The Student Room Group

Has my boyf been watching porn? Again??

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Reply 160
Original post by Anonymous
Okay, if it's so harmless why are so many girls now shaving their frontals? Because that is what boys expect because that is what they see on porn. So girls are being made to feel that unless their bodies fit up to the expectation of a lad who is reared on porn then they are inadequate.

No-one is claiming that it is rational to believe this way, but when a guy asks why you haven't shaved, as his only experience is from watching porn, then it kind of makes you think, is porn so harmless? And for the record, I was that girl and I was his first!

Just ask yourself what expectations you have of a guy and how do you feel when he doesn't meet up to your expectations.


cos it's cleaner? and just look nicer

my ex shaved her v jay jay because SHE wanted to
Original post by cokee
cos it's cleaner? and just look nicer

my ex shaved her v jay jay because SHE wanted to


General hygiene purposes, I do something because i want to not to meet the expectations of the opposite sex. I obviously touched a raw nerve but Jesus when you post a thread you have got to expect an array of different opinions.

to the anom btw ^^
Reply 162
Original post by Anonymous
Okay, if it's so harmless why are so many girls now shaving their frontals? Because that is what boys expect because that is what they see on porn. So girls are being made to feel that unless their bodies fit up to the expectation of a lad who is reared on porn then they are inadequate.

No-one is claiming that it is rational to believe this way, but when a guy asks why you haven't shaved, as his only experience is from watching porn, then it kind of makes you think, is porn so harmless? And for the record, I was that girl and I was his first!

Just ask yourself what expectations you have of a guy and how do you feel when he doesn't meet up to your expectations.


100% agree. People may think they're doing it of their own idea or accord, but the thought of even shaving anything down there comes from a guy who has watched porn, porn itself or mass media that portrays it nowadays as normal if you shave and abnormal if you don't. This also applies to any aspect of a girls, or guys appearance.
Reply 163
Original post by SayonaraSamm
True.
It starts with porn.
But porn leads to much harder things.
:colone:
EDIT: I apologise for how awful that joke was.


Lol - i found it funny, well done!

Original post by TheCurlyHairedDude
I don't like watching porn, I mean what's the point in watching people have sex...when you can have sex yourself, it's just weird :/


Exactly my point!!! And you're a guy right..."dude"? Therefore... ahem... NOT ALL GUYS WATCH PORN OR NEED TO MASTURBATE TO IT!!! Get that so called 'fact' out of your skulls people!!!

Original post by Sazzy890
Firstly, stop checking up on him and then you won't feel so bad.
Secondly,follow the general rule that every man watches porn, and you will never be shocked, disappointed or upset because you would expect it.
Thirdly, he loves you, not the women in porn. Some guys (as well as some girls) just suck at imagining sexual things, preferring to have something visual (and the sounds) to aid them while they get off.
Finally, do not control him otherwise that might just push him away. I do not personally see what the big deal is with watching porn, I am sure he is still sexually attracted to you.


These 2 things in bold, just make it okay for guys to watch porn and girls just to submit to their desire or so called 'need' to watch it. There is no reason why women in relationships with guys who watch porn should just 'accept it' and 'get over it' if it makes them uncomfortable or in the case of the current thread; there is a breach of trust when promises are broken. Don't be afraid to stand up for what you want of believe in, same goes both ways (guy wants to watch porn, girl dislikes him watching it... guy is entitled to watch porn at compromise of the relationship... girl is entitled to ask him to stop or failing that, leave the relationship. It's not rocket science people.

Original post by Colour Me Pretty
Basically because I think it's perfectly healthy and it gives you ideas to incooporate into your own sex life.


If your'e single or both partners are okay with watching porn, then i have no qualms. But the premise you put forth here that it gives you ideas... what's wrong with simple experimentation with someone you love? Everyone is different, and we all have ideas of what options there are regarding sex, you don't need porn to highlight them for you.

Original post by derangedyoshi
Because a man who is not watching porn is a man who is ten times more likely to cheat.


That is ABSOLUTE ********!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where the hell are those stats hmmmm??? That's the most ludicrious thing i've come across in this whole forum. If anything men WATCHING porn are '10 times more likely' to cheat due to finding their expectations gathered from porn unsatisfied and look elsewhere to achieve their desires!!!

Original post by Mark12345680
lol who doesn't watch porn tbh.:cool:


A lot of people. It's just they don't talk or brag about it.

Original post by puddlejumper
You would have to be a pretty boring and unimaginative person if you think that porn can teach you anything about sex!


Hear hear!!... but...

Original post by Colour Me Pretty
Where did I say teach? I said it can give you ideas.
I'd say people who are prudes about porn are more likely to be pretty boring and unimaginative in bed.


She did say give ideas, not teach. However people who do not watch porn are not any more prudish or boring than those who watch it. There's no reason to suggest that...

Original post by cokee

do you think just because we are in a relationship we stop looking? stop fantasizing? it doesn't not mean we want to leave you for her or prefer her (we may but not always) but rather, we're horny and we wanna see something different.


So you're claiming that ALL guys are sexist pigs that don't respect women for anything but their bodies?... Besides, what would limit this behaviour simply to males and not females? You talk as if you have no conscious mind or morals just "girl pretty, i need to **** her"... you wouldn't make much of an ambassador for the male human race...

Original post by Anonymous
Okay, I'm sorry but everyone is missing the point. I NEVER asked my boyfriend to stop watching it, yeah I have a problem with it, but HE said he would and HE promised. I never asked him to stop and I never made him promise? My problem is he promised, but carried on. He didn't keep to his word.


If you have a problem with it... why are you giving in to him? You think you don't deserve better?! Or that the next boyfriend will be the same so you may as well stay with this one?! If it makes you feel uncomfortable, say so! If he doesn't change his ways or realise how you feel then leave him.
However, if you wish to just give in and buckle under this invisible pressure that all guys are obligated to watch porn... then confront him at least about lying to you, be open, be honest and at least it's not taunting you all the time and it's off your chest. Heck, you're in a relationship with the guy! there must come some arguments and disagreements to reach a happy conclusion for you both (even if that ends on terminating the relationship).
Don't settle for something/someone you're not happy with. x
Reply 164
I feel v bad for your bf
Reply 165
Original post by Anonymous
Okay, a lot of you probably don't have an issue with porn being watched in your relationships, but in mine I do, due to other insecurities, but I'm not going to go into that, I just need a little help from someone?
Right, well like a month ago now I guess, I found some pages from a site in his history (before you ask, no i wasn't snooping, I was looking for some info on a holiday we have looked at earlier that week). When I saw it I felt sick, and it really got to me, he promised he wouldn't do it again, I trusted him. But here's the thing, on a site, you have to confirm you are over 18 to enter this site right? As I tried it on my laptop, and I know when I went on it his I didn't have to confirm I was 18 as he already had. On mine I confirmed I was over 18 too. Anyways, a few weeks later all his previous history had gone off of his laptop and it only showed up to a week ago. The same with mine, but this time when I tried to go on a site from my laptop it asked me once again if I was 18, however when I tried on his, I didn't have to confirm anything, It just took me straight to the main page, does this mean he's been on it and just deleted the history? You'll probably think I'm looking into it too far, but I don't want him to think he can get away with going behind my back... Can anyone explain? Guys? If you use the site, what happens for you?


If you really want to know how it works, do a test > go on the site, delete the history yourself and see what happens.
Sorry, for a second there I thought that you were his mother:

"Don't you dare watch that porn, now!" :frown:
Reply 167
Original post by cokee
do you even mmm socialise with guys? do they treat you like "one of the guys?"

guys are visual, it's like saying "do guys like girls"

do you think just because we are in a relationship we stop looking? stop fantasizing? it doesn't not mean we want to leave you for her or prefer her (we may but not always) but rather, we're horny and we wanna see something different.


Yes, most of my friends are guys (wait, do they treat you like on of the guys? I'm a girl). Stop saying 'we'. Because, you are wrong. Not everyone is like you. I do have friends who say they still look around because 'what can I do, I'm a guy' but I also know guys who have a different attitude (guys I haven't dated - so you can't say they just lied to me to make me feel good). But anyway, I think you're just a horny little guy (you said it :cool:) who has never loved a girl & only looks for sex in a relationship. You probably don't know the definition of love either; let me summarize it - respect, care, and trust. It's a lot of other things but if you don't show these 3 basic things towards your girl, you don't love her. And when you love someone, you can't think of anyone else but her. You only want her. You are satisfied by only imagining her.
Reply 168
Original post by OceanSoul
Yes, most of my friends are guys (wait, do they treat you like on of the guys? I'm a girl). Stop saying 'we'. Because, you are wrong. Not everyone is like you. I do have friends who say they still look around because 'what can I do, I'm a guy' but I also know guys who have a different attitude (guys I haven't dated - so you can't say they just lied to me to make me feel good). But anyway, I think you're just a horny little guy (you said it :cool:) who has never loved a girl & only looks for sex in a relationship. You probably don't know the definition of love either; let me summarize it - respect, care, and trust. It's a lot of other things but if you don't show these 3 basic things towards your girl, you don't love her. And when you love someone, you can't think of anyone else but her. You only want her. You are satisfied by only imagining her.


Well said girl! x
That doesn't prove he's been watching. But he probably has been, most guys do and will continue to do so. I personally don't like porn, but I know my boyfriend watches it and I can't exactly ban him from doing so, that would be just too controlling.
Reply 170
Original post by Anonymous
Kind of is her business, less of the porn stuff though, but if her boyfriend has promised her something and then has gone behind her back? That's not good is it?


She's got him round her little finger and he feels obliged to make the promise.

Honestly, OP, stop being so insecure and stop making unnecessary demands over his lifestyle.
Reply 171
Original post by OceanSoul
Yes, most of my friends are guys (wait, do they treat you like on of the guys? I'm a girl). Stop saying 'we'. Because, you are wrong. Not everyone is like you. I do have friends who say they still look around because 'what can I do, I'm a guy' but I also know guys who have a different attitude (guys I haven't dated - so you can't say they just lied to me to make me feel good). But anyway, I think you're just a horny little guy (you said it :cool:) who has never loved a girl & only looks for sex in a relationship. You probably don't know the definition of love either; let me summarize it - respect, care, and trust. It's a lot of other things but if you don't show these 3 basic things towards your girl, you don't love her. And when you love someone, you can't think of anyone else but her. You only want her. You are satisfied by only imagining her.


If my gf could somehow access my mind and see me thinking about having an orgy or something like that, if she had a problem I'd tell her to GTFO of my mind! What goes on in my mind is not anyone else's business.

It's like "thought crimes". They don't exist and I hope for the sake of humanity they never will.
Reply 172
Original post by Pyrrho
If my gf could somehow access my mind and see me thinking about having an orgy or something like that, if she had a problem I'd tell her to GTFO of my mind! What goes on in my mind is not anyone else's business.

It's like "thought crimes". They don't exist and I hope for the sake of humanity they never will.


Your reply clearly shows you understood nothing from what I wrote. First of all, I don't give a crap about what goes through your mind. This is not about you. I said not every guy is the same (since Monsieur Coke acts like he represents the Men of the World). Second, I wrote that if you loved your girl, you would only be thinking of her.

Anyway; I think this is something that comes together with maturity. Most of you have never been in a long term loving relationship.
Reply 173
Original post by OceanSoul
Yes, most of my friends are guys (wait, do they treat you like on of the guys? I'm a girl). Stop saying 'we'. Because, you are wrong. Not everyone is like you. I do have friends who say they still look around because 'what can I do, I'm a guy' but I also know guys who have a different attitude (guys I haven't dated - so you can't say they just lied to me to make me feel good). But anyway, I think you're just a horny little guy (you said it :cool:) who has never loved a girl & only looks for sex in a relationship. You probably don't know the definition of love either; let me summarize it - respect, care, and trust. It's a lot of other things but if you don't show these 3 basic things towards your girl, you don't love her. And when you love someone, you can't think of anyone else but her. You only want her. You are satisfied by only imagining her.


Where are you getting this naive, romantic, girl-centric view of the world from?

Whilst I appreciate I don't share the same thoughts, emotions and mindset of the male population there are a few things I can say with great certainty and that is "the vast majority of men look" in the order of 99 to 99.9% .

We have also sussed women out, we know you want the "illusion of love" and there are those who will see you and your distain for men who aren't 100% monogamous in thought and action and say what you want to hear.

You also seem to think love and desire are encompassed into one feeling. That once you are in love any lust for other females goes? and love is pure and removes all desires you once had? Why are you thinking men have the same mindset as women and sex/physical touching is an extension of their love?

I know the idea of looking at someone else when you truly love someone seems alien to you, but this down to you thinking of it from a female perspective, hey it is in your biology. Girls on the whole don't "check guys out and want to **** them without the love attached"

Lastly, why did your friends who don't want to be with you lie to you? Simple, it's called keeping up appearances. They might end up with someone you know who shares your romantic view of life and you could mess things up by saying, "he's a wrong one him, he looks at other girls!!"

I have yet to be proved wrong. Even the shy geeky "good guys" in the comfort of close male friends settings are a lot more perverse than they lead on. You seemed to miss my line of "do they treat you like one of the guys" is that, do they tell you the crude thoughts that run through their mind? Who they **** over? No? thought not.
Reply 174
At least he wasn't in it! :colondollar:
Reply 175
What's wrong with watching porn in a relationship. It's only because not getting enough action to satisfy sexual needs. If you have a problem with it then send him some naughty pics of yourself as an alternative. I'm sure he'd prefer them to porn.
Reply 176
Original post by GwrxVurfer
It's not "unnecessary demands".

Some people are acting like watching porn is automatically OK in any relationship. And while the majority of people in a relationship don't mind, it all depends on the individuals in the relationship in question.

If she explained she was uncomfortable with him watching porn, and they reached an agreement, which he later chose to ignore, of course he is in the wrong.


Maybe I'm just naturally a consequentialist about promise-making. If somebody promised not to eat a banana today, and then they did, would you really condemn him of committing an immoral act?

What I'm saying is, if somebody promises not to do something which is OK, and then they go and commit that OK act, then they haven't done anything wrong at all.
Reply 177
Original post by OceanSoul
Your reply clearly shows you understood nothing from what I wrote. First of all, I don't give a crap about what goes through your mind. This is not about you. I said not every guy is the same (since Monsieur Coke acts like he represents the Men of the World). Second, I wrote that if you loved your girl, you would only be thinking of her.

Anyway; I think this is something that comes together with maturity. Most of you have never been in a long term loving relationship.



The word Condescension comes to mind...

I've been in a relationship with my gf for almost 3 years. Right from the beginning it has always been assumed to be a very long term relationship. But not a week goes by where I don't watch porn. At the same time, I love my gf very much and would not want to be with anyone else.

So you're just plain wrong when you say if I loved my gf I would only think of her.
I hope he's dumped you and moved on to someone less neurotic by now

No offence
I don't see why it bothers you too much?
If he's watching things with weird fetishes - worry.

Men watch porn. Its common knowledge. The more you put out, the less he'll watch it.

My ex always insisted he never watched it to me. I guess he was trying to be a gentlemen? I made it clear to him I didn't care, and I'd watch it with him if he wanted.

If you're so concerned, send him some pics. Make your own porn?

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