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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

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    Lookin' GOOOOOOOOOD! x
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    Youuuu guuuuuuys.... Embaaaaaarraaaaassed....
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    Looking good Toto, well done!





    _________

    Conversation earlier-
    Dad: Come and watch TV with us.
    Me: No, I need to revise.
    Dad: All you do is revise, why don't you just stop eating as well!
    Me: ..... :facepalm:
    #48

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    You asked for it! Chubby cheeked, tummytastic tommy pix hearz!

    http://i1125.photobucket.com/albums/...orary-2390.jpg

    As you can see, my arms etc are still skinny winny but my face and torso and smushywushy. But as i keep being told, this will all change with time!
    Hot diggity damn. Fantastic work, onwards and upwards
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    (Original post by Etoile)
    Looking good Toto, well done!





    _________

    Conversation earlier-
    Dad: Come and watch TV with us.
    Me: No, I need to revise.
    Dad: All you do is revise, why don't you just stop eating as well!
    Me: ..... :facepalm:
    I can't even...
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    (Original post by Etoile)
    Conversation earlier-
    Dad: Come and watch TV with us.
    Me: No, I need to revise.
    Dad: All you do is revise, why don't you just stop eating as well!
    Me: ..... :facepalm:
    Your dad is an inconsiderate idiot. Sorry, but that's ridiculous. Sounds a lot like my dad when I had an ED. Best thing to do is just ignore them. I know it's hard because he's your dad, but at the end of the day he doesn't have your best interests at heart. x
    #39

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    You asked for it! Chubby cheeked, tummytastic tommy pix hearz!

    http://i1125.photobucket.com/albums/...orary-2390.jpg

    As you can see, my arms etc are still skinny winny but my face and torso and smushywushy. But as i keep being told, this will all change with time!
    You're looking great, well done
    #102

    Hi
    Just thought I'd share my experience. Basically, I used to be overweight, so I started seriously restricting my calories. I got to a normal weight, but of course I'm sure you know of binges that follow starvation. I wanted to get thinner and thinner, but I was stuck in a cycle of starve-binge-repeat. A couple of times I would 'start eating' again, but they would turn into week long binges, and I wouldn't cope so I'd go back to starving. It got worse and worse, then I started making myself sick after binges. I never got underweight, but I was at a pretty bad place. I was going like two weeks without eating solids, and I had to remind myself to breathe a couple of times when walking up the stairs. Then, one morning, (I know this sounds really cheesy) I sort of realised that I didn't want to do it any more. I'm still finding it really hard, and I can't trust myself with food. Like, I'll buy some cereal bars to have for a snack at break time, but end up eating the whole box. No-one knows about my habits, and I don't want them to. I'm still quite strict with food, and mostly eat child size portions. I still want to be thinner and thinner and still feel my body in the same way (like check thighs, sideways in the mirror, blah blah). I've stopped weighing myself (mostly). My school isn't helpful. It's all girls, and a lot of them are thin and eating disordered/self harmers (which I struggle with as well). I feel normal now, but I don't go a day without thinking about what I COULD have looked like right now. At first it was REALLY hard. I couldn't bring myself to leave the house because I thought I looked so fat. I'm losing weight again, but half healthily. But at the same time I don't want to be healthy. My face is so puffy, and I had to go up a dress size, but it's sort of getting easier. I'm so confused.
    Wow, I don't even care if someone reads this or not, but that felt so good.
    #48

    Subway makes the pain go away, right? :cry:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Subway makes the pain go away, right? :cry:
    :hugs:
    Sadly, food doesn't in itself make pain go away. But nor does it need to tear open wounds.
    You are so much more powerful and beautiful and worthy than to have a frickin' sandwich dictate the course of your life and how you feel. You have every right to say yes OR no to that at any given moment, and it bears no mark on you as a person which you choose.
    Deep breaths. Calm. Do you know anything which particularly helps you to relax when you get stressed and your emotions grow intense?
    x
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    Hey,

    I was diagnosed with anorexia back in January, these past few months have been SO hard. Recovery is such a long and difficult process and I have only managed to put a pound and a half on in 4 months. I constantly keep telling myself that I am fat and I hate the fact I feel so guilty about food. How is everyone finding recovery? such a horrible process
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    Well I know this isn't really the amount of a binge, not hugely unhealthy given I'm still eating 3 solid meals/fruit and milk as snacks, and I've been doing well with behaviours all week, but it was under the same mentality and I don't want to fall down the slippery slope again. It's too easy. It's also too easy to think the solution to binging is restricting, first step dieting.
    Spoiler:
    Show

    Meatball Marinara (lunch, basically gobbled on the move, underestimated distance so running late for work panicking and felt sick; didn't go straight into comfort-eating after though throughout shift though which is great!)
    Choc Fudge Brownie McFlurry (walking around town after, saw all these happy couples, started feeling really bitter and reminded of that girl who rejected me when i was 10 because I was chubby...then just went mad for sweets.
    Although I would have had this as another planned treat next week otherwise. As it turned out they were virtually out of brownies, and as I was stressing out I didn't enjoy it anyway, so I'll maybe have to try it again next week instead which just makes things worse :facepalm
    Nestle Caramal (hitting all-or-nothing, wanted the Kit Kat PB which would have been yet ANOTHER treat for some other day, couldn't find it, got this instead having never had it before. And it was quite nice, actually, lol. Kinda to redress the balance so I don't start associating treats with punishment or bad luck-although it does mean I've just eaten a load of crap today for not much reason, which in itself is practically a punishment anyway)

    It's annoying because even though I've got myself to a point where I can often really enjoy meals again (hence the accepted weight gain, which reaaally is helped psychologically by the exercise), I can only do that with snacks and "junk" food on the odd occasion, usually with company or as dessert at family gatherings. The rest of the time, alone, I just start getting the guilty thoughts and feel like it's some sign of, not necessarily being a bad person, but weakness...which is when the binge button's pressed, and I forget strength of character isn't shown by how long you can stay away from chocolate but by how you deal with the world's challenges.
    But as something bad seems to happen every time, I'm starting to feel I'm just gonna get punished and have a crappy day for ever eating anything I don't need to...


    It all begs the question-how does everyone deal with eating under stressful, borderline disordered circumstances that were necessary, and not turn them into a behaviour? I mean eating at all is hard enough for us, so how do we deal with it when there's even a deadline imposed on how long we can eat? No matter what my dad says, I just can't yet eat on the go like him or my mates. It's really not that simple.

    Got to say I'm amazed at how hypocritical and double-standardised EDs can make you, especially regarding things like what's OK for "them" isn't OK for you, when it blatantly is. GRrrr
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    Has anyone in recovery noticed how much their ED (anorexia, for me) habits have stuck with them? I'm eating normally (or more normally than I have in years) but there are these stupid habits that I just can't stop. (I'ma spoiler the actual habits as they are rather trigger-y)
    Spoiler:
    Show
    Like if I'm eating at home (which is most of the time) I have to use a side-plate and a dessert fork/teaspoon, I just feel awful with a big dinner plate of food and normal cutlery, like I can't control what I'm eating with them.
    I also can't eat alone in public, or in places that aren't food-designated (like restaurants), even if everyone else is eating. If push comes to shove I can handle having a coffee on the tube but that's really pushing it, I just don't feel comfortable at all, like everyone's watching me. If I'm eating in a restaurant I have to leave at least a quarter of my plate and order last, so I'll be the 'healthiest'.
    I drink boiling hot drinks every morning to scald my tastebuds so I food doesn't taste as good.
    I have to sabotage leftovers so I can't possibly overeat.
    I smoke the second a meal's over so I won't want anything else to eat.
    If I'm feeling faint in the day (I get low blood sugar attacks) I'll chew gum or have a coffee rather than eat outside of set mealtimes.
    I can't handle not having the lowest-calorie option, no matter where I am/what it is.

    So now I look like a crazy person who no longer *looks* anorexic. Stupid brain.
    Does anyone else have this?
    #48

    (Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete)
    Has anyone in recovery noticed how much their ED (anorexia, for me) habits have stuck with them? I'm eating normally (or more normally than I have in years) but there are these stupid habits that I just can't stop. (I'ma spoiler the actual habits as they are rather trigger-y)
    Spoiler:
    Show
    Like if I'm eating at home (which is most of the time) I have to use a side-plate and a dessert fork/teaspoon, I just feel awful with a big dinner plate of food and normal cutlery, like I can't control what I'm eating with them.
    I also can't eat alone in public, or in places that aren't food-designated (like restaurants), even if everyone else is eating. If push comes to shove I can handle having a coffee on the tube but that's really pushing it, I just don't feel comfortable at all, like everyone's watching me. If I'm eating in a restaurant I have to leave at least a quarter of my plate and order last, so I'll be the 'healthiest'.
    I drink boiling hot drinks every morning to scald my tastebuds so I food doesn't taste as good.
    I have to sabotage leftovers so I can't possibly overeat.
    I smoke the second a meal's over so I won't want anything else to eat.
    If I'm feeling faint in the day (I get low blood sugar attacks) I'll chew gum or have a coffee rather than eat outside of set mealtimes.
    I can't handle not having the lowest-calorie option, no matter where I am/what it is.

    So now I look like a crazy person who no longer *looks* anorexic. Stupid brain.
    Does anyone else have this?
    A lot of your habits are very similar to mine (mind you I have an addiction to takeaway coffee that I really need to crack!) - from a psychology student POV habits are just repeated things that give us security, so removing them can be very stressful - are you under a counselling service or therapy service at all? Some of them I honestly don't think would take a lot of work to crack* (like the smoking one) but others would be better to tackle with the guidance of a professional. :hugs:

    *Sorry, that's not meant to be patronising
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    (Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete)
    Has anyone in recovery noticed how much their ED (anorexia, for me) habits have stuck with them? I'm eating normally (or more normally than I have in years) but there are these stupid habits that I just can't stop. (I'ma spoiler the actual habits as they are rather trigger-y)
    Spoiler:
    Show
    Like if I'm eating at home (which is most of the time) I have to use a side-plate and a dessert fork/teaspoon, I just feel awful with a big dinner plate of food and normal cutlery, like I can't control what I'm eating with them.
    I also can't eat alone in public, or in places that aren't food-designated (like restaurants), even if everyone else is eating. If push comes to shove I can handle having a coffee on the tube but that's really pushing it, I just don't feel comfortable at all, like everyone's watching me. If I'm eating in a restaurant I have to leave at least a quarter of my plate and order last, so I'll be the 'healthiest'.
    I drink boiling hot drinks every morning to scald my tastebuds so I food doesn't taste as good.
    I have to sabotage leftovers so I can't possibly overeat.
    I smoke the second a meal's over so I won't want anything else to eat.
    If I'm feeling faint in the day (I get low blood sugar attacks) I'll chew gum or have a coffee rather than eat outside of set mealtimes.
    I can't handle not having the lowest-calorie option, no matter where I am/what it is.

    So now I look like a crazy person who no longer *looks* anorexic. Stupid brain.
    Does anyone else have this?
    I still tear things to pieces before I eat them if its possible, so sandwiches etc.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    A lot of your habits are very similar to mine (mind you I have an addiction to takeaway coffee that I really need to crack!) - from a psychology student POV habits are just repeated things that give us security, so removing them can be very stressful - are you under a counselling service or therapy service at all? Some of them I honestly don't think would take a lot of work to crack* (like the smoking one) but others would be better to tackle with the guidance of a professional. :hugs:

    *Sorry, that's not meant to be patronising
    I'm not under a counselling service at the moment (I found it really unhelpful and stopped attending forced therapy sessions when I realised that they wouldn't section me if I didn't stop going), I really just want to get my head around stopping BEING a former-anorexic with all of the baggage it comes with. I just want to be normal and not be the person with obvious food issues.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)


    I'd love to open up the floor now to all and any input here into this very diverse topic, to hear perhaps your own stories or any input or advice you can give myself, my peers and anyone else potentially developing one of these insidious conditions.

    All my love to everyone and the absolute best of luck in your own daily battles, regardless of what they may be!
    Hi, i love reading other people's stories because it makes you realise that you're not alone in what you've been through and that there are other people out there that really understand.

    When i finished my GCSE's in 2010, i decided to go to a different school to do my a levels, i went from an all girls school where i was bullied about my weight to a mixed sixth form college. I decided to lose weight so that no one there would call me fat. I lost around half a stone on that diet and it was normal. Then something snapped in me, i think it was due to problems i was having with my boyfriend at the time. He used to tell me that i was ugly because i was losing weight (but i looked great at that time, i was a healthy weight and looked nice now i look back on it). Then my boyfriend broke up with me and i wanted to show him that i could look great and be really skinny at the same time.

    Also, around this time, someone had called me fat in a message on Tumblr, and i decided that i wanted to be so thin that no one could ever call me fat. So i dieted. I went from a normal diet to eating around 500 calories a day. I never made myself sick because i couldn't no matter how hard i tried. Which made me feel like even more of a failure. I lost 3 and a half stone from January-June, and ended up with a BMI of 14.5, no periods, hair falling out, clothes hanging off of me, everyone staring and whispering about me, insomnia, paranoia ect.

    Then on Holiday my mum noticed that i looked like a walking skeleton, and she made me go to the doctors. But by this time i actually wanted help. But i didn't feel like i was thin enough to have an eating disorder. But my life by this point was totally ruined, i had with drawn from all of my friends, stopped going out, stopped going to college even though i was a really good student, and just locked myself in my head. Because i liked it. My eating disorder was my friend, and i felt like i didnt need anyone else.

    But i got help, and i'm now at a healthy weight and i feel great. There are the days that are hard and where i just want to cry because i haven't got my best friend anymore, and i feel like i look huge. But my life is so much better. I have amazing friends, i'm doing well at college, i have a boyfriend who treats me well.

    Recovering isn't easy though, the amount of consultants i told where to shove it, the amount of times i lost loads more weight to prove that i just could. But i wouldn't change any of it, because i feel as if it has made me a much better person, i understand how people work a lot more now, and i've also met some inspiring people like my dietician who i couldn't have done any of this without.

    There is a life after an eating disorder, it just take a little while for you to actually realise. There's bad days, and there's good days, but at least you can feel the emotions of a normal human being again, you're no longer a robot.
    You're not just surviving, you're living life
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    (Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete)
    Has anyone in recovery noticed how much their ED (anorexia, for me) habits have stuck with them? I'm eating normally (or more normally than I have in years) but there are these stupid habits that I just can't stop. (I'ma spoiler the actual habits as they are rather trigger-y)
    Spoiler:
    Show
    Like if I'm eating at home (which is most of the time) I have to use a side-plate and a dessert fork/teaspoon, I just feel awful with a big dinner plate of food and normal cutlery, like I can't control what I'm eating with them.
    I also can't eat alone in public, or in places that aren't food-designated (like restaurants), even if everyone else is eating. If push comes to shove I can handle having a coffee on the tube but that's really pushing it, I just don't feel comfortable at all, like everyone's watching me. If I'm eating in a restaurant I have to leave at least a quarter of my plate and order last, so I'll be the 'healthiest'.
    I drink boiling hot drinks every morning to scald my tastebuds so I food doesn't taste as good.
    I have to sabotage leftovers so I can't possibly overeat.
    I smoke the second a meal's over so I won't want anything else to eat.
    If I'm feeling faint in the day (I get low blood sugar attacks) I'll chew gum or have a coffee rather than eat outside of set mealtimes.
    I can't handle not having the lowest-calorie option, no matter where I am/what it is.

    So now I look like a crazy person who no longer *looks* anorexic. Stupid brain.
    Does anyone else have this?
    I don't mean to sound horrible but are you sure that you've fully recovered? Although you may be physically recovered, psychologically it sounds like you still have a few problems because you're really not comfortable around food and being recovered kind of means not having those habits. x
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    I don't mean to sound horrible but are you sure that you've fully recovered? Although you may be physically recovered, psychologically it sounds like you still have a few problems because you're really not comfortable around food and being recovered kind of means not having those habits. x
    Sorry, I tend to refer to myself as 'recovered' on here because I'm at a healthy weight/no longer starving myself. Which, of course, means that I don't feel comfortable talking about my ED in real life as I no longer look anorexic at all.
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    (Original post by misslaura_bee)
    Hey,

    I was diagnosed with anorexia back in January, these past few months have been SO hard. Recovery is such a long and difficult process and I have only managed to put a pound and a half on in 4 months. I constantly keep telling myself that I am fat and I hate the fact I feel so guilty about food. How is everyone finding recovery? such a horrible process
    I feel pretty much the same as you >.< But I am forcing myself to eat an I'm still losing weight! HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE

    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    I still tear things to pieces before I eat them if its possible, so sandwiches etc.
    :five:
    Tiny tiny pieces always :yep:

    (Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete)
    Has anyone in recovery noticed how much their ED (anorexia, for me) habits have stuck with them? I'm eating normally (or more normally than I have in years) but there are these stupid habits that I just can't stop. (I'ma spoiler the actual habits as they are rather trigger-y)
    Spoiler:
    Show
    Like if I'm eating at home (which is most of the time) I have to use a side-plate and a dessert fork/teaspoon, I just feel awful with a big dinner plate of food and normal cutlery, like I can't control what I'm eating with them.
    I also can't eat alone in public, or in places that aren't food-designated (like restaurants), even if everyone else is eating. If push comes to shove I can handle having a coffee on the tube but that's really pushing it, I just don't feel comfortable at all, like everyone's watching me. If I'm eating in a restaurant I have to leave at least a quarter of my plate and order last, so I'll be the 'healthiest'.
    I drink boiling hot drinks every morning to scald my tastebuds so I food doesn't taste as good.
    I have to sabotage leftovers so I can't possibly overeat.
    I smoke the second a meal's over so I won't want anything else to eat.
    If I'm feeling faint in the day (I get low blood sugar attacks) I'll chew gum or have a coffee rather than eat outside of set mealtimes.
    I can't handle not having the lowest-calorie option, no matter where I am/what it is.

    So now I look like a crazy person who no longer *looks* anorexic. Stupid brain.
    Does anyone else have this?
    I do all of that except smoke and drink hot stuff :zomg:
    I know my worst habit that I should give up is logging calories on myfitnesspal, but I keep telling myself it's so that I know I'm eating a healthy amount.... :nothing:
    Spoiler:
    Show
    It's not even a healthy amount apparently. Stupid app thinking everything has less calories in than it must do really.

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