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Writing to persuade Model Example

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    I thought i'd post an example of a writing to persuade task I did weeks ago, which got me 17/18 + 9/9.

    Write a letter to your headteacher persuading him to increase physical activity in school

    How fun are activities? A way of using the complexity of your mind in an articulate way: activities. How fun are they? There are many different acitvities that many people enjoy: reading, writing, playing a computer game, and many more! These are abundant activities that many people leap into, especially at an older age. Another activity, however, that people do are sports; it is a fun way way of living a good life.

    We both strongly agree on how important it is for students to take part in sport. It may not seem alluring at first, or even a way of living happily in your life. Even I agree that nobody wants sweat dripping of their body leaving yourself draped in embarrasment. Obesity. Yes, obesity is what will hapen to the young adults that don'r see the healthy side to it. Many teengers, at this very moment in time, are dissolved in a deceptive delusion that it won't benefit them in the future. What about this: up to forty three percent of the world's population have suffered in obesity.

    You are the decision maker here; would you like to see our school been blamed for the cause of obesity?

    You and I, both student and headteacher, can work together to make this happen. My friend's dad, Tom, had a school full of 500 students, 65% of which were obese. He had been offering greasy, grungy chips which would 'whale' to the students and would ask them to buy it. Do you want this to happen to your students? His school did ont offer physical education for students, and the blame was put on the 'poor' headmaster. Do you want this to happen to you?

    Forget chips, the fuse is burning and we have very little time to make a change. Instead of draping ther chips in oil, why not remove some the students first? Physical activity should surpass the chip's power to succeed! We can still make a change.

    How fun are activities? Preferrably not a lot. The best of all laid plans in the sporting area are the plans that initially succeed. We can still make a change. Together. The fuse is burning, headmaster, and we should burn off the students as well, calories that is!


    No idea how it got me an A*, but thought I'd post it anyways!
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    Cheers
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    (Original post by EffKayy)
    I thought i'd post an example of a writing to persuade task I did weeks ago, which got me 17/18 + 9/9.

    Write a letter to your headteacher persuading him to increase physical activity in school

    No idea how it got me an A*, but thought I'd post it anyways!
    Wow that's so good...I wish I could write like that! I have given up hope for English.. (writing to describe particularly).. I've tried so hard but I just can't get the grasp of it :/
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    You've ticked all the boxes for an A*.

    Well done!
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    But does the language really match the audience though? No doubt the essay has been well written, it just strikes me as being a bit TOO informal. Just a thought
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    (Original post by sweetascandy)
    Wow that's so good...I wish I could write like that! I have given up hope for English.. (writing to describe particularly).. I've tried so hard but I just can't get the grasp of it :/
    Seriously, normally I'm so bad at English. I just wrote naturally, but in the mock I learnt some vocab and stuff and only got 21/27. Just write what comes to you, and you can easily get an A*
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    (Original post by EffKayy)
    Seriously, normally I'm so bad at English. I just wrote naturally, but in the mock I learnt some vocab and stuff and only got 21/27. Just write what comes to you, and you can easily get an A*
    Dude... seriously, no joke but i spent 6 hours revising writing to describe (including reading other ppls answers, etc.). then i wrote a piece myself to check how much I've learnt. i was soo proud of myself - that was the best i could possibly write. then i posted it on TSR... and guess what grade it got.. 1 person said B, 2 people said C, and 1 person even said E/F (he pointed out why aswell)!!! Pissed off much?! Thats why i have simply gave up!
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    (Original post by sweetascandy)
    Dude... seriously, no joke but i spent 6 hours revising writing to describe (including reading other ppls answers, etc.). then i wrote a piece myself to check how much I've learnt. i was soo proud of myself - that was the best i could possibly write. then i posted it on TSR... and guess what grade it got.. 1 person said B, 2 people said C, and 1 person even said E/F (he pointed out why aswell)!!! Pissed off much?! Thats why i have simply gave up!
    I think the reason you probably got that grade is because you tried to 'revise it'. Having your own original flair is what's most important, the best way is just to practise answers and it will be a lot more successful that way.
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    (Original post by Perseverance)
    You've ticked all the boxes for an A*.

    Well done!
    Hi, sorry i just wanted to ask you, that below your posts it says all your achievements and GCSE's etc., under the spoiler tab. How did u do that? I mean, Ive tried to put my achievements under the "academic info" on "my account", but for some reason, they aren't showing up below my posts like yours are. Any ideas on how I can make them show up?? Thanks :P
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    No problem, go onto "My account', then "preferences" at the top, then edit signature, which is where you add the information. To add a spoiler, type [spoiler]...[/ spoiler] (no space after /).

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Updated: June 5, 2010
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