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Being honest about your intentions when you meet someone of the oppsite sex

One of the biggest problems I see in dating today is that guys and girls get talking to each other, but are not honest about they want from each other.

I see this all the time in posts on TSR. I see posts like 'Does she like me?' or 'I talked to this guy, but dunno what he wants from me'.

Too many guys and girls meet each other and operate in what I call the Ambiguous Zone. This is where they're talking and spending time together, but haven't revealed their intentions. As a result, things are left ambiguous and either party is left confused about what the other wants. You get all this 'Is she/isn't she?' nonsense that drives people crazy.

The solution to this madness is to ALWAYS be direct, honest and upfront about your intentions and what kind of relationship you're looking for, RIGHT FROM THE START when you meet someone.

If you're looking for sex only, be honest about it and don't lead the other party on.

If you're potentially looking for a monogamous relationship, be honest about it and don't lead the other person on.

If you're looking for an open relationship so you can see other people, be honest about it and don't lead the other person on.

If you're looking for a platonic friend only, or just don't find the other person attractive, be honest about it and don't lead the other person on.

That way, if the other person is interested then great; if not you can go your separate ways without wasting each others' time and with your dignity intact.

I'm sure you get the idea. I had to write this post because one of the biggest and most common problems I see all the time is that guys and girls just aren't honest and upfront about their intentions. All the confusion and mess could be solved if people were just honest and real with each other.

(edited 13 years ago)

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Reply 1

Anon_2010

Yeah that's true, good post mate!

Reply 2

icn06

True, but some people prefer the ambiguous zone especially if they aren't sure what they want. If they say they want one thing, they may ruin their chances of getting if a.the other party is put off by their directness or b.they find they actually want more/less than they originally thought.

Reply 3

ZippyBungleGeorge

So you're sayin I should be more honest with girls I meet? Ok, I do agree wiv most of what you wrote, now gonna give it a go when I meet someone cheers I think you're on the right lines here dude thanks.

Reply 4

470dwndow54

yeh im usually really honest hahaa but i do let people down gently if im not interested...

Reply 5

GottaLovePhysics! :)

If I was talking that straight I dont know how many would stay talking to me :p:

totally agreed.

wise man

when you first meet someone you've no idea what you want.

Reply 9

StartSomething

I totally agree with that.

But then.. wouldn't things be a little... boring?

But it would cut the confusion. I hate confusion.

Sorry OP.

Haha people don't work like that.

"Hi, you look cute. I want to put my dick in you. What's your name?"

Reply 12

carasmith

This is ridiculous. When you meet a person you only have your first impression to go by. You have no idea if you'll end up falling in love with them or end up not wanting anything more than sex. Tbh, like an above poster said through a pretty good comic strip, you're just going to end up causing more drama.

Reply 13

Arekkusu

You don't know what you want, generally, either. That period is about filtering undesirables out before you commit. Also, say you really like someone but really want an open relationship in general, you might regret this majorly if the other person cuts and runs. I think people should just stop thinking about it so much and ideally allow relationships to advance organically.

Reply 14

Neil_K

icn06

True, but some people prefer the ambiguous zone especially if they aren't sure what they want.

I've never heard of anyone genuine who prefers the ambiguous zone. The only girls who prefer the ambiguous zone are manipulative women...women who like to 'tease' or 'toy with' men. Those women LOVE the ambiguous zone, as it allows them to work their manipulative behaviour on men.

Genuine people despise the ambiguous zone.

And if they're 'not sure what they want', what are they doing there? It's never a good idea to go and meet people when you 'don't know what you want'. It's always a good idea to have an idea in mind as to what you're looking for.

Sure, you should get to know someone before you decide if you're compatible with them, but you should still be clear as to what type of relationship and what type of person you're looking for.

icn06

If they say they want one thing, they may ruin their chances of getting if a.the other party is put off by their directness or b.they find they actually want more/less than they originally thought.

Ruin your chances of getting something by being honest? That's bullsh-t. And if someone was 'put off' by me being direct, that's THEIR problem. I've rarely had any girl be 'put off' by me being direct and honest...on the contrary, I've had girls be 'put off' by me not being direct (in the dim and distant past).

I've found that most girls appreciate the honestly and love the strength of character that being direct and honest conveys, even if they're not interested.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 15

Neil_K

I Love Dog

Haha people don't work like that.

"Hi, you look cute. I want to put my dick in you. What's your name?"

I NEVER said to say stupid stuff like that. Ever.

Reply 16

Neil_K

StartSomething

I totally agree with that.

But then.. wouldn't things be a little... boring?

But it would cut the confusion. I hate confusion.

Boring? Ever since we climbed out of caves, all women have wanted is for men to be honest. You can't have it both ways, dear. If you think it's 'boring' for someone to be honest, then there are plenty of men out their (most men in fact) who are dishonest and who will mess you around....

agreed

Wow, thank you wise old soul for placating us with your years of super wonderful knowledge.

You have resolved all of my problems.

Reply 19

username288756

Well saying that you want to have NSA sex with someone "right from the start" is tantamount to that. And saying that you want a relationship as soon as you start talking to someone is super creepy.