Can they work?

I've been reading a lot of posts on this forum and a lot of problems concerning relationships seems to refer to people moving to uni. When my boyfriend went to uni - all be it in the same city as me - he changed and our relationship has nearly died because of it. ( I'm in my last year at school and he's just joined uni ). A lot of people seem to have similar problems or problems due to distance/ trust/ cheating etc. What i wanna know is can relationships really work when the two people's lives are heading in such differnt directions? With such pressures from the workload and social aspects can a relationship really work when one or both people first join uni? xxx

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Reply 1

amie

Mine did! So far, it's survived my boyfriend starting university last year and me starting university ths year. So sometimes, it can work :smile:

yes.

They can if you like each other. Always a good idea if you are going out with each other :rolleyes:

Reply 4

xelprep

truthfully i dont think they can work. especially at this age. it would be different for example if you had been married for 5 years, then one of you had to go work in a foreign country for months or a year and then come back to you. at university he's bound to go out with friends, get drunk, screw other girls in the toilets.

Reply 5

amie

xelprep

Not in all cases.

Reply 6

xelprep

amie

Not in all cases.

how do you know (for sure) ? :rolleyes:

Reply 7

Shickles

it can only work if you both really want the relationship to work.
i'm in a long-distance relationship right now (i'm in the UK for A Levels while bf is back in Malaysia) and we have been together for over a year.
it's hard, no doubt, but IMO it's worthwhile.

Reply 8

amie

xelprep

how do you know (for sure) ? :rolleyes:

Because I trust my boyfriend to tell me the truth, and I believe him 100%. Not to mention how shy he is.

How do you know for sure that all boyfriends are going to 'screw other girls in the toilets'? Are you personally all the boyfriends? :rolleyes:

Reply 9

fairygirl21

xelprep

he's bound to go out with friends, get drunk, screw other girls in the toilets.

bit of a generalisation..

Reply 10

xelprep

human nature is a generalisation, but everyone still has it

Reply 11

miss_buttercup

ive been at uni for 7 weeks and my bf's back hoome 2 hours away and so far its worked. It is defiantly hard and you need to have a strong relationship before but i think you can make it through. I love my bf and id ever cheat on him, been with him 2 and 1/2 years - i dont wana mes all that up ! just gotta hope and trust (easier said than done i know!) xx

oh god @ xelprep

Fleece

oh god @ xelprep

what?

Reply 14

tritogeneia1

It might work - generally I think the reason with one or both of you going to uni is not that you can't trust them when they're away (of course there might be situations whn this is the case, but if you can't trust your bf/gf then the relationship is unlikely to last wherever you are.) I think it's more that going to uni is a very big step in life for most people and often changes them (as you said about your bf) - not necessarily makes them worse/better, just different, which means that you're not going out with the same person you were when it started, and this tends to be bad for most relationships.
A lot of my friends here have sasi that they were very different at school and they find they've changed a lot; none of them have kept any bf's/gf's they were with before uni and some don't even keep up with their friends from home much any more because, as with thier other relationsips, they've changed and don't have so much in common as they used to.
Sorry this does sound a bit depressing if you're hoping it'll work out; not saying it definitely won't as obviously i don't know you or your bf! Just speaking from what I've seen with my friends, and to a certain extent with me (though no bf to deal with... :frown:

)
Also sorry if I've just repeated things you know already; just felt I ought to emphasise it being more about people changing than not having time/cheating, as the last few posts were about this - not that it can't happen!

Reply 15

mousey

Mine is working so far, altough it's ony been a few weeks, i won'tpretened that it's not hard, because it is, but i'm trying to see him as much as possible. We've been together 3.5 years and i trust him completely. The main thing is is that we both really want it to work, if one isn't as into it as the other i doubt it would work. xx

Reply 16

Monkey_Maiden

Mines working :smile:

im at uni and my bfs back home and we make sure we see each other whenever we can, plus text and talk on msn everyday and phone before sleep. it is hard sometimes but as long as you trust them and wanna be with them it can work. im a bit insecure and so worry about what hes doing back home a lot whish annoys him but he understands. he trusts me complately and doesnt think i will screw other guys in toilets hehe

Reply 17

gemma123

It think it can work if you want it to, but not always. My ex works full time and we broke up like soon after I got to uni. He was constantly accusing me of stuff and I just couldn't stand his jelousy.

Reply 18

tritogeneia1

After posting negative thing on how it hardly ever works, I've just remembered that one of my friends recently got engaged (!) to her bf of 3 or 4 years (ie from before uni). He works and she's in her last year here - they managed to keep together!

Reply 19

hippychick4eva

I'm sure they can work.. it just depends on the situation and how much you like/love each other.. if you both want it to work then it will..

Unfortunetly for me... ive fancied this guy in the year above (from a different school but met him at work) for ages... we got together the week before he went to uni, because he'd had a gf prior to that (even though he fancied me... and did...on a couple of drunk occaisions kiss me whilst still going out with her... which i feel realy bad about) so we've never gone out... just had a bit of fun for a week i supose... he said he would have gone out with me if he hadnt have been going to uni... Ive been to visit him at uni.. and stayed over there (OMG-lufbra SU is amazing!) and we talk all the time...

I'm just rambling now... i know this isnt really properly related to this thread, but it kindof is.. i supose a relationship would very rarely work out if you started out long-distance, but if it had been going for a while, as long as you trust each other there should be not problems...

hes coming back for my 18th party next weekend... usually wenever i see him we act as if were going out...I dont kno y... its a bit of a weird relationship to be honest... but i kinda fancy this other guy at school.. and hes going to be there too... so ...hmmm i dunno.. im confuuuuuuused!!! :confused: