars on her arms, I was quite shocked when I noticed then but she obviously was in a different place to when she had done them so you just ignore them

Edit:
Having read some of the harsher posts, I now know that this girl was very ill (i.e hospitalised for a year) around 16/17, and I am sure that 2 and 2 can be put together. Just because there has never been a situation in your life when this could ever seem a reasonable thing to do (and in no way am I condoning it), doesn't mean that some people haven't had an aweful time in the past, and they probably regret doing it. So you don't need to find them attractive, but don't be too harsh, you never know why.
And yes, some people do it for attention, these people are pricks.

Reply 28

conor.b92

Im really not sure how i would react because iv never been faced with this situation, id like to think that i could just get on with things but i really wouldnt know unless something like this happened to me, I still find self harming hard to understand but only because i have never been that depressed and it has never crossed my mind that self harming would make things better wich i am thankfull for, I think it would all depend on why she done it because if it turned out to be something like 'she done it because her ex who she went out with for 2 months left her' then yeah i would probably be really freaked out. But equally if it was because they lost someone close to them e.g. a parent/grand parent then i think i would understand alot more.

Reply 29

Anonymous #3

what would girls think if a guy had self harmed (in the past)? The same, or would it be weirder?

Reply 30

Anonymous #4

To be honest, I doubt many would notice or be particularly bothered. Speaking for myself I have a lot of scars on my legs and a few on my arms that are (fortunately) not very prominent anymore. I don't notice them or think about them, so I don't go to any great lengths to conceal them. I rarely get asked what they are and if people do I am happy to explain. Certainly my current boyfriend made it very clear when we spoke about it way back that he wouldn't be very happy if I fell off the wagon (understandably so, since it's quite distressing to think that someone you care about is hurting themselves) but I haven't self injured in years so it's not something that really concerns me anymore. I think if you take that attitude to it, it would be difficult for someone else *not* to look past it.

Reply 31

Himmelblau

It really depends on the guy. For some it migth be a massive turn-off, but hey, is a guy who doesn't accept you for who you are worthy of you? I know for a fact, that there is alot of guys out there who wouldn't mind :smile:

However, people who care about you migth always worry - even if it was a long time ago. I myself has had anorexia and even if it was 3years ago my friends and family still worry and watch how I eat. It's the same with my best friend, she used to cut herself and even if I know she wouldn't do it again (as I know I wouldn't stop eating again) I still worry - out of love =)
Remember though, guys who find you unattractive becasue you obvioulsy have some bagage is not worthy of your attention!

Reply 32

matrix15

We all have a past and sometimes we have momentos of it reminding us not to make the same mistakes again... If she'd changed as a person and didn't do it anymore I'd be proud of her and wouldn't be put off.

Not really, no.

Boozah

Besides most of the girls who do it, are just after attention or in that silly little gothic phase (emo) anyway. It doesn't need to be done, so yeah it would turn me right off.

That is an incredibly naive comment to make. Most people who self-harm do it to avoid burdening other people with their problems, or because they don't feel they can talk to others, and often because they may feel emotionally numb and do it in order to feel something. Obviously it's a rash thing to do, but it's not as is they go around parading their scars, rather they prefer to go through the trouble of hiding them.

Reply 35

ipulledhermione

Planto

Edit: Missed the "several years ago" part. Disregard this post.

No, it makes no difference, but anyone who judges someone who says otherwise is a hypocrite.

I'm confused. I'm sorry?

Reply 36

saab_101

It's pretty shallow if the scars put you off, I can understand being scared. worried about it, but talking to the girl about it would sort that out, as long as you don't pressure her about it and make her overly conscious of them.

Reply 37

Guy guyson

The trouble with cutting is there seems to be a sort of stigma about it, in reality it's no different than punching a wall and way better than drug addiction or alcholism. As with alot of destructive behavior there will be people who do it for attention, but to call these people pricks is a pretty stupid thing to do, there are as many valid and understandable reasons for seeking attention as there is for self harming.

There are many reasons why people may act in a certain way, wether their actions are due to past events or recent events.

Don't judge people without knowing their circumstances, im pretty confident everyone has ways of dealing with things, or have done things that idiots could easily judge just as harshly, but im sure the large majority have understandable reasons behind them.

Anyone who manages to get better and deal with issues that are crushing them should be respected.
I was put into foster care when i was younger, it wasn't great but it didn't effect me badly, yet i know people who were in similar situations and had a very hard time getting over it. There are things that i found extremly difficult to get over yet these same people got over with minimal hassle, am i stronger than them? are they stronger than me? I don't think so, i just think people are different.~

Of course everythings circumstantial and i do belive there are some things that really have justifiable reason behind them.

Reply 38

Toffee_Kid

Anonymous

what would girls think if a guy had self harmed (in the past)? The same, or would it be weirder?

Meh, it wouldn't bother me. I'd just like to think that he'd tell me why he did it. Obviously if it was for a silly reason (ie. my mum grounded me, so i decided to punish her by self harming, and I don't see the error in doing that) I'd run for the hills, but most people who have self harmed have done so for genuine reasons I believe :h: