(Original post by lightacandle)
I am really struggling right now having just eaten chips and ice cream. I feel so guilty, and at the same time so angry at myself because I've just eaten 'normally' like I used to and it's so frustrating that I now feel like crying all because of chips and ice cream. I used to love chips and ice cream (not together, I hasten to add!)
So, I'm trying to distract myself by thinking of reasons why eating that meal was a good thing.
1) I am so tired and sore right now. I feel like I've run a marathon - my legs ache walking up the stairs, my arm muscles ache, my abs hurt. Gaining weight will make this go away; there is no other way.
2) Forcing myself to eat (and keep down) these 'fear foods' is a step towards normality. If I keep doing it, I'll learn to enjoy them again, and they'll just be 'normal food' not 'fear food'. No food should be feared, that's dumb.
3) It's not a good look to be able to see my ribs through my t-shirt top. It looks dreadful. Gaining weight is the only way to get rid of that awful look. And the same goes for my spine.
4) My hair is still falling out in massive clumps. It's also the most horrible texture. Gaining weight is the only way to stop this...imagine having lovely, long, glossy hair again, and being able to enjoy going to the hairdressers once more.
5) I have no boobs. I used to have great boobs! I want them back - again, they're not going to just magically appear, I need to put weight on!
6) I really want to go swimming, but when I tried going for a gentle swim a few weeks ago my arms weren't strong enough. Solution? Weight gain!
7) Laughing. Oh how I want to laugh again. I want to dance to the radio and laugh at stupid stuff and tell funny stories; the crushing depression I'm stuck with right now sucks. But I know the medicine to make it better...food. All I have to do is feed myself, and it'll get better.
Heh, turns out thinking of reasons to recover is pretty therapeutic. But I'm still finding it really hard to actually eat enough to put the weight on...I'd love to know what everyone else eats in a day, because, even with chips and ice cream, it's a struggle.