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Favorite one liners from comedians

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Reply 80
Avatar for Fusion
Fusion
20
people say how prison doesn't work and all prisoners reoffend upon release, NOT TRUE - look at NELSON MANDELA.
Okay... that was random. :?:
Woody Allen: I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
"You fear jazz. You fear the lack of rules, the lack of boundaries. Oh look, it's a fence. But, no, it's soft."
Howard Moon - The Mighty Boosh
not really a one liner though
Reply 84
Avatar for Fusion
Fusion
20
mdm708
Okay... that was random. :?:


yep...nearly as random as the penguin society
Reply 85
Avatar for theaman
theaman
1
I went up to the ice cream man, I said" Mr Whippy please".

He said "Hundreds and thousands?"

I said "No, just the one thanks".


Another one from the master - Tim Vine. :biggrin:
I might start the shoot-Tim-Vine society. So corny! What is he, a Blue Peter presenter?

(But, I'm sure, a legend all the same).
Reply 87
Avatar for the bear
the bear
20
Did you hear about the dyslexic exorcist ?

His mother cooked socks in Hull
Reply 88
Avatar for Jazzy
Jazzy
1
I was reading a book.....'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down. (you know who)
Reply 89
Avatar for Jazzy
Jazzy
1
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

:toofunny: :rofl:
Reply 90
Avatar for Lodesterre
Lodesterre
"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it." - Groucho Marx.
Great! I love that Marx one, from the unlikliest of sources aswell.
Jazzy
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

:toofunny: :rofl:

:rofl:
Reply 93
Avatar for Mad Vlad
Mad Vlad
19
"MIIIIILLLLLLTONNNN KEEEEEEEYNES - satan's layby" - Bill Bailey :biggrin:
'Garlic Bread?Garlic Bread? Garlic......... ................ ..............BREAD?!' Peter Kay
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Reply 95
Avatar for Jazzy
Jazzy
1
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other 'Does this taste funny to you?'

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
:rofl:
:toofunny:
Reply 96
Avatar for Dude
Dude
14
"You know when you've become your father when you keep a piece of wood to stir paint with"- Peter Kay

:biggrin: So true.
Reply 97
Avatar for DENNIS_MENACE
DENNIS_MENACE
OP
"You know when you've become your father when you keep a piece of wood to stir paint with"- Peter Kay didn't say this
" i want that one!" matt lucas as andy pipkin from little britain... such a quality show :biggrin:
Reply 99
Avatar for the bear
the bear
20
yeh ah know

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