[TotoMimo]

You asked for it! Chubby cheeked, tummytastic tommy pix hearz!

http://i1125.photobucket.com/albums/...orary-2390.jpg

As you can see, my arms etc are still skinny winny but my face and torso and smushywushy. But as i keep being told, this will all change with time!

[.snowflake.]

(Original post by TotoMimo)
You asked for it! Chubby cheeked, tummytastic tommy pix hearz!

http://i1125.photobucket.com/albums/...orary-2390.jpg

As you can see, my arms etc are still skinny winny but my face and torso and smushywushy. But as i keep being told, this will all change with time!

You look so much happier.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by TotoMimo)
You asked for it! Chubby cheeked, tummytastic tommy pix hearz!

http://i1125.photobucket.com/albums/...orary-2390.jpg

As you can see, my arms etc are still skinny winny but my face and torso and smushywushy. But as i keep being told, this will all change with time!

You are not chubby or smushwushy or tummytastic, you look happier and I really hope you remain on the path to recovery.

[Cinnie]

(Original post by TotoMimo)
!

Congratulations Toto! You don't look chubby in any way shape or form!! You look really slim, and could definitely put on lots more and still look fantastic.

So proud

[.snowflake.]

(Original post by Cinnie)
Congratulations Toto! You don't look chubby in any way shape or form!! You look really slim, and could definitely put on lots more and still look fantastic.

So proud

^ What she said. Cinnie speaks da truff bro. innit.

[Annie72]

Toto, you look very happy!!.Very proud of you

[Riku]

Dem kickass Toto pics.
PRSOM bro.

[jazzykinks]

Lookin' GOOOOOOOOOD! x

[TotoMimo]

Youuuu guuuuuuys.... Embaaaaaarraaaaassed....

[Etoile]

Looking good Toto, well done!





_________

Conversation earlier-
Dad: Come and watch TV with us.
Me: No, I need to revise.
Dad: All you do is revise, why don't you just stop eating as well!
Me: .....

[Anonymous]

(Original post by TotoMimo)
You asked for it! Chubby cheeked, tummytastic tommy pix hearz!

http://i1125.photobucket.com/albums/...orary-2390.jpg

As you can see, my arms etc are still skinny winny but my face and torso and smushywushy. But as i keep being told, this will all change with time!

Hot diggity damn. Fantastic work, onwards and upwards

[.snowflake.]

(Original post by Etoile)
Looking good Toto, well done!





_________

Conversation earlier-
Dad: Come and watch TV with us.
Me: No, I need to revise.
Dad: All you do is revise, why don't you just stop eating as well!
Me: .....

I can't even...

[jazzykinks]

(Original post by Etoile)
Conversation earlier-
Dad: Come and watch TV with us.
Me: No, I need to revise.
Dad: All you do is revise, why don't you just stop eating as well!
Me: .....

Your dad is an inconsiderate idiot. Sorry, but that's ridiculous. Sounds a lot like my dad when I had an ED. Best thing to do is just ignore them. I know it's hard because he's your dad, but at the end of the day he doesn't have your best interests at heart. x

[Anonymous]

(Original post by TotoMimo)
You asked for it! Chubby cheeked, tummytastic tommy pix hearz!

http://i1125.photobucket.com/albums/...orary-2390.jpg

As you can see, my arms etc are still skinny winny but my face and torso and smushywushy. But as i keep being told, this will all change with time!

You're looking great, well done

[Anonymous]

Hi
Just thought I'd share my experience. Basically, I used to be overweight, so I started seriously restricting my calories. I got to a normal weight, but of course I'm sure you know of binges that follow starvation. I wanted to get thinner and thinner, but I was stuck in a cycle of starve-binge-repeat. A couple of times I would 'start eating' again, but they would turn into week long binges, and I wouldn't cope so I'd go back to starving. It got worse and worse, then I started making myself sick after binges. I never got underweight, but I was at a pretty bad place. I was going like two weeks without eating solids, and I had to remind myself to breathe a couple of times when walking up the stairs. Then, one morning, (I know this sounds really cheesy) I sort of realised that I didn't want to do it any more. I'm still finding it really hard, and I can't trust myself with food. Like, I'll buy some cereal bars to have for a snack at break time, but end up eating the whole box. No-one knows about my habits, and I don't want them to. I'm still quite strict with food, and mostly eat child size portions. I still want to be thinner and thinner and still feel my body in the same way (like check thighs, sideways in the mirror, blah blah). I've stopped weighing myself (mostly). My school isn't helpful. It's all girls, and a lot of them are thin and eating disordered/self harmers (which I struggle with as well). I feel normal now, but I don't go a day without thinking about what I COULD have looked like right now. At first it was REALLY hard. I couldn't bring myself to leave the house because I thought I looked so fat. I'm losing weight again, but half healthily. But at the same time I don't want to be healthy. My face is so puffy, and I had to go up a dress size, but it's sort of getting easier. I'm so confused.
Wow, I don't even care if someone reads this or not, but that felt so good.

[Anonymous]

Subway makes the pain go away, right?

[Riku]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Subway makes the pain go away, right?

Sadly, food doesn't in itself make pain go away. But nor does it need to tear open wounds.
You are so much more powerful and beautiful and worthy than to have a frickin' sandwich dictate the course of your life and how you feel. You have every right to say yes OR no to that at any given moment, and it bears no mark on you as a person which you choose.
Deep breaths. Calm. Do you know anything which particularly helps you to relax when you get stressed and your emotions grow intense?
x

[misslaura_bee]

Hey,

I was diagnosed with anorexia back in January, these past few months have been SO hard. Recovery is such a long and difficult process and I have only managed to put a pound and a half on in 4 months. I constantly keep telling myself that I am fat and I hate the fact I feel so guilty about food. How is everyone finding recovery? such a horrible process

[Riku]

Well I know this isn't really the amount of a binge, not hugely unhealthy given I'm still eating 3 solid meals/fruit and milk as snacks, and I've been doing well with behaviours all week, but it was under the same mentality and I don't want to fall down the slippery slope again. It's too easy. It's also too easy to think the solution to binging is restricting, first step dieting.

Spoiler:

Show

Meatball Marinara (lunch, basically gobbled on the move, underestimated distance so running late for work panicking and felt sick; didn't go straight into comfort-eating after though throughout shift though which is great!)
Choc Fudge Brownie McFlurry (walking around town after, saw all these happy couples, started feeling really bitter and reminded of that girl who rejected me when i was 10 because I was chubby...then just went mad for sweets.
Although I would have had this as another planned treat next week otherwise. As it turned out they were virtually out of brownies, and as I was stressing out I didn't enjoy it anyway, so I'll maybe have to try it again next week instead which just makes things worse :facepalm
Nestle Caramal (hitting all-or-nothing, wanted the Kit Kat PB which would have been yet ANOTHER treat for some other day, couldn't find it, got this instead having never had it before. And it was quite nice, actually, lol. Kinda to redress the balance so I don't start associating treats with punishment or bad luck-although it does mean I've just eaten a load of crap today for not much reason, which in itself is practically a punishment anyway)

It's annoying because even though I've got myself to a point where I can often really enjoy meals again (hence the accepted weight gain, which reaaally is helped psychologically by the exercise), I can only do that with snacks and "junk" food on the odd occasion, usually with company or as dessert at family gatherings. The rest of the time, alone, I just start getting the guilty thoughts and feel like it's some sign of, not necessarily being a bad person, but weakness...which is when the binge button's pressed, and I forget strength of character isn't shown by how long you can stay away from chocolate but by how you deal with the world's challenges.
But as something bad seems to happen every time, I'm starting to feel I'm just gonna get punished and have a crappy day for ever eating anything I don't need to...

It all begs the question-how does everyone deal with eating under stressful, borderline disordered circumstances that were necessary, and not turn them into a behaviour? I mean eating at all is hard enough for us, so how do we deal with it when there's even a deadline imposed on how long we can eat? No matter what my dad says, I just can't yet eat on the go like him or my mates. It's really not that simple.

Got to say I'm amazed at how hypocritical and double-standardised EDs can make you, especially regarding things like what's OK for "them" isn't OK for you, when it blatantly is. GRrrr

[LaBelleEtLeBete]

Has anyone in recovery noticed how much their ED (anorexia, for me) habits have stuck with them? I'm eating normally (or more normally than I have in years) but there are these stupid habits that I just can't stop. (I'ma spoiler the actual habits as they are rather trigger-y)

Spoiler:

Show

Like if I'm eating at home (which is most of the time) I have to use a side-plate and a dessert fork/teaspoon, I just feel awful with a big dinner plate of food and normal cutlery, like I can't control what I'm eating with them.
I also can't eat alone in public, or in places that aren't food-designated (like restaurants), even if everyone else is eating. If push comes to shove I can handle having a coffee on the tube but that's really pushing it, I just don't feel comfortable at all, like everyone's watching me. If I'm eating in a restaurant I have to leave at least a quarter of my plate and order last, so I'll be the 'healthiest'.
I drink boiling hot drinks every morning to scald my tastebuds so I food doesn't taste as good.
I have to sabotage leftovers so I can't possibly overeat.
I smoke the second a meal's over so I won't want anything else to eat.
If I'm feeling faint in the day (I get low blood sugar attacks) I'll chew gum or have a coffee rather than eat outside of set mealtimes.
I can't handle not having the lowest-calorie option, no matter where I am/what it is.

So now I look like a crazy person who no longer *looks* anorexic. Stupid brain.
Does anyone else have this?