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How did you escape abuse?

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    My first boyfriend was seriously abusive. I was only 14, so I didn't know how to deal with it- in hindsight, although it sounds ridiculous...I thought I loved him. I wasn't allowed to see my guy friends, to parties with people he didn't know.....he put me down everyday and made me feel incredibly unattractive to the point where I would cry as soon as soon as I was out of his sight. It was a disgusting, dark time of my life. I should have been having sleepovers, 'getting drunk' off half a bottle of WKD with friends and trying out different hair styles in my bedroom mirror- not having sex and getting mentally tortured.

    When I was 16, the summer after GCSEs, I started a new job and worked the whole summer. The guys there liked me. They were kind, considerate, handsome and funny- and even though I didn't fall for any of them, they showed me that there was so many people left to meet and fall in love with in the world. I got a new social life at work that my boyfriend couldn't be a part of and having my own independence, earning my own money showed me that I was growing up and I didn't want to grow up being that weak fragile person that I had been for two years.

    I broke up with him. Yes it was over MSN, yes he stalked me for months afterwards, even swapping A-level choices so he could be in my sixth form classes and my parents had to get involved because he started to get scary.

    But now he's out of my life- and thank god I didn't stick around because I'm sure I'd be with him now.
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    (Original post by lechaton-x)
    My first boyfriend was seriously abusive. I was only 14, so I didn't know how to deal with it- in hindsight, although it sounds ridiculous...I thought I loved him. I wasn't allowed to see my guy friends, to parties with people he didn't know.....he put me down everyday and made me feel incredibly unattractive to the point where I would cry as soon as soon as I was out of his sight. It was a disgusting, dark time of my life. I should have been having sleepovers, 'getting drunk' off half a bottle of WKD with friends and trying out different hair styles in my bedroom mirror- not having sex and getting mentally tortured.

    When I was 16, the summer after GCSEs, I started a new job and worked the whole summer. The guys there liked me. They were kind, considerate, handsome and funny- and even though I didn't fall for any of them, they showed me that there was so many people left to meet and fall in love with in the world. I got a new social life at work that my boyfriend couldn't be a part of and having my own independence, earning my own money showed me that I was growing up and I didn't want to grow up being that weak fragile person that I had been for two years.

    I broke up with him. Yes it was over MSN, yes he stalked me for months afterwards, even swapping A-level choices so he could be in my sixth form classes and my parents had to get involved because he started to get scary.

    But now he's out of my life- and thank god I didn't stick around because I'm sure I'd be with him now.
    I'm sorry to hear what happened to you:console:, it's incredibly sad, but it is very very good that you got out of it.

    This is kind of what I had in mind. I'm going away to university, and I will probably get a job when I go there, and also get involved in stuff like societies. I know that my life can be so much better without all the crap that's going on right now. I want to be be able to gain lots of independence and freedom and self-control, and to have the strength and the power to live a life of my own, because so far, I haven't really lived a life to call my own. I've only been existing. I want to be confident and to love myself and to be free and happy to do as I please, not to be bullied and abused and controlled and treated like a pushover and used as a scapegoat, otherwise I might as well be dead.
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    (Original post by Vohamanah)
    I suffered years of abuse at the hands of my ex-boyfriend. Till I literally walked away and kept walking. After I left I got help from women's aid and the local police force, to whom I am eternally grateful. A very good friend, now my boyfriend, helped me through it emotionally, but it was a very difficult thing to do.

    I realise my situation is different from yours, but I didn't want to read and leave. I hope the fact that I got away and am now living a life a thousand times better than I could have dreamed might bring you a little bit of hope. If I can be of any help at all please do not hesitate to PM me.
    What kind of help did you get from the refuge and the local police force? I was considering going to my local police force and seeing if I could speak to someone in confidence and asking for advice, but I am worried that they will turn up at my house and start asking my parents questions. And I do have a bit of hope, I do want to live a better life, but I don't know if I ever will. I am sort of planning in my head what I want to do with my life, but I don't know if I will ever get there. I am having counselling at the moment and trying to avoid thinking about suicide again.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What kind of help did you get from the refuge and the local police force? I was considering going to my local police force and seeing if I could speak to someone in confidence and asking for advice, but I am worried that they will turn up at my house and start asking my parents questions. And I do have a bit of hope, I do want to live a better life, but I don't know if I ever will. I am sort of planning in my head what I want to do with my life, but I don't know if I will ever get there. I am having counselling at the moment and trying to avoid thinking about suicide again.
    I turned up on the doorstep of the refuge with nothing and they arranged for an counsellor to talk to me in a room that was kind of like a living room. I cried a lot and told them everything. She arranged for a support worker to pick me up from my temporary lodgings later that day and take me to the police station, where we waited until a police unit was available.

    When a car was available, two police officers took me back to my old flat (with the support worker) to collect my stuff. Ex made things as difficult as possible and kept us waiting around for ages before we got in. Police officers were both wonderful and stuck to me like glue and kept my spirits up, going well above and beyond their job of "ensuring there was no breach of the peace". Eventually got in and packed a suitcase full of stuff. Meanwhile the police found my exes drugs in the flat and arrested him on drugs charges.

    The refuge found a place for my 2 cats to stay while I sorted myself out, although they eventually went to live with my exes parents. The refuges offered me counselling, which I declined, and any support I needed to get back on my feet. Everyone was genuinely wonderful and massively supportive and optimistic, although I expect that 90% of people in my situation ended up going back to their abusive partners and it must get very frustrating when that happens.

    I would encourage anyone to seek help from womens aid and/or the police. They made something that was very very difficult a hell of a lot easier.
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    (Original post by Vohamanah)
    I turned up on the doorstep of the refuge with nothing and they arranged for an counsellor to talk to me in a room that was kind of like a living room. I cried a lot and told them everything. She arranged for a support worker to pick me up from my temporary lodgings later that day and take me to the police station, where we waited until a police unit was available.

    When a car was available, two police officers took me back to my old flat (with the support worker) to collect my stuff. Ex made things as difficult as possible and kept us waiting around for ages before we got in. Police officers were both wonderful and stuck to me like glue and kept my spirits up, going well above and beyond their job of "ensuring there was no breach of the peace". Eventually got in and packed a suitcase full of stuff. Meanwhile the police found my exes drugs in the flat and arrested him on drugs charges.

    The refuge found a place for my 2 cats to stay while I sorted myself out, although they eventually went to live with my exes parents. The refuges offered me counselling, which I declined, and any support I needed to get back on my feet. Everyone was genuinely wonderful and massively supportive and optimistic, although I expect that 90% of people in my situation ended up going back to their abusive partners and it must get very frustrating when that happens.

    I would encourage anyone to seek help from womens aid and/or the police. They made something that was very very difficult a hell of a lot easier.
    It's good that you managed to get help and support, you are so brave. I am a bit scared to go through all this. Next time something happens then I will think about what to do...
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    I'm panicking so much right now!!! I know I shouldn't be, but I am. I am boiling and shaking so much. Why is the world working against me to live a life of misery???? I just want a better life, but it seems to me that now matter how hard I try to better myself, I will always be pushed back into the dysfunction, and it makes me so depressed. I'm not dumb and naive, but I feel so tearful about it all now. I want to move out and never come back. I want to remain independent. But there is always something that's gonna be holding me back and pushing me back into the horrible dysfunction - A Level grades, people, money, recession, unemployment, money worries, stress, depression, etc. Why can't I move out and never come back for uni? Why must I keep going back? I'm trying so hard to leave, why must I return? Why must I go back to square one and mess up my life by going back to the same place once I graduate? Why should I allow myself and my life to be completely messed up just because it is expected of me to 'stick it out' and settle and move back? When will I ever be able to finally live the life I deserve?

    I want to be able to leave and to never come back so why can't I?

    Sorry if it seems as though I am ranting, but I need to make sure that I don't move back home after uni cos I CAN'T.

    Help. I'm lost.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm panicking so much right now!!! I know I shouldn't be, but I am. I am boiling and shaking so much. Why is the world working against me to live a life of misery???? I just want a better life, but it seems to me that now matter how hard I try to better myself, I will always be pushed back into the dysfunction, and it makes me so depressed. I'm not dumb and naive, but I feel so tearful about it all now. I want to move out and never come back. I want to remain independent. But there is always something that's gonna be holding me back and pushing me back into the horrible dysfunction - A Level grades, people, money, recession, unemployment, money worries, stress, depression, etc. Why can't I move out and never come back for uni? Why must I keep going back? I'm trying so hard to leave, why must I return? Why must I go back to square one and mess up my life by going back to the same place once I graduate? Why should I allow myself and my life to be completely messed up just because it is expected of me to 'stick it out' and settle and move back? When will I ever be able to finally live the life I deserve?

    I want to be able to leave and to never come back so why can't I?

    Sorry if it seems as though I am ranting, but I need to make sure that I don't move back home after uni cos I CAN'T.

    Help. I'm lost.
    It's okay to panic and to feel lost and to feel all of the things that you're feeling. But you're going to have to be strong right now. I won't lie, the last stretch is probably going to be hard and maybe you're going to doubt yourself along the
    way. All of that is perfectly normal. I mean, it's just going to suck for a little bit longer. But it's going to get better and that is what you have to pull yourself up with.
    I've been where you've been and I'm out of it now. Even though it was close call for me. And yeah, it's going to be hard sometimes because you never can know what'll happen next. I went from being financially secure to living on the edge of poverty. I've had to work my ass off to get to uni and to be where I am today. But you won't know until you try. Maybe everything will be smooth sailing from now on, maybe it won't. But you work hard and you keep pushing on and there'll be a day when it'll be okay.
    You just can't give up. You have to keep fighting for you and what you want. You don't want to go back. That's what you have to remember. Don't let yourself pull you down because you CAN do it. If you've survived this long, you can do anything you set your mind to.

    I hope that doesn't sound like a lot of psycho-babble but trust me. You can do this.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I cut contact with the abusive family member and after several years of me not responding to any communication I think he's given up. I also attended counselling which helped a lot to talk out all of my issues and I've learnt more to focus on the now instead of the past and the fact that I've been strong enough to deal with it. I don't know that I'll ever 100% escape it mentally, particularly because my case was also closed, but I don't wanna let it ruin my life.
    Could you please PM me somehow? You'd have to kind of reveal yourself.

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Updated: July 11, 2012
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