[jazzykinks]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Does anyone know of the early signs of an eating disorder? I personally don't think I have one and feel stupid for even thinking I do but, I've been getting a lot of comments, digs etc at my weight. I started a log, noting down everything I was eating/drinking to try and get a rough idea on how many calories I was taking daily and I guess I was pretty shocked, never mind the recommended daily intake, I rarely get to 500 a day and I seem to got myself into a routine of eating, or not eating rather unless I do something that allows me to. For example, I hoovered and tidied for an hour and then allowed myself lunch, which usually consists of salad and carbs. Never eat red meat but occasionally treat myself to chicken/pork.

I've been underweight since forever. I'm almost 20, 5ft 2 and weigh 6stone2. I know that whenever I go to the doctors he makes a comment about it but he's never took it further so I guess that's why I've not bothered before about it.

Should probably add I've suffered with chronic depression since around the age of 13, never been on any medication however. And suffer with anaemia, of which recently I've run out of iron tablets for.

Any help/advice would be great. Thanks x

Hiya

You do sound like you have disordered eating. There's the whole 'earning' a meal thing, which is always quite a big sign and also 'treating' yourself to chicken and pork, when actually you need lean protein. Less than 500 calories is extremely dangerous. If you can remember, what were your eating habits like before you got depression? And did they change after? Depression can cause an ED; it caused mine. x

[jazzykinks]

(Original post by Riku)
x

That was really interesting! My dad was definitely a rhino and my mumma was a kangaroo but not as suffocating. Once I wanted to recover she really did let me go and help me by giving me independence, although she was always apprehensive at first.

In regards to the exercising and your mumma, I don't think she'll think you're over-exercising, especially if the people at your gym can back you up on this. At the end of the day, they wouldn't let you because if you did and something happened on the premises, they would be liable, so it's in their best interest to be honest about your exercise regime. I think it's a common worry for mums. I've been recovered for 2 years now and whenever I say 'I'm going to the gym', my mum still freaks out! I think it's just natural for mothers. After all, they don't want us doing any more damage to ourselves or relapsing or something. Just reassure her if anything comes up/if she talks to you about it. x

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Riku)
You're welcome here anytime, Collateral and Anons, we're an open house

Ugh. Bad semi-OCD thoughts hitting again. Need help convincing my mother, please.

Spoiler:

Show

This time it's because Mum's just been to a support group for loved ones of ED sufferers (even though I shouldn't know that...she hadn't said anything but I found the agenda on the table). One of them's on compulsive exercise. With me saying 'planning on going to the gym today, Mum' so much (because I'm out of a routine!), she probably now thinks I'm a compulsive exerciser too.
How do I explain to her that yeah I was, but now I'm not because:
a) I am frankly not high-risk: stable weight, no restriction (yes I eat a little less than I did and are less relaxed, but the incessant worry about food's mainly an anxiety thing), yes I 'binge' (stress-eat, so again anxiety) but I don't purge. Reducing anxiety will reduce behaviours, I've seen it for myself time and again!
b) Surely the fact I've brought my confidence back to exercise is a good thing given we spent loads on seeing a cardiologist to convince me I was fine to do it at my worst, why then tell me I have to stop it? Her opinion on the matter changes all the time
b) I've had a nurse vouch I'm not compulsively exercising because I'm not in there every day, same with the coach/PT in my local gym. Sure I 'earn' meals in the sense I feel better eating after a workout, but that doesn't mean I don't eat unless I've exercised! (Most health-conscious people think this way; not saying it's a great thing to have.)
c) I'm going more for improving physical fitness than to burn cals (of course I'm aware of the calories), don't really want to lose weight unless I'm having a particularly bad day
triggery semi-ED perfectionism thing

Spoiler:

Show

and tbh I'm not at the level where I could run for hours anyway ¬ ¬, I'm running at something like a 600kcal/hr speed but that's only for half an hour and doing weights before that, so couldn't go on a cut if I tried

d) I'm also going because I need to be fit for drumming and singing, and I love them too much to give up. (Having a go at Kiss from a Rose earlier )
e) Really I need to xercise even more than the average person because of anxiety-can't think straight without it, leads me to binge from stress-and it's the single best thing for relieving tension. In moderation. Which I do. fofhhdfbhd

I would've thought they're all solid reasons to let me exercise! Thoughts, and if good, how do I get this across to her?
As has been said by us all before, I am sick and tired of being defined by my illness!

______________
Geeky psychology moment, mods remove this if a problem to post I thought it could help people understand:

Spoiler:

Show

Good stuff in the handout though! It's interesting learning how the parental/support approach can aid or hinder one's recovery. Some of the common, less successful approaches are:
-The Kangaroo: Common with mothers. Incredibly supportive and caring to the point of being overprotective, not giving the sufferer a chance to learn how to cope independently. ED remains a coping mechanism and flourishes.
-The Rhino: More dads fall into this category than mothers. They try to rationalise the ED and lead the sufferer to recovery through logic, but since the mentality of an ED's inherently illogical this is futile. AKA the ignorant 'why don't you just eat more' approach. Sufferer feels even more alienated, retreats into comfort of ED.
-The Ostrich: So called because of feeling so uncomfortable with the situation that they're essentially in denial. No confrontation of behaviours and antisocial impact of these, can lead to covering them up too e.g. cleaning up after a binge/purge or binning an uneaten plate. Sufferer can deduce that ED can continue if behaviours are engaged in secrecy, doesn't learn they must take responsibility for their own actions-flourishes.
-The Jellyfish: Quite a tricky one. Like the Kangaroo, very caring but becomes so terrified of the condition's potentially fatal consequences that the situation's catastrophised. This leads to martyrdom and negative attention to the illness, paradoxically and probably though not always unintentionally idealising the ED. Sufferer takes the implication that ED is, in fact, a good thing (no!)-flourishes.

Just some things to beware of. I fear Mum's being being a bit of a Kangaroo sometimes :/

I think all mums are kangaroos at heart!

With regards to the spoiler - be open and honest with her and promise that you'll tell her when you're exercising and listen if she thinks it's too much and tells you so?

[Awesome_Possum]

Does anyone know if this kind of behavior is normal? I'm recovering from Anorexia and things were going really well and I'm only 6kg away from a 'healthy' weight but recently (past few weeks really) my eating has been really bizarre. I mean, yesterday I ate no more than 1300 calories but the day before ate a normal 2000 calorie diet but today I was ok until tea when I just couldn't stop eating! I literally lost count of how much I ate! But it was definitely more than 3000 calories These unstoppable binges keep happening and I always feel awful afterwards but I feel like I can't control myself! Then I try and compensate for all the crazy, unhealthy eating the day later and end up UNDEREATING. This can't be good for me is there any way to just stick to the normal 2000 calories?

[Anonymous]

(Original post by jazzykinks)
Hiya

You do sound like you have disordered eating. There's the whole 'earning' a meal thing, which is always quite a big sign and also 'treating' yourself to chicken and pork, when actually you need lean protein. Less than 500 calories is extremely dangerous. If you can remember, what were your eating habits like before you got depression? And did they change after? Depression can cause an ED; it caused mine. x

Thanks for replying.
I'm not sure, I just thought I was being strict with what I was eating. I'm scared to death of putting weight on and the thing is I know I NEED to. It sucks. I hate showing my stomach or legs because to me they are big but I know they're not... It's really confusing and hard to explain. Everyone says seeing ribs is unattractive and I agree it is... But for some reason I'm not happy with my weight unless I can see my ribs.

My eating has actually improved since moving away from my parents, because I monitor it. At the beginning of my depression I'd eat a sandwich a day and then have a binge eating day at the end of the week, but because I was so depressed for prolonged periods of times I was hardly ever hungry away.

I honestly think I'm making something out of nothing here, I know it all seems bad written down and actually makes me feel a bit ill reading it back, but I don't know.

Ugh. Anyway, thanks again x

[CollateralElement]

(Original post by Riku)
You're welcome here anytime, Collateral and Anons, we're an open house

Ugh. Bad semi-OCD thoughts hitting again. Need help convincing my mother, please.

Spoiler:

Show

This time it's because Mum's just been to a support group for loved ones of ED sufferers (even though I shouldn't know that...she hadn't said anything but I found the agenda on the table). One of them's on compulsive exercise. With me saying 'planning on going to the gym today, Mum' so much (because I'm out of a routine!), she probably now thinks I'm a compulsive exerciser too.
How do I explain to her that yeah I was, but now I'm not because:
a) I am frankly not high-risk: stable weight, no restriction (yes I eat a little less than I did and are less relaxed, but the incessant worry about food's mainly an anxiety thing), yes I 'binge' (stress-eat, so again anxiety) but I don't purge. Reducing anxiety will reduce behaviours, I've seen it for myself time and again!
b) Surely the fact I've brought my confidence back to exercise is a good thing given we spent loads on seeing a cardiologist to convince me I was fine to do it at my worst, why then tell me I have to stop it? Her opinion on the matter changes all the time
b) I've had a nurse vouch I'm not compulsively exercising because I'm not in there every day, same with the coach/PT in my local gym. Sure I 'earn' meals in the sense I feel better eating after a workout, but that doesn't mean I don't eat unless I've exercised! (Most health-conscious people think this way; not saying it's a great thing to have.)
c) I'm going more for improving physical fitness than to burn cals (of course I'm aware of the calories), don't really want to lose weight unless I'm having a particularly bad day
triggery semi-ED perfectionism thing

Spoiler:

Show

and tbh I'm not at the level where I could run for hours anyway ¬ ¬, I'm running at something like a 600kcal/hr speed but that's only for half an hour and doing weights before that, so couldn't go on a cut if I tried

d) I'm also going because I need to be fit for drumming and singing, and I love them too much to give up. (Having a go at Kiss from a Rose earlier )
e) Really I need to xercise even more than the average person because of anxiety-can't think straight without it, leads me to binge from stress-and it's the single best thing for relieving tension. In moderation. Which I do. fofhhdfbhd

I would've thought they're all solid reasons to let me exercise! Thoughts, and if good, how do I get this across to her?
As has been said by us all before, I am sick and tired of being defined by my illness!

______________
Geeky psychology moment, mods remove this if a problem to post I thought it could help people understand:

Spoiler:

Show

Good stuff in the handout though! It's interesting learning how the parental/support approach can aid or hinder one's recovery. Some of the common, less successful approaches are:
-The Kangaroo: Common with mothers. Incredibly supportive and caring to the point of being overprotective, not giving the sufferer a chance to learn how to cope independently. ED remains a coping mechanism and flourishes.
-The Rhino: More dads fall into this category than mothers. They try to rationalise the ED and lead the sufferer to recovery through logic, but since the mentality of an ED's inherently illogical this is futile. AKA the ignorant 'why don't you just eat more' approach. Sufferer feels even more alienated, retreats into comfort of ED.
-The Ostrich: So called because of feeling so uncomfortable with the situation that they're essentially in denial. No confrontation of behaviours and antisocial impact of these, can lead to covering them up too e.g. cleaning up after a binge/purge or binning an uneaten plate. Sufferer can deduce that ED can continue if behaviours are engaged in secrecy, doesn't learn they must take responsibility for their own actions-flourishes.
-The Jellyfish: Quite a tricky one. Like the Kangaroo, very caring but becomes so terrified of the condition's potentially fatal consequences that the situation's catastrophised. This leads to martyrdom and negative attention to the illness, paradoxically and probably though not always unintentionally idealising the ED. Sufferer takes the implication that ED is, in fact, a good thing (no!)-flourishes.

Just some things to beware of. I fear Mum's being being a bit of a Kangaroo sometimes :/

Don't. It sounds like your mum's a little tired of hearing things from you or having to deduce you. "Been there, seen that" mind and though she's a kangaroo at heart, they often believe they're the ones who know the very best and since they'd seen you grow up, they think they know the very words that float through you mind every single moment of the day.

So, don't take it badly, though. This may be the defensive personality bit that's popped up from the sense of trust that she feels has been violated (between you two).

Write her a letter. Be calm. Reasonable. Collected. Don't grab the first bright red marker and scrawl huge "I'M NOT OCD ED ANYMORE MOM!" across the page - that was the first thing I thought of anyway.

Just write to her like you're living in spain, on a beach somewhere near a few good looking surfers frolicking across the waters and whipping their long bleach blonde curls around.

Speak to her like you're her friend and a daughter. That you understand the consequences of the ED in you. That you're so close to annihilating it out of your system... but you need her to hold your hand for now. You need her to stop talking to others, to stop listening to others but just listen to you - her daughter - just this once.

Tell her she's a kangaroo. But you love her the most. Tell her why you love her. Tell her all the things that she's done for you to help you and thank her.
...

Just open out your heart and tell her everything and don't end with something blunt.

Be yourself You're smart. You'll think of something.

I hope this helps?

[Cinnie]

Trying to be strong for my family, but at this point in my recovery I am slowly getting sapped of my strength because I have no support systems in place (my fault) and don't feel like i'm able to have a bad day. So it's fake, and feels too extreme. I know i'm doing really really well, but it would be nice for someone to acknowledge it once in a while. Maybe it's attention seeking, maybe I just want my mum to hug me when i'm struggling and give me some advice.

Everyone in my family is going through complete turmoil, every single one is battling something MASSIVE, whether it be cancer, depression, being on the edge of a breakdown. She has told me that this is the first time in her life where if one more thing goes wrong, she doesn't know what she will do.

I'm using all my strength to battle all these things that tell me to go back to restriction and need more strength to help my family too.

[x-Disenchanted-x]

(Original post by Cinnie)
Trying to be strong for my family, but at this point in my recovery I am slowly getting sapped of my strength because I have no support systems in place (my fault) and don't feel like i'm able to have a bad day. So it's fake, and feels too extreme. I know i'm doing really really well, but it would be nice for someone to acknowledge it once in a while. Maybe it's attention seeking, maybe I just want my mum to hug me when i'm struggling and give me some advice.

Everyone in my family is going through complete turmoil, every single one is battling something MASSIVE, whether it be cancer, depression, being on the edge of a breakdown. She has told me that this is the first time in her life where if one more thing goes wrong, she doesn't know what she will do.

I'm using all my strength to battle all these things that tell me to go back to restriction and need more strength to help my family too.

Aww sounds like you're having such a hard time
Keep your friends close and try to look after yourself, I know it must be so hard at the moment though. Well done on doing well so far, you must be such a strong person to still be doing well despite all that's going on around you.
Keep going, you can do this, you really can.

[jazzykinks]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for replying.
I'm not sure, I just thought I was being strict with what I was eating. I'm scared to death of putting weight on and the thing is I know I NEED to. It sucks. I hate showing my stomach or legs because to me they are big but I know they're not... It's really confusing and hard to explain. Everyone says seeing ribs is unattractive and I agree it is... But for some reason I'm not happy with my weight unless I can see my ribs.

My eating has actually improved since moving away from my parents, because I monitor it. At the beginning of my depression I'd eat a sandwich a day and then have a binge eating day at the end of the week, but because I was so depressed for prolonged periods of times I was hardly ever hungry away.

I honestly think I'm making something out of nothing here, I know it all seems bad written down and actually makes me feel a bit ill reading it back, but I don't know.

Ugh. Anyway, thanks again x

Okay, these are definite signs. You know that what you're thinking is wrong but you can't help but feel fat or see fat when actually you're underweight. Seeing one's ribs is not healthy! I don't think your eating has improved; both of your accounts seem to be quite worrying and you seem to use food as a coping mechanism, which is understandable. I really think you have a problem, but I can't diagnose. If you're worried, tell someone who can help you, like a doctor or even a friend. What you've written is quite worrying. x

[CollateralElement]

Hey, I just realised. I'm feeling a little triggered by this thread. Anyone else feeling it too? :/

[TotoMimo]

Collateral, stay off this page until the feeling subsides. I created the thread to benefit sufferers, not harm them, so until your negative thoughts dissolve take a wee break. This said of course, I think you have posted about 30 times in less than a day, so I think you have perhaps been a bit obsessive about it!

My suggestion is just to simply try to spend more time doing something ENTIRELY unrelated to the ED or forum. Use this as a tool to bolster when you feel down, not a crutch.
As I was told, anorexia and EDs are psychological disorders and as such the cure is only you; with physical diseases you can be given the vehicles, the medicines, to ridyourself of it, but with mental issues you can only be pointed towards a road to travel down of your own accordance.

[Anonymous]

Stress about exam on ED

Spoiler:

Show

Okay i'm back again and feeling a bit silly for being so. I'm recovered from anorexia but every so often things hit me and I seem to migrate back to this thread for comfort... so thanks for putting up with it? I know this thread may not be the place for me now hence 'recovered' so delete my post if needs be..

Bascially, I have an exam on monday in psychology and a chunk of it is on eating behaviour. I can cope with everything absolutely fine, apart from the anorexia part. I seem to have put a psychological block in place, I just don't seem to be able to learn it. During class I would end up shaking when they talked about it. I never spoke up or said anything because no one knows about my past. However, know i'm worried about the exam... With this stupid block in place I don't know how i'll cope if it comes up as a 24marker.

I don't know this is just a rant really, feel free to ignore me...

And thank you to the person who helped me before when I posted in here, it was a long time ago and I haven't seen then on here since, but it really helped

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Stress about exam on ED

Spoiler:

Show

Okay i'm back again and feeling a bit silly for being so. I'm recovered from anorexia but every so often things hit me and I seem to migrate back to this thread for comfort... so thanks for putting up with it? I know this thread may not be the place for me now hence 'recovered' so delete my post if needs be..

Bascially, I have an exam on monday in psychology and a chunk of it is on eating behaviour. I can cope with everything absolutely fine, apart from the anorexia part. I seem to have put a psychological block in place, I just don't seem to be able to learn it. During class I would end up shaking when they talked about it. I never spoke up or said anything because no one knows about my past. However, know i'm worried about the exam... With this stupid block in place I don't know how i'll cope if it comes up as a 24marker.

I don't know this is just a rant really, feel free to ignore me...

And thank you to the person who helped me before when I posted in here, it was a long time ago and I haven't seen then on here since, but it really helped

Is it AS/A2 or uni level? If it's AS/A2 then chances are it either won't come up or it'll only be a small part of it that you won't lose a massive amount of marks for not mentioning/doing well. Best of luck, in our clinical module last year there was a chunk on self harm behaviours which I couldn't cope with and in the end I just didn't go to the lectures and didn't answer any of the questions on it so I didn't get worked up in the exam! It was marked on my mitigating circumstances form as to why I did so badly x

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Is it AS/A2 or uni level? If it's AS/A2 then chances are it either won't come up or it'll only be a small part of it that you won't lose a massive amount of marks for not mentioning/doing well. Best of luck, in our clinical module last year there was a chunk on self harm behaviours which I couldn't cope with and in the end I just didn't go to the lectures and didn't answer any of the questions on it so I didn't get worked up in the exam! It was marked on my mitigating circumstances form as to why I did so badly x

It's A2 level, but this could be worth 1/3 of the whole paper which is why i'm a bit worried... But thanks for your response, I guess I just need to try my best which is all I can really do. Hope your mark worked out okay too

[.snowflake.]

(Original post by Anonymous)
It's A2 level, but this could be worth 1/3 of the whole paper which is why i'm a bit worried... But thanks for your response, I guess I just need to try my best which is all I can really do. Hope your mark worked out okay too

A third of my biology unit 5 exam is on the scientific article. Said scientific article is about ED's.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by .snowflake.)
A third of my biology unit 5 exam is on the scientific article. Said scientific article is about ED's.

I really hope you do well, will be thinking of you.

All we can do is our best... Look towards the future and things we have to look forward to after these exams...
Now I just need to take my own advice!

[Riku]

(Original post by Cinnie)
Trying to be strong for my family, but at this point in my recovery I am slowly getting sapped of my strength because I have no support systems in place (my fault) and don't feel like i'm able to have a bad day. So it's fake, and feels too extreme. I know i'm doing really really well, but it would be nice for someone to acknowledge it once in a while. Maybe it's attention seeking, maybe I just want my mum to hug me when i'm struggling and give me some advice.

Everyone in my family is going through complete turmoil, every single one is battling something MASSIVE, whether it be cancer, depression, being on the edge of a breakdown. She has told me that this is the first time in her life where if one more thing goes wrong, she doesn't know what she will do.

I'm using all my strength to battle all these things that tell me to go back to restriction and need more strength to help my family too.

Of course you're allowed to have a bad day. You're allowed to have a bad week, a bad year, you're allowed to admit that even if it's partly your (the ED's) fault, you've gone through a lot of crap. It takes courage to admit that. What you're not allowed to do-for your sake and ours-is give up. You want to see this battle through to the end and reap its rewards, you can't do that if you throw in the towel halfway.
That applies to every single person on this forum and struggling with a mental illness, by the way. Strength and courage through overcoming adversity.
Cinnie, you're one strong, intelligent, and compassionate young woman. You can muster up some more through even this, the hardest of times. But don't be strong for them. Be strong for you. You can only be there for others as much as you're already there for yourself.

[Cinnie]

(Original post by Riku)

Thanks Riku that's really kind I won't be giving up, i've already tasted the benefits of discovering how to trust my body and mind about when i'm hungry and how much to eat, and am more often than not, able to forget about how many calories i have had or am allowed. Without the cloud of the restriction as a coping mechanism I guess i'm feeling real feelings, which is strange.

You don't have to prove anything to your mum. A big problem with ED's is that we create so many rules and walls because we feel like people are constantly trying to penetrate our boundaries. You will do your best, and in time your Mum will relax. All you can do is tell her you are trying. Pressure is not good xxx

[Riku]

(Original post by Cinnie)
Thanks Riku that's really kind I won't be giving up, i've already tasted the benefits of discovering how to trust my body and mind about when i'm hungry and how much to eat, and am more often than not, able to forget about how many calories i have had or am allowed. Without the cloud of the restriction as a coping mechanism I guess i'm feeling real feelings, which is strange.

You don't have to prove anything to your mum. A big problem with ED's is that we create so many rules and walls because we feel like people are constantly trying to penetrate our boundaries. You will do your best, and in time your Mum will relax. All you can do is tell her you are trying. Pressure is not good xxx

I'm glad you are, we're all in this together here!
Definitely. Didn't even realise how badly until tonight

Spoiler:

Show

when she asked if I wanted a slice of bread to mop up the gravy of my stew and I then spent an hour in the bath practically having visions of being water tortured with ice cream 0_0

I told her I felt judged and what I thought people expected of me (literally the McDonalds every day, takeaways each night, dessert with every meal thing), she said that of course that's a bit silly and she's just glad I'm eating. She's pretty sick of hearing me talk through the illness about food etc., though, rather than her son underneath, because it's both boring and heartbreaking for us both at the same. Which is understandable to feel so inclined because it's so true. Terrifying I didn't even notice until it was said to me...

I'm feeling much more re-assured now ^_^ I had to break even with her. I won't stop doing behaviours until I felt supported in normal eating-not recovery emal plan or whatever, just being like everyone else. Anyway, we need all the support we can get, especially when it's so close to home (under my roof!)
x

[Riku]

(Original post by jazzykinks)
That was really interesting! My dad was definitely a rhino and my mumma was a kangaroo but not as suffocating. Once I wanted to recover she really did let me go and help me by giving me independence, although she was always apprehensive at first.

In regards to the exercising and your mumma, I don't think she'll think you're over-exercising, especially if the people at your gym can back you up on this. At the end of the day, they wouldn't let you because if you did and something happened on the premises, they would be liable, so it's in their best interest to be honest about your exercise regime. I think it's a common worry for mums. I've been recovered for 2 years now and whenever I say 'I'm going to the gym', my mum still freaks out! I think it's just natural for mothers. After all, they don't want us doing any more damage to ourselves or relapsing or something. Just reassure her if anything comes up/if she talks to you about it. x

(Original post by Anonymous)
I think all mums are kangaroos at heart!

With regards to the spoiler - be open and honest with her and promise that you'll tell her when you're exercising and listen if she thinks it's too much and tells you so?

(Original post by CollateralElement)
Don't. It sounds like your mum's a little tired of hearing things from you or having to deduce you. "Been there, seen that" mind and though she's a kangaroo at heart, they often believe they're the ones who know the very best and since they'd seen you grow up, they think they know the very words that float through you mind every single moment of the day.

So, don't take it badly, though. This may be the defensive personality bit that's popped up from the sense of trust that she feels has been violated (between you two).

Write her a letter. Be calm. Reasonable. Collected. Don't grab the first bright red marker and scrawl huge "I'M NOT OCD ED ANYMORE MOM!" across the page - that was the first thing I thought of anyway.

Just write to her like you're living in spain, on a beach somewhere near a few good looking surfers frolicking across the waters and whipping their long bleach blonde curls around.

Speak to her like you're her friend and a daughter. That you understand the consequences of the ED in you. That you're so close to annihilating it out of your system... but you need her to hold your hand for now. You need her to stop talking to others, to stop listening to others but just listen to you - her daughter - just this once.

Tell her she's a kangaroo. But you love her the most. Tell her why you love her. Tell her all the things that she's done for you to help you and thank her.
...

Just open out your heart and tell her everything and don't end with something blunt.

Be yourself You're smart. You'll think of something.

I hope this helps?

Thanks to everyone it was a little more...subdued than a full-blown thank-you letter. Maybe I should have been a bit more open and shown how incredibly, just so grateful I am to her for everything, like I tried to with her birthday card. (Without her and Dad, I'd be in IP at least by now fo'sho'). But then, I also think she's the type of Kanga who doesn't want thinks to get all gooey and Jellyfish-like, so maybe it worked as casually as it was. We left on good terms, so it can't have been that bad x