Flattering or offensive?

saz_1989

This is mostly for girls, but guys please give your point of view!

I guess my stories from yesterday will help explain:
I was getting some petrol and some lads pulled up at the next pump. The passenger rolled down his window and whistled at me. The driver went in to pay, then came out as I was going to pay, and he went to hold the door open for me, saying "come on gorgeous, can't hold the door open all day" and smiled at me.

I was a bit offended at being whistled at, but the guy opening the door for me was just really sweet and cheered me up.

My second story:
I was driving on the motorway to my boyfriend's, and there was a van with two lads in, and they deliberately went in the lane to my right, just in front of me, with the passenger hanging out the window, keeping pace with me. When I overtook them, the driver then hung out his window (rather dangerous!) and then they kept pace with me again, till I put my foot down properly.

Now this one pissed me off. It was dangerous and I don't appreciate being perved at.

So...my questions are: what are you experiences? Were you offended or flattered? How do you react to it, and how do you rid yourself of unwanted attention? What does your boyfriend think when guys do this?

My boyfriend was a bit pissed off. I totally understand but in a way it's good for him that other guys think his girlfriend is nice-looking! But I had to reassure him that just cos some guys try to chat me up doesn't mean I'm going to run away.

Guys: what's your reaction when this happens to your girlfriend?

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Reply 1

SlyPie

Depends on what kind of guys they are. Most of them are admittingly teenage "wanna-be gangstas" and thus it's not really flattering. In fact, males who deserve female attention would not whistle, etc at girls.

But the worst was the 60 year old man who I met on the plane invited me to go gamble with him and wanted to drive me home. That was absolutely the worst. Or maybe the middle-aged guy who wanted to photograph me naked..that was pretty disgusting (he said he was a "photographer" COUGH crap CRAP radar going crazy)

Anyway, one time when I was in England with my then boyfriend, we were dressed to go out. I was wearing a skirt that went down to my knees and a long sleeve shirt and since I have no boobs, there was nothing to show up there. We were walking and these 3 drunk teenage guys drove by and yelled "oi you're fit I want to f*ck you up the ass"...then they drove by again--I guess they were doing circles and put the "finger in hole motion." My then boyfriend said "cheers mate" instead of actually defending me. So I hit him and mentioned how he was not defending me when I was being disrespected and he said "hey I can't help it if I'm hot eh"......

What's worse is another time when we were holding hands together and a teenage boy hit on me while I was holding hands with my boyfriend...how does that work? He was standing 1 foot away from him and my the boyfriend was about 6'3".

Another time, I drove up to a grocery store and when I got out of the car, the teenage kid who pushes the carts--a real winner-- said "you dropped your smile sweetheart"...I glared at him and walked on.

A separate time I was walking around campus when these two guys drove by in a truck and whistled. It was annoying...

But what's worse than whistling is when guys tell you something blatantly disrespectful. A random guy on the street said "your ass looks great in those jeans". I am always covered up, only wear long pants, and only wear tennis shoes.

These guys deserve to be beaten.

Reply 2

willey

I do get annoyed when this happens to my girlfriend for the reason that i am not there to protect her when this happens etc nothin to do with trust if any1 says that.

also if a guy comes chattin to her, my girlfriend can seem over friendly, she doesnt do it on purpose but it gives the guys wrong idea. and im not there to once again protect her, so shes taken to blatently telling them f**k off i have a boyfriend.

Reply 3

Road Racer

As a guy the way I see it is only a complete pr*ck would hit on a girl whilst shes with her boyfriend.

Reply 4

saz_1989

I wasn't with my boyfriend at the time... What should the boyfriend do if a guy hits on you when you're with him.

Wow Slypie your experiences sound a lot like mine (except my bf has never done that...). Why do these old guys think they can get girls our age?!?!! Ewww.

I guess I'm guilty of being too friendly, because I don't think guys really fancy me... How do you be friendly without letting the guy think they have a chance?

Reply 5

zooropa

Why not simply ignore them?

If someone hit on my girl if I was with her, I'd be flattered in a way.

Reply 6

willey

Lauren

if your chatting to a guy, then try and drop in the conversation that you have a boyfriend. suttle tho, like " ah my boyfriend likes that band etc"

if i was with my girlfriend and a guy saw that we were together and he hit on her, then i would have to introduce him to my right hook.

Reply 7

Road Racer

Lauren

... What should the boyfriend do if a guy hits on you when you're with him.

Generally a guy isnt gonna hit on a girl when her BF is there unless that guy a) is a prick and b) has hit mates somewhere to back him up (who are probably also pricks) etc..., so really the BF is likely to just get beaten up if he tried to do anything. So if its just verbal then ignore...if it gets worse (like it has done for some of my mates), well... :boxing:

and hope the BF is the guy on the right!

Reply 8

Profesh

willey

if i was with my girlfriend and a guy saw that we were together and he hit on her, then i would have to introduce him to my right hook.

Is this before, or after 'driving them home' with your peg leg?

Reply 9

Trousers

I think the problem is that us girls are too polite - if we don't go mental and yell at them to **** off, they think we're enjoying it and carry on. If we do go mental, we're frigid or we've got PMT or we're lesbians.

Yes, we can ignore it, but that doesn't alter the fact that we've just been made to feel really uncomfortable by someone who could probably overpower us. And it doesn't help that these things often happen when a woman is alone in a deserted area.

Harmless flirting is fine if it's in the right context, it's not offensive and the people involved are on an equal footing (ie not when one half of the conversation is a bloke hanging, ape-like, out of a van window). When it's not harmless, it should be taken very seriously.

Reply 10

Adhsur

Lauren

My boyfriend was a bit pissed off. I totally understand but in a way it's good for him that other guys think his girlfriend is nice-looking! But I had to reassure him that just cos some guys try to chat me up doesn't mean I'm going to run away.

Surely anyone in his position would be worried though?

I mean, after this ?

Reply 11

RobbieC

The former might be quite nice to encounter, whereas the latter... scary and dangerous. So I agree with you. I think it might be silly for your bf to get jealous about it, maybe angry that they were perving, from the truck, cos no one likes to feel something of theirs might be taken away.. its part of our insecurity.

Reply 12

Helenia

Trousers

I have a range of withering stares, which combined with my generally troll-like looks, seems to work quite well.

I shouldn't say too much more because I'll just sound like the bitter old hag I am - but stalking you on a motorway is just freaky and wrong.

Reply 13

saz_1989

Adhsur

Surely anyone in his position would be worried though?

I mean, after this ?

Yeah thanks for that, we've got over that now and forgotten it and are very much in love :frown:

And he trusts me. If you're just going to be mean, get out of my thread :mad:

Reply 14

saz_1989

Helenia

Your picture on facebook is either super super flattering or you're lying to get compliments :p:

You are very pretty :smile:

Reply 15

Helenia

Lauren

Your picture on facebook is either super super flattering or you're lying to get compliments :p:

You are very pretty :smile:

Hehe, thanks :smile:

But it's true, I don't have weird stalker boys like you seem to!

I'm not thin, tanned and blonde though, which always helps (unfortunately) in attracting the simian morons of this world.

Reply 16

Adhsur

Lauren

If you're just going to be mean, get out of my thread :mad:

That's a really horrible thing to say.

It was just a comment on something you said, that's all.

Reply 17

willey

i think in your situation i agree with Adhsur
because of what has happend before, its perfectly normal for him to be pissed off, or worried maybe a bit paranoid

Reply 18

fuglyduckling

Ditto - Adhsur is right. TBH, I don't believe that people can actually change their feelings, only supress them... I can understand your bf's reaction ENTIRELY.

Back to the topic: I don't mind it at all when girls say something - it's a compliment! I think it's pretty chavscum to whistle or shout - much nicer to come up and say hi, in my opinion. I suppose guys are more aggressive about it, though: the only parallel I can draw is when gay guys stare at us straight chaps - I hate that... so lecherous and pervy.