Me and my ex boyfriend had quite a long hauled out break up started about 5 months ago and ended definitely like maybe 3 weeks ago. Throughout this whole break up period he was telling me how much he loved me, wanted to marry me etc so you can see how I would get mixed signals here. He has never told me the real reason he wanted to break up with me, he says he "doesn't know himself" and the reason he gave is that he "couldn't deal with having a girlfriend".
When we were together we had each other's facebook passwords and obviously we have changed them now but he still has the same one for his emails. I cannot stop reading them. It's the email account his facebook stuff gets emailed to so I can see all the messages he gets from this girl he's seeing. I used to be friends with this girl and he always said he didn't like her and it makes me so angry especially seeing as whenever I ask him about it he denies everything. And when I read their messages I just get hysterical, I honestly feel as though I am losing my mind. I guess you could say that I have started "self-harming" but not in the typical cutting sense, like I just grab something like a glass bottle and start hitting myself with it, on the legs, and now my legs are covered in bruises. At times it has even been painful to walk. But I just cannot stop reading his messages, it's like some sort of addiction. I know that when I read them it will hurt me but I just can't stop myself. In these hysterical states I have even made myself sick after meals and this isn't a path I want to go down. I feel like I should just tell him to change his damn password but I never ever ever want him to know I've been reading them.
So far the only thing that has honestly helped has been seeing him (we're being "friends" and all that) because it made me realise that he is not all that I crack him up to be, however that feeling only lasts a short while and then I go back to being hysterical.
I've tried getting with other people and so far that's only made me feel worse. I got with a guy on the first night of fresher's and that made me feel like **** because he never spoke to me again and it was in such stark contrast to the feeling of being with someone in a relationship.
I just don't know what to do and I just don't know how I am supposed to get over this, I am truly torturing myself. It's all well and easy saying don't read his messages, but I really just cannot stop myself.
For those who think this is tl;dr basically, how do you get over someone?
that sucks break ups are never easy, but it sounds like this one is really just persisting, though can't blame you if he was saying all that stuff! i find if you csn't stop thinking about them, a good thing to do is just turned your emotion into hate towards them - make a list of everything that sucks about them, and just focus on that. don't rish into getting with other guys etc, but just try and learn to be a little happier on your own, and eventually you WILL get there - it may take months of even more, but you will get over it, i can promise you that from experience .
obviously you have to stop reading these emails as it is doing you no good - everytime you start to read one go and force yourself to do something else like go for a run. put the emotional energy into something constructive, and in this way you will be helping youself even more.