Favorite one liners from comedians

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Minstrel: [singing] Brave Sir Robin ran away...
Sir Robin: *No!*
Minstrel: [singing] bravely ran away away...
Sir Robin: *I didn't!*
Minstrel: [singing] When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled. Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about, and valiantly, he chickened out. Bravely taking to his feet, he beat a very brave retreat. A brave retreat by brave Sir Robin.

Reply 61

kalibantre

the best light bulb joke is this (IMO)

how many mice dos it take to screw in a light bulb?
just two, hard part's gettin them in there.

Reply 62

username21537

i expect izzys baby jokes to come in soon.

Reply 63

colonel_sanders

what's red and screams?

a skinned baby :biggrin:

haha^^

*arrives*

Ni!Niiiiii!

Reply 66

kalibantre

i love baby jokes! they're so sick and wrong they're fantastic.

Reply 67

Merc

I like larry david's (seinfeld-writer):

"The closest I ever came to death was masturbating with a 103 degree fever."

Reply 68

theaman

I've got a sponge front door - hey don't knock it.

My dog Minton keeps going round the house eating shuttlecocks. Bad Minton.

I was on a boat the other day when I saw some meat floating past. I thought, ah water's a bit choppy.

All Tim Vine - legend. :biggrin:

World record number of one-liners in ann hour: 499! :biggrin:

Reply 69

silence

this blind rabbi at a nearby synagogue was given the job of performing circumcisions. he eventually got the sack.

Reply 70

DENNIS_MENACE

I got noticed in Dixons the other day. The assitant said 'Youre that mad bloke off the telly.' And i said yeh thats right. He goes 'No, your'e that mad bloke, off the telly.'

Reply 71

Book-worm

Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'

Reply 72

DENNIS_MENACE

It seems TSR has an obseesion in telling corny jokes. Tommy Cooper,Tim vine ... come on guys and gals

Reply 73

~Raven~

Ross Noble: 'Release the Tramps!'
" : 'Keeping it vaguely imaginary'
" : 'Quel heure et il? Je suis la gare!'

Reply 74

Jazzy

I asked a man "Can you tell me what people from Corsica are called?"
Man: "Course I Can"

for the ppl who said Tim Vine, Omid Djalili are good - your damn right!

Reply 75

Stick Man

Aaaaaaaargh all these are so corny! :eek:

Reply 76

Jazzy

Hey, you - cheer up! Turn that frown up-side-down.
Oh! and while your at that, slip your butt-crack sideways!

Drew Carey!

Reply 77

daniel_williams

tommy cooper. Egg Spoon, Spoon Egg, but its the way he says it, and relays what he is saying to the audience... makes me laugh every time i see that clip... most of you probably won't know what i am on about, but its great... you should see tommy cooper

Reply 78

username21537

war opposing piolititian"war on iraq is illegal and unjustified"

Peter Griffon"well that may be... but, Anyone who doesnt want to go to war.....is gay"

The same politician"I want to go to war"

Reply 79

DENNIS_MENACE

What is the way that Tommy Cooper says corny jokes that makes them so good? I compare him to various work collegues that say: 'Hey i've got a funny story' and then drag on with a really dull anecdote. BUT because he laughs during and at the end of the story and he has told you that he thinks its funny; you subconsciosly don't want to offend the person and join in with the laughter.