Depression Guide and Personal Experiences (post your experience with Depression)
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...just to also say that I refused medication several times. For me, the problem lies in how I view things and I need to talk someone to help me - not take pills. No judgement to anyone else who acts differently; it's just how I feel. 
Original post by Anonymous
...just to also say that I refused medication several times. For me, the problem lies in how I view things and I need to talk someone to help me - not take pills. No judgement to anyone else who acts differently; it's just how I feel.
Well councilling and therapy, from my experience, can help a lot. Not for me, but i understand it definately would for others. You could try seeing another GP if your current one is an ass, i hear a lot about bad doctors.
If you want to take the more natural approach, regular exercise and healthy diet also help a lot, since it keeps you energy levels high and makes sure you dont have an inbalance in vitamins that can affect you. Also, there are these things that are blue lights, and help to supply you another form of natural sunlight (that gives you vitamin D). Lack of sunlight often makes you feel down, so investing in one is also something else you could do.
(edited 11 years ago)
I dont know what I have
I try to self diagnose because my psych refuses to tell me/officially diagnose me.
I go in for weekly appointments.
My mind is a mess, it takes me from the darkness, then to the sun. It's blinding and confusing. I can never keep focus because my mind is changing. I am always aware, I never lose myself, but I cant control myself.
I have these episodes of mania where I cant stop shaking, tapping or some sort of movement even if minimal. And I get such bad thoughts. Angry and disturbing.
I go into episodes of depression. I loose everything, motivation, energy, positivity. I feel worthless. And again the thoughts come back.
But most of the time I'm this, me. Controlled and outgoing. Exuding confidence with numerous abilities.
Yet under the surface I feel like I don't belong here. I have punched walls in anger and frustration, cut myself in loathing, asphyxiated myself with ropes, belts, clothing and ties to the point of passing out in desperation.
I push people, those closest to me, away. Not purposefully, its like a switch. One minute they're my closest friend, the next every thought I have when they're speaking to me is about me killing them, they make me hate them so much just by being themselves - which I loved before.
Then there's my complex about not touching or harming another person. I once accidentally hit someone, sent me on a mad episode where I ran (more like sprinted) between buildings, punching brick walls till my knuckles were bloody. A friend tried to stop me, but I outran him till he gave up.
The only thing keeping me here is my loved ones.
But when I think about my life presently, all is positive. I have no reason for these thoughts or actions. I have (had) good friends till I pushed them away, my family is very loving and supportive and I am very lucky in life.
There is one man in my life who saved my life the other day, and we love each other. I dont want to leave him alone, but Im scare d that Im not strong enough to defeat that part of my mind.
I try to self diagnose because my psych refuses to tell me/officially diagnose me.
I go in for weekly appointments.
My mind is a mess, it takes me from the darkness, then to the sun. It's blinding and confusing. I can never keep focus because my mind is changing. I am always aware, I never lose myself, but I cant control myself.
I have these episodes of mania where I cant stop shaking, tapping or some sort of movement even if minimal. And I get such bad thoughts. Angry and disturbing.
I go into episodes of depression. I loose everything, motivation, energy, positivity. I feel worthless. And again the thoughts come back.
But most of the time I'm this, me. Controlled and outgoing. Exuding confidence with numerous abilities.
Yet under the surface I feel like I don't belong here. I have punched walls in anger and frustration, cut myself in loathing, asphyxiated myself with ropes, belts, clothing and ties to the point of passing out in desperation.
I push people, those closest to me, away. Not purposefully, its like a switch. One minute they're my closest friend, the next every thought I have when they're speaking to me is about me killing them, they make me hate them so much just by being themselves - which I loved before.
Then there's my complex about not touching or harming another person. I once accidentally hit someone, sent me on a mad episode where I ran (more like sprinted) between buildings, punching brick walls till my knuckles were bloody. A friend tried to stop me, but I outran him till he gave up.
The only thing keeping me here is my loved ones.
But when I think about my life presently, all is positive. I have no reason for these thoughts or actions. I have (had) good friends till I pushed them away, my family is very loving and supportive and I am very lucky in life.
There is one man in my life who saved my life the other day, and we love each other. I dont want to leave him alone, but Im scare d that Im not strong enough to defeat that part of my mind.
Just wondered if anyone has any advice if you have been in a similar situation.
I have had unipolar depression since I was 15 (I am now 23). The last two years have been especially difficult and I have been tried on several different medications. One of the problems was that I was taking medications without really addressing my underlying problems (being overly self-critical, hating myself, working 90 hour weeks to avoid being along with my negative thoughts, using alcohol to numb feelings of depression).
After a recent serious attempt on my life (number 3) requiring admission I was discharged and am off medications. This experience has been life changing for many reasons. My partner of 3 years broke up with me, and I realised I had been managing my mood in a totally non-sustainable way. I am completing CBT which I have found really helpful. Overall I am in a much better place.
However, I am still struggling. Every few days I become lost in my own world of despair and hopelessness. On these days the self-coping CBT strategies dont work. I feel like I am walking through mud all day and that I am not really there (hard to explain).
All I can think of is how I have let everyone down: my family for putting them through this, my GP as I saw him two days before I was admitted and my ex for not listening when she told me I should seek help. I feel like a fool as I have had three attempts at my life and I cant even get that right and now people will just think I am an attention seeker and not actually ill. I keep blaming myself and I keeping thinking that if I had not been ill with depression for 4 months and trying to withdraw from prescribed medications I would be in a much better place: succeeding at uni and still be with person I loved.
Has anyone gone through something similar and has a coping/thinking strategy that they find useful?
Thanks in advance
I have had unipolar depression since I was 15 (I am now 23). The last two years have been especially difficult and I have been tried on several different medications. One of the problems was that I was taking medications without really addressing my underlying problems (being overly self-critical, hating myself, working 90 hour weeks to avoid being along with my negative thoughts, using alcohol to numb feelings of depression).
After a recent serious attempt on my life (number 3) requiring admission I was discharged and am off medications. This experience has been life changing for many reasons. My partner of 3 years broke up with me, and I realised I had been managing my mood in a totally non-sustainable way. I am completing CBT which I have found really helpful. Overall I am in a much better place.
However, I am still struggling. Every few days I become lost in my own world of despair and hopelessness. On these days the self-coping CBT strategies dont work. I feel like I am walking through mud all day and that I am not really there (hard to explain).
All I can think of is how I have let everyone down: my family for putting them through this, my GP as I saw him two days before I was admitted and my ex for not listening when she told me I should seek help. I feel like a fool as I have had three attempts at my life and I cant even get that right and now people will just think I am an attention seeker and not actually ill. I keep blaming myself and I keeping thinking that if I had not been ill with depression for 4 months and trying to withdraw from prescribed medications I would be in a much better place: succeeding at uni and still be with person I loved.
Has anyone gone through something similar and has a coping/thinking strategy that they find useful?
Thanks in advance
Original post by Cannot Manage
Just wondered if anyone has any advice if you have been in a similar situation.
I have had unipolar depression since I was 15 (I am now 23). The last two years have been especially difficult and I have been tried on several different medications. One of the problems was that I was taking medications without really addressing my underlying problems (being overly self-critical, hating myself, working 90 hour weeks to avoid being along with my negative thoughts, using alcohol to numb feelings of depression).
After a recent serious attempt on my life (number 3) requiring admission I was discharged and am off medications. This experience has been life changing for many reasons. My partner of 3 years broke up with me, and I realised I had been managing my mood in a totally non-sustainable way. I am completing CBT which I have found really helpful. Overall I am in a much better place.
However, I am still struggling. Every few days I become lost in my own world of despair and hopelessness. On these days the self-coping CBT strategies dont work. I feel like I am walking through mud all day and that I am not really there (hard to explain).
All I can think of is how I have let everyone down: my family for putting them through this, my GP as I saw him two days before I was admitted and my ex for not listening when she told me I should seek help. I feel like a fool as I have had three attempts at my life and I cant even get that right and now people will just think I am an attention seeker and not actually ill. I keep blaming myself and I keeping thinking that if I had not been ill with depression for 4 months and trying to withdraw from prescribed medications I would be in a much better place: succeeding at uni and still be with person I loved.
Has anyone gone through something similar and has a coping/thinking strategy that they find useful?
Thanks in advance
I have had unipolar depression since I was 15 (I am now 23). The last two years have been especially difficult and I have been tried on several different medications. One of the problems was that I was taking medications without really addressing my underlying problems (being overly self-critical, hating myself, working 90 hour weeks to avoid being along with my negative thoughts, using alcohol to numb feelings of depression).
After a recent serious attempt on my life (number 3) requiring admission I was discharged and am off medications. This experience has been life changing for many reasons. My partner of 3 years broke up with me, and I realised I had been managing my mood in a totally non-sustainable way. I am completing CBT which I have found really helpful. Overall I am in a much better place.
However, I am still struggling. Every few days I become lost in my own world of despair and hopelessness. On these days the self-coping CBT strategies dont work. I feel like I am walking through mud all day and that I am not really there (hard to explain).
All I can think of is how I have let everyone down: my family for putting them through this, my GP as I saw him two days before I was admitted and my ex for not listening when she told me I should seek help. I feel like a fool as I have had three attempts at my life and I cant even get that right and now people will just think I am an attention seeker and not actually ill. I keep blaming myself and I keeping thinking that if I had not been ill with depression for 4 months and trying to withdraw from prescribed medications I would be in a much better place: succeeding at uni and still be with person I loved.
Has anyone gone through something similar and has a coping/thinking strategy that they find useful?
Thanks in advance
I haven't had it as rough as you, and i admire you for your determination, you've been knocked down a lot but yet you still get back up and keep going, and that shows you are very strong. Remember how much you have been through, and despite everything you are still here.
The way i cope is to stay around friends. You may want to just be alone, but force yourself to be around others and it will help a lot. Sorry i can't give much advice, i wish i could help you more, and give lots of hugs
Keep going and things will eventually work out, just make sure to seek help from others, because its very hard to deal with this on your own.
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Thanks for this I am trying my best to keep in the company of others, but as you say sometimes it can be hard. However, after readng your post I forced myself to go for coffee with a couple of rugby boys which was really good thanks
Thanks also for the hugs
I am trying my best to keep in the company of others, but as you say sometimes it can be hard. However, after readng your post I forced myself to go for coffee with a couple of rugby boys which was really good thanks Thanks also for the hugs
Original post by Ape Gone Insane
x
Just an addition to the drug Zopliclone, which I use:
Not quite effective in inducing sleep, however, after taking the pill, I have managed to sleep for up to 7-8 hours without waking up randomly throughout the night. No particular side effects other than increased drowsiness when woken up before the effects of the pill have worn off.
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Who you are
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When it started
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Official diagnosis
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Therapy/medication
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When it got worse/when it got better
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How has it affected your life?
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How you are coping now.
I hate talking about how I feel, I've never done it and don't think I ever will. My doctor tried to make me go to a counsellor but I refused as it's just not for me. My boyfriend knows this and doesn't push it, and when I do talk to him about things he sits with me and listens. Which I'm really appreciative of
•Who you are-I'm 26 years old and I work full time as an advisor.
•When it started-It may have started when I witnessed a traumatic event when I was six years old, the event definitely changed me as a person but I'm not sure I would say I had depression. I definitely had depression from sixteen years of age onwards.
•How long you've had it-ten years
•Official diagnosis-I went to the doctors regarding my depression for the first time in July 2012 and I was diagnosed with moderate depression. I went to the doctors again this week and was diagnosed with moderate to severe depression.
•Therapy/medication-I was put on citalopram for two weeks last year and I have just been put on Sertraline and been referred to Open Mind. Prior to going the doctors I just dealt with the depression myself. I read a lot of self-help books and I use some natural methods for combatting it such as exercise. Alcohol was a crutch for me for a long time but I am trying to stay teetotal now.
•When it got worse/when it got better-It comes and goes. Sometimes I can feel fine for weeks and other times I just go downhill. It got worse during the traumatic events of my life-suffering bereavement on three occasions of people very close to me and being attacked and hospitalised twice. It was also pretty bad after a girl I was dating dumped me.
I'm going through the worst depression of my life at the moment which started just before Christmas 2012. I was doing a lot of binge drinking through December which I think contributed to it and I think I've also fallen in love for the first time in my life and it's with a girl I can't be with (at least I don't think I can at the moment) so that has made me feel terrible.
•How has it affected your life? The biggest impact for me has been my reliance on alcohol. I didn't drink every single day when I was drinking but when I did drink I drank a lot, I was spending £100 on a night out on alcohol. That was social drinking which wasn't as bad as at least I was connecting with people whereas in the past I use to just sit in my room on my own in the dark drinking a crate of lager and listening to music.
I've got a lot of regrets which are alcohol related and it was my depression fuelling my drinking. I did a review of 2012 on New Years Eve and 80% of my regrets/bad memories/missed opportunities were caused as a result of me being drunk.
Social isolation has been another big factor, I just cut myself off from the world. I'm no longer on Facebook or Twitter and it's rare I see any of my family. I've lost a lot of friends/acquaintances by just cutting myself off. As my depression has been particularly severe recently I haven't felt like communicating with my work colleagues. I don't ignore them but I don't make any small talk and if they try making conversation with me, I just kill the conversation with one word answers.
•How you are coping now.-At the minute I'm having good days and bad days. I woke up at 3am the other day and couldn't sleep and I felt terrible in work all day and then when I went home I was high as a kite and felt great. I woke up 4am this morning and couldn't get back to sleep but I have felt okay today, haven't been too depressed. I'm no longer drinking, I'm exercising six days a week and I'm confiding in a work colleague which has helped me. I'm taking anti-depressants again (on my second day) and I'm attending an Open Mind appointment next week. I'm joining a running club on Monday night to get myself out of the house and meeting new people.
•When it started-It may have started when I witnessed a traumatic event when I was six years old, the event definitely changed me as a person but I'm not sure I would say I had depression. I definitely had depression from sixteen years of age onwards.
•How long you've had it-ten years
•Official diagnosis-I went to the doctors regarding my depression for the first time in July 2012 and I was diagnosed with moderate depression. I went to the doctors again this week and was diagnosed with moderate to severe depression.
•Therapy/medication-I was put on citalopram for two weeks last year and I have just been put on Sertraline and been referred to Open Mind. Prior to going the doctors I just dealt with the depression myself. I read a lot of self-help books and I use some natural methods for combatting it such as exercise. Alcohol was a crutch for me for a long time but I am trying to stay teetotal now.
•When it got worse/when it got better-It comes and goes. Sometimes I can feel fine for weeks and other times I just go downhill. It got worse during the traumatic events of my life-suffering bereavement on three occasions of people very close to me and being attacked and hospitalised twice. It was also pretty bad after a girl I was dating dumped me.
I'm going through the worst depression of my life at the moment which started just before Christmas 2012. I was doing a lot of binge drinking through December which I think contributed to it and I think I've also fallen in love for the first time in my life and it's with a girl I can't be with (at least I don't think I can at the moment) so that has made me feel terrible.
•How has it affected your life? The biggest impact for me has been my reliance on alcohol. I didn't drink every single day when I was drinking but when I did drink I drank a lot, I was spending £100 on a night out on alcohol. That was social drinking which wasn't as bad as at least I was connecting with people whereas in the past I use to just sit in my room on my own in the dark drinking a crate of lager and listening to music.
I've got a lot of regrets which are alcohol related and it was my depression fuelling my drinking. I did a review of 2012 on New Years Eve and 80% of my regrets/bad memories/missed opportunities were caused as a result of me being drunk.
Social isolation has been another big factor, I just cut myself off from the world. I'm no longer on Facebook or Twitter and it's rare I see any of my family. I've lost a lot of friends/acquaintances by just cutting myself off. As my depression has been particularly severe recently I haven't felt like communicating with my work colleagues. I don't ignore them but I don't make any small talk and if they try making conversation with me, I just kill the conversation with one word answers.
•How you are coping now.-At the minute I'm having good days and bad days. I woke up at 3am the other day and couldn't sleep and I felt terrible in work all day and then when I went home I was high as a kite and felt great. I woke up 4am this morning and couldn't get back to sleep but I have felt okay today, haven't been too depressed. I'm no longer drinking, I'm exercising six days a week and I'm confiding in a work colleague which has helped me. I'm taking anti-depressants again (on my second day) and I'm attending an Open Mind appointment next week. I'm joining a running club on Monday night to get myself out of the house and meeting new people.
Who you are
I'm Louisa, I'm 18 and I'm a student at a sixth form college.
When it started
In 2008, I had a mental breakdown at 13 when I moved from Australia to England. I settled down again after a few months and changed schools. In July 2010, I developed mental health problems again. I was 15 and I attended a very pressured, perfectionist, private school. Basically, anything but an A* at GCSE was a failure. We had to do exams in July, the year before our GCSEs and we'd be "kicked out" if we didn't achieve. I didn't bother working because I knew I couldn't get 100% and so therefore I didn't even want to try. I left school for a few weeks in October and a "friend" told my peers I had lost it and gone psychotic. I wrote something stupid/opinionated on a social networking site and I was a victim of horrible cyber-bullying for a week. People wrote that I should "die in a ditch because no one gives a **** about you." I left school at 15, studied for my GCSEs on my own for the rest of the year and took the exams at a local school. I got 8A*s. I tried to return to college, but I wasn't ready and they told me to take a year off. I taught myself the exam content for mathematics and history and took the AS levels at the local school. I went back to college in 2012, and my attendance has been so much better (over 50%!!)
Official diagnosis
Diagnosed in July 2010 by GP/CAMHS.
Therapy/medication
I was referred to CAMHS for CBT and they wanted me to take Sertraline but my parents were against it as I was only 15. I went to see a specialist last year and he referred me to the The Maudsley Hospital in London. The local authority wouldn't fund my treatment and instead insisted that I attend more CBT sessions at my local CAMHS.
When it got worse/when it got better
It got worse when I left school. For 18 months I literally had no friends. I didn't know anyone my own age except my sister, and she was unkind. I felt cripplingly lonely and afraid. I knew nobody. It got better when I returned to college last year, but because I'm not in classes all the time, I find it hard to make friends. But I get on with people all right. I think it will get better. It's only a matter of time and low self-confidence.
How has it affected your life?
It's ruined my adolescence. I didn't get to finish school with friends, go to a prom, go to a sixth form party, have a boyfriend, have a best friend. My whole life was at home with my textbooks and my parents.
How you are coping now.
I've got another 18 months of college and then I want to go to Uni. I'm getting straight As at AS and I am finding the courses really simple. I'm trying so hard to improve my life. But if I push myself for a few days (like go to the gym a couple of times, go to the cinema, go to all my classes and see my cousins) I end up feeling utterly exhausted and can't do anything for a couple of days afterwards. Does anyone else get that? I'm experiencing a it of a downer today...so tired...
I'm Louisa, I'm 18 and I'm a student at a sixth form college.
When it started
In 2008, I had a mental breakdown at 13 when I moved from Australia to England. I settled down again after a few months and changed schools. In July 2010, I developed mental health problems again. I was 15 and I attended a very pressured, perfectionist, private school. Basically, anything but an A* at GCSE was a failure. We had to do exams in July, the year before our GCSEs and we'd be "kicked out" if we didn't achieve. I didn't bother working because I knew I couldn't get 100% and so therefore I didn't even want to try. I left school for a few weeks in October and a "friend" told my peers I had lost it and gone psychotic. I wrote something stupid/opinionated on a social networking site and I was a victim of horrible cyber-bullying for a week. People wrote that I should "die in a ditch because no one gives a **** about you." I left school at 15, studied for my GCSEs on my own for the rest of the year and took the exams at a local school. I got 8A*s. I tried to return to college, but I wasn't ready and they told me to take a year off. I taught myself the exam content for mathematics and history and took the AS levels at the local school. I went back to college in 2012, and my attendance has been so much better (over 50%!!)
Official diagnosis
Diagnosed in July 2010 by GP/CAMHS.
Therapy/medication
I was referred to CAMHS for CBT and they wanted me to take Sertraline but my parents were against it as I was only 15. I went to see a specialist last year and he referred me to the The Maudsley Hospital in London. The local authority wouldn't fund my treatment and instead insisted that I attend more CBT sessions at my local CAMHS.
When it got worse/when it got better
It got worse when I left school. For 18 months I literally had no friends. I didn't know anyone my own age except my sister, and she was unkind. I felt cripplingly lonely and afraid. I knew nobody. It got better when I returned to college last year, but because I'm not in classes all the time, I find it hard to make friends. But I get on with people all right. I think it will get better. It's only a matter of time and low self-confidence.
How has it affected your life?
It's ruined my adolescence. I didn't get to finish school with friends, go to a prom, go to a sixth form party, have a boyfriend, have a best friend. My whole life was at home with my textbooks and my parents.
How you are coping now.
I've got another 18 months of college and then I want to go to Uni. I'm getting straight As at AS and I am finding the courses really simple. I'm trying so hard to improve my life. But if I push myself for a few days (like go to the gym a couple of times, go to the cinema, go to all my classes and see my cousins) I end up feeling utterly exhausted and can't do anything for a couple of days afterwards. Does anyone else get that? I'm experiencing a it of a downer today...so tired...
Who you are
Im 24 and at final year of medical school
When I was 15 I was admitted for an OD after becoming really low with pressure regarding examinations, alcohol excess and feeling like I was worthless and alone. I ignored this admission and just kept going. Until I went to medical school I was absolutely fine, but after a few months I began to feel unwell again (no triggers for this). I told no-one and kept it to myself and attempted to work myself through (worked full time as a nurse on top of my studies as I hated being alone with myself) and self-medicated with alcohol and prescription pain killers. After two further suicide attempts (one in my 1st year and another in my 2nd year) I began to think I should probably do something about my chronic low mood. I did better after meeting my ex partner and speaking to my family about my depression. I was trialled on antidepressants which didnt help much and I continued to struggle on for a couple of years without much improvement. This year, I became extremely unwell for a prolonged period which ended my relationship (making me feel worse) and became addicted to several prescription medications. I was just about keeping going until I had a seizure trying to get myself of diazepam and just fell apart. Shortly afterwards i learned two family members had died, and I couldnt cope with anything so I tried to kill myself and was in hospital for a good while. I felt particularly badly as I could have left my ex feeling that my suicide was her fault, which it never was and it would have been a mean thing to put on anyones shoulders (least of all someone you loved).
I have been helped to come of my medications and have been given a course of CBT which has really helped. I am now back at university and have told my friends that I have depression which has really helped to. Its difficult to keep pretending everything is fine sometimes. I honestly have never felt better. I have engaged with my mental health and actually feel positive about the future.
All this is crazy looking back on it all. Amazing that I focused all my efforts and energy to help other people because I felt that I was worth nothing.
I have had depression for 9 years and anxiety for the past 3 years.
Unipolar depression and anxiety disorder
I was on Setraline (200mg), Fluoxetine (80mg), Imipramine (10mg), Zopiclone (15mg), Diazepam (10mg) and Tamezepam (10mg) until about 3 months ago. I became addicted to diazepam, tamezepam and zopiclone. I was like a zombie for moths, feeling nothing (hence my break-up and social withdrawal) but just about managed to be a good student by attending classes and being efficient on the wards. It was only when I tried to get off the medications by myself and had seizures, nausea, hallucinations and vomiting things fell apart. I would recommend anyone trying to get off medications they have been on for months to seek medical attention/support for this. Possibly the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life, should have known better.
Previously I had been tried on amitriptylline and citalopram but i had too many side-effects.
I have had CBT (online 8 week course) and intensive face to face for the last 10 weeks. I am now on no medications and am feeling much better. Can feel emotions again which is a welcome change.
I have unipolar depression and my mood dips without any real reason. Obviously life events like the death of family members and academic stressors made things worse but I could be bed bound with low mood and exhaustion for literally no reason. Alcohol is a really bad depressant for me as well.
I feel that I have let-down my family keeping so much hidden from them for so long. It has ended a relationship that was one of the best things ever to happen in my life. However, depression is and always will be part of me. I think recognizing that I cannot just take pills and expect to feel fine has changed a lot. I need to realise when I am feeling low and do things about it. Force myself to get out of the house, get out of bed and talk about my problems when they arise not just bottle them up.
In the end i think depression has made me stronger and will hopefully mean I can be a more supportive GP for those with similar problems.
I am trying to keep going and feel that CBT has helped me think about things in a better way. Being open with people about my diagnosis also helps. I appreciate all the support of my family, friends and GP, and indeed my ex (have no idea how she put up with me for so long being lost in my own world of negativity and hopelessness) as without them I would certainly be another suicide statistic.
Im 24 and at final year of medical school
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When it started
When I was 15 I was admitted for an OD after becoming really low with pressure regarding examinations, alcohol excess and feeling like I was worthless and alone. I ignored this admission and just kept going. Until I went to medical school I was absolutely fine, but after a few months I began to feel unwell again (no triggers for this). I told no-one and kept it to myself and attempted to work myself through (worked full time as a nurse on top of my studies as I hated being alone with myself) and self-medicated with alcohol and prescription pain killers. After two further suicide attempts (one in my 1st year and another in my 2nd year) I began to think I should probably do something about my chronic low mood. I did better after meeting my ex partner and speaking to my family about my depression. I was trialled on antidepressants which didnt help much and I continued to struggle on for a couple of years without much improvement. This year, I became extremely unwell for a prolonged period which ended my relationship (making me feel worse) and became addicted to several prescription medications. I was just about keeping going until I had a seizure trying to get myself of diazepam and just fell apart. Shortly afterwards i learned two family members had died, and I couldnt cope with anything so I tried to kill myself and was in hospital for a good while. I felt particularly badly as I could have left my ex feeling that my suicide was her fault, which it never was and it would have been a mean thing to put on anyones shoulders (least of all someone you loved).
I have been helped to come of my medications and have been given a course of CBT which has really helped. I am now back at university and have told my friends that I have depression which has really helped to. Its difficult to keep pretending everything is fine sometimes. I honestly have never felt better. I have engaged with my mental health and actually feel positive about the future.
All this is crazy looking back on it all. Amazing that I focused all my efforts and energy to help other people because I felt that I was worth nothing.
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How long you've had it
I have had depression for 9 years and anxiety for the past 3 years.
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Official diagnosis
Unipolar depression and anxiety disorder
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Therapy/medication
I was on Setraline (200mg), Fluoxetine (80mg), Imipramine (10mg), Zopiclone (15mg), Diazepam (10mg) and Tamezepam (10mg) until about 3 months ago. I became addicted to diazepam, tamezepam and zopiclone. I was like a zombie for moths, feeling nothing (hence my break-up and social withdrawal) but just about managed to be a good student by attending classes and being efficient on the wards. It was only when I tried to get off the medications by myself and had seizures, nausea, hallucinations and vomiting things fell apart. I would recommend anyone trying to get off medications they have been on for months to seek medical attention/support for this. Possibly the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life, should have known better.
Previously I had been tried on amitriptylline and citalopram but i had too many side-effects.
I have had CBT (online 8 week course) and intensive face to face for the last 10 weeks. I am now on no medications and am feeling much better. Can feel emotions again which is a welcome change.
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When it got worse/when it got better
I have unipolar depression and my mood dips without any real reason. Obviously life events like the death of family members and academic stressors made things worse but I could be bed bound with low mood and exhaustion for literally no reason. Alcohol is a really bad depressant for me as well.
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How has it affected your life?
I feel that I have let-down my family keeping so much hidden from them for so long. It has ended a relationship that was one of the best things ever to happen in my life. However, depression is and always will be part of me. I think recognizing that I cannot just take pills and expect to feel fine has changed a lot. I need to realise when I am feeling low and do things about it. Force myself to get out of the house, get out of bed and talk about my problems when they arise not just bottle them up.
In the end i think depression has made me stronger and will hopefully mean I can be a more supportive GP for those with similar problems.
•
How you are coping now.
I am trying to keep going and feel that CBT has helped me think about things in a better way. Being open with people about my diagnosis also helps. I appreciate all the support of my family, friends and GP, and indeed my ex (have no idea how she put up with me for so long being lost in my own world of negativity and hopelessness) as without them I would certainly be another suicide statistic.
Original post by CocoTango
Who you are
How you are coping now.
I've got another 18 months of college and then I want to go to Uni. I'm getting straight As at AS and I am finding the courses really simple. I'm trying so hard to improve my life. But if I push myself for a few days (like go to the gym a couple of times, go to the cinema, go to all my classes and see my cousins) I end up feeling utterly exhausted and can't do anything for a couple of days afterwards. Does anyone else get that? I'm experiencing a it of a downer today...so tired...
How you are coping now.
I've got another 18 months of college and then I want to go to Uni. I'm getting straight As at AS and I am finding the courses really simple. I'm trying so hard to improve my life. But if I push myself for a few days (like go to the gym a couple of times, go to the cinema, go to all my classes and see my cousins) I end up feeling utterly exhausted and can't do anything for a couple of days afterwards. Does anyone else get that? I'm experiencing a it of a downer today...so tired...
I get it all the time. You are not alone
Fatigue and exhaustion especially after waking up at 4,5 then 6 happens all to often. Its important not to over push yourself (i am bad for doing this) but do enough to keep you well. Good luck for your exams xOriginal post by CocoTango
I'm trying so hard to improve my life. But if I push myself for a few days (like go to the gym a couple of times, go to the cinema, go to all my classes and see my cousins) I end up feeling utterly exhausted and can't do anything for a couple of days afterwards. Does anyone else get that? I'm experiencing a it of a downer today...so tired...
I'm trying so hard to improve my life. But if I push myself for a few days (like go to the gym a couple of times, go to the cinema, go to all my classes and see my cousins) I end up feeling utterly exhausted and can't do anything for a couple of days afterwards. Does anyone else get that? I'm experiencing a it of a downer today...so tired...
I've been up and down over the past two weeks, my depression comes and goes. Sometimes I can feel fine and then I have days like today where I'm feeling terrible. It doesn't really stop me functioning, I'm still going to work and I'm training six days per week at the moment (exercise) but on my bad days I find it really difficult to communicate with my work colleagues. Making small talk just seems like a monumental effort.
I joined a running club this week and attended for two nights and I've got talking to one bloke but I haven't made the effort with anyone else. Normally I would talk to people and try to get to know them but I prefer to be alone/socially isolated when I'm particularly bad which is probably the worse thing for me as I think that's one of the reasons I'm depressed because I just shut myself off from the world.
Update: I posted in this thread about 6 months ago and looking back i cant comprehend the crap i wrote...such as 'Id of probably killed myself if it wasnt for my family'
Looking back now i just feel like WTF. Anyway, my depression is completely gone, the past few months have been the best of my life. My social anxiety is completely gone, i now ENJOY meeting new people (not just girls
) . Without the depression i now have PASSION and DRIVE.
The next few months will be exponentially better, moving to spain, learning a new language, will start golf again (my old favourite sport but too damn cold in england), erasmus/spanish girls, best shape ive ever been in and will gain 10kg more of muscle by summer, plus enough money left over to have a massive trip through europe visiting friends and new countries, at least 10 countries.
As for advice, just force yourself out of your depression. push your comfort zones over and over, BE SOCIAL, meditate, happy music, travel, cold showers and just do whatever the **** you wanna do!
Looking back now i just feel like WTF. Anyway, my depression is completely gone, the past few months have been the best of my life. My social anxiety is completely gone, i now ENJOY meeting new people (not just girls
) . Without the depression i now have PASSION and DRIVE. The next few months will be exponentially better, moving to spain, learning a new language, will start golf again (my old favourite sport but too damn cold in england), erasmus/spanish girls, best shape ive ever been in and will gain 10kg more of muscle by summer, plus enough money left over to have a massive trip through europe visiting friends and new countries, at least 10 countries.
As for advice, just force yourself out of your depression. push your comfort zones over and over, BE SOCIAL, meditate, happy music, travel, cold showers and just do whatever the **** you wanna do!
I just noticed this thread, and thought it'd probably to do good for me to open to a bunch of strangers seeing as I can't be open with many people!
I'm Ebony, I'm 18 and currently finishing my A-Levels at college.
I was diagnosed with depression in November 2010 but thinking about it, I've probably had it since I was around 14 years old.
My diagnosis was originally mild depression and severe anxiety, however since then, it turned on it's head and the anxiety is very mild now and the depression is bad!
I've been on citalopram, sertroline and prozac but at the moment not doing anything apart from keeping a journal (I hate the idea of drugs controlling my mood!)
It got worse in April 2011, I got into a relationship with a guy who knew about my depression, but I struggled with day to day life; I was exhausted and missed a lot of college, I ached everywhere all the time and just wanted to stay in bed all day so I wouldn't have to face the world. It started to get better in October 2012, I ended my relationship and felt like I could finally look after myself.
Since then, I still have 'bad days' where I feel like the world hates me but my closest friends know about my depression and support me through it!
I'm Ebony, I'm 18 and currently finishing my A-Levels at college.
I was diagnosed with depression in November 2010 but thinking about it, I've probably had it since I was around 14 years old.
My diagnosis was originally mild depression and severe anxiety, however since then, it turned on it's head and the anxiety is very mild now and the depression is bad!
I've been on citalopram, sertroline and prozac but at the moment not doing anything apart from keeping a journal (I hate the idea of drugs controlling my mood!)
It got worse in April 2011, I got into a relationship with a guy who knew about my depression, but I struggled with day to day life; I was exhausted and missed a lot of college, I ached everywhere all the time and just wanted to stay in bed all day so I wouldn't have to face the world. It started to get better in October 2012, I ended my relationship and felt like I could finally look after myself.
Since then, I still have 'bad days' where I feel like the world hates me but my closest friends know about my depression and support me through it!
My little bout with depression seems to be like a never ending rollar coaster. Started after 2001, I never did anythign about it until 2011. Came to the UK for my masters, and had a horrible experience which literally destroyed what progress I made during my treatment. Even after joining a sports team, I find it hard to be happy about anything. Going out with them, I try my best to enjoy myself, but at the club where the night ends at I get disgustful looks from people and it does nothing but tear me down.
I do what I can to deal with it, be it harmful or not to myself. Feels like there is nothing to do, and I don't have any outlet here other than what I do to myself...
I do what I can to deal with it, be it harmful or not to myself. Feels like there is nothing to do, and I don't have any outlet here other than what I do to myself...
Who you are
Theflyingbarney, evidently.
When it started/How long you've had it/Official diagnosis
I've had frequent symptoms going back three years or so now, but only diagnosed one month ago after things took a nosedive after starting uni. I guess the first time I had a proper depressive episode (as opposed to a justified/rational low mood) was probably in the latter years of secondary school. Haven't been given any fancy condition name, but seems to be fairly bog standard depression really.
Therapy/medication
Aside from seeing both NHS and university counsellors, not a lot.
When it got worse/when it got better
As mentioned above, things took a nosedive when I started uni. I'm at Cambridge and I guess the stressful atmosphere was no help. In addition I've not got many friends around here - I was the only person from my school to get into Cambridge, and I didn't make many during freshers' week, so that's just one more thing to add to the list of things to worry about. Managed to struggle through first term with only one major breakdown, fortunately right at the end, but over Christmas getting behind with holiday work and not being able to face having to come back made me lose it again, so finally went to get diagnosed.
How has it affected your life?
Since getting to uni it's been a nightmare to be honest - I find it very hard to concentrate, my appetite has plummeted and a lot of the time I just can't bring myself to face social interaction, so spend 97% of my time in my room (which is contributing to a nice healthy dose of cabin fever). All of which is hardly conducive to being a happy student.
How you are coping now.
I'm not really - still trying to make the best of a bad situation. The main thing that tends to get me through the day is playing the guitar, but even that has its limits.
Theflyingbarney, evidently.
When it started/How long you've had it/Official diagnosis
I've had frequent symptoms going back three years or so now, but only diagnosed one month ago after things took a nosedive after starting uni. I guess the first time I had a proper depressive episode (as opposed to a justified/rational low mood) was probably in the latter years of secondary school. Haven't been given any fancy condition name, but seems to be fairly bog standard depression really.
Therapy/medication
Aside from seeing both NHS and university counsellors, not a lot.
When it got worse/when it got better
As mentioned above, things took a nosedive when I started uni. I'm at Cambridge and I guess the stressful atmosphere was no help. In addition I've not got many friends around here - I was the only person from my school to get into Cambridge, and I didn't make many during freshers' week, so that's just one more thing to add to the list of things to worry about. Managed to struggle through first term with only one major breakdown, fortunately right at the end, but over Christmas getting behind with holiday work and not being able to face having to come back made me lose it again, so finally went to get diagnosed.
How has it affected your life?
Since getting to uni it's been a nightmare to be honest - I find it very hard to concentrate, my appetite has plummeted and a lot of the time I just can't bring myself to face social interaction, so spend 97% of my time in my room (which is contributing to a nice healthy dose of cabin fever). All of which is hardly conducive to being a happy student.
How you are coping now.
I'm not really - still trying to make the best of a bad situation. The main thing that tends to get me through the day is playing the guitar, but even that has its limits.
Original post by DuncanJinks
NO!
I can't disagree, because I found it helps too.
But I can suggest why not; - A) it's ****ing awkward and impractical, for instance exercise can help with depression, how can you excercise if everytime you move your arm or legs they start bleediong? There is no part of your skin that doesn't stretch, so don't.
I can suggests alternatives, if you want to feel pain, go to a gym. Work until your crying.
Then continue.
No matter what your fitness level, I certainly aren't fit, doesn't mean I can't go to the gym. And if your truly depressed you don't give a **** what others think of you.
CAFFEINE
If you have a serious suicide risk, don't do this. But I found that buying pure caffeine powder [£4/100g, my protein] (and micro 0.01g scales[£15, maplins]) and taking two lots of 0.4-0.6g a day, last one at no later than 4pm, meant that I was allot happier. When I crashed it generally made my body so ****ed that I just stumbled into bed and slept like a log.
The only issue is it makes you **** liquid. And a lethal dose starts at 2-10g (depending on sensitivity).
If you need to do school/uni work, I found taurine supplements at 6g/day helps focus your mind a huge amount, which for me meant I could focus out the **** which made me more depressed.
THESE ARE ALL PERSONAL SUGGESTIONS FROM MY EXPERIENCE, I AM NOT A DOCTOR, NOR DO I HAVE THE SAME BODY AS YOU. CEASE IF NEGATIVE EFFECTS HAPPEN (except exercise, that really does help everyone)
I can't disagree, because I found it helps too.
But I can suggest why not; - A) it's ****ing awkward and impractical, for instance exercise can help with depression, how can you excercise if everytime you move your arm or legs they start bleediong? There is no part of your skin that doesn't stretch, so don't.
I can suggests alternatives, if you want to feel pain, go to a gym. Work until your crying.
Then continue.
No matter what your fitness level, I certainly aren't fit, doesn't mean I can't go to the gym. And if your truly depressed you don't give a **** what others think of you.
CAFFEINE
If you have a serious suicide risk, don't do this. But I found that buying pure caffeine powder [£4/100g, my protein] (and micro 0.01g scales[£15, maplins]) and taking two lots of 0.4-0.6g a day, last one at no later than 4pm, meant that I was allot happier. When I crashed it generally made my body so ****ed that I just stumbled into bed and slept like a log.
The only issue is it makes you **** liquid. And a lethal dose starts at 2-10g (depending on sensitivity).
If you need to do school/uni work, I found taurine supplements at 6g/day helps focus your mind a huge amount, which for me meant I could focus out the **** which made me more depressed.
THESE ARE ALL PERSONAL SUGGESTIONS FROM MY EXPERIENCE, I AM NOT A DOCTOR, NOR DO I HAVE THE SAME BODY AS YOU. CEASE IF NEGATIVE EFFECTS HAPPEN (except exercise, that really does help everyone)
ok. so just an alternative suggestion to my suggestion?
I have extreme depression and I have now taken up self harming although I don't condemn people who do iris would try to advise against because if you're like me and you can't stop then you may put yourself in a bad position later on. I cut about ten times a day now or more so I would recommend against it.
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