Still friends?

Ok, this is quite a long story so bear with me.

Throughout my school life i never really had many friends. I was always seen as a bit of an outsider. Especially female friends (i am male), no girl would ever give me a chance because i was judged before they even knew who i was.

Anyway the point is that when i got to 6th form (which was at the same place) i did get close to a girl in my chemistry class, her friendship did more for my confidence than anything ever. I was so happy and always felt amazing. I absolutely loved my 6th form years because i was tons more social and i think the major reason for that is that she was my close friend.

At around the same time she also started going out with one of my other friends who i had known for much longer, that made us even closer and i ended my 6th form years with a very close group of friends that i will never forget.

Unfortunately there then developed a problem, i started to have massive feelings for her. I passed it off as a crush but it got to nearly a year later and it hadn't gone away. Around easter last year i made the decision to tell her, (she had broken up with my other friend at christmas). That ended in horrible disaster and basically she ignored me for about 6 months.

Part of the reason for that (i found out later) was that she had just patched things up with her ex when i said, so he was majorly upset with me as well. I haven't spoken to him in about 8 months.

It took a long time but somewhere around october time i got over her. I went back for my second year of uni happier. We started talking again when she went to uni in october (she took a gap year), and things seemed fine.

However, about 3 weeks ago we talked about last summer frankly for the first time. We basically had a small argument, she tore a strip off me for apparently disregarding her ex and i attacked her for ignoring me for ages when we were so close at school.

We agreed to forget all about it but she hasn't spoken to me since despite my numerous attempts on msn. the one time i did get a response she added me to a conversation with all her uni friends (whom i had obviously never met before) and i just got a ton of abuse from them. :confused:

She hasn't spoken to me in about 3 weeks now and i am starting to think she never will. Is there anything i can do to salvage this friendship, or is it doomed? I am home again now and i just now i am going to hate it here all the time if we can't patch things up. Her friendship means more to me than anyone will ever know (which was what i was trying to explain earlier). I just don't understand what i have done to stop her from talking to me again

Please help me

(sorry that was so long and thank you so much if you read the whole thing :smile:

)

Reply 1

SunburnedCactus

See what happens when you bare your soul to someone.

Depressing indeed.

Reply 2

rosetinted

You did the right thing by telling her about fancying her and (sorry to be rude about your mate) she was immature and bitchy to react how she did.

I'd say the argument which happened 3 weeks ago was going to come around anyway. If it hadn't come around then it wouldn't have been healthy because she would have this resentment over you supposedly disrespecting her ex. You would have continued to feel hard done by over what happened. Unfortunately it looks like she still holds a grudge (whether it's rational or not). She has been telling her uni friends her version of what happened so obviously this matters to her quite a lot.

She does sound like a bit of a drama queen so let her have a strop and calm down. If she values your friendship as much as you do then she'll feel ready to talk again at some point. Stop trying to talk to her all the time on msn..let her talk to you when she is ready to. If she doesn't contact you after a week or two then that's pretty spiteful of her and you might want to consider whether she really is such a great person. If I had shared so much with someone and cared about them a lot then I couldn't just dump them.

Sorry if a lot of this sounds harsh but honestly I read your post and wondered why you want to stay friends with this girl at all. I'd examine exactly why you want to preserve this friendship. Is it because she was one of the first people who made you feel accepted and OK to be you, or is it because you genuinely feel is important and good for both of you?

Reply 3

rosetinted

You did the right thing by telling her about fancying her and (sorry to be rude about your mate) she was immature and bitchy to react how she did.

Well that is encouraging, thanks :smile:

. Its nice to know that i haven't done anything wrong

I'd say the argument which happened 3 weeks ago was going to come around anyway. If it hadn't come around then it wouldn't have been healthy because she would have this resentment over you supposedly disrespecting her ex. You would have continued to feel hard done by over what happened. Unfortunately it looks like she still holds a grudge (whether it's rational or not). She has been telling her uni friends her version of what happened so obviously this matters to her quite a lot.

She does sound like a bit of a drama queen so let her have a strop and calm down. If she values your friendship as much as you do then she'll feel ready to talk again at some point. Stop trying to talk to her all the time on msn..let her talk to you when she is ready to. If she doesn't contact you after a week or two then that's pretty spiteful of her and you might want to consider whether she really is such a great person. If I had shared so much with someone and cared about them a lot then I couldn't just dump them.

Yeah your right i think, i guess i should stop pestering her. I am just afraid that she won't talk to me at all but i just have to put up with that i guess.

Sorry if a lot of this sounds harsh but honestly I read your post and wondered why you want to stay friends with this girl at all. I'd examine exactly why you want to preserve this friendship. Is it because she was one of the first people who made you feel accepted and OK to be you, or is it because you genuinely feel is important and good for both of you?

Don't worry about sounding harsh. To answer your question, its both really. The fact that she was one of the first people to accept me made me realise what a wonderful person she was, she was at the school almost as long as i was i just never bothered to talk to her before 6th form thinking she would be just like all the rest. How wrong i was. Her absolute lack of immediate judgment is one of the reasons i like her so much as a friend.

Its not as if she has been like this with me all the time. The friendship has been so good for me on the whole, i still don't regret it and never will regardless of what happens.

Thank you very much for the reply.

Reply 4

Firebird

I think maybe an email would be good? She will definitely read it (even if she claims not to), she can't hang up on you, you won't get tongue tied or anything. Make sure it doesn't say anything you wouldn't like the whole world to see though, because she may well show her friends.

Good idea i might just do that.

From what I understand it sounds like you didn't talk for a whole year? Hmm. That's a long time. I think you could make better friends, but you could give it a chance. If not, it's her loss.

From April this year to about October so around 6 months.

I have made more friends, i am in my second year at uni now and i have a really close group of friends. Part of the reason for that though is my increased confidence, i don't know how i would have coped if i was still like i was when i was 16. Also its just that i have only one home friend now, which is better than nothing but just means that i hate being at home.

If not it's my loss as well sadly.

Reply 5

comadeep

hey anonymous
i just want you to know that your story is reminding me too much of a period in my life(as you might be able to tell from my topic 'being lonely and depressed),its scary how similar it is
im obviously not the right person to give you advice because of the similarity to my situation
ill just end up giving you bitter advice and telling you how people are no good
but if you want to know what i think
you seem like a good honest guy thats had bad experiences in his life
i dont like the sound of that girl you had a crush on
forget about her,its bloody hard i know
but shes no good

Reply 6

Bexxxx

I think shes probably hurt, maybe because of the little arguement? Or she knows that she can act angry with you, and youl keep running back to her for friendship (girls are devious!)

It was mean adding you to a convo on msn so that her uni friends could have a go, but look on the bright side - she must have told them all about you, then gone to them hurt when you had an arguement?

I think the best thing to do is to leave things to cool down a bit, then perhaps, like someone suggested, send her an email, or a text. Explain how you feel, and that you didnt mean for things to turn out like this, and that you do miss her. Im sure she'll feel flattered by this! Good luck :smile: