This time it's because Mum's just been to a support group for loved ones of ED sufferers (even though I shouldn't know that...she hadn't said anything but I found the agenda on the table). One of them's on compulsive exercise. With me saying 'planning on going to the gym today, Mum' so much (because I'm out of a routine!), she probably now thinks I'm a compulsive exerciser too.
How do I explain to her that yeah I was, but now I'm not
a) I am frankly not high-risk: stable weight, no restriction (yes I eat a little less than I did and are less relaxed, but the incessant worry about food's mainly an anxiety thing), yes I 'binge' (stress-eat, so again anxiety) but I don't purge. Reducing anxiety will reduce behaviours, I've seen it for myself time and again!
b) Surely the fact I've brought my confidence back to exercise is a good thing
given we spent loads on seeing a cardiologist to convince me I was fine to do it at my worst, why then tell me I have to stop it? Her opinion on the matter changes all the time
b) I've had a nurse vouch I'm not compulsively exercising because I'm not in there every day, same with the coach/PT in my local gym. Sure I 'earn' meals in the sense I feel better eating after a workout, but that doesn't mean I don't eat unless I've exercised! (Most health-conscious people think this way; not saying it's a great thing to have.)
c) I'm going more for improving physical fitness than to burn cals (of course I'm aware of the calories), don't really want to lose weight unless I'm having a particularly bad day
triggery semi-ED perfectionism thing
and tbh I'm not at the level where I could run for hours anyway ¬ ¬, I'm running at something like a 600kcal/hr speed but that's only for half an hour and doing weights before that, so couldn't go on a cut if I tried
d) I'm also going because I need to be fit for drumming and singing, and I love them too much to give up. (Having a go at Kiss from a Rose earlier
e) Really I need
to xercise even more than the average person because of anxiety-can't think straight without it, leads me to binge from stress-and it's the single best thing for relieving tension. In moderation. Which I do. fofhhdfbhd