Some jokes
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Re: Some jokesMick Malone was a legend in the First World War. He was the most famous sniper in the history of warfare. The list of his victims was hundreds of names long, and yet his system was so simple. He'd worked out that ninety per cent of Germans were called Hans. So Mick would lie in no man's land, settle in a shell hole, set up the rifle and call:
'Hello, Hans, are you there?'
And a German head would rise up and shout 'Ja!'
Whereupon Malone would shoot him.
This worked very well for many months until he came across an equally smart German sniper. This man had worked out that over fifty per cent of Irishmen were called Mick, so he tried the same plan. There he lay, directly opposite Malone, and called out:
'Are you there, Mick?'
'Yes, is that you Hans?' said Malone without moving.
The German rose up and said, 'Ja!' and Mick shot him... -
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Re: Some jokeslolz - that's a good one(Original post by Cynthi007)
Mick Malone was a legend in the First World War. He was the most famous sniper in the history of warfare. The list of his victims was hundreds of names long, and yet his system was so simple. He'd worked out that ninety per cent of Germans were called Hans. So Mick would lie in no man's land, settle in a shell hole, set up the rifle and call:
'Hello, Hans, are you there?'
And a German head would rise up and shout 'Ja!'
Whereupon Malone would shoot him.
This worked very well for many months until he came across an equally smart German sniper. This man had worked out that over fifty per cent of Irishmen were called Mick, so he tried the same plan. There he lay, directly opposite Malone, and called out:
'Are you there, Mick?'
'Yes, is that you Hans?' said Malone without moving.
The German rose up and said, 'Ja!' and Mick shot him...
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Re: Some jokesthanks. another one?
Two Irishmen were escaping from the prisoner of war camp by scaling the fence. One stumbled and the guard called, 'Who goes there?'
'Miaow!' came the reply from Pat, and away he crept.
The second stumbled and the guard again called, 'Who goes there?'
Mick answered 'Another cat!' -
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Re: Some jokesLOL!(Original post by Cynthi007)
Mick Malone was a legend in the First World War. He was the most famous sniper in the history of warfare. The list of his victims was hundreds of names long, and yet his system was so simple. He'd worked out that ninety per cent of Germans were called Hans. So Mick would lie in no man's land, settle in a shell hole, set up the rifle and call:
'Hello, Hans, are you there?'
And a German head would rise up and shout 'Ja!'
Whereupon Malone would shoot him.
This worked very well for many months until he came across an equally smart German sniper. This man had worked out that over fifty per cent of Irishmen were called Mick, so he tried the same plan. There he lay, directly opposite Malone, and called out:
'Are you there, Mick?'
'Yes, is that you Hans?' said Malone without moving.
The German rose up and said, 'Ja!' and Mick shot him... -
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Re: Some jokesManchester United have apparently set up a call centre for fans who are troubled by their current form.
The number is 0800 10 10 10.
Calls charged at peak rate for overseas users.
Once again the number is
0800 won nothing won nothing won nothing. -
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Re: Some jokesi just heard this one recently somewhere, like 2 or 3 days ago(Original post by Cynthi007)
thanks. another one?
Two Irishmen were escaping from the prisoner of war camp by scaling the fence. One stumbled and the guard called, 'Who goes there?'
'Miaow!' came the reply from Pat, and away he crept.
The second stumbled and the guard again called, 'Who goes there?'
Mick answered 'Another cat!'
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Re: Some jokesdoesn´t matter. a have collected a couple of jokes. let´s try this one:
The Cold War was at its height when Brezhnev was in charge of Russia. Things did not look so good in the West and the mayor of Ballygobackwards was distressed.
'Inhumanity, suffering, international distrust, all because of one man and one country,' he said. "Tis time someone took him to task.'
'Agreed,' said the rest of the council. 'Agreed!'
'Right then,' said the major. 'We'll declare war on Russia as of now and tell them that if they don't toe the line we'll invade.'
'Agreed,' said the council, and the declaration of war was drawn up. Paddy Rafferty was delegated to deliver the document personally to Brezhnev in Moscow, and off he set.
By car, by taxi, by horse, by rail, by sea and finally by air, Rafferty travelled till he got to the Kremlin.
'Brezhnev,' he said addressing the man face to face. 'It's war, and there's no turning back!'
'Wait a minute,' said Brezhnev. 'I've never even heard of Ballygobackwards. Does it have an army?'
'No,' said Rafferty, 'but we have our twelve policemen.'
'Does it have tanks, guns and planes?' asked Brezhnev.
'No, but we've lots of horses, two shotguns and a kite!' insisted the Irishman.
'What about ships?' went on the Russian leader.
'Aha, got you there,' said Rafferty. 'We've three motor boats and several kayaks!'
'But my dear fellow,' beamed Brezhnev, 'we have thousands of tanks, guns and planes. We have the greatest navy afloat. We have an army of twenty-five million men...'
'How many men?' asked Rafferty.
Twenty-five million,' said the Russian.
'In that case,' said Rafferty, 'the war's off.'
'Are you scared?' asked Brezhnev.
'No,' replied Rafferty, 'but we've nowhere to put all the prisoners!' -
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Re: Some jokesnext one:
They'd been stranded on the island now for over two years. Three shipwrecked sailors who had been lucky to survive and had made the best of the natural resources they'd found. But now it was becoming obvious that there was no possible hope of rescue. Doomed to a lonely, monotonous existence, they sat on the beach and stared out to sea. Suddenly there was a glint in the water - yes - definitely something shining, bouncing on the waves. Yes, there it was, a bottle. Yes, a bottle. Maybe there was a message in it it was certainly corked.
Quickly, Angus the Scot snatched it up and pulled out the cork.
There was a huge puff of smoke and out curled a genie.
'Thank you, master. You have released me from an evil curse. And to reward you I shall grant each of you a wish. What will they be?'
'Well,' said Angus, 'I'd like ten million pounds, a country estate in Scotland and a beautiful wife.'
'It shall be done,' said the genie and Angus disappeared to be re-sited in Scotland.
'As for me,' said Quentin, 'I'd also like ten million pounds, but my estate would be in lovely Hampshire with my darling Dorothy there to love me.'
'It shall be done,' said the genie again, and off went the Englishman.
'And what about you?' said the spirit to Murphy. 'What is your wish?'
'Well,' said the Kerryman, 'I don't want money or land. I'm lonely and need company. I wish the two lads were back here!'
