Results are out! Find what you need...fast. Get quick advice or join the chat
Hey there Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

Announcements Posted on
Applying to Uni? Let Universities come to you. Click here to get your perfect place 20-10-2014
    • 22 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    Spoiler:
    Show

    Just told Mum that I haven't seen my therapist for a month because I was late for the last appointment so she walked out before I got there. Mum called my timekeeping "atrocious". To be fair, it really is sometimes.
    My problem is the solution constantly going round my head: "If I don't eat, I'll have more time". This is a hard part of recovery for me-it feels like I had more energy restricting, that I was far more productive. The hunger kept me alert and set for the next challenge, while fullness makes me lethargic and sluggish a lot. Right now I either panic so much from trying to eat that an hour can pass, or just rush the whole thing to get it over with like a threat. I get tired when I eat really and can only put this down to eating too much. Nor do I have any real concept of portion size or satiety anymore, unless it's to the point of bloating.
    Surely this can't be good? Wouldn't mind some reminders on Intuitive Eating concepts.
    #66

    Anon newbie here, just posting to vent out some of the sheer turmoil that is my brain and attitude to food currently.
    I started dieting in May of this year, determined to no longer be the "token fat girl" (at 5'6 and 11 stone). This started as skipping breakfast and lunch, with a small dinner (around 300-400 calories per day). Then I read about the benefits of eating breakfast on weight loss whilst on study leave, so I started eating a tiny breakfast, still trying to keep under 500 calories per day. By this point, my diet was tofu and ricecakes with peanut butter or Nutella, washed down with endless water and green tea.
    After that, my caloric intake slowly increased (with one or two "binge" days for which I completely detested myself) to around 900, then up to 1100 and skirting around 1200 without ever really attaining it. That was when I started university. Going out every night meant drinking, and drinking means calories- so I ate as little as possible beforehand and got smashed. I lost half a stone over freshers' week before developing an infection that required antibiotics, which meant eating, so I went back up to around 1200 calories (overestimating calories and leaving as much as possible means I never quite get there, though). I'm currently at home for reading week and aiming to eat 1200 calories per day while I'm here, plus do some exercise (Wii Fit, zumba, running, shopping) each day, quit the Diet Coke, no alcohol or junk food- basically, fill my body with healthy things that should hopefully stave off weight gain which is my biggest, most all consuming fear. I'm currently around 170cm and 48.5kg, just hoping that eating so sensibly will change my body and not the numbers on the scale, because I still think I'm flabby and fat.
    <white text for TMI> I haven't had a period since June and I'm scared I've ****ed up my fertility.</white text>


    I have a referral to an eating disorders clinic on the insistence of my very scared family, but someone with more insight than me- how do I beat this?
    #44

    Hey guys, I posted the other day about my friend mentioning seeing an ED therapist.

    I've since spoken to her roommate, who's told me the extent of the problems...

    Spoiler contains ED and self-harm behaviour...
    Spoiler:
    Show
    She's been purging every day - not sure if this is after binges or normal meals. Her roommate says she can't pretend not to hear it any more.

    She's also been drinking on her own, every day, adding vodka to her drinks as soon as it's 12pm. I was round their room the other day and there were loads of empty bottles in the kitchen, far more than if it were just from parties.

    Also, a couple of us have noticed scratches on her arms. They don't look like cuts with any sort of blade, just like she's been scratching herself with her nails.


    She's also broken up with her boyfriend - I don't know if this is a cause or consequence of the behaviour.

    Her and her roommate are both very private people and don't talk about emotions much. Her roommate wants to tell her how worried we are about her, but thinks that she'll either laugh it off or get angry for bringing it up. Anyone got any advice on how to deal with it?
    • 22 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon newbie here, just posting to vent out some of the sheer turmoil that is my brain and attitude to food currently.
    I started dieting in May of this year, determined to no longer be the "token fat girl" (at 5'6 and 11 stone). This started as skipping breakfast and lunch, with a small dinner (around 300-400 calories per day). Then I read about the benefits of eating breakfast on weight loss whilst on study leave, so I started eating a tiny breakfast, still trying to keep under 500 calories per day. By this point, my diet was tofu and ricecakes with peanut butter or Nutella, washed down with endless water and green tea.
    After that, my caloric intake slowly increased (with one or two "binge" days for which I completely detested myself) to around 900, then up to 1100 and skirting around 1200 without ever really attaining it. That was when I started university. Going out every night meant drinking, and drinking means calories- so I ate as little as possible beforehand and got smashed. I lost half a stone over freshers' week before developing an infection that required antibiotics, which meant eating, so I went back up to around 1200 calories (overestimating calories and leaving as much as possible means I never quite get there, though). I'm currently at home for reading week and aiming to eat 1200 calories per day while I'm here, plus do some exercise (Wii Fit, zumba, running, shopping) each day, quit the Diet Coke, no alcohol or junk food- basically, fill my body with healthy things that should hopefully stave off weight gain which is my biggest, most all consuming fear. I'm currently around 170cm and 48.5kg, just hoping that eating so sensibly will change my body and not the numbers on the scale, because I still think I'm flabby and fat.
    <white text for TMI> I haven't had a period since June and I'm scared I've ****ed up my fertility.</white text>


    I have a referral to an eating disorders clinic on the insistence of my very scared family, but someone with more insight than me- how do I beat this?
    I can tell you now from firsthand experience that no amount of healthy eating or exercise alone will ease off that fear of weight gain-that will require a change in your attitude and values about life in general. Principally that weight and scales and fat or flab or whatever we may blame for our perceived inferiority say nothing, nothing ,about the amazing person you are inside. Nobody here can tell you how to beat this for that exact same reason; it's different for everyone and truly is an internal struggle over your identity and self-esteem expressed outwards. What we can offer you is the support and encouragement to face your inner demons, explore your inner self and come beyond this not only healthy in body, but in mind and soul as well.
    Junk food and booze ironically can have its place in a healthy diet too! My dietician put it to me that a "perfect" diet is unhealthy if it makes you miserable-the stress can actually do more damage than the food itself sometimes!
    Please get help soon, the warning signs are already there. We're here if you need us.
    :hugs:
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Riku)
    Spoiler:
    Show

    Just told Mum that I haven't seen my therapist for a month because I was late for the last appointment so she walked out before I got there. Mum called my timekeeping "atrocious". To be fair, it really is sometimes.
    My problem is the solution constantly going round my head: "If I don't eat, I'll have more time". This is a hard part of recovery for me-it feels like I had more energy restricting, that I was far more productive. The hunger kept me alert and set for the next challenge, while fullness makes me lethargic and sluggish a lot. Right now I either panic so much from trying to eat that an hour can pass, or just rush the whole thing to get it over with like a threat. I get tired when I eat really and can only put this down to eating too much. Nor do I have any real concept of portion size or satiety anymore, unless it's to the point of bloating.
    Surely this can't be good? Wouldn't mind some reminders on Intuitive Eating concepts.
    Couldn't help but laugh, ain't gonna lie, your time-keeping does sound kinda bad.

    What you are doing is trying to use your missing therapy sessions as an excuse to not eat by saying it's messing with your timing. Eat for YOUR timing. Just shift your times a little and organise your day a little better.

    Always leave quarter of an hour lee-way.

    Also by the sounds of it I would say you aren't really at the intuitive eating stage yet, you are still looking for excuses not to eat. Once again, stay organized.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon newbie here, just posting to vent out some of the sheer turmoil that is my brain and attitude to food currently.
    I started dieting in May of this year, determined to no longer be the "token fat girl" (at 5'6 and 11 stone). This started as skipping breakfast and lunch, with a small dinner (around 300-400 calories per day). Then I read about the benefits of eating breakfast on weight loss whilst on study leave, so I started eating a tiny breakfast, still trying to keep under 500 calories per day. By this point, my diet was tofu and ricecakes with peanut butter or Nutella, washed down with endless water and green tea.
    After that, my caloric intake slowly increased (with one or two "binge" days for which I completely detested myself) to around 900, then up to 1100 and skirting around 1200 without ever really attaining it. That was when I started university. Going out every night meant drinking, and drinking means calories- so I ate as little as possible beforehand and got smashed. I lost half a stone over freshers' week before developing an infection that required antibiotics, which meant eating, so I went back up to around 1200 calories (overestimating calories and leaving as much as possible means I never quite get there, though). I'm currently at home for reading week and aiming to eat 1200 calories per day while I'm here, plus do some exercise (Wii Fit, zumba, running, shopping) each day, quit the Diet Coke, no alcohol or junk food- basically, fill my body with healthy things that should hopefully stave off weight gain which is my biggest, most all consuming fear. I'm currently around 170cm and 48.5kg, just hoping that eating so sensibly will change my body and not the numbers on the scale, because I still think I'm flabby and fat.
    <white text for TMI> I haven't had a period since June and I'm scared I've ****ed up my fertility.</white text>

    I have a referral to an eating disorders clinic on the insistence of my very scared family, but someone with more insight than me- how do I beat this?
    You've made the first step of realising you have a problem, you've begun taking steps to getting better now PUSH WITH ALL OF YOUR MIGHT. Stop listening to the numbers and just concentrate on your eating. Food is separate to numbers.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey guys, I posted the other day about my friend mentioning seeing an ED therapist.

    I've since spoken to her roommate, who's told me the extent of the problems...

    Spoiler contains ED and self-harm behaviour...
    Spoiler:
    Show
    She's been purging every day - not sure if this is after binges or normal meals. Her roommate says she can't pretend not to hear it any more.

    She's also been drinking on her own, every day, adding vodka to her drinks as soon as it's 12pm. I was round their room the other day and there were loads of empty bottles in the kitchen, far more than if it were just from parties.

    Also, a couple of us have noticed scratches on her arms. They don't look like cuts with any sort of blade, just like she's been scratching herself with her nails.


    She's also broken up with her boyfriend - I don't know if this is a cause or consequence of the behaviour.

    Her and her roommate are both very private people and don't talk about emotions much. Her roommate wants to tell her how worried we are about her, but thinks that she'll either laugh it off or get angry for bringing it up. Anyone got any advice on how to deal with it?
    The only way forward is to talk to her. If she doesn't respond ask for help from the university.

    Wish I could offer more advice, but those are generally the best accepted answers in this sort of circumstance.
    • 1 follower
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    I woke up today feeling so much more positive than yesterday. My mood's deteriorated slightly this evening but not too badly. I still feel alright.

    I've been thinking about telling this guy I've met recently about my issues with my weight. I think it would have to be in the sense that I used to be much more ill than I am now (which is very true) and I'm doing my best not to go back to where I was before (slightly less true) but that I still struggle with it (true). I don't want his reaction to be to try to get me to get help, because I don't want or even really need to (and that's me, not the ED talking), but I think if we are going to end up in some kind of relationship, or even if we're just close friends, I'd like him to know now, and I think telling him would be a risk worth taking. I also think he could be very good for me. I thought I'd never manage a relationship until I'm properly better...even with my ex who I'd been seeing for a long time during one of my relatively healthy phases, I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin around him and hated taking my clothes of for him. It's different now. Just thought I'd share that. I don't like seeing this thread being neglected over the weekends!
    #67

    I'm really scared of going to Uni and putting weight on there! I want to do Self Catering but two of the Unis I've applied to don't really do it, plus I'm not sure my parents would let me as they want me to recover
    I don't want to waste my parents money paying for a meal plan then not eating does anyone here find it easy to eat healthily etc. at Uni?
    • 6 followers
    Online

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm really scared of going to Uni and putting weight on there! I want to do Self Catering but two of the Unis I've applied to don't really do it, plus I'm not sure my parents would let me as they want me to recover
    I don't want to waste my parents money paying for a meal plan then not eating does anyone here find it easy to eat healthily etc. at Uni?
    Ok, my advice for going to uni is:

    1) Make eating a social event. Sounds silly, but it does make sense at uni. In catered accommodation it means you can go down to the canteen/wherever with your flatmates/corridor-mates (especially at the beginning of the year) - it breaks the ice, it's a good place for everyone to sit down and chat and get to know each other, and it takes the focus off worrying about food because you can focus on chatting instead (I know eating in front of other people isn't easy, but maybe use it as a social guide, see how much people eat and how relaxed they are as they do it. If they can do it without suddenly putting on loads of weight, everyone can!)

    If you end up in catered accommodation, again, don't use it as an excuse to avoid eating. Use it as an excuse to get to know the people you live with again - do group dinners, special occasions are always fun, themed nights, whatever.

    2) It is perfectly possible to eat healthily at university. Make shopping lists so you know in advance what you need to buy and what you want to eat (saves money). Buy and cook in bulk and freeze stuff if you can. Keep snacks like fruit, nuts, oatcakes, whatever you like, readily available in your room so you have healthy things to encourage yourself to eat.

    3) Take up a sport. There are so many sports available at uni, and it's so much more than just exercise. It's fun, it's a way of meeting people, and it's so good for encouraging you to keep to healthy eating habits because you know you need the energy. If you find you love the sport it's even easier because it's even more motivation! Don't worry about being shy or self-conscious, there's so many new people at societies that no one will think twice and you soon become comfortable.

    4) Keep to as much of a routine as you can at university. It's not always easy because of lecture times, going out, societies etc. But it really does help, because you get into the habit of eating regular meals. It also helps you feel better mentally because there's more structure.

    5) Ask for help if you need it. University counsellors will have a lot of experience with eating disorders, the medical centres will too and some universities have specialist eating disorder services. Also talk to the Mental Health advisors at your university if you need more support, and also your tutor/student advisor/etc. They're there to help you.

    Sorry this is so long!
    • 2 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    Relapsing... It's just too easy.
    Also, has anyone here been on whyeat.net? Have joined in hopes of getting help to control this relapse but there seems to be a lot of wanna's there.
    • 22 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete)
    Relapsing... It's just too easy.
    Also, has anyone here been on whyeat.net? Have joined in hopes of getting help to control this relapse but there seems to be a lot of wanna's there.
    http://www.whyeat.net/forum/threads/...hoice-is-yours...

    Thanks for sharing this, I've found the stuff on Orthorexia pretty useful. Even if it's not recognised as an ED itself and more a form of OCD, I do feel it can begin to reap real damage (especially if you begin eliminating entire food groups) and it's a gateway to more destructive disorders. It was very difficult beginning recovery with this approach, even more-so than using it during the restriction phase, and while I'm becoming more lax with the behaviours themselves it's still clear that the compulsions and disordered thoughts are forefront of mind (even if I'm doing almost the opposite to prevent it). It's made me realise that only being prepared to gain weight perfectly healthily without adding any "junk" is like being prepared to recover from AN but only if you won't have to gain weight. It's impossible, it's not fully committing to change for the better, and sometimes you need to be prepared to challenge some of your preconceptions of what's right and what's safe to make it through.
    Recovery, as for life in general, is really a case of three steps forward, one step back. Often you think all your work's been for naught when in reality of course that isn't true, we humans just have a tendency to blank out all positives and progress the moment we notice a setback. If you've managed to get yourself off the disordered path and been prepared to walk your Road Less Travelled, you've proven you can make it all the way to the end. Don't give up just yet.
    :hugs:
    • 1 follower
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    in pain when you don't eat, in worse pain when you do. life's a ****ing bitch sometimes.
    • 54 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete)
    Relapsing... It's just too easy.
    Also, has anyone here been on whyeat.net? Have joined in hopes of getting help to control this relapse but there seems to be a lot of wanna's there.
    I've been on it, not a fan at all. Caloriecount.com is good and I'd say somethingfishy seems like the best forum for helping you when you slip. They both challenge you.

    Sentiment, I hear you. *hugs*
    • 1 follower
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by diamonddust)
    I've been on it, not a fan at all. Caloriecount.com is good and I'd say somethingfishy seems like the best forum for helping you when you slip. They both challenge you.

    Sentiment, I hear you. *hugs*
    A cuddle would be soo nice today, thank you
    • 54 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by sentiment)
    A cuddle would be soo nice today, thank you
    :jumphug: It's nice to have hugs, even if they're only virtual ones. :awesome:
    Hopefully in time this will get easier and we'll look back and not believe we were ever in the position we're in now. Or something. Hope everything is going ok. xx
    • 22 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    Does even moderately low blood pressure make you cold (80s-100/50-60s)? Because honestly, it takes about 2 hours for me to notice the heating's on again. Could be still behind on sleep but it's freaking me out : /
    • Thread Starter
    • 22 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    Hello everyone! Riku, I suffer from dangerously low blood pressure caused by my disorder and it makes me feel cold, then hot, then cold periodically.

    I also suffer from constant pins and needles, pressure buildup (regional) and occasional faint incidents.

    So it's VERY possible you're experiencing your coldness via the blood pressure issues.
    • 32 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    Thanks for the help guys but I found out the guy I liked has a gf. I suppose I don't need to worry about telling anyone about my ED now lol
    • 2 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Riku)
    http://www.whyeat.net/forum/threads/...hoice-is-yours...

    Thanks for sharing this, I've found the stuff on Orthorexia pretty useful. Even if it's not recognised as an ED itself and more a form of OCD, I do feel it can begin to reap real damage (especially if you begin eliminating entire food groups) and it's a gateway to more destructive disorders. It was very difficult beginning recovery with this approach, even more-so than using it during the restriction phase, and while I'm becoming more lax with the behaviours themselves it's still clear that the compulsions and disordered thoughts are forefront of mind (even if I'm doing almost the opposite to prevent it). It's made me realise that only being prepared to gain weight perfectly healthily without adding any "junk" is like being prepared to recover from AN but only if you won't have to gain weight. It's impossible, it's not fully committing to change for the better, and sometimes you need to be prepared to challenge some of your preconceptions of what's right and what's safe to make it through.
    Recovery, as for life in general, is really a case of three steps forward, one step back. Often you think all your work's been for naught when in reality of course that isn't true, we humans just have a tendency to blank out all positives and progress the moment we notice a setback. If you've managed to get yourself off the disordered path and been prepared to walk your Road Less Travelled, you've proven you can make it all the way to the end. Don't give up just yet.
    :hugs:
    I agree with the bold x100.
    I think that orthorexia is what a lot of people do pre or post ED, because it looks like you're being so healthy that you can trick yourself and others. (Not undermining how serious the condition is at all, by the way.)

    Thought for the day: If I hadn't been in recovery for the past two years I wouldn't be at university, wouldn't have such a tight group of friends and certainly wouldn't have the relationship with my family that I have now. Now that I have all of these things even if I relapse a little, I know I can shin my way back up the greased flag pole that is health. I'm feeling optomistic today.
    • 2 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by diamonddust)
    I've been on it, not a fan at all. Caloriecount.com is good and I'd say somethingfishy seems like the best forum for helping you when you slip. They both challenge you.

    Sentiment, I hear you. *hugs*
    Thanks for the recs, I know that Caloriecount is very strict on promoting bad dietary practices so it might give me the kick up the **** I need when I'm slipping.
    • 1 follower
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    I wanted to ask the same thing about the cold, it's been damn cold in the North here today and I seem to have been feeling it more than other people but I'm nowhere near weighing the lowest that I have in the past. Is it just low body weight that makes you feel cold or can low blood pressure and so on do the same? I'm always getting pins and needles as well which is so annoying when you're trying to sleep as you have to change position constantly.

Reply

Submit reply

Register

Thanks for posting! You just need to create an account in order to submit the post
  1. this can't be left blank
    that username has been taken, please choose another Forgotten your password?
  2. this can't be left blank
    this email is already registered. Forgotten your password?
  3. this can't be left blank

    6 characters or longer with both numbers and letters is safer

  4. this can't be left empty
    your full birthday is required
  1. By joining you agree to our Ts and Cs, privacy policy and site rules

  2. Slide to join now Processing…

Updated: October 15, 2014
New on TSR

What is sixth form like?

Share your story!

Article updates
Reputation gems:
You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.