[Riku]

(Original post by Green_girl94)
At the time it scared the sh*t out of me. She didn't say a word she was so angry, just hacked at that thing! And your right. Only now when I'm 'better have I been able to talk things over with her and the rest of my family (I have a little sister who I finally feel I am looking after instead of the other way round! ). And I feel awful for everything I put them through, but as they say the best apology I can give is continuing to recover

Riku - I know it's hard (espcially late at night when you can't sleep and feel all alone) but you can do this! Lie down and think of all the reasons not to binge (in therapy we called it 'Wise Mind'. And for future help with sleep try these things:

- Warm drink (milk/chamomile tea/horlicks - anything that dosent have caffinne!)
- Try and cut down on caffiene during the day
- Warm baths
- Lavender oil ( a few drops on a tissue and tucking that tissue in your pillow/ dropping in bath)
- Lowering the lights while getting into bed/reading
- Relaxation tapes (my personal preferences is audiobooks/ thunderstorms!)
- Keeping to a routine for a while (i.e. going to be at a usual time and doing the usual things before you go to bed - it gets your body use to winding down!)
- Valerien root, lemon balm (herbal sleep/ stress remidies!)

Hope these help!! x

Thanks GreenGirl-I've tried a few of these in some variation or other but it didn't work this time. But hey-ho. I've lost the battel, I'm winning the war.
[spoiler]
3 crusty white rolls and a dry, unloved hot cross bun-there goes breakfast. Mum's gonna be devastated...
I feel really ill. It's my fault. I wasn't held at gunpoint to eat all that. My parents try but it's only in my power to act. Perhaps I should consider that I'm making them sick inside, maybe more than I physically feel.
I know I'm gonna get worked up about our Easter eggs now on account of what I've just done but ultimately that's an excuse which will lead to a constant cycle of abuse and neglect. I say I hate food now, but it's no surprise if I use it against me. I actually enjoyed the pizza. If I live in constant fear of food then I'm bound never to enjoy it again, and it's pretty much the same for everything. And yes I have a heart condition, but it's benign. It can't hurt, I've been told by my GP just to go enjoy myself and be like any other teen. Yet I don't want to believe that. If I spend all my time worrying about death and deliberately trying to terrify myself (feel back into the Google search), how will I ever truly be alive?
Life is scary, that's inevitable. Sometimes you have to take the jump into the great unknown-what if we at last do what we want today? What if we let ourselves feel again?
I preach a lot. I'm a bad hypocrite. It's time for me to practice my own words and take responsibility to change for the better. But I'm already doing that? Well best do it some more then. If I can assert myself 80% of the time, I can assert myself 90%. I can empower myself to look fear in the eye. That's not about getting perfect, that's about accepting being imperfect and beautiful anyway. I have a good life, a lot of family and friends who care, a lot of potential; I don't need perfect grades or a perfect body to be happy. It's up to me whether to embrace that life or throw it away.
Recovery is for life, not just for Christmas or Lent or Easter or your birthday. It is life.

http://youtu.be/h5Bb5IwRJcs

I hope this helps all of you as much as I hope it'll help me.
Happy Easter everyone. Never give up.

[Green_girl94]

(Original post by Riku)
Thanks GreenGirl-I've tried a few of these in some variation or other but it didn't work this time. But hey-ho. I've lost the battel, I'm winning the war.

Recovery is for life, not just for Christmas or Lent or Easter or your birthday. It is life.

Exactly as you say, things do get hard there are blips. But just don't beat yourself up about them! I consider myself 'recovered' and tonight I'm struggling. Had some family photos done today in which I feel I look fat. And being home alone tomorrow my main thought is 'exercise day' (in a way it is different as I still plan to eat!) but I know that in the long run this will be bad for me! Just got to keep fighting each battle as it comes!! (This song is one I listen to on rpeat during recovery when I had a bad day and felt bad about it!! Keep going!!! <3 ) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nan4Kdtz-9w&ob=av2n

[Vixen47]

Hi guys! I need opinions. Basically, earlier today I realised that although I know I suffer from an ED (not entirely sure if it's solely anorexia anymore because I've been binging a lot lately), the symptoms are obvious and my family are even aware of it, I still don't believe I suffer from it. It's like it's right in front of me and yet I can't see it so I don't take it as seriously as I should. Could this be the denial part?

[Riku]

Spoiler:

Show

Did I honestly just order and eat macaroni cheese in pure, childhood-nostalgic, unconditional bliss? Takes me back to weekend's at Grandma's as a kid. The taste of progress. What a beautiful day.

[jazzykinks]

(Original post by Riku)

Spoiler:

Show

Did I honestly just order and eat macaroni cheese in pure, childhood-nostalgic, unconditional bliss? The taste of progress. What a beautiful day.

So proud of you! Well done x

[mespannerhanz]

Hi
I have a friend who has anorexia, and is being admitted to a specialist unit tomorrow for the foreseeable future. Would appreciate any advice on how I can encourage and support her? I can't visit, only text and write to her. Is there anything people have done/said that has really helped in your recovery? Obviously, I have told her she is welcome to text me any time she wants, but just not quite sure what I can say to her that won't upset her but will encourage her.
Thanks

[.snowflake.]

(Original post by mespannerhanz)
Hi
I have a friend who has anorexia, and is being admitted to a specialist unit tomorrow for the foreseeable future. Would appreciate any advice on how I can encourage and support her? I can't visit, only text and write to her. Is there anything people have done/said that has really helped in your recovery? Obviously, I have told her she is welcome to text me any time she wants, but just not quite sure what I can say to her that won't upset her but will encourage her.
Thanks

Regardless of what the idiots said in your other thread. She isnt starving because she wants attention. She's doing it because thats how she copes with stuff. Other people get drunk, smoke, take drugs, eat chocolate. We go for not eating.
One of the girls on here ended up in a 'fat farm' - her words not mine, and at the beginning, her meal plan was essentially full fat milk, and a hell of a lot of it. I'd PM'ed her through this place, with a link to a clip of youtube from the IT crowd, the one where Moss says 'I've come here to kick ass and drink milk, and I've finished my milk. She found it hilarious at the time, made her week apparently.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by mespannerhanz)
Hi
I have a friend who has anorexia, and is being admitted to a specialist unit tomorrow for the foreseeable future. Would appreciate any advice on how I can encourage and support her? I can't visit, only text and write to her. Is there anything people have done/said that has really helped in your recovery? Obviously, I have told her she is welcome to text me any time she wants, but just not quite sure what I can say to her that won't upset her but will encourage her.
Thanks

Just be her friend, talk to her, don't abandon her as I imagine some will. Let her know that you'll be there for her and maybe ask her whether she wants you to avoid any specific topics or w/e.

[Anonymous]

Hi... I have a BMI of 16, i'm 5ft 7/8 and 21 year old guy I think this may be contributing to my lack of energy and reduced facial hair growth, would that be possible? I'm scared of getting fat if you can understand me... I know it sounds weird but I just wana know that i'm just skinny that's all??

[Anonymous]

Really struggling!!!! Went out for dinner tonight as on holiday (I picked a place we always used to go!) anyway. Was feeling kinda worried so checked the calories of my meal online, o find that it was 1400 cals just fo that meal (not including everything else I had today! :s) I'm feeling so guilty, just want to cry! Partially because I ate the food, and partially because i picked the resturant!!!

[TotoMimo]

Anon, you are almost exactly the same stats as me. I will not tell you "you're skinny". You KNOW you're skinny. You should also know how blatantly UNHEALTHILY skinny you are.

I won't feed a negative threading of thought.

[Riku]

Anyone feeling rough or down-=try a nice, slow, mindful walk. Forget about the speed, length or cals burnt-tune back in to being one with nature.
Sorry, Zen moment given me a recovery from terrible night's sleep I was feeling shattered and low but it's just too nice outside to sit in brooding over nothing.
Well that's revived the energy I need to make the next breakthrough-pub quiz with mates I haven't seen in yonks. Incidentally grill night-fancy some gammon, pineapple, peas-and chips. I fancy chips. Scareddd

[broken_rose]

Why is it so hard?

[Riku]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Really struggling!!!! Went out for dinner tonight as on holiday (I picked a place we always used to go!) anyway. Was feeling kinda worried so checked the calories of my meal online, o find that it was 1400 cals just fo that meal (not including everything else I had today! :s) I'm feeling so guilty, just want to cry! Partially because I ate the food, and partially because i picked the resturant!!!

"Guilt" implies that you've done some injustice to someone else that you feel responsible for. You picked a restaurant to go to on holiday. That's neither an illegal nor immoral act. You haven't done anything wrong. If anything you saved your family a bit of trouble in getting some grub!
Do unto yourself as you'd wish to others. Funny thing about disorders, they make us selfish introverts but they're usually a product of too much selflessness to start with. x

(Original post by broken_rose)
Why is it so hard?

Everything worth fighting for is hard. If it was all easy, we'd probably get a bit bored and take the process for granted. But the process is the only thing that matters-and in this case, it's recovery. It's not about what food and weight challenges you have to overcome even if it seems like that, it's really what you're learning about yourself and your capabilities in the face of adversity. You can do it. x

[Riku]

This is gonna sound crazy, but has anyone experienced symptoms of hyperkalaemia or the like? How the hell can I be scared of high blood pressure and low pressure at the same time?
Still eating almost "too healthy", but I'm wondering if that's even possible. I've ended up fearing fruit and veg/potassium sources (thouh still having a lot)because I feel like I need more sodium, and to do that I wanna eat the most obvious source which is some junk. But I can't do that because that'd be emotional eating from anxiety >_<
The alternative is that I've just got a very young heart from looking after myself and stressing less. It's like I'm judgig myself for my own lifestyle choice. If I could accept it's OK to do as I am, then I'd be able to continue pushing the boundaries. But if it's not OK to even have everything in moderation, what is?
Also, if the main reason I'm doing it is to help me live longer, why pick something which over time would do the exact opposite?. Not to mention that just makes me even more afraid of it. Got to teach my body I don't need junk but I can have it whenever I want simply because I want it.

Why's it my body's never been so well and yet my mind's still so often ill?
/ niggle

[Cinnie]

I need to go back to uni. I just want to cry My mum is constantly bombarding me with unhealthy food as if I need fattening up, and at 4 she started on dinner. 4PM?!! And then wondered why I just stared at her, shellshocked when she told me it was ready, and then shouted at me 'I can't do anything right i'll just leave it for you to serve yourself'

It's 4pm. Why is this upsetting me so much? I think it's because I have my own routine - I don't want her cooking me dinner!!

Spoiler:

Show

She knows I don't like her grease-laden food. And now she has contaminated my veggie stir fry with streams of olive oil and I think she has put a square of lard in there too or something because she just hates me that much. She is driving me insane.

All of the food threads that feature peoples daily diets are so triggering because all of the girls eat the same or less than me, or say that they hardly ever eat chocolate e.c.t. e.c.t. and it makes me feel awful.

[.snowflake.]

(Original post by Cinnie)
I need to go back to uni. I just want to cry My mum is constantly bombarding me with unhealthy food as if I need fattening up, and at 4 she started on dinner. 4PM?!! And then wondered why I just stared at her, shellshocked when she told me it was ready, and then shouted at me 'I can't do anything right i'll just leave it for you to serve yourself'

It's 4pm. Why is this upsetting me so much? I think it's because I have my own routine - I don't want her cooking me dinner!!

-huggingggg-. Women who 'hardly ever each chocolate' aren't real people imo. (hides and prepares for the neg rep.)

I'm definately getting worse. Having to consume a mug of hot choc and 9 squares of green and blacks to hit my BMR. This is not good.

[Riku]

(Original post by Cinnie)
I need to go back to uni. I just want to cry My mum is constantly bombarding me with unhealthy food as if I need fattening up, and at 4 she started on dinner. 4PM?!! And then wondered why I just stared at her, shellshocked when she told me it was ready, and then shouted at me 'I can't do anything right i'll just leave it for you to serve yourself'

It's 4pm. Why is this upsetting me so much? I think it's because I have my own routine - I don't want her cooking me dinner!!

Spoiler:

Show

She knows I don't like her grease-laden food. And now she has contaminated my veggie stir fry with streams of olive oil and I think she has put a square of lard in there too or something because she just hates me that much. She is driving me insane.

Cinnie, slow down. Breathe. Breeeeathe.
Your mother is not trying to "fatten you up". Having your dinner a few hours earkly isn't going to result in you ballooning either.
Do you honestly think your mother's standing there in the kitchen, twizzling her moustache, and pondering the infinite ways that she can send her beloved daughter to an early grave? Do you honestly think she has the tme in the day to do that? Maybe she put it out early because she's going out tonight and, you kow, needs a life too?
She cares, and she's doing ehr best to help. That might not be perfect, and it probably won't sit well with the disordered mind, but trust her. She hasn't killed you yet, and she won't.
This coming from the guy who spent a year in therapy to be convinced that his pre-package Co-op and Tesco tuna mayo sandwiches were actually less good for him than what Ma was makin' or bkakin'-and not made with the same TLC fo'sho'. As I say, my bout of "othorexia" was majorly confused.
(Incidentally, olive oil? Unhealthy? Perhaps the single damn healthiest type of fat going! You won't find much to beat olive oil. )
Is it wrong for those we love to try and help? Why do we push them away and choose to suffer inside our own often self-inflicted prisons?

[Cinnie]

(Original post by Riku)
Cinnie, slow down. Breathe. Breeeeathe.
Your mother is not trying to "fatten you up". Having your dinner a few hours earkly isn't going to result in you ballooning either.
Do you honestly think your mother's standing there in the kitchen, twizzling her moustache, and pondering the infinite ways that she can send her beloved daughter to an early grave? Do you honestly think she has the tme in the day to do that? Maybe she put it out early because she's going out tonight and, you kow, needs a life too?
She cares, and she's doing ehr best to help. That might not be perfect, and it probably won't sit well with the disordered mind, but trust her. She hasn't killed you yet, and she won't.
This coming from the guy who spent a year in therapy to be convinced that his pre-package Co-op and Tesco tuna mayo sandwiches were actually less good for him than what Ma was makin' or bkakin'-and not made with the same TLC fo'sho'. As I say, my bout of "othorexia" was majorly confused.
(Incidentally, olive oil? Unhealthy? Perhaps the single damn healthiest type of fat going! You won't find much to beat olive oil. )
Is it wrong for those we love to try and help? Why do we push them away and choose to suffer inside our own often self-inflicted prisons?

Thanks snow and riku

- in response to your previous post that I didn't see - I don't know if this is what you mean but when I go to the doctors sometimes I have high-normal blood pressure and sometimes it's very low, and when I stand up I always black out. Very strange...

And, most of me knows she is trying to help. I just hate that my plan, which consumes 50% of all my thoughts (because it has to, to stop me mindlessly bingeing and to stop me forgetting to eat) is changed.

I do look pretty ill though and I guess she is just scared. I feel better than I have in months and am eating double, just with no bingeing resulting in weight loss. She got annoyed with me earlier because I told her not to make beans with rice because it's not a balanced meal, and now I feel like she's getting revenge or something =/

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Cinnie)
I need to go back to uni. I just want to cry My mum is constantly bombarding me with unhealthy food as if I need fattening up, and at 4 she started on dinner. 4PM?!! And then wondered why I just stared at her, shellshocked when she told me it was ready, and then shouted at me 'I can't do anything right i'll just leave it for you to serve yourself'

It's 4pm. Why is this upsetting me so much? I think it's because I have my own routine - I don't want her cooking me dinner!!

Spoiler:

Show

She knows I don't like her grease-laden food. And now she has contaminated my veggie stir fry with streams of olive oil and I think she has put a square of lard in there too or something because she just hates me that much. She is driving me insane.

All of the food threads that feature peoples daily diets are so triggering because all of the girls eat the same or less than me, or say that they hardly ever eat chocolate e.c.t. e.c.t. and it makes me feel awful.

It's ok, she's not doing it on purpose. Are you allowed to make your own food? It could be nice to tell her that one night a week, you're taking over the cooking when you're at home - but as it's got to be for your family, you can't just do something low cal and tasteless, it has to be good for you all to eat. She gets a night off, you get control, and everyone gets a good meal.

Just before I left for uni yesterday my mum made a joke about how gaunt I'm looking (amazing as I've stayed the same weight for the last three ****ing years) and how I need to stop 'those stupid diets I'm on'. I'm confused as to what she thinks I am But she's my Mum so I'll cut her a little slack.

Spoiler:

Show

Must admit I feel a little out of my depth at the moment though, this next fortnight is going to be terrible for food I can tell - either binging or eating next to nothing.