I may have to accept that I have to be really careful in situations where my meal timings are changed because this will be a trigger. If the family is having a big meal at 3-4pm I will get anxious, but I don't see this happening in the next month so this is the perfect time for me to start.
It has gone surprisingly well! No slip ups from the plan. Had a few jelly worms my sister offered me, but when i'd had a few (and enjoyed them very much - no regrets obviously) I felt the urge to just throw everything out of the window and have a big bowl of museli. However, I looked at the clock and gave myself the 20 minute rule.. and after 20 minutes I was calm again.
Another little potential moment was when my mum cooked dinner for us and it didn't go the way I wanted it. I got really anxious and was kind of enjoying the hunger, but I ate it and pushed that silly little restriction monkey out of the way and felt good. I had reminded myself that this temporary hunger-high was not worth ruining my healthy future.
Body image issues have been bad. My sister mentioned my body dismorphia and my mum told me she doesn't believe that I really think i'm fat because 'i'm too intelligent' to think that somehow. I can accept that she will never understand how it feels. The old 'you looked too thin before and now you look healthy' came out and was like a dagger through my stomach. But instead of allowing my ED to use it against me I smiled because I thought of the other people with our disorder that have explained how much it hurts them too.
So yeah. Today in traffic light terms was a green day with a few red bullets that I managed to dodge. (if that makes sense to you I love you) haha.
I am really going to enjoy my daily treat. Everything in moderation as they say!! I guess that's very dependant on your personal situation. For me, one indulgent treat a day in the evening feels acceptable, and I can pinpoint it as a potential binge and eat it when I feel calm and in control. Today it was a banoffee cereal bad - and it was gooood