[sentiment]

(Original post by Amwazicles)
Why can't you sleep when you've eaten too little? Because of feeling hungry or anxious (or something else)?

If I start to go downhill into a bad phase of eating far too little, the first physical sign for me is being completely unable to sleep for hours after I go to bed.

[Watch Key Phone]

(Original post by sentiment)
If I start to go downhill into a bad phase of eating far too little, the first physical sign for me is being completely unable to sleep for hours after I go to bed.

Hmm, I guess I see what you mean too.

[.snowflake.]

(Original post by Amwazicles)
Why can't you sleep when you've eaten too little? Because of feeling hungry or anxious (or something else)?

hunger probably. Some times I can eat very little and still sleep, others I end up getting 3-4 hours sleep.

[Polly1101]

I'm not sure if anyone has heard of/seen 'body gossip'. This video is about anorexia, and is extremely moving and i can imagine empowering for those overcoming EDs. Have a look:
http://www.youtube.com/bodygossip#p/.../0/qFa5JNfCvIU

[Riku]

(Original post by Amwazicles)
This relates to me so much. I feel like I have to choose between eating a really good, big, healthy meal and not getting any sleep, or getting a good night's sleep but not eating as well as I should.

It's completely illogical and unfair, isn't it? It's been hell every time I've gone round to a friend's for the night and the amount of times I've justified skipping dessert because it'll help me sleep better. The worst seems to be coming back from my nan's, where after a luxurious dinner I often get lethargic but then have to wait for hours before real sleepiness kicks in.
More often than not it tends to be hunger and I come downstairs and binge on some PB on toast (except for with Nan who stubbornly makes sure I'm not going to bed hungry!)
At least this year I've outgrown my crazy ritual of using a banana to get to sleep, then walking round downstairs for an hour until I felt like passing out. Used to be the only way so there's some improvement there
I feel for ya

(Original post by Antiaris)


Research has shown that for optimal psychological state a person NEEDS at minimum one hug a day.

Have your hug.

E-Hug?

People feel for you, even if it is over the internet. We care.


A person might not sleep properly if they eat too little as carbs are needed to stimulate the production of serotonin. Serotonin stimulates the production of melatonin which is integral in sleep.

Generally speaking Antiaris, I'm sure I'm getting sufficient carbs. It's rare that they become a fear food except when refined. I struggle more with the usual fear of fat, namely ratios and types. For example, before my eating got really disordered I was at a friend's party and in the morning made some toast but apparently slathered it with grotesque amounts of butter (by his standards, not mine then) which made everyone's hangover twice as bad and got me "banned" from eating at his as a joke. Yet now I can't comfortably eat butter and really still have my doubts about olive spread and PB. I'm reliant on mayonnaise (? where's the logic in that?) and nuts for fats really, except for some dairy to try and avoid osteoporosis. I don't entirely trust myself to put a sensible and healthy amount of spread on, much like I don't trust myself to have cake and stop when I'm full, know when I'm actually hungry/full or just comfort eating (and I've done a lot of that on this trip as a result of letting go/stress from lack of sleep) or be able to get drunk without ending up in A+E. Lack of trust seems to be a major issue in all of this.
But yeah, fats. I'm gonna need them because I've re-committed myself to weight gain after the healthy diet went too far again, but I just don't know where to start. I read what you mentioned a few weeks ago, but saturates and trans are still muddled in my mind, as is wherever something like butter can ever be good for you?

[Watch Key Phone]

(Original post by Riku)
It's completely illogical and unfair, isn't it? It's been hell every time I've gone round to a friend's for the night and the amount of times I've justified skipping dessert because it'll help me sleep better. The worst seems to be coming back from my nan's, where after a luxurious dinner I often get lethargic but then have to wait for hours before real sleepiness kicks in.
More often than not it tends to be hunger and I come downstairs and binge on some PB on toast (except for with Nan who stubbornly makes sure I'm not going to bed hungry!)
At least this year I've outgrown my crazy ritual of using a banana to get to sleep, then walking round downstairs for an hour until I felt like passing out. Used to be the only way so there's some improvement there
I feel for ya

I know exactly what you mean. But sometimes if I'm really hungry it keeps me awake, so it's sort of lose-lose.
Why a banana?

[sentiment]

I planned all morning that at 2.30 I would have something to eat...now I've spent so long stressing out about what to have that I don't think I even really want anything any more. This thing is so damn frustrating sometimes.

[TotoMimo]

(Original post by sentiment)
I planned all morning that at 2.30 I would have something to eat...now I've spent so long stressing out about what to have that I don't think I even really want anything any more. This thing is so damn frustrating sometimes.

I have found myself in the same situation today.

I have been placating myself with alcohol for an entire week in an incredibly unhealthy "Well, if I'm not fully conscious I can't worry about it all" mentality. Today I woke up and felt sore, shivery and generally unwell. I told myself "Tom, screw it, you need to eat more and not drink anything today."

I told myself I'd get a takeaway for the first time in months and months. A treat for breaking a bad routine. I spent about two hours going over and over in my head what I'd have. Chippy... I could have a bit of fish. Oh, man, I love chippy fish. Or a chow mein. Oh, but which has less calories? Oh, which is higher in sat fats? Crap. Maybe I should get something where I know the values because they have an online nutritional guide.

I'll get a Brazer from KFC, that's only like 430 kcals. And I'll enjoy that! Actually, KFC is hard to get to, maybe I should go for the more accessible McDonalds. But it's not very satisfying. Subway's next to that, so I could just get a Turkey sub! And that's dead healthy! Actually, you know what? What's the point. A turkey sub for a treat?

And bam. Two hours had passed and by this point I'd just had soup instead. Infuriating.

[Riku]

(Original post by Amwazicles)
I know exactly what you mean. But sometimes if I'm really hungry it keeps me awake, so it's sort of lose-lose.
Why a banana?

(Original post by sentiment)
I planned all morning that at 2.30 I would have something to eat...now I've spent so long stressing out about what to have that I don't think I even really want anything any more. This thing is so damn frustrating sometimes.

(Original post by TotoMimo)
I have found myself in the same situation today.

I have been placating myself with alcohol for an entire week in an incredibly unhealthy "Well, if I'm not fully conscious I can't worry about it all" mentality. Today I woke up and felt sore, shivery and generally unwell. I told myself "Tom, screw it, you need to eat more and not drink anything today."

I told myself I'd get a takeaway for the first time in months and months. A treat for breaking a bad routine. I spent about two hours going over and over in my head what I'd have. Chippy... I could have a bit of fish. Oh, man, I love chippy fish. Or a chow mein. Oh, but which has less calories? Oh, which is higher in sat fats? Crap. Maybe I should get something where I know the values because they have an online nutritional guide.

I'll get a Brazer from KFC, that's only like 430 kcals. And I'll enjoy that! Actually, KFC is hard to get to, maybe I should go for the more accessible McDonalds. But it's not very satisfying. Subway's next to that, so I could just get a Turkey sub! And that's dead healthy! Actually, you know what? What's the point. A turkey sub for a treat?

And bam. Two hours had passed and by this point I'd just had soup instead. Infuriating.

"A banana as a fruit is a relatively low-calorie and very low-fat snack which also serves as a good source of potassium and magnesium, electrolytes which help to maintain regular heart rhythm, brain and nerve function. While perhaps this wouldn't be the healthiest choice considering its high Gl at most times, in this situation it could work in my favour as it will help to release melatonin thus making me feel sleepy."
Did I mention I like bananas? Honestly, at times I was thinking like a robot.


Had a go at scrambled eggs on toast, have to say I wasn't yet ready to risk the butter and ended up turning back to the Google trap. But hey, any lunch is better than nothing, right?
Toto's right, that sometimes we need to draw a line between a beneficial concern for our health and well-being, and an obsession that ultimately only serves as a means to helplessly placate the ED in vain. Paralysis by analysis, as they say. It's times like this when we have to try our best to ignore the voices screaming a thousand different things in our head and go with what our heart tells us. Sometimes you actually have to "fake it to make it" and dare to open your eyes to the idea that there is so much more to this world and ourselves than what we know and can ever imagine, if we only allow ourselves to embrace it. It seems like it'll never get easier, and it's always easier to stay within our comfort zones and never take the risk, but you never know unless you try.

[xTazx]

Inspiring story! I had a friend with multiple eating disorders, a lot of what you said rang true (e.g. how much weight you can put on after you eat a small amount) and how it becomes a demon. Good on you!

[Watch Key Phone]

(Original post by Riku)
"A banana as a fruit is a relatively low-calorie and very low-fat snack which also serves as a good source of potassium and magnesium, electrolytes which help to maintain regular heart rhythm, brain and nerve function. While perhaps this wouldn't be the healthiest choice considering its high Gl at most times, in this situation it could work in my favour as it will help to release melatonin thus making me feel sleepy."
Did I mention I like bananas? Honestly, at times I was thinking like a robot.

Makes sense. At least it was a banana which has got some good nutrients in it, rather than something even less nutritious like a bit of bread or something And I suppose it's also good that it's something you actively liked, and not just ate because of those other reasons. But still, it's great that you're into batter habits now



Has anyone heard of or read the book called Monkey Taming, by Judith Fathallah? I highly recommend it, it's really inspiring, for anyone really, but especially ED sufferers

[diamonddust]

(Original post by Amwazicles)
Makes sense. At least it was a banana which has got some good nutrients in it, rather than something even less nutritious like a bit of bread or something And I suppose it's also good that it's something you actively liked, and not just ate because of those other reasons. But still, it's great that you're into batter habits now



Has anyone heard of or read the book called Monkey Taming, by Judith Fathallah? I highly recommend it, it's really inspiring, for anyone really, but especially ED sufferers

Oooh, I've never heard of it but it looks good.

[Watch Key Phone]

(Original post by diamonddust)
Oooh, I've never heard of it but it looks good.

'Tis amazing. I could read it over and over and over and over again. (and would cry every time )

[Anonymous]

Probably best not to read if you are easily triggered, just needed to write some stuff.

Spoiler:

Show

I don't want to be super negative but I'm having a really bad time as of late. First off I should probably say I have been disordered for 8, nearly 9 years now so it's a long term thing and have been in therapy for the past 2.

Sometimes I get really frustrated when I just can't change my behaviours. More recently I have been working on cutting down my purging, as I am facing surgery on very badly receding gums, but after 2 weeks of not purging I just give in again because I can't shut out the part of me that says it's wrong for me not to go through with it. My therapist tells me to take it day by day but it's always in the back of my mind that I'm going to give in so why not sooner or later. I'm not bulimic, anorexic with purging tendencies and I really don't have a problem with binges I just hate anything inside of me full stop.

Anyway tonight someone told me they 'don't think I'm worth it' not in the context of me having an eating disorder but it hit home a lot because I guess in fighting this I'm fighting the overwhelming sense in myself of also not being worth it. It really hurt. I also got a letter from the ESA department at DWP telling me they have decided after 6 months I am fit to return to work, despite letters from those treating me saying I'm not. I can't be bothered to argue over it back and forth anymore so I have stopped the appeal, it's not that I don't want to go back but I know it won't help my situation. I have very little money anyway and I can't support myself on the 8 hours a week I feel capable of at minimum wage. I know I will end up taking on 50+ hours in order to make ends meet whilst not eating and everything will spiral again. Part of my cares about my own wellbeing but the majority of me doesn't care enough to do anything about it.

[diamonddust]

(Original post by Amwazicles)
'Tis amazing. I could read it over and over and over and over again. (and would cry every time )

Just ordered it.

I probably won't be able to read it until the Christmas holidays though, too much academic reading to do.

[sentiment]

(Original post by TotoMimo)
I have found myself in the same situation today.

I have been placating myself with alcohol for an entire week in an incredibly unhealthy "Well, if I'm not fully conscious I can't worry about it all" mentality. Today I woke up and felt sore, shivery and generally unwell. I told myself "Tom, screw it, you need to eat more and not drink anything today."

I told myself I'd get a takeaway for the first time in months and months. A treat for breaking a bad routine. I spent about two hours going over and over in my head what I'd have. Chippy... I could have a bit of fish. Oh, man, I love chippy fish. Or a chow mein. Oh, but which has less calories? Oh, which is higher in sat fats? Crap. Maybe I should get something where I know the values because they have an online nutritional guide.

I'll get a Brazer from KFC, that's only like 430 kcals. And I'll enjoy that! Actually, KFC is hard to get to, maybe I should go for the more accessible McDonalds. But it's not very satisfying. Subway's next to that, so I could just get a Turkey sub! And that's dead healthy! Actually, you know what? What's the point. A turkey sub for a treat?

And bam. Two hours had passed and by this point I'd just had soup instead. Infuriating.

Isn't alcohol a funny one? I drink a lot at the moment, mostly socially I must add! But it's ridiculous how I can't eat a bowl of cereals because of the calories but I can just decide not to count alcohol as calories when in reality I probably get the majority of my calories from alcohol. I always try to pick the drinks that have the least calories in them but I can drink and drink and not be worried about it...funny how with that one thing my brain can just accept it and turn of the mental responses I would have if it were food.

[Watch Key Phone]

(Original post by diamonddust)
Just ordered it.

I probably won't be able to read it until the Christmas holidays though, too much academic reading to do.

Yay

Ah well, better at christmas than never

[Anonymous]

Dear body,

Feel that food you just got? It really is yours to keep this time, to draw nourishment from, to make healthy cells grow and to make you feel balanced and well.
You don't have to give it back this time, I promise.

Regards, Anonymous

[Cinamon]

To keep at my current weight I have found that I need to eat about 1000 calories a day. Below that I loose and above that I gain. So obviously this is not a natural weight for me and it will do my body good to gain some weight.

Anon 50

[LaBelleEtLeBete]

This might trigger so

Spoiler:

Show

I've been watching thinspo videos on youtube tonight, and I re-read 'Wintergirls' on friday... I am sick and I hate myself for getting back into this.

The guy I'm seeing made me eggs on Saturday morning. I blamed my hangover on the fact I couldn't eat them. Why can't I just be a normal person who doesn't freak out about butter when someone does something nice for them?