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I really like him- but then I slept with someone else, what do I do?

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    Sorry for what is going to be a wall of text- I tend to go on.
    (We are both in our early 20's btw)

    So basically I've been seeing this guy for about a 2 months- whom I really genuinely like, which doesn't happen very often for me, generally I just focus on my friends/family and work. The last time I really liked someone he was just so not into me and really led me on, so I get apprehensive, so I was suprised how quickly I actually fell for this other guy after just one date- it was actually more of like an hour of his company and I was sold.

    We get on really well- so many things I can relate to with him from family issues to world affairs- and even when we aren't talking it doesn't feel awkward, which is a huge problem I had with my ex, he make me feel uncomfortable for not saying something constantly- he made me feel uncomfortable generally in the end, is now on the 'list' of what was I thinking?

    Back to the guy at current hand. However- not everything is perfect. I was actually the one to pursue him, as he works locally and I (drunkenly) flirted with him when he was working and I was out for a mates birthday. This continued all night with just casual flirting- you have no idea how much money I spent on drinks that night just for a reason to talk to him. Anyway I ended up leaving that night to go to a club without his number or anything. Fast forward after a week of cringing at myself about my behaviour (it wasn't that bad I'm just melodramatic) a guy mate of mine dragged me back into the place and insisted I got his number. So after about 6 vodka shots I bit the bullet and it obviously worked.

    Fast forward another week and we were planning to go out for a drink around 8 o clock but ended up meeting eachother at like 1 in the afternoon (his idea not mine) and that's where it all began. Usually on like first dates I tend to try and avoid the heavy kind of subjects but after about an hour we were talking about everything and anything.

    The next time I looked at the time it was about 8 o clock and we decided to go have dinner and then as it was a saturday night we ended up in a club- till about 7 in the morning, then had breakfast somewhere and ended up back at mine till about 7 o clock in the evening till he had to go to work. No sex or anything but by this time we were acting like a couple- yno as you do after a drunken night out- longest, yet best date of my entire life and since then they continue to be like this- I'll see him about once a week but it's in long bursts and since have started sleeping together.

    He isn't the type to have a girlfriend apparently- which I accept and I'm not neccessarily trying to change his mind, even though I do really like him- all I want is to not be ignored so if he wants to end it- he must say not just bugger off into oblivion. So in aid of trying to not get my feelings hurt- I believe the last time I was seeing a guy (the one I spoke of previously) I put way too much into it and didn't branch out enough.

    So now we actually come to the problem at hand. I've been dating a few other guys, like really casually but I just can't really get into it with them because I am literally sat there looking at them, wishing it were him, which I know isn't fair on anyone. The problem is, yesterday I went out with some people I work with and one of the guys I work with has always expressed an interest in me and we will casually flirt with eachother, just to make things more interesting as well I guess.

    We ended up sleeping together- and we were both so drunk I actually don't remember much of it- other than I actually bolted afterwards, which I do kind of feel bad about because he is a lovely guy- just not my guy. I'm rather ashamed of myself because I never, ever, ever do things like this, I am strictly one of those people who only has sex with guys who I am in a commited relationship with.
    But now I've slept with one because I like him so much and the other because I'm trying to not like the other one as much and am starting to become a person who I am not usually (no offence to anyone who has casual sex, I'm not really bothered about it in a prudish way, I just don't do it usually).

    My issue is the guy who I really like- well we have actually never had a conversation about how exclusive it is, he kind of brings things up in conversation every now and then about how people call me his girlfriend but I just blank it because I know he's not into that, so why ruin it by having an awkward conversation. I'm seeing him in the week and I don't know whether to just be like look do you want me to see other people or not? or just tell me generally what you want. Because honestly honestly, even though I am falling for him, I have got it in my head that I don't really care either way and even though we are not in this 'commited relationship' and it's most likely he will just do something that hurts me, I know eventually I will get over it. I sound like a complete cynic.
    Is it a good idea to just come clean with him and enquire as to what the hell he wants, if anything? I don't even know if he has been seeing other people either and to be honest I don't really want to know but on the other hand I don't want him to hear on the grape vine that such and such has happened and then wires get crossed and all this. Oh and did I mention I actually feel incredibly guilty for sleeping with the other guy even though I'm not in a relationship and it's fair game I suppose.

    The short version, without all the unneccesary details that I can't help but put in:
    I've been seeing this guy for a few months- who I really like- but decided in my own mind to date other people as well without having an conversation with the first guy on how he feels about this. I ended up sleeping with a guy I work with yesterday and don't really have any feelings towards him. So after this I just want to know whether now it is a good idea to just sit down the first guy and lay it all out and ask him what he thinks- baring in mind he is the most laid back non chalant relationship avoider I have ever met.


    Sorry for the length of the post and possible spelling errors, it's now getting onto 4.30 am and I've been writing this for too long.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    Sorry for the length of the post and possible spelling errors, it's now getting onto 4.30 am and I've been writing this for too long.
    Er yeah this was kind of too long so I didn't read all of it. But from what I did gather: he told you that he doesn't want a girlfriend, so this implies a non-sexually exclusive relationship. The fact that you were happy to 'see' other guys and openly flirt with them seems to suggest that you know this anyway. If you're not actually going uot with him, you have no obligation to remain faithful to him OR to tell him about this incident. And you SHOULDN'T tell him. Either he won't care, in which case you'll be upset, or he'll get jealous and upset, in which case you might have ruined the potential to build a relationship with him in future.

    You have no need to feel guilty, but it sounds like you're pretty into this guy and might want something more with him, eventually at least. Maybe focus on the future and don't dwell on this one meaningless thing.
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    My brain died at the length of the OP. And the answer is simple. Tell him.
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    Well, you cheated. You either tell him, or you don't.

    Surely it doesn't require an anonymous, melodramatic post on an internet forum for you to figure out what to do. :curious: Why can't you figure out yourself if you want to tell him?
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    Just be like, 'have you been seeing other people?' to him. Then you'll know where you stand and you can go from there.
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    You need to find out where you stand, or you will go crazy thinking about it.
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    No need to tell him, but if you want to know if he's seeing other girls then just bring it up some time and ask him straight. He may well lie, though, either by saying yes or no. Do you know his friends? Think of other ways to judge what he gets up to.

    But, be careful what you wish for - a large part of your attraction towards him may be based on that uncertainty and the assumption that he could have other girls.

    I've been there (as the guy) and "she" can suddenly lose interest when it's revealed that actually I'm only seeing her.
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    (Original post by sil3nt_cha0s)
    Well, you cheated. You either tell him, or you don't.

    Surely it doesn't require an anonymous, melodramatic post on an internet forum for you to figure out what to do. :curious: Why can't you figure out yourself if you want to tell him?
    And how does one "cheat" on someone they're not in a relationship with? :curious:
    #2

    (Original post by cttp_ngaf)
    No need to tell him, but if you want to know if he's seeing other girls then just bring it up some time and ask him straight. He may well lie, though, either by saying yes or no. Do you know his friends? Think of other ways to judge what he gets up to.

    But, be careful what you wish for - a large part of your attraction towards him may be based on that uncertainty and the assumption that he could have other girls.

    I've been there (as the guy) and "she" can suddenly lose interest when it's revealed that actually I'm only seeing her.
    This is true, and im a girl.

    But there are ways to go about it and keep her interested.
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    Slags will be slags. What can you say?
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    (Original post by anonymous)
    this is true, and im a girl.

    But there are ways to go about it and keep her interested.
    tell me the secret!
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    I can't say a woman saying "I slept with other men" has ever made me more attracted to a woman. Nor have any skills she gained in that relationship. You could try to push a relationship.
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    [QUOTE=Anonymous;31805115]Sorry for what is going to be a wall of text- I tend to go on.
    (We are both in our early 20's btw)

    So basically I've been seeing this guy for about a 2 months- whom I really genuinely like, which doesn't happen very often for me, generally I just focus on my friends/family and work. The last time I really liked someone he was just so not into me and really led me on, so I get apprehensive, so I was suprised how quickly I actually fell for this other guy after just one date- it was actually more of like an hour of his company and I was sold.

    We get on really well- so many things I can relate to with him from family issues to world affairs- and even when we aren't talking it doesn't feel awkward, which is a huge problem I had with my ex, he make me feel uncomfortable for not saying something constantly- he made me feel uncomfortable generally in the end, is now on the 'list' of what was I thinking?

    Back to the guy at current hand. However- not everything is perfect. I was actually the one to pursue him, as he works locally and I (drunkenly) flirted with him when he was working and I was out for a mates birthday. This continued all night with just casual flirting- you have no idea how much money I spent on drinks that night just for a reason to talk to him. Anyway I ended up leaving that night to go to a club without his number or anything. Fast forward after a week of cringing at myself about my behaviour (it wasn't that bad I'm just melodramatic) a guy mate of mine dragged me back into the place and insisted I got his number. So after about 6 vodka shots I bit the bullet and it obviously worked.

    Fast forward another week and we were planning to go out for a drink around 8 o clock but ended up meeting eachother at like 1 in the afternoon (his idea not mine) and that's where it all began.
    Usually on like first dates I tend to try and avoid the heavy kind of subjects but after about an hour we were talking about everything and anything.

    The next time I looked at the time it was about 8 o clock and we decided to go have dinner and then as it was a saturday night we ended up in a club- till about 7 in the morning, then had breakfast somewhere and ended up back at mine till about 7 o clock in the evening till he had to go to work. No sex or anything but by this time we were acting like a couple- yno as you do after a drunken night out- longest, yet best date of my entire life and since then they continue to be like this- I'll see him about once a week but it's in long bursts and since have started sleeping together.

    He isn't the type to have a girlfriend apparently- which I accept and I'm not neccessarily trying to change his mind, even though I do really like him- all I want is to not be ignored so if he wants to end it- he must say not just bugger off into oblivion. So in aid of trying to not get my feelings hurt- I believe the last time I was seeing a guy (the one I spoke of previously) I put way too much into it and didn't branch out enough.

    So now we actually come to the problem at hand. I've been dating a few other guys, like really casually but I just can't really get into it with them because I am literally sat there looking at them, wishing it were him, which I know isn't fair on anyone. The problem is, yesterday I went out with some people I work with and one of the guys I work with has always expressed an interest in me and we will casually flirt with eachother, just to make things more interesting as well I guess.

    We ended up sleeping together- and we were both so drunk I actually don't remember much of it- other than I actually bolted afterwards, which I do kind of feel bad about because he is a lovely guy- just not my guy. I'm rather ashamed of myself because I never, ever, ever do things like this, I am strictly one of those people who only has sex with guys who I am in a commited relationship with.
    But now I've slept with one because I like him so much and the other because I'm trying to not like the other one as much and am starting to become a person who I am not usually (no offence to anyone who has casual sex, I'm not really bothered about it in a prudish way, I just don't do it usually).

    My issue is the guy who I really like- well we have actually never had a conversation about how exclusive it is, he kind of brings things up in conversation every now and then about how people call me his girlfriend but I just blank it because I know he's not into that, so why ruin it by having an awkward conversation. I'm seeing him in the week and I don't know whether to just be like look do you want me to see other people or not? or just tell me generally what you want. Because honestly honestly, even though I am falling for him, I have got it in my head that I don't really care either way and even though we are not in this 'commited relationship' and it's most likely he will just do something that hurts me, I know eventually I will get over it. I sound like a complete cynic.
    Is it a good idea to just come clean with him and enquire as to what the hell he wants, if anything? I don't even know if he has been seeing other people either and to be honest I don't really want to know but on the other hand I don't want him to hear on the grape vine that such and such has happened and then wires get crossed and all this. Oh and did I mention I actually feel incredibly guilty for sleeping with the other guy even though I'm not in a relationship and it's fair game I suppose.





    That was hideously long, don't expect anyone to read that all the way through, that must have taken you hours haven't you anything better to do with your time other than shagging and writing pages and pages of crap? Anyway I have highlighted for you the only information you needed to tell us, anything I have not highlighted didn't need to be mentioned, such as your breakfast and how many alcoholic drinks you had, you only had to tell us the basics no wonder it was so long.
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    And how does one "cheat" on someone they're not in a relationship with? :curious:
    Well she was dating him, so it's almost the same thing.
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    (Original post by sil3nt_cha0s)
    Well she was dating him, so it's almost the same thing.
    If you're 12.
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    If you're 12.
    It depends how serious he thought the dating was.

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