Dancing in clubs and.........

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I think some guys really do push it too far. Fair enough if you're out looking good and obviously having a good time then you will attract some attention from the opposite sex. However when you politely say no thanks, I'm not interested, I have a boyfriend and they still persist, that's when I start getting annoyed. Even putting my ring on my wedding ring finger didn;t put this one man off, so he got an elbow in the ribs as he really was pushing it!
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tsforesth05

Yeah he still didn't get laid though?

Is rhat the whole point of a night out for you? To play hide the salami with a random?

Reply 41

MagicNMedicine

I think there's something distasteful about the sort of sleazy dancing talked about in this thread, although the indie/alternative clubs I go to there doesn't tend to be that much of it.

One point I would make though is that the girls' reactions of disgust are tempered depending on how physically attractive the guy is. A 5 or 6 out of 10...and he's a sleaze. But if you have a 9 or 10 behind you groping your arse....hey you don't mind so much..?

I never go to clubs to 'pull' because the music is loud and you can't talk properly and I'm a more verbal than physical guy when I've first met someone - I'm trying to weigh them up as well. If I want to dance with a girl in a club I will approach her head on and take hold of her hands....if she wants to disengage then she can but most of the time they will just go along with it.

The girl I'm seeing at the moment came on to me in a club and within about 5 minutes of starting chatting to me she grabbed me and started kissing. Fair play, each to their own and I'm still seeing her - but I can't say it especially impressed me, came over more as her wanting to get a "result" of pulling. In a relationship I actually enjoy the anticipation and the build up of the first kiss - prefer it to be for instance at the end of the first or second proper "date" than within minutes of meeting.
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one more point - just read Planxty's second post and whilst I agreed with Lady Mucks post about Manners Maketh Man, I did think it came over as a bit arrogant when she said "If you're attractive, in which case worth my time..."

Have a bit of humility girl, there might be a nice guy out there who is wanting to come and talk to you with good manners but doesn't believe in self-image worship or buying you drinks, and you're ruling him out! For the record I never buy girls drinks when I first meet them, I think it sends out a bad message if you're trying to buy their attention or get them drunk. Also what Planxty says is true, allowing guys to buy you drinks will be seen as a lead on and if you are allowing them to get you drunk then you might find them hard to get rid of at the end of the night - especially if they've been parting with a lot of their hard earned cash

Reply 42

Kondar

Planxty

Why would a girl I dont even know deserve me to buy her a drink with my hard earned money??? I'll tell you one thing, if you want to try and lead on drunk lads by letting them buy you drinks and possibly not intend to be with them, then you could land yourself in very hot water.

And that advice is to any girls reading this. If you dont like a guy, you DO NOT accept a drink from him. You could end up in serious trouble.

What kind of serious trouble are you talking about and have you witnessed this kind of thing before?

Reply 43

Matt2301

Personally I never do it. And I think it's to my detriment! I have to say I'm a bit shy when it comes to girls. I gave a presentation to 150 people about a project at herts today without a problem. But if I had to approach a girl I'd mess it all up!

I think the guys that do it have some serious guts. I'd never have the character to do that. Something about maintaining dignity..........

Reply 44

Poica

MagicNMedicine

You're great. :biggrin:

Reply 45

twiga

Poica

You're great. :biggrin:

:dito:

Reply 46

hanadeka2002

nikk

Clubs aren't called meat factories for nothing you know. If you go to a club and this happens then it is your own fault IMO. Moral of the story, don't go to clubs - they suck, and so do most of the people in them.

Sorry but if I want to go out and have a good time and dance I should be able to do it without having some sleazy disgusting chav sticking his hand up my skirt.

Anyone who does it to me is treated to a nice elbowing,at the least an evil look or if they p*ss me off enough they get a knee in the painful areas.

Reply 47

nikk

material breach

You obviously go to the wrong clubs.

I don't go to any clubs at all, I prefer to frequent more sophisticated establishments :wink:

But seriously, I wasn't trying to offend anyone, I was just saying that clubs are well known to attract vultures and the like, and so you should alter your expectations appropriately. Either that or go someplace else.

Reply 48

Segat1

Great guys, nice little debate we have going here.

One thing that does concern me tho is it seems that some people on here think that if you dress up to go to a club looking your finest and wearing something you think is sexy then you deserve to get groped? That's like saying if you wear a mini skirt you deserve to get raped !

Let me say this, if I am dancing with my mates, in a club and some foul being (good looking or butt ugly it makes no difference) decides its his god-given right to stick his hand up my skirt/run his hands over my butt I will tell him what I think of him and probably knee/elbow him. If it happened in the street or in Tescos it would be frowned upon! What are you guys thinking?? Sure there are some meat market clubs, but there are also some very nice clubs, where this still goes on!

I will never, ever pick up some random guy on the dance floor who I have never spoken to, know nothing about and who thinks rubbing themselves on strangers is a valid pastime.

Ooooh, do you know what else is creepy - the one guy (usually older) who stands on his own and stares at people all night. Is there one of these in every bar/club/non pub drinking establishment?

Reply 49

MagicNMedicine

segat1

I don't think people are saying it's justified - more warning that realistically it might happen. If you go into the Man United end at Old Trafford wearing a Liverpool shirt then you don't deserve to get battered but there will be some nutcase around who will make sure that's what you get!

Also, there's a difference between 'looking your finest' and dressing very suggestively - think about it, the sleazy guy has one thing on his mind, getting laid at the end of the night, he doesn't want to hit on someone who's going to reject him so he's going to eye up the dance floor who he thinks is most likely to be 'up for it'. The girl with her breasts falling out of her top and her skirt sliding up her knickers as she dances is going to be his prime target!

Although I accept that sometimes that sort of guy will just hit on anyone with a skirt especially towards the end of the night if he hasn't struck lucky he will target everyone to try and get his pull. So I'm not making a moral judgement on how girls dress, just the more you show, the more likely you are to attract unwanted attention so you will just need a strategy to fend it off (ie DONT encourage him to buy you drinks thinking you can get a couple of free drinks off him before he goes off and leaves you alone, if he's buying, he wants more!)

One other point I'd make here is that it is not exclusively a male thing, although girls are less likely to make fools of themselves doing a stupid dance. Girls moods fluctuate, there are times when their hormones tell them to be horny and times when their hormones tone down their sexual appetite. From a male perspective I reckon that has a lot to do with their attitudes towards the 'sleazeballs', especially if the sleazeball looks actually quite fit and fanciable.

Also it would be interesting if you surveyed the sleazeballs against the guys who approach girls with respect and ask which one gets more positive reactions from women....not sure which way it would go!

Reply 50

ChemistBoy

segat1

One thing that does concern me tho is it seems that some people on here think that if you dress up to go to a club looking your finest and wearing something you think is sexy then you deserve to get groped? That's like saying if you wear a mini skirt you deserve to get raped !

Of course not, but common sense has to come into play. Unfortunately there are many men who drink too much or who think they have the right to grope women even whilst sober (usually the former). Granted that you "should" be able to wear what you want, but what you should be able to do and what you can do are often very different things. If you want to look sexy then that is the image you will portray, you can't just choose which men get to see that image (i.e. both brad pitt and the fat troll at the bar are getting the same view of you).

Let me say this, if I am dancing with my mates, in a club and some foul being (good looking or butt ugly it makes no difference) decides its his god-given right to stick his hand up my skirt/run his hands over my butt I will tell him what I think of him and probably knee/elbow him. If it happened in the street or in Tescos it would be frowned upon! What are you guys thinking?? Sure there are some meat market clubs, but there are also some very nice clubs, where this still goes on!

I will never, ever pick up some random guy on the dance floor who I have never spoken to, know nothing about and who thinks rubbing themselves on strangers is a valid pastime.

Ooooh, do you know what else is creepy - the one guy (usually older) who stands on his own and stares at people all night. Is there one of these in every bar/club/non pub drinking establishment?

It's all drink. One question, why do you go to clubs and dress as you do (this is a generic question)? Who do you want to look sexy for?

Clubs like to have older men (more money) and younger women (more sex appeal to get the older men in). Sometimes, when I was younger some of the clubs we went to would actually let the girls in and not the lads - this happened with a girlfriend of mine, suffice it to say that she was in the club for a total of 5 minutes and was groped during that time.

I presonally think it is totally unacceptable for any man to take such liberties, but when alcohol is involved people become dangerous - it is best to be cautious.

Reply 51

ChemistBoy

L.J

I wear a short skirt because it's normally boiling hot in the clubs. If I dress sexily, it's for my boyfriend. Even wearing jeans and a top I still get groped. At least this thread has made me realise I shouldn't take it; if a guy feels me up in a club he's going to get a good slap now.

I should point out that slapping someone is assault, also, whilst this will deter most men it may make some angry enough to hurt you. There was a court case in my local area a while ago where a girl slapped a sleazeball and he headbutted her knocking 6 teeth out! The best this you can do is visibly be with a man at that point (i.e. get close to your boyfriend) - this works most of the time that I have seen. If you are on your own, walk away or if it is really bad get a bouncer. Remember, you don't know the guy and you don't know what he is capable of.

Reply 52

Poica

MagicNMedicine

Also it would be interesting if you surveyed the sleazeballs against the guys who approach girls with respect and ask which one gets more positive reactions from women....not sure which way it would go!

Frequently depends on the girl.

Reply 53

Segat1

ChemistBoy

It's all drink. One question, why do you go to clubs and dress as you do (this is a generic question)? Who do you want to look sexy for?

I like to look nice. Remember I'm an old chook (25) so none of this tiny skirt rubbish cos mutton:lamb etc. I wear jeans and a top in the winter, possibly with some bosom showing (ahhhhhhh, boobies!) and a skirt in the summer. It gets hot in the clubs (esp in England, no aircon hehe). I dress according to what I think I look good in and feel comfy in (not like Jodie Marsh and the Belt "outfit")

I go to clubs becuase I can't dance to the music I love in a pub and it looks silly dancing in my living room to Faithless cos I have no strobes and my hand gets tired from flicking the light on and off.

I love pubs. they are great for chatting and having a laugh. But rotten for dancing. I go to a club to have a couple of drinks, dance and have FUN. Not to get accosted in a corner by some guy who decides I must want him cos I walked past him. ew. ew. ew.

I am cautious, as are the majority of girls. We have to think about so much - drink spiking, some bloke putting his hand between your legs as you walk past or grabbing your boobs, someone refusing to leave you alone. It gets scary.

I would just love to go out one night and not have anyone try it on, uninvited. It gets annoying and my boyfriend hates it.

Reply 54

Segat1

L.J

Would a slap count as self defence if you're getting groped? (Surely getting groped is sexual assault?).

Reply 55

theonehitwonder

segat1

Ok, here is something I never understand. It happened to me this weekend and I just wonder why.....

For example, I am at a club with my mates, we are dancing, in the usual configuation (in a group, sometimes a circle) and there is always some random guy who (who no-on eknows, has met or is with anyone) who thinks its a REALLY good idea to come and dance behind one of us, in a VERY suggestive manner, but out of the girls line of sight, and make out like he is dancing with her. One of the group of girls will usually spot this occuring and and drag the poor girl away from his general area before further humilitation ensues.

Now, my questions to the blokes are:

a) Why do you do this (granted, I know most blokes DON'T do this. But for those who do, what's that all about).

b) If you are guilty of said move, what success rate do you get?

c) Are you one of those guys who will wolf whistle or beep thier car horn when driving past a girl. Again, success rate, i.e. how many girls chase your car down the road begging you to return and take her out>??

a) he wants to get some / he's interested in said female.

Other two are N/A, I'm too shy and I think that it's a bit rude.

Interestingly enough, I had a female start dancing right in front of me one time at a club, I was of course not at all interested.

Reply 56

ChemistBoy

segat1

I would just love to go out one night and not have anyone try it on, uninvited. It gets annoying and my boyfriend hates it.

This is the world we live in. You have to weigh up whether the good points of clubbing are better than the bad points.
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L.J

Would a slap count as self defence if you're getting groped? (Surely getting groped is sexual assault?).

This is dodgy legal terratory. Personally I would err on the side of caution and not do it.

Reply 57

yo-less

Mad Vlad

No, I've never done this. Though there was a time where I was at a club and dancing with a girl and I noticed this odd looking short bloke who was trying to get in with this girl... like moving in to grind her arse... so while he had turned around because I'd given him an evil look, i turned us around also, so that I was standing in the place the girl was standing in. The bloke behind then proceeded to smoothly move in and start his attempt at grinding again... what he didnt realise was that I'd switched places and he was grinding my arse instead.
He turned round looking quite suggestive and saw me looking down at him, somewhat unimpressed. His face was a picture :biggrin:

his face went from a "How you doin'" to a :eek:

OH MY GOD! in about half a second. He scurried off to the bar with his pride in tatters. :cool:

classic.what did the girl say? :biggrin:

Reply 58

Helenia

L.J

I think with most Cambridge guys, that's really not necessary, just turn around and glare, and make it obvious you're not interested, and they tend to go away. Starting on guys is generally a bit of a mistake.

Reply 59

Reue

What you have to understand is that in this current culture, wearing a short skirt at a club kind of DOES mean you want to attract guys.

Its not in the law or anything but just generally it does and so people get the wrong impression if your dressed up all sexily but not actually interested.
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(BTW i hate clubbing, i hate the whole culture and i hate what chavs and binge drinking does)