(Original post by Riku)
But Sentiment, what matters more, really? The time with your family and friends, the chance to catch up and let yourself reconnect with the things that really
matter in life? Or eating "normally"? You're smart, you can tell yourself by the fact you've placed this very point in inverted commas that you honestly know this isn't treating yourself well, and somewhere deep down you want to change this. Well you still can if you listen to your heart rather than that little Grima Wormtongue ED bobbing round our heads a lot.
It sounds like you've been given the chance for your mind to heal, and by doing that you'll help the body to heal itself. Seize the opportunity, make the most of this company, really get to know them and yourself
[As a compromise, could you maybe do a light walk together as a family? I'm stressing light, relaxing activity with more focus on the chance for constructive bonding and relationship-building, which I think we could all do with a bit more of-especially you in your current condition.
Having another cup of tea moment. Mum always always does it with milk, and can't stop asking. I think if I do drink it, I'll have calcium excreted and I probably don't have enough of it as it is (really worried about my bones being weak etc.), but if I keep saying no, I think (no joke) Mum's going to think less of me as her son, I'm being excluded from one of the fundamental concepts of the family unit, and somewhere down the line I'll be removed from the family, or at the very least ostracised. Basically, she drinks loads, her bf drinks loads, Grandma and Grandad drink loads, my brother drinks loads, it follows I ought to drink loads or I'm not one of them...or maybe not. But it feels like that.
FFS this is a cup of tea, and it's gone from asking whether I'm thirsty to questioning the safety and integrity of my position as a family member. Why? It's as if she's consistently asking me to test if I'm really one of them.
In the same way I'm worried about the tea causing depletion of iron causing loss of testosterone and God knows that's low in me without lifting anywho from being so on edge, thereby causing mroe panicky thoughts like this and a hideous cycle.
Apart from this pretty heavy and continuous hiccup that I really need to sort pronto before it drives me back to somethin more serious, my relationship with food, weight and self keeps getting better
edit: I spoke to her, I needed to. She'd love me no matter what, if these fears stayed with me all my life. And that was what mattered really. That's what this was all about, if they'd love me whoever and whatever I am.
Silly question. Makes you think.