[broken_rose]

(Original post by diamonddust)
My crap knitting. I unravelled half of it because I was bored.

Spoiler:

Show

http://i772.photobucket.com/albums/y...dom/photo2.jpg

Damn girl, you need some blooming sleep! That's a lot to deal with.
Nothing good has happened to me today, unfortunately. Nothing in comparison to what you're going through, just ED poop. Um, for good things... my sister passed her theory test?

I'm liking your knitting and the colour is lush. Definatly NOT crap!
I do need sleep, but it's midnight and i'm still buzzing. My mind is running a thousand miles an hour. I just want some sleeeeepppp. Maybe i'll do some yoga to calm myself.
Sorry you're going through the ED poop. Not nice. Hope tomorrow is a better day. And I hope you can find at least 1 good thing tomorrow

[NotSoCool.Fly]

(Original post by CrunchyMcFlurry)
my eating disorder started in my 2nd year of uni. I've finished now and it's even worse now I've come home. It ruined my uni experience. I was really unhappy and became socially withdrawn from my flatmates and friends. It really affected my studies because I was so obsessed with food and the gym. I really wish it hadn't happened.

sorry to hear that

what do you think brought it on? anything specific or just,..

[TotoMimo]

(Original post by CrunchyMcFlurry)
my eating disorder started in my 2nd year of uni. I've finished now and it's even worse now I've come home. It ruined my uni experience. I was really unhappy and became socially withdrawn from my flatmates and friends. It really affected my studies because I was so obsessed with food and the gym. I really wish it hadn't happened.

I've come to learn that a vast majority of eating disorders that are goal-based stem from a feeling or desire to test one's self, like you're desperate to better you own self in terms of personal goals. Often, like myself, it's purely numerical. Seeing the arbitrary number go down on the scale became the sole drive in my disorder.

What is yours, my friend?

[runningonair]

i suffered from bulimia 2 years ago, it was my "little secret" that no one, not even my best friends knew about.
i think i'm relapsing again.
i'm so scared

[CrunchyMcFlurry]

I think it was a number of things that started my ED. Being away from home, weight gain in general (something I wasn't used to), disastrous relationship in first year, being lonely, losing confidence which made me even more lonelier and withdrawn, being in a different city, being away from my best friends...University wasn't the best idea for me looking back now. I spent the last 2 years wondering to myself how different and how much better my life would have been if I stayed at home. I know the grass is always greener but I know it wouldn't have started had I stayed at home. I never had problems with food before and now it pretty much rules my life.

[Annie72]

(Original post by runningonair)
i suffered from bulimia 2 years ago, it was my "little secret" that no one, not even my best friends knew about.
i think i'm relapsing again.
i'm so scared

I dont think you should go through it alone again.Is there anyone you trust that you could talk to?

[*custardcream]

Hi, just popping in, I feel like c**p but I'm plodding on as ever... Still not engaged in behaviours, been 25 days now, I'm proud of that but I still feel like s**t.

*tries to drum up positivity*
had half a portion pecan pie with creme fraiche at lunchtime, MASSIVE fear food, but it was REALLY delicious. Nicest thing I've had since I've been here.

had first full portion of a sponge pudding and icecream. huge guilt, feel c**p, but i did it.

and no hysterical FREAKING, just feeling c**p about it which is a hell of a lot easier to deal with.

and i was able to use patient support well, and staff support too

[NotSoCool.Fly]

Whenever mum cooks a dish I can't resist i.e. an indian dish I just am faced with a massive dilemma as I can't eat it but cant resist so just end up b/purging or just not properly eating it messing with it tasting it etc. gosh i just wanna stick to the foods i know! but thats boring cant live off them forever suppose.

[diamonddust]

Mood fluctuations are driving me INSANE. I was dancing around the room a few hours ago, and then I burst into tears before my dinner, my mum said something triggering (as usual), I cried and put my food down in the kitchen and then eventually went back to get it, cried all the way through and I just hate myself (even though I shouldn't). I've had such a challenging day in terms of food and I managed it but my ED is screaming at me and I'm so so tired. But must keep on. Must keep going.
Hope everyone else is ok?
to Custard.

Has anyone spoken to Squiff or heard from her? I'm a bit worried because she hasn't posted for a while.

[NotSoCool.Fly]

[Anonymous]

I don't have any food problems now. Thankfully.But I had a brief brush with eating problems. I get teary when I think back.But reading these posts it made me want to sort of vent.

It started at the end of year9 a few on my friends were doing diets and messing up!

I had just got my results for the end of KS3 tests. They were very good! But I didn't feel anything.

So i joined in with the dieting, it sounded very fun. I loved mixing and matching foods and weighing the foods , it was all so wonderful.

I didn't really care so much about the weight. But it did go down and I did like that. I think I may have initially started it to lose some weight but the food arranging was awesome. It felt so wonderfully simple. And it would never end.

I did have problems, like aches and pains, and feeling my bones poking into me when I was laying down. And it hurt to sit too.And I was cold.

I rememeber the end of year trip. I walked around while my friends had lunch, it felt nice, at the end of the day I had a really bad headache and was very hungary but I couldnt ask anyone to make anything for me because I had to weigh it. And I was too tired for calculations.

My mum got worried, kept tellingmy dad but he said I was just being healthy ( my family is mainly obese/overweight) but I lost my periods and asian parents are obsessed with girls' fertility.

Around that time , I remember the first time i got scared. I saw in the bathroom mirror, I could see my ribs, it freaked me out , but I couldnt stop.

My dad eventually forced me to go to the doc, he got really mad at me and forced me to eat. I was heartbroken. I still haven't gotten over that I think. Eventhough it was probably for the best.

All that was within about 3 months. After that I started binging and i couldnt do anything else with food. I was so angry so sad.

In the years that followed It was just a mix of mainly binging and abit of dieting ,i was strictly monitered by my parents and it killed me when they told me what to do so I just decided to eat properly so I dont have to hear it.

Alot of depression that shakes me up when I get into talking about it , I wanted to disappear alot, and tried to make me disappear too.

I'm much better now. I never thought I'd be able to eat without thinking about the calories or my weight or just thinking at all! And its possible!!!!!!

I'm on a diet now, ironicly, need to take precautions.

[diamonddust]

(Original post by NotSoCool.Fly)

Thanks. Right back atcha. Hope you managed to eat something/keep it?

[NotSoCool.Fly]

some rice and cereal not a lot the rice freaked me out tbh but it was spicy
also had 2 cups tea n 1 coffee with sugar
and bit of choclte xxxxxxxxx feeling oki a bit xxxxxxxxx

[Cinamon]

(Original post by diamonddust)
Has anyone spoken to Squiff or heard from her? I'm a bit worried because she hasn't posted for a while.

Hey hun. Sorry that you had such a bad day

Am in contact with Squiff - not sure if I could speak for her but I think she is avoiding the thread as certain posts made a her and a few people feel guilty for not being at the 'right' stage to make the positive changes. And some were made to feel guilty about possibly making others ill. It made some people A LOT worse.

I get the impression she is making some really positive changes now. She's a fighter

[Anonymous]

Yeah I haven't been on this thread for a while either as I found it was quite triggering and with it being exam season last week everything was getting a bit too much.

[TotoMimo]

Custard, I am incredibly proud of you. Food is not the enemy and I bet your tongue is doing a mega-happy-dance at the prospect of all these gorgeous new treats you've been deprived of for so long! Just think - the yummy taste of sponge pudding etc - THAT'S YOUR MEDICINE!! Think of all the poor sods that have painful, disgusting, disorientating treatments, where your medicine is experiencing the culinary delights of the world!

Diamond, I can empathise with your mood swings but I am currently on a positive, so I thought I'd post (as Cinamon says, this thread is designed to incite positivity towards eating disorders and as such it's important to take these times to give hope to others). After the constant Twocal and Fortisip guzzlage, a 2000 calorie a day meal plan, and a dose of reality in the form of that phantom heart attack, I am getting close to reaching a BMI of 16 (98lb/7stones)!

Stay positive everyone. The demon wants to use food, your anxieties and fears, use them against you and make you more ill; but think about all of us, think about all of the people who love you, who are there with you, everyone on this forum, then think about your ED over there on the other side all by itself. We are an army and that ED is dwarfed by absolutely everyone in your support network.

I am here, they are here, WE are here for whoever needs that strength.

Post more often people, I need to make sure everyone is okay.

SO MUCH LOVE. XXX

[NotSoCool.Fly]

Im having a bad day cos i just feel guilty regarding smoking and im gorging on chocolate
not gonna post anything too negative
good luck everyone all the best

[diamonddust]

(Original post by Cinamon)
Hey hun. Sorry that you had such a bad day

Am in contact with Squiff - not sure if I could speak for her but I think she is avoiding the thread as certain posts made a her and a few people feel guilty for not being at the 'right' stage to make the positive changes. And some were made to feel guilty about possibly making others ill. It made some people A LOT worse.

I get the impression she is making some really positive changes now. She's a fighter

Send her my e-love.
And to you, hope you're ok.

(Original post by NotSoCool.Fly)
Im having a bad day cos i just feel guilty regarding smoking and im gorging on chocolate
not gonna post anything too negative
good luck everyone all the best

Congratulations Toto!

I really didn't mean my post to come across as negative. I didn't think it was really, I didn't do anything 'wrong' ED wise. It was just about mood swings and how they make you feel crazy and tired even when you've done ok. I didn't think posting about mood swings would be particularly demotivating or triggering. Sorry if it was.
I'm going to be fairly busy for the next two weeks so I won't be posting much.
to you all.

[Destroyviruses]

(Original post by TotoMimo)
Custard, I am incredibly proud of you. Food is not the enemy and I bet your tongue is doing a mega-happy-dance at the prospect of all these gorgeous new treats you've been deprived of for so long! Just think - the yummy taste of sponge pudding etc - THAT'S YOUR MEDICINE!! Think of all the poor sods that have painful, disgusting, disorientating treatments, where your medicine is experiencing the culinary delights of the world!

Diamond, I can empathise with your mood swings but I am currently on a positive, so I thought I'd post (as Cinamon says, this thread is designed to incite positivity towards eating disorders and as such it's important to take these times to give hope to others). After the constant Twocal and Fortisip guzzlage, a 2000 calorie a day meal plan, and a dose of reality in the form of that phantom heart attack, I am getting close to reaching a BMI of 16 (98lb/7stones)!

Stay positive everyone. The demon wants to use food, your anxieties and fears, use them against you and make you more ill; but think about all of us, think about all of the people who love you, who are there with you, everyone on this forum, then think about your ED over there on the other side all by itself. We are an army and that ED is dwarfed by absolutely everyone in your support network.

I am here, they are here, WE are here for whoever needs that strength.

Post more often people, I need to make sure everyone is okay.

SO MUCH LOVE. XXX

May you stay this way! xx You can do it! Superman!

[Arcane Barn Elk]

Toto,

What an excellent post! You can do this and so can everyone here!