The Student Room Group

To those who have been dumped and left completely heartbroken...

...how long did it take you to get over that person? I don't mean just any break up, I mean the kind where you are still absolutely in love with that person and would do anything to get them back, but they don't want to know.

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About 10 months, but I had to see him every day in school. I promise, it does get better :smile:
It's been somewhere between 3 and 4 months and now I have a crush on someone else. I still get a bit upset thinking about my ex, but it's nowhere near as bad as it was.

Things will get better :smile:
Reply 3
Might not be the best person to answer this, because I'm still not over him. He got off the train at Oxford when I was on my way to Manchester, and I've not seen him since. He doesn't want to know. Now every time I see Oxford station I feel like going onto the platform and shouting "HARRYYYYYYY!" until he comes back.

It hasn't worked.
Reply 4
About a year. But I was very lacking in confidence at the time. I'd like to think I'm stronger now and would find getting over someone easier.
Reply 5
Well she disappeared mysteriously afterwards and still hasn't been found.

But I got over it after she was put down as a run away teen.
It took me over a year to get over him and accept what happened. He broke it off with me to go out/have sex with my best friend and after he did that he carved my name into his arm to 'grive'. He was emotionally blackmailing me the entire relationship, telling me that if we had sex he'd forget all his troubles and otherwise he'd harm himself. I'm still getting over the psychological damage that he caused me and I'm finally accepting that it wasn't my fault that this happened.
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
It took me over a year to get over him and accept what happened. He broke it off with me to go out/have sex with my best friend and after he did that he carved my name into his arm to 'grive'. He was emotionally blackmailing me the entire relationship, telling me that if we had sex he'd forget all his troubles and otherwise he'd harm himself. I'm still getting over the psychological damage that he caused me and I'm finally accepting that it wasn't my fault that this happened.


Honestly, this sounds horrible. I'm glad you have managed to come through it.

It has been around 2 months now since my relationship ended. I know I've definitely progressed from when it was completely raw, but I still think about him constantly and emotionally I really don't think I've moved on at all. I certainly haven't really accepted that it's over.
Reply 8
It took me around half a year or more to realise the person I was in love with didn't exist anymore and that the person I thought I could rely on let me down during the only time in my life I really needed somebody to be there. I'd have probably got over things much faster but she made things difficult on purpose by insisting we remained friends, coming round to my house uninvited and, finally, telling me she wanted to give things another go (total bull****) just to stop me walking completely out of her life. I learnt the valuble life lesson that the only person you can trust is yourself and that making somebody so intrinsic to your life is just asking for trouble if/when everything turns to ****.

As it happens, I'm now involved with a new girl and couldn't be happier but equally, I now know, that if things did come crashing down I'd be able to deal with it and move on without it feeling like the end of the world. I won't ever let a relationship define me in the same way as I did in the past.
Eh, a while. Don't know the actual time-scale, because, y'know, I can't count :ahee:

Or more srsly, it's because I don't actually care; I never remain friends with ex's, usually because it's a bad break-up (I've been out with some ****ing psychos), but also because I cba to deal with any emotional stress it puts on me. Apathy: feels good man.
Reply 10
Original post by Anonymous
...how long did it take you to get over that person? I don't mean just any break up, I mean the kind where you are still absolutely in love with that person and would do anything to get them back, but they don't want to know.


I don't think you can really predict how long it's going to take you. The problem is that some people actually end up feeling comforted by being in a constant state of missing and not being over their ex. Sometimes you have to put the effort in to change your state of mind and look at the future in a different way - it's a bad idea to rush into another relationship but I think it is a good idea to remind yourself of the reasons the relationship ended and the things that can be better about a future relationship.

I don't believe in soulmates but I do believe that it's possible to be as close as a soulmate to someone and that there are very few people who you can do that with in the world - but the important thing is, there's definitely going to be more than one :wink: So just do what you can to distract yourself and don't let yourself fall into the trap of refusing to believe you can ever be happy again because you can!
Reply 11
Original post by Ciaran88
I don't think you can really predict how long it's going to take you. The problem is that some people actually end up feeling comforted by being in a constant state of missing and not being over their ex. Sometimes you have to put the effort in to change your state of mind and look at the future in a different way - it's a bad idea to rush into another relationship but I think it is a good idea to remind yourself of the reasons the relationship ended and the things that can be better about a future relationship.

I don't believe in soulmates but I do believe that it's possible to be as close as a soulmate to someone and that there are very few people who you can do that with in the world - but the important thing is, there's definitely going to be more than one :wink: So just do what you can to distract yourself and don't let yourself fall into the trap of refusing to believe you can ever be happy again because you can!


This is a great post, thankyou. I know exactly what you mean- there have been times when I have actually resented "having" to do things with my friends, because I'd have preferred to sit in by myself, drink wine and cry... (don't worry, I'm not an alcoholic or anything, but it's like I've wanted to be sad and haven't wanted to make effort to put on a brave face). I think in some ways, I'm a very strong person, in that I can put on a front and go through the day being outwardly fine and not let people know how I feel, so by the end of the day I'm exhausted and being able to just be miserable is somehow comforting.
Reply 12
Original post by Anonymous
This is a great post, thankyou. I know exactly what you mean- there have been times when I have actually resented "having" to do things with my friends, because I'd have preferred to sit in by myself, drink wine and cry... (don't worry, I'm not an alcoholic or anything, but it's like I've wanted to be sad and haven't wanted to make effort to put on a brave face). I think in some ways, I'm a very strong person, in that I can put on a front and go through the day being outwardly fine and not let people know how I feel, so by the end of the day I'm exhausted and being able to just be miserable is somehow comforting.


It's really easy to get into a trap where the idea of meeting someone new, or even just being single for a while, seems so alien and impossible that you feel more comfortable feeling sorry for yourself and telling yourself there'll never be anyone else again etc.

Don't worry we have all been there! The problem is I know people who have been there for waaaay longer than they should have, sometimes you actually need to push yourself to consider the possibility that things are going to be alright!

Good luck! :biggrin: You'll be fine don't worry :wink:
after about six months i began to get better, it involved no contact with, lots of drinking, partying and ONS's. However it did lead to the best year of my life afterward.

TBh OP how people get over it and how long it takes is completely down to the indavidual, it sounds trite but it does get better with time but how long well thats up to you
I become really attatched to people sometimes so when it's a case of them constantly phoning me and texting me and having someone there for you. I find it really hard especially with the last two. I saw the most recent last night with his new gf and my tummy is in still a bit of a twist but i've learnt from it.
Completely and utterly? About 9 months.
2 years and counting. Depressing, right?

Well, I wouldnt call how I currently feel as being over him. Its a strange situation really. Im not moping around and haven't actually cried about it for well over a year. Im actually with someone else now who, while my feelings arent as deep for him as my last boyfriend, Im happy with.

The first 6 months after the break up were quite frankly hideous. Crying, not eating, you name it I did it, and literally NOTHING would snap me out of it. These feelings subsided somewhat after that by themself, but they've never completely gone away.

God knows why I still feel like this, but I think the whole thing was made harder by the reasons we broke up. His feelings simply changed and he wanted to be single. That doesnt sound so bad but its incredibly frustrating because its not something you can even try and fix.
Plus, he never really did anything bad during the relationship so I couldnt feel any anger towards him. The only crappy he thing he did do was jump into a relationship with a girl two months after we broke up, who he's been with ever since. Whether it was actually a crappy thing to do or just my feelings influencing things due to the reasons he gave for breaking up Im not sure.

But anyhoo, Ive gone off on a tangent slight there... I do occasionally have days where his name will pop up on my suggested friends thing on facebook and it makes me feel a bit down, and I'll give myself a few minutes to wallow in it. But then I move on and get on with my day. So even though Im not over him yet its fairly easy to cope with, so dont feel like you cant enjoy life & get on with things even if you arent over that person yet. :smile:
So happy to hear these responses, most people expected me to be over my boyfriend within a matter of weeks, some people clearly just don't understand :s-smilie: Well, we split up officially around March/April last year, but were still really close friends up until July...too close, which never works. We had a massive falling out which lead to a few more months of agonising confusion and arguments, and eventually we just cut contact. It's been so much better since. I haven't heard from him in about 2 months now and I'm finally over it, feels good :smile: one day I really hope we can be at a stage where we are at least amiable with eachother, but it's too soon, and right now I really don't need him in my life.

Therefore my answer is about 9 months.
(edited 13 years ago)
Reply 18
Original post by Anonymous
...how long did it take you to get over that person? I don't mean just any break up, I mean the kind where you are still absolutely in love with that person and would do anything to get them back, but they don't want to know.


its been 6 months and still heartbroken
its been over a year but we are back together now so maybe i am not the best to advise you.

We split up, and stayed in touch. Which is surprising because i said so much horrible stuff to him and was basically a complete tool (he wasn't exactly an angel about it), but he wanted to stay friends. We actually had a conversation about this a couple of months ago where i told him i never actually got over him, but this was after he told me he hadn't stopped loving me. By about 9 or 10 months i would say i was accepting of the situation and didn't feel like i could never love again lol.

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