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What do you think this description could get in english GSCE?

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    The task is to write a description over a page long and 550 words, about the beach, this is mine. if you have no idea what the grade might be dont bother answering

    Isolated, the beach hides from the world it is a secret playground. A picturesque scene that should belong to a fantasy world but wasted and unacknowledged by most. The sun burns hard as a light fluttering breeze make the heat bearable.
    Like a land slide the fine sand falls with every touch, destroying the beautiful formations of the duns. Lingering, among the sand are the unique footprints of the people who once dared to wonder, they are now the ruins of forgotten memories that have blurred into the past. The sand a solid block, with holes that are the shells.
    Mother of peal, glisten in the blistering sun. Scattered around untouched for years like the window pane of an abandoned house- broken to be collected with dust. Shattered, one cries for help as a piercing shard stands up protecting the rest. A mystical rainbow of light leap from each shell as the sun ferociously bounces of them.
    A inferno inhabits the vibrant sky, until the breaking of the night the light will never go out. As clouds smudge across the blue sky a soft, gentle zephyr cools the air. Shadows of gargantuan trees hide as the mid-day sun approaches. The sun seeks out its coward spy. Leaves on the strong palm tree fan out like the elegant feathers of a peacock. Standing at one the threes form an army: jungle like, they go on for miles. They whisper to each other in the silence. Fine hairs stick out on their sandpaper like trunks. Some trees are hidden by nearby rocks.
    Piled up high against each other the dismal rocks made a dungeon, protecting the unknown. Moss grows thick realising a murky, damp stench. Magma made boulders smooth while others are rough and feel like fibre glass flakes.
    Bleak, in the distance smothered in fog is the mysterious cave. An old home of the pre-historic humans, now the devils privet holiday home. Disgusting bats and creepy spiders dwell in the cave; every corner holds a web. A black abyss, hidden in the rocks, a virtue of the world that was, before humanity. Squawking, bats fly freely without a care. Waves start to flood the empty cave once more and they come crashing in- the echoes grow ever louder.
    Chasing each other to the shore, the white horses descend like the ripples of a stone in a pond. Crashing on each other, washing up rubble from the sea floor. The very start of the sea like bars of a jail keeping everyone a prisoner for the out side world. Seen through the clear waters, luminous fish swim, blue and black strips never fail to amaze; undiscovered species are always lurching. A boat rocks as the motion increases in the sea.
    Distance, in land and the boat shortens but still I sense of danger is dense in the atmosphere. The classic white sailing boat with three sails high as speed picks up and its red go-faster-strip comes apparent. The owner is a teenage boy wearing a short sleeved wet suit, sweat drips from his face as he grunts when pulling on the rigs. He hopes not to end like the last person to sail on these waters, the wreck still sits on the sand.
    Clams cling of to rotting wood which are the ruins of a once angelic boat. the seagulls perch on the remains with other birds it is a meeting spot for the beasts of the sky.
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    (Original post by Xxemo=lifexX)
    The task is to write a description over a page long and 550 words, about the beach, this is mine. if you have no idea what the grade might be dont bother answering

    Isolated, the beach hides from the world it is a secret playground. A picturesque scene that should belong to a fantasy world but wasted and unacknowledged by most. The sun burns hard as a light fluttering breeze make the heat bearable.
    Like a land slide the fine sand falls with every touch, destroying the beautiful formations of the duns. Lingering, among the sand are the unique footprints of the people who once dared to wonder, they are now the ruins of forgotten memories that have blurred into the past. The sand a solid block, with holes that are the shells.
    Mother of peal, glisten in the blistering sun. Scattered around untouched for years like the window pane of an abandoned house- broken to be collected with dust. Shattered, one cries for help as a piercing shard stands up protecting the rest. A mystical rainbow of light leap from each shell as the sun ferociously bounces of them.
    A inferno inhabits the vibrant sky, until the breaking of the night the light will never go out. As clouds smudge across the blue sky a soft, gentle zephyr cools the air. Shadows of gargantuan trees hide as the mid-day sun approaches. The sun seeks out its coward spy. Leaves on the strong palm tree fan out like the elegant feathers of a peacock. Standing at one the threes form an army: jungle like, they go on for miles. They whisper to each other in the silence. Fine hairs stick out on their sandpaper like trunks. Some trees are hidden by nearby rocks.
    Piled up high against each other the dismal rocks made a dungeon, protecting the unknown. Moss grows thick realising a murky, damp stench. Magma made boulders smooth while others are rough and feel like fibre glass flakes.
    Bleak, in the distance smothered in fog is the mysterious cave. An old home of the pre-historic humans, now the devils privet holiday home. Disgusting bats and creepy spiders dwell in the cave; every corner holds a web. A black abyss, hidden in the rocks, a virtue of the world that was, before humanity. Squawking, bats fly freely without a care. Waves start to flood the empty cave once more and they come crashing in- the echoes grow ever louder.
    Chasing each other to the shore, the white horses descend like the ripples of a stone in a pond. Crashing on each other, washing up rubble from the sea floor. The very start of the sea like bars of a jail keeping everyone a prisoner for the out side world. Seen through the clear waters, luminous fish swim, blue and black strips never fail to amaze; undiscovered species are always lurching. A boat rocks as the motion increases in the sea.
    Distance, in land and the boat shortens but still I sense of danger is dense in the atmosphere. The classic white sailing boat with three sails high as speed picks up and its red go-faster-strip comes apparent. The owner is a teenage boy wearing a short sleeved wet suit, sweat drips from his face as he grunts when pulling on the rigs. He hopes not to end like the last person to sail on these waters, the wreck still sits on the sand.
    Clams cling of to rotting wood which are the ruins of a once angelic boat. the seagulls perch on the remains with other birds it is a meeting spot for the beasts of the sky.
    High A? Good imagery, but vary the types, few basic errors like "still I sense of danger". The beginning's great, but try to keep the pace and interesting tone as you move forwards. Hope that helps
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    Don't worry yourself over passing English GCSE, if you can spell decently and string a sentence together without 845346547 grammar mistakes and you are clear and concise through your writing then you will get at least an A.

    From that piece i am pretty certain you will get A*/A, i got an A without any practice so it's pretty easy, maths on the other hand was a bit more challenging for myself! Haha.
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    I would say a Solid Grade 'A'. You describe certain features very well - there is some punctuation lacking in other areas though. To improve, fix some unnecessary commas (also, add a dash (hyphen) '-' between world and it in the first sentence) and try to link your paragraphs together more, making your writing more coherent. It might also be an idea to link the end back to the beginning again.
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    I'm going to steal this and use it as my GCSE work.
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    (Original post by ritchie888)
    I'm going to steal this and use it as my GCSE work.

    okay
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    (Original post by Xxemo=lifexX)
    okay
    ... Is what I would be saying if I weren't 22
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    (Original post by wtfCharlie)
    High A? Good imagery, but vary the types, few basic errors like "still I sense of danger". The beginning's great, but try to keep the pace and interesting tone as you move forwards. Hope that helps
    Not high A at all. I would have to say a very low A or a very high B.

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