[Lizzy the Bookworm]

Sometimes I hate him. Fleetingly though, never for real. We have had pretty bad rows, but we are both strong minded people.

He's a good man, just a bit pushy and highly-strung. But he has a good heart and I know he loves me. Besides, when he drives me mad, I have my lovely grandad

[Pastel]

Not a fan of my step-dad. I offer him mutual respect when I see him though; I see little use worsening the situation by arguing or getting angry at him.

[jjackson18624]

(Original post by daisydaffodil)
I don't know - I spent years wondering what I had done so wrong that one of my parents didn't even want to know me. He even saw my mum at a family funeral and didn't bother to ask her how she was, or how my sister and I were, he just looked away from her - it hurt like hell then and it still does now. Left me with big confidence problems and an anxiety disorder - not all down to him not being around as there's been other issues too, but it's certainly had a negative effect on me.

That all said - the way he was and the way he treated my mother sister and I when I was a toddler, if he'd stayed with us and carried on as he was doing, I'd be in a far worse state than I am - he was meant to leave, I think, so that we could have some sort of normal life. Seems to have made him happy too, not being with us, so I guess that's a good thing.

sorry to hear. I've not let my dad get to me for a few years as i've sort of deleted him out of my life. If we're in the same room a barely acknowledge him, it's not even conscious anymore. it's better that way because then there are no arguments usually. people say blood is thicker than water, but i can think of a handful of people i have more respect and love for... if I was in trouble it wouldn't even cross my mind to go to my dad. why should you let your dad get to you when there are other people more worthy of your love? it's his problem not yours, and just because he's biologically your father doesn't make him a 'dad'.

[Aikatarine]

My step dad is like that too. he's a tyrant and has drinking problems. Apparantly he doesn't "realise" he's being nasty to us. That's complete rubbish, people know when they are being abusive and they do it anyway. Don't do anything rash, I understand you hate him but you can leave home and him in a few years time.

[Anonymous]

you sound just like me. we frequently bicker, he frequently goes into my room without my permission and i frequently tell him to **** off. hes controlling and treats me as though i was still 5. its an interesting dynamic but he hasnt chucked me out yet so it works fairly well.

[emmily95]

I haven't seen mine since I was 13, and he never bothers to talk to us, and ignores all of my messages. Oh well.

[Aikatarine]

(Original post by Anonymous)
you sound just like me. we frequently bicker, he frequently goes into my room without my permission and i frequently tell him to **** off. hes controlling and treats me as though i was still 5. its an interesting dynamic but he hasnt chucked me out yet so it works fairly well.

Ha, yeah I get the same, but he HAS chucked me out a couple of times, but my Mum just brings me back and scowls at him....so, it's pretty much a useless thing to do
What a lunatic. Still, I'm going to move out soon and in 30-40 years time I'M not going to look after him in his old age or pay for his care home. Revenge is a dish best served cold!

[Blazinq]

No, but It's safe to say that he's an idiot. I found out he was drink driving and crashed in to a pole, and ran from the scene despite leaving the ****ing numberplate on your car (if you don't want to be caught, then ****ing take it with you so they can't trace it to you) but yeah he's going to be appearing in court for it, probably be banned for the incident. Despite him having a job where he has to go to people homes in his car to fix/check upon things etc

[Anonymous]

Yes, I accept he is my birth father, I am genetically related, he was a good father for the first few years of my life and he has supported me, mostly financially, for many years. Other than that, he is cut from my life and it was the best choice I ever made.

I guess I've been feeling a bit 'wobbly' about it all recently so posting the 'story' and reminding myself of it all will do me good...

When I was 8 he had a very messy affair with a 19 year old who had a 5 year old son. During this time he was very angry and violent towards me and my brother. He called me names and would tell me I ruined everything. He made me feel very worthless at an age I couldn't really understand what was going on and as a child low in self-esteem this brought it to a whole new low.
He messed my mum around for ages, I don't think I will ever fully understand what he put her through. He had his affair openly in front of my brother, sitting chatting to this girl while he played at his football club. My brother was forced to keep it a secret. One holiday my dad last minute dropped out of coming, lying that he had important work to do. Half way through the holiday my brother told my mum about my dad's affair. We got home and my dad had been on an exotic holiday with his new girl. However, he persuaded mum that it was over with his girl and to take him back, he said we would start a new life in a new city. Just as our house was sold, but before we had found a new house, he just left. He left us with a week to find a new house or we would be homeless. He didn't speak to me or my brother for a long time and expected us to just be innocently ok with it all and excited we now had a new mum and would have two families.
For a few years we kept meeting up with him, he was always angry and had changed a lot. he had absolutely no ability to see how hurt and confused me and my brother were. He got cross if we were upset or didn't want to meet his new family which he tried to rush us to do. Things got out of hand with him becoming violent and making me feel incredibly unwanted and lost. Our relationship had become very bad and aged 9 I told the courts I didn't want to see my father as he was emotionally and physically abusive.

A few years ago I tried to reconnect and talk about things with him as it suddenly bacme something I felt very upset about and wanted to change. He was blaming my mum and myself, he refused to acknowledge how he had treated me. He wanted us to just play happy families and forget the past. This would be ok if he understood how I had been feeling and how wrongly he had treated me, but he didn't. I decided to stop contact and try to move on with my life, I believed if I let him in again I would never really have a good relationship with him and trust him. Unless he acknolwedged and truely understood, I didn't believe he would be able to not treat me badly, he hadn't changed.

I guess it wasn't until I went to uni I fully moved on, I had a new life which was very much my own life and I no longer needed to reassure myself it was ok to cut him out or examine all the reasons why. I finally believed in myself and was having the time of my life with new friends, ambitions for the future and my own life. This all also showed me how badly he had affected me in the past, and how damaging he had been on me. I feel shocked I allowed myself to believe the things he said to me about how I had caused my parents divorce and how I was an awful child. I now even go days I don't think of him which feels amazing. It is very rare I go through a period of wondering about my decision but I guess thats only healthy.

[A Cat]

HEY DID YOU GUYS KNOW? Psychopaths exist.