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How to tell a guy you like him when you're gay?

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    I'm 17, he's 18. I don't know his sexuality. We've known each other for two months and we're 'semi-friends'. He acts camp sometimes (I know that's not a sign really), he actively sits next to me, starts conversations with me and sticks up for me whenever somebody says something homophobic to me. I'm openly gay, so if he liked me would he have told me by now; is he just being a nice guy? Should I tell him how I feel about him, and if so, how can I stop it from being akwars in the future, as I have to see him everyday at school?
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    "I like you."

    ...

    "I'm gay btw."
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    To be honest, I think you shouldn't tell him. If he is gay/bi and he knows you're gay/bi
    a) He doesn't like you
    b) He's not ready (to come out, to be in a relationship, to be in a gay relationship)
    c) He's too afraid to make the first move

    If it's a or b, you can't do anything about that. If c, you've just got to give him an opportunity to come out.

    I've made the mistake of leaving a guy for about a year cos I wanted him to come out first just to be sure. He acted too friendly to be straight, he was very touchy and so on. I got bored waiting and eventually told him. He had no idea I thought he was gay/bi and now we're not even friends. I'm telling this story as an example of how it can backfire massively if he doesn't feel the same, even if you're certain he does.
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    find out first if he is gay, how hard can it be your already out so thats one less hurdle
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    (Original post by Charzhino)
    find out first if he is gay, how hard can it be your already out so thats one less hurdle
    How do I find out if he's gay without asking him? He could react badly to that like the poster above you said.
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    Find out if he's gay first. It's the only way to do it without running the serious risk of ruining your friendship and making things really awkward. I remember waiting months before I asked one of my ex-boyfriends out because I wanted to find out if he was gay first.
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    (Original post by Norfolkadam)
    Find out if he's gay first.
    How do I do that without asking him if he's gay? If I ask him that then he'll assume (rightly) that I'm asking because I like him.
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    (Original post by Teravolt)
    How do I find out if he's gay without asking him? He could react badly to that like the poster above you said.
    Ask him if hes got a girlfriend or if he finds any girl hot and wants to get with her.
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    (Original post by Teravolt)
    How do I do that without asking him if he's gay? If I ask him that then he'll assume (rightly) that I'm asking because I like him.
    Well there's the tricky part. You shouldn't ask him, you should either wait to find out or ask someone else. I know it's a pain in the arse but it's the most risk-free way of doing it.
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    (Original post by Norfolkadam)
    Well there's the tricky part. You shouldn't ask him, you should either wait to find out or ask someone else. I know it's a pain in the arse but it's the most risk-free way of doing it.
    I can't really ask anyone else because he's in the year above me so I don't know any of his friends. Guess I'm just gonna have to wait if he says anything to me. Thanks
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    Ask if he's gay first. You could say you were just wondering because a lot of straight guys take the piss out of gay guys and it's really nice of him to stick up for you? Make it seem as though you're wondering about his intentions rather than wanting to date him?
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    (Original post by Jesse_Mac)
    To be honest, I think you shouldn't tell him. If he is gay/bi and he knows you're gay/bi
    a) He doesn't like you
    b) He's not ready (to come out, to be in a relationship, to be in a gay relationship)
    c) He's too afraid to make the first move

    If it's a or b, you can't do anything about that. If c, you've just got to give him an opportunity to come out.

    I've made the mistake of leaving a guy for about a year cos I wanted him to come out first just to be sure. He acted too friendly to be straight, he was very touchy and so on. I got bored waiting and eventually told him. He had no idea I thought he was gay/bi and now we're not even friends. I'm telling this story as an example of how it can backfire massively if he doesn't feel the same, even if you're certain he does.
    This. Do remember, that even if time passes and you do know his sexual preference, there is no obligation for your friendship to turn into something deeper/closer. As Jesse_Mac said, he might not like you in that way. Then again, if he does, and hasn't told you so (for whatever reason), give him time, and a chance to say this.

    P.S. Why are there 133 views but 10 responses (at the time of posting this)? Might mean something... :rolleyes:

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Updated: February 26, 2011
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