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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

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Applying to Uni? Let Universities come to you. Click here to get your perfect place 20-10-2014
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    Analysing my lunchtime routine, I don't really think I fit into the category for anorexia or orthorexia or EDNOS or really even midly eating disordered. I feel more like I fit into the category of unhealthy-and-unfit-person-with-a lazy-diet-who-can't-be-bothered-learning-how-to-cook-and-finds-exercise-generally-too-much-effort-so-instead-eats-****-and-then-complains-about-their-bad-habits-to-everyone-and-blames-others-for-it.
    Honestly, if I start getting chest pains and puffed easily from constantly eating processed butties for lunch, it's my fault. Can't pass the buck on to anyone else or claim a mental illness from it.

    It would be so much easier to just go without and settle for breakfast and dinner. Every attempt of making one's conspired against me and left me with nothing. But then it'd be easy to say how about not making breakfast because I'll screw that up too, and then waheyy, we're back to square one. So No. Just No. Anything is better than nothing.
    But still, I don't know whether I have a right to post here really.
    #17

    (Original post by briesandwich)
    Just been made to feel like a right plank in front of the gp. :sigh:

    I went to see him because my chest pains have been more frequent lately, and he asked me how long they would last for, and when I told him they lasted for about a minute or so at a time he sorta chuckled and said "That's very normal really, I could give you medication but if the pain is gone in a minute there would be no point in taking it. You have no reason to be concerned if they're that short."

    :cry2: I feel so embarrassed.. like I completely overreacted. I didn't even want to go to the doctors but my friend made me.
    I don't think that's anything to be too embarrassed about, it's better to check these things than not and then discover it's a problem well after it could have been prevented from developing into a bigger issue. I'd still monitor it if I were you just incase, but don't stress too much.

    Atleast your GP seems relatively pleasant! My therapist told me to go to my GP about my chest pains and racing heart, because it was becoming a concern and she basically said 'I'm sure it's fine' without asking any questions etc and that was it, end of. My therapist has told me to go back but I'm not going to argue with the GP over it. My therapist hates my GP I think that's probably the bottom line, she does not understand her reasoning and neither do I. I guess we are in the same boat though!
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    Going to the doctor was the worse thing I ever did. I hate myself for doing it, I've lost everything.
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    (Original post by sophiemay20)
    Going to the doctor was the worse thing I ever did. I hate myself for doing it, I've lost everything.
    How have you lost everything?
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    (Original post by Antiaris)
    How have you lost everything?
    I'm about to lose my job, I had to quit college, my parents are about to kick me out because of my mood swings, my friends don't want to talk to me any more and I was supposed to have an operation on my ear today but the doctor cancelled it just before it was about to begin because he found my blood test results from last week (which a ****ing psychiatrist made me do) and because they're so bad he said there's no way it can go on, plus I didn't fast and was up b&p until 4am because I just can't help doing it. List goes on. It's screwed so much up... I can't take it anymore.
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    About to lose your job? Make sure you don't. If you can't, look for a new one.
    You quit college? Pick it up again at some point. If you don't want to, fine. There are other options. Pick one that appeals.
    You missed an operation? It can wait.
    Apologise to your friends and to your family. Don't say you feel bad to us, tell THEM that you feel guilty. They are the ones that should hear it. Be honest and be OPEN for once. I'm betting you bottle a lot. If they let rip, let them. Don't argue. They need to get stuff off of their chests and listen to them.
    You B&P'd? Put it behind you, that was you back then. Not you NOW. You are better. Doesn't matter about the past, only matters what you do in the future.

    Things are only over when you give up, and you have no real reason to give up. People care for you, we care for you, some people don't even have that. Fight for your life, because that is what you are doing. You've done it all of your life, you can carry on. Keep. Fighting.
    #17

    (Original post by sophiemay20)
    I'm about to lose my job, I had to quit college, my parents are about to kick me out because of my mood swings, my friends don't want to talk to me any more and I was supposed to have an operation on my ear today but the doctor cancelled it just before it was about to begin because he found my blood test results from last week (which a ****ing psychiatrist made me do) and because they're so bad he said there's no way it can go on, plus I didn't fast and was up b&p until 4am because I just can't help doing it. List goes on. It's screwed so much up... I can't take it anymore.
    If you lose your job it's not the end of the world, despite what people say there are other jobs out there and it might be helpful for you to take a bit of time out and look around. I went part time at work temporarily and it did a lot of good for me because I felt overall less stressed and anxious and wasn't as quick to make 'bad' decisions.

    Do your parents and friends know about your eating disorder? I always thought telling my parents would be the absolute worst thing that could happen. But after 9 years of seeing me this way it turned out they had already guessed and were relatively understanding. We don't really talk about it, but it's better that it's slightly more open

    With the blood test and cancelled operation, again it can be rescheduled. If you concentrate on what you can do to improve the test results next time that might be something to work towards? I wouldn't blame your psych, I imagine their intention was to look out for you and your wellbeing. There might be something revealed by getting the blood test that is potentially damaging to you and can now be reversed. I put off having blood tests and a couple of weeks later I ended up in hospital nearing a heart attack and I was 17 at the time. You really have so much to live for. Even after all this time I still want to live, I still crave vitality but I understand the daily internal struggle with those feelings all too well. It does getter better though, although I am not recovered I feel 10x better than I did even a year ago.

    With the b/p you just have to commit to not purging in this moment. It doesn't matter about yesterday, tomorrow or next week, if you just think to yourself every morning 'today I will not purge' and if you don't it's a step in the right direction, if you do you just have to not dwell on it and start again with the process. I was getting very caught up in saying 'I won't purge for X many days' but it's better not to set a time frame, just do the best you can here and now.

    I apologise for the anon, if you want to talk any time let me know and I can PM you.
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    Sophie, I graduated and got the ideal job. Then anorexia nervosa took over.

    I was 25 and now I'm 27. I work for Ubisoft. You might know them as the guys that make Driver, Rayman and Assassin's Creed. They're a MASSIVE videogames company, and I am a very established artist for them. Your own personal professional success is absolutely no bearing on your success as an individual, let me tell you. I've been off on long-term sick with this b*st**d of an illness doing odds and ends for them, but all I want is to get back to work.

    But every time, I keep falling foul to a terrible white blood cell count, hormonal imbalance, or dramatic weight drop.

    I want my life to be about MY LIFE. But instead it's about a stupid eating disorder. It's so crap. When things seem a LITTLE too tough, the ED takes charge and BAM! I am one step further from living a normal, exciting life.

    I did my six years (two years college and four university) and got a great job, so why is this arbitrary, stupid thing holding me up?

    Ask yourself that and then think about it for a while. For me, it's a difficult thing to define, but if it can be distinguished early... eradicate it and live life PROPERLY.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Sophie, I graduated and got the ideal job. Then anorexia nervosa took over.

    I was 25 and now I'm 27. I work for Ubisoft. You might know them as the guys that make Driver, Rayman and Assassin's Creed. They're a MASSIVE videogames company, and I am a very established artist for them. Your own personal professional success is absolutely no bearing on your success as an individual, let me tell you. I've been off on long-term sick with this b*st**d of an illness doing odds and ends for them, but all I want is to get back to work.

    But every time, I keep falling foul to a terrible white blood cell count, hormonal imbalance, or dramatic weight drop.

    I want my life to be about MY LIFE. But instead it's about a stupid eating disorder. It's so crap. When things seem a LITTLE too tough, the ED takes charge and BAM! I am one step further from living a normal, exciting life.

    I did my six years (two years college and four university) and got a great job, so why is this arbitrary, stupid thing holding me up?

    Ask yourself that and then think about it for a while. For me, it's a difficult thing to define, but if it can be distinguished early... eradicate it and live life PROPERLY.
    O.M.G you work for the people who make Assassins creed. -flails-. Ahem. :hugs:

    You will beat this stupid little voice in your head, even if I have to lop the top of your head off and dragg the spiteful bitch out...
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    O.M.G you work for the people who make Assassins creed. -flails-. Ahem. :hugs:

    You will beat this stupid little voice in your head, even if I have to lop the top of your head off and dragg the spiteful bitch out...
    Toto, what's your opinion on Raving Rabbids? I miss the whole element of freeing Electoons, fighting space pirates and telling Globox to shut up...
    Seriously though, this has raised my respect for you even higher. I just wanted to say thanks for indirectly contributing towards a childhood of awesome platformers
    Have you ever considered that your ED may have come from a need to fulfil ever-spiralling ambition? To give yourself a goal when you weren't sure what's next? Because if that's the case, we need you to make some more killer shots for killer games!
    Keep fighting, dude, you'll find a way through.
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Toto, what's your opinion on Raving Rabbids? I miss the whole element of freeing Electoons, fighting space pirates and telling Globox to shut up...
    Seriously though, this has raised my respect for you even higher. I just wanted to say thanks for indirectly contributing towards a childhood of awesome platformers
    Have you ever considered that your ED may have come from a need to fulfil ever-spiralling ambition? To give yourself a goal when you weren't sure what's next? Because if that's the case, we need you to make some more killer shots for killer games!
    Keep fighting, dude, you'll find a way through.
    Riku, did you every play spyro as a child? I prefer the early ones by imsomniac, not the new ones.
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    Riku, did you every play spyro as a child? I prefer the early ones by imsomniac, not the new ones.
    Oh these new ones are terrible! The classics are where it's at : ) all 151 eggs on Year of the Dragon (twice-sister got me to do her save file for her. I'm not complaining!)
    Have to say that finding all of Gnasty Gnorc's treasure on Spyro 1 proved an impossible task though :cool:
    and don't even get me started on Crash Bandicoot
    have any favourites yourself, Snowflake?
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Oh these new ones are terrible! The classics are where it's at : ) all 151 eggs on Year of the Dragon (twice-sister got me to do her save file for her. I'm not complaining!)
    Have to say that finding all of Gnasty Gnorc's treasure on Spyro 1 proved an impossible task though :cool:
    and don't even get me started on Crash Bandicoot
    have any favourites yourself, Snowflake?
    Spyro 1 = AWESOME. It appeard so difficult when i was 7, I now, at 18 have the patience to sit and collect EVERY SINGLE GEM and egg as i do each level. The mask thing in Crash Bandicoot scares me. I quite like the sims as well, and the Nazi zombies levels on COD:world at war. I take too much enjoyment out of getting a headshot. :/
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Toto, what's your opinion on Raving Rabbids? I miss the whole element of freeing Electoons, fighting space pirates and telling Globox to shut up...
    Seriously though, this has raised my respect for you even higher. I just wanted to say thanks for indirectly contributing towards a childhood of awesome platformers
    Have you ever considered that your ED may have come from a need to fulfil ever-spiralling ambition? To give yourself a goal when you weren't sure what's next? Because if that's the case, we need you to make some more killer shots for killer games!
    Keep fighting, dude, you'll find a way through.

    Hahaha, to be fair I'm part of Ubisoft Reflections (the Newcastle Studio) so we don't work on the Rayman titles, but I'm definitely enjoying Rayman's return to grace (have you seen the old-school new game?). The Rabbids kinda took over for a while, and whilst I like them (and the new Kinect game is decent) I prefer the 'Man!

    Last game I worked on was Driver: San Francisco that came out in October just there; did you get to play that one?

    Thanks for all the high fiverage to my lovely peeps here by the way. XXX
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    Spyro 1 = AWESOME. It appeard so difficult when i was 7, I now, at 18 have the patience to sit and collect EVERY SINGLE GEM and egg as i do each level. The mask thing in Crash Bandicoot scares me. I quite like the sims as well, and the Nazi zombies levels on COD:world at war. I take too much enjoyment out of getting a headshot. :/
    Be glad you're capable of headshots, I've never got past Stage 10 of Nazi Zombies! Aku Aku is a bit 0_0
    Sadly my PS1's long gone and my bro broke our PS2. Alas, no gem and egg grinds for me-unless I get some time on the PlayStation Network




    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Hahaha, to be fair I'm part of Ubisoft Reflections (the Newcastle Studio) so we don't work on the Rayman titles, but I'm definitely enjoying Rayman's return to grace (have you seen the old-school new game?). The Rabbids kinda took over for a while, and whilst I like them (and the new Kinect game is decent) I prefer the 'Man!

    Last game I worked on was Driver: San Francisco that came out in October just there; did you get to play that one?

    Thanks for all the high fiverage to my lovely peeps here by the way. XXX
    Fair enough man, and no I haven't seen or played either! Again, pretty sucky at driving games in general (not even ones like MarioKart-except CTR, because again I was a bit obsessed about the old bandicoot). My mate's shown me a few though and it looks pretty impressive, so will keep a look-out for that if it makes a breakthrough here : )

    Still confused whether I have an ED anymore, disordered thoughts are really an on-and-off thing now, so it seems best for me to just start developing some healthy habits and changing some bad ones.
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Be glad you're capable of headshots, I've never got past Stage 10 of Nazi Zombies! Aku Aku is a bit 0_0
    Sadly my PS1's long gone and my bro broke our PS2. Alas, no gem and egg grinds for me-unless I get some time on the PlayStation Network
    I'm able to play the Spyro PS1 disk on my sisters PS3.... Aha, stage 9 on my own, have got to stage 17 with my sister.
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    I'm able to play the Spyro PS1 disk on my sisters PS3.... Aha, stage 9 on my own, have got to stage 17 with my sister.
    Sorry, should have said I sold the original discs too back when in some real need of spare dosh-oops! For the love of hindsight in these things...
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Sorry, should have said I sold the original discs too back when in some real need of spare dosh-oops! For the love of hindsight in these things...
    What is this madness?
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    OMG I think I love Toto even more now!

    I accidentally stepped on my PS1 Crash Bandicoot Warped game. I was not pleased! Did any of you guys play Croc? I always used to cry when Croc died because there was a fainting sequence and he was so cute! I wasn't a huge Spryo fan but that's because I was rubbish at it! I'm still searching for a PC version of Abe's Odyssey! That was an amazing game!
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    Hahaha, absolutely love spiro!

    less positive note... this is a bit of a rant and might trigger, I don't know
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    Today I binged the most i've ever binged in my life. A guy I know told me he can tell i'm having lots of fun because i've put on 'uni weight' and am looking 'chubby' (I have never been sub 18.5 so you may say I technically never had to put any weight on anyway)... And then my boyfriend told me he knows I wish I was more toned but I shouldn't stress about it. Now all I can here is "you're not toned". I just feel like i've failed so much at everything. Failed at looking nice and failed at recovering because i'm considering restricting again. I just can't cope with the binging - my whole body hurts and even a stabbing pain in my stomach isn't stopping me getting more food


    Might start playing mass effect 2 again as a distraction :P

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