cant stand my dad :( ...

I've felt like asking for help so many times but just never did.

Basically my dad is from an Asian country, and my mum is european. my dad is illiterate and a big embarasement. he still believes in the old days where pride and honour were everything.

not so long ago he attacked one of my siblings (tried breaking leg etc) and i had to run out of shower to intervene - why? because my sibling was wearing a "used looking" jean and two t-shirts.

we were at a restaurant one day and because my dish arrived late he threatened the manager, talking about "respect" and "you dont kno who i am" "im just trying to teach you". i felt so embarased.

he continually threatens us and i have already caught him strangling my mum.

i never feel like inviting friends over when he is around because he would just humiliate me/embarass me because he is so stupid.

i really would like him to leave and for my parents to divorce, but until now it has been difficult considering he has the main income. my mum works but had been prevented from doing so for a long time.

he has never been there for me (goes out drinkin every night), doesnt know when my birthday is or how old i am.

i just dont know what to do. i'll be goin to uni next year, but im just worried about what will happen to my mum when im gone.

some ppl say hes a nice guy, but i went on a holiday for a few days with him thinking that i would see what he is really like; but when i came back i regretted going as it was the worst time ive ever had.

any advice? :frown:

Reply 1

Icy Ghost

2

he continually threatens us and i have already caught him strangling my mum.

That is pretty serious, I suggest you talk to someone who knows what you can do about this.. If it gets any worse, you can call childline: 0800 11 11 11.

Have you talked to your mum about this?

You should really tell someone who can help you.

Reply 2

Logan

4

WHAT THE HELL IS HE THINKING??? I MEAN WTF??? what do you mean asian btw, western asian or eastern asian??? but i mean, it is so rare to see stupid people who think about old fashion ways.. i mean come on! this is a new era.. we have got to forget about those classical upbringing. The fact that he is illetirate is a big problem and the fact that he is so harsh is another big problem. There is no way in hell that he has the right to do whatever he wants. Some people are just a total piss off...

all i can think of is that do your best in uni and then... go get yourself another house when you get a job, bring your mum with you and tell your dad to F**k off... bring him to courst if he assaults anyone of you.

Reply 3

killerbee

12

talk to your mum
you could look in the yellow pages for free confidential and professional advice, but they might have to do something if you tell them hes physically hurting your family

good luck :smile:

Reply 4

heminder

13

iwait4u

Basically my dad is from an Asian country.

my dad is a big embarasement. he still believes in the old days.

i never feel like inviting friends over when he is around because he would just embarass me because he is so stupid.

he has the main income.

he doesnt know when my birthday is or how old i am.

any advice? :frown:

from the above quotes that sounds just like my dad!
except my dad's not so violent...

get someone to teach him a lesson...
perhaps someone who is 'stronger' than him...
he'll have to learn at some point...

Reply 5

Luvbug

9

Talk to your mum about this. What he is doing is not acceptable, whether he is western asian (doubtful by your post) or eastern asian. You could call childline and ask for advice confidentially, however don't fall into the trap of thinking that your father controls your family because he is the major wage earner. I really think you should talk to your siblings and your mum about this (without him around) and that you should together decide what you want to do. Good luck :smile:

Reply 6

black_mamba

14

Same here, sounds a lot like my dad (he's Arabic and very backward/small-minded, not that those two traits are always linked!)

I always wanted him to leave, he was always threatening my family with violence etc etc at one point we all had to runaway to a women's refuge becuse he was getting so extreme.

I don't know what to suggest. I ended up going to university just to get away from him. :frown:

It's very hard to change the mindset of someone who is so set in their [traditional] ways. :frown:

Reply 7

Brummie Yoshi

If all else fails and you or your mum could be in in physical danger, you might do well to call the police...

sounds extreme i know, but thats just not on, and more to the point against the law.

Reply 8

black_mamba

14

Yup, I have done this in the past. Be wary though if you feel there may be repercussions from your father if he feels ashamed of having the police come into his space. :eek:

Reply 9

OBScene

4

Sounds a lot like my Dad. The best you can do is be there and be supportive for your Mum, often people feel "trapped" into an abusive relationship, which isn't good. Politely decline if you're going out for a meal or whatever, and if he won't accept that, use a part-time job as an excuse (it was amazing how many times I had to go to work when my Dad wanted me to be with him!).

If you're close to your grandparents (his parents) you can speak to them about it too, mine were pretty embarrased about how my Dad was behaving and tried to speak to him. Try and get somewhere where you, your siblings and your Mum can stay easily as well if you need to get out and escape - especially if he gets violent, as that really isn't acceptable.

Good luck!

Reply 10

Book-worm

8

iwait4u

and my mum is european. my dad is illiterate and a big embarasement.

Your embarrased by him cos he can't read or right, no wonder he's not supportive of you if your embarrased by him!

Reply 11

james101

3

I would just stand up to him and see how he likes being knocked about. Obviously if he is stronger than you get someone else to do it,violence is the only way they know.

Reply 12

Nightowl

12

Talk to mum, if she doesnt listen call childline.. if you catch him in the act of domestic violence call the police. Good luck.

get him a wheelchair

Talk to your mum, but understand that she probably feels scared to leave as she won't have anywhere to live, she'll have less money, and she might be scared he'll come after her. You can't force her to do anything. There are lots of charities and things that help victims of domestic violence, so you could look in the yellow pages or google or even ask Childline.

Reply 15

Stranded

11

OMG...Im sorry...:O
Yeah I guess talk to ur mum...what does she think abt him BTW?
Why dont u like try talking to ur dad...?

Reply 16

Caster Troy2

Rat poison + tea = end of problem :smile:

Reply 17

Chewwy

17

Icy Ghost

That is pretty serious, I suggest you talk to someone who knows what you can do about this.. If it gets any worse, you can call childline: 0800 11 11 11.

Have you talked to your mum about this?

You should really tell someone who can help you.

ah yeah, childline :rolleyes:

he sounds like a complete loser. just report him to the police and get him put in prison for a while.

Reply 18

gas_panic!

12

I know that "fresh" asians are a bit stuck in the past and are not very westernised , but your dad seems to be taking the mickey. I'd suggest telling him to get with the times but i don't think that would work! You need to speak to either the police or childline- something needs to be done. It's a very difficult situation and feel sorry for you.

Reply 19

pink_lucie

14

i can kind of relate to your situation, call social services if your brother/sister is younger than you cos you can get help and then your dad will have to do something about his behavour, if you need someone to talk to just pm me. i know how it feels.

cant stand my dad :( ...

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