Depression Guide and Personal Experiences (post your experience with Depression)
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I broke up with the one I loved 2 months back... we had an amazing time together... we were great friends for an year then we got together for a month... i got too attached... she had told me she'd break up with me after a month... knowing all this... i still got attached... 
... she started working so she got busy and i think has moved on... i on the other hand... still am fighting my depression... and the worst part is we study in the same university, its a small uni and we have the same friends circle... and noone knows about us... so people assume we are really good friends... so i will have to see her talking to guys and all... and i will kill me from the inside... i sill love her... i am very depressed... i need some help... but the college counselor is out on a leave... she and i will meet each other after a 2 months in 10 days... so i am anxious about the meet
I am facing these problems
1. disturbed sleep pattern
2. easily angered at small things
3. feeling melancholic
4. when someone talks about her i get disturbed
5. chronic fatigue
6. concentration issues
7. anxiety issues
8. i am not a smoker... but i feel so stressed that I resort to smoking
9. unexplained headaches and stomach upset
... she started working so she got busy and i think has moved on... i on the other hand... still am fighting my depression... and the worst part is we study in the same university, its a small uni and we have the same friends circle... and noone knows about us... so people assume we are really good friends... so i will have to see her talking to guys and all... and i will kill me from the inside... i sill love her... i am very depressed... i need some help... but the college counselor is out on a leave... she and i will meet each other after a 2 months in 10 days... so i am anxious about the meetI am facing these problems
1. disturbed sleep pattern
2. easily angered at small things
3. feeling melancholic
4. when someone talks about her i get disturbed
5. chronic fatigue
6. concentration issues
7. anxiety issues
8. i am not a smoker... but i feel so stressed that I resort to smoking
9. unexplained headaches and stomach upset
My dad has depression. Living with a parent with depression is not easy, but I've grown to deal with it. I have Social Anxiety and sometimes feel depressed so I know how difficult it can be. I've always been closer to my mother due to my father's depression; he would often be grumpy and quite hostile at times. He had a difficult childhood and that led into adulthood. He no longer speaks to his brothers or sisters, as they were the ones who made him depressed in the first place. He then fell out with his kids not so long ago (my half-brother and sisters) and had a big argument with them. I guess some of that has rubbed off on me.
Anyway, with such a poor childhood and little education, I have found it difficult to relate and commune with him. There hasn't been a solid father figure in my life, which sucks when you're a boy. I love him and I know he cares about me but him living with depression and me living with SA is not an easy relationship to endure.
Anyway, with such a poor childhood and little education, I have found it difficult to relate and commune with him. There hasn't been a solid father figure in my life, which sucks when you're a boy. I love him and I know he cares about me but him living with depression and me living with SA is not an easy relationship to endure.
Who you are
A 16, (17 soon) year old girl.
When it started
I was raped when I was 13, and since then I changed completely, for the past 4 years I have spent all my time thinking about what did I do to deserve something so awful? I decided that I deserved it all, that I must be a horrible, disgusting slut who deserves the worst things in life to happen to her. To make matters worse, people found out, as the monster who did this to me told everyone that I was lying about being raped, and everyone picked on me for being a 'liar', and this made me feel like I deserved it even more. Since then, I have never had any friends, I spend most of my time at home. My parents don't know about this, or even that I attempted suicide a month ago, they are extremely religious and I don't think that I could ever tell them, they have very conservative views on suicide and a very old-fashioned view on depression, besides surely if they cared they would have noticed that something was wrong by now? This makes me feel extremely isolated and lonely, I have nothing. I had a very difficult child also, which I believe contributed towards how I am feeling.
How long you've had it
4 years
Official diagnosis
No official diagnosis yet, I am yet to be seen by a psychiatrist. Most probably depression and post traumatic stress disorder.
Therapy/medication
Counselling since November 2012 with relateen at schoo, I have now been referred to CAMHs and during my session yesterday I was told that I am having a meeting in a week with a psychiatrist to talk about starting antidepressants.
When it got worse/when it got better
It started getting worse in November, but the lowest of the low was April when I attempted suicide.
How has it affected your life?
It hasn't really affect my school work for starters, I always aspired to be a doctor, however I have lost all hope, I'm ****, I'm not good enough and why on earth would anyone offer me a place? I don't think about the future, there is no place for me in the future.
It has also affect my relationship, I have huge trust issues, I have a low self-esteem, and due to the rape any physical contact makes me feel sick, I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years, however a relationship is making me feel worse, he makes me feel worse, he told me that 'I am not normal' yet I stick around with him, I think it's because once I lose him, that is it, I would have no-one left. I have no social life, I have no friends, I have nothing. I have been comfort eating a lot which made me put on a lot of weight, I feel disgusting.
How you are coping now
I once read somewhere that 'coping your way through life is not a way to live'... I don't want to cope anymore, I don't want to live anymore.
A 16, (17 soon) year old girl.
When it started
I was raped when I was 13, and since then I changed completely, for the past 4 years I have spent all my time thinking about what did I do to deserve something so awful? I decided that I deserved it all, that I must be a horrible, disgusting slut who deserves the worst things in life to happen to her. To make matters worse, people found out, as the monster who did this to me told everyone that I was lying about being raped, and everyone picked on me for being a 'liar', and this made me feel like I deserved it even more. Since then, I have never had any friends, I spend most of my time at home. My parents don't know about this, or even that I attempted suicide a month ago, they are extremely religious and I don't think that I could ever tell them, they have very conservative views on suicide and a very old-fashioned view on depression, besides surely if they cared they would have noticed that something was wrong by now? This makes me feel extremely isolated and lonely, I have nothing. I had a very difficult child also, which I believe contributed towards how I am feeling.
How long you've had it
4 years
Official diagnosis
No official diagnosis yet, I am yet to be seen by a psychiatrist. Most probably depression and post traumatic stress disorder.
Therapy/medication
Counselling since November 2012 with relateen at schoo, I have now been referred to CAMHs and during my session yesterday I was told that I am having a meeting in a week with a psychiatrist to talk about starting antidepressants.
When it got worse/when it got better
It started getting worse in November, but the lowest of the low was April when I attempted suicide.
How has it affected your life?
It hasn't really affect my school work for starters, I always aspired to be a doctor, however I have lost all hope, I'm ****, I'm not good enough and why on earth would anyone offer me a place? I don't think about the future, there is no place for me in the future.
It has also affect my relationship, I have huge trust issues, I have a low self-esteem, and due to the rape any physical contact makes me feel sick, I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years, however a relationship is making me feel worse, he makes me feel worse, he told me that 'I am not normal' yet I stick around with him, I think it's because once I lose him, that is it, I would have no-one left. I have no social life, I have no friends, I have nothing. I have been comfort eating a lot which made me put on a lot of weight, I feel disgusting.
How you are coping now
I once read somewhere that 'coping your way through life is not a way to live'... I don't want to cope anymore, I don't want to live anymore.
Who are you
16 year old girl
When it started
I've only noticed it in myself over the past 10 months, but it started long before that with me just thinking I was the usual hormonal teenager. My first ever serious relationship was one where my boyfriend was manipulative and would always make me feel like I'd done something wrong. He would emotionally blackmail me into feeling terrible about myself. I would spend hours feeling so down about all the terrible things he'd make me believe I'd done. I think this is what triggered my depression, and there were several incidents within my relationship with this person where I would have suicidal thoughts because of how he made me feel. I never had the courage to leave him because I thought he was right about everything, and that I'd never find anybody who loved me because I was such a terrible person. This lasted for the year and a half I was in this relationship.
How long you've had it
As I said above, about 10 months diagnosed, I was officially diagnosed 3 months ago when I finally decided to talk to somebody about it, which was a very good decision and I urge anyone who feels any symptoms of depression to do. It's changed a lot knowing that what is happening to me is a medical condition and not just me being a freak.
Official diagnosis
Doctor was undecided between clinical or reactive depression. I'm seeing a psychiatrist to help decide in a few weeks.
Therapy/medication
Currently none as a full diagnosis hasn't been made (as said above).
When it got worse/when it gets better
It's very bad under a lot of circumstances, such as when I'm under a lot of stress and pressure, when I argue with people (mostly my current boyfriend) etc. However, when I broke up with the boyfriend mentioned in the "when it started" section, it went away for a long time. A few months later I got into a relationship with my current boyfriend and was so happy for a long time, but exam stress and other things have triggered it again and now I'm constantly fluctuating between on top of the world and battling the urge to think of myself as the absolute useless scum of the Earth. It gets better when I'm busy doing things I enjoy, such as spending time with my boyfriend and others who have a positive influence on me.
How has it affected your life?
It has brought out traits in my personality that weren't present before, such as jealousy and anxiety. These in themselves have meant it's a lot harder for me to maintain relationships with people. I'm a very sensitive person and get triggered very easily, which is horrible and I'd change that, out of anything, if I could. I don't like talking about my feelings to anyone, so I bottle things up and end up letting them get to me a whole of a lot more than they would if I'd just spoke them at the time. This leads to me being the type to sit and cry myself to sleep over stupid things that shouldn't bother me but do, I'll over-think until the only problem I can see with situations is myself, and end up feeling as though if I removed myself from the problem there would be no problem. It's made school work hard for me, because I'll constantly have a low opinion of myself and feel as though whatever I produce will not be good enough. It's made my part-time job position suffer because I can't bring myself to spend the day smiling to customers and acting "normal". Since my depression started I have pushed away a lot of people, and I am left feeling as though if I fall out with my boyfriend I am completely alone. Alone and isolated are feelings I regularly face and have no idea how to cope with.
How are you coping now
I don't cope. I am the worst at coping. I feel like a problem to my family, I feel my illness is annoying to my boyfriend as he finds it difficult to understand me now, I just overall feel like a complete waste of space and time and that if I were normal I'd be happy all the time. I feel like now is my chance to be happy, I'm away from my manipulative boyfriend and in a relationship that I'm truly happy in, but I can't be happy because I'm not capable of staying happy. It's so frustrating.
16 year old girl
When it started
I've only noticed it in myself over the past 10 months, but it started long before that with me just thinking I was the usual hormonal teenager. My first ever serious relationship was one where my boyfriend was manipulative and would always make me feel like I'd done something wrong. He would emotionally blackmail me into feeling terrible about myself. I would spend hours feeling so down about all the terrible things he'd make me believe I'd done. I think this is what triggered my depression, and there were several incidents within my relationship with this person where I would have suicidal thoughts because of how he made me feel. I never had the courage to leave him because I thought he was right about everything, and that I'd never find anybody who loved me because I was such a terrible person. This lasted for the year and a half I was in this relationship.
How long you've had it
As I said above, about 10 months diagnosed, I was officially diagnosed 3 months ago when I finally decided to talk to somebody about it, which was a very good decision and I urge anyone who feels any symptoms of depression to do. It's changed a lot knowing that what is happening to me is a medical condition and not just me being a freak.
Official diagnosis
Doctor was undecided between clinical or reactive depression. I'm seeing a psychiatrist to help decide in a few weeks.
Therapy/medication
Currently none as a full diagnosis hasn't been made (as said above).
When it got worse/when it gets better
It's very bad under a lot of circumstances, such as when I'm under a lot of stress and pressure, when I argue with people (mostly my current boyfriend) etc. However, when I broke up with the boyfriend mentioned in the "when it started" section, it went away for a long time. A few months later I got into a relationship with my current boyfriend and was so happy for a long time, but exam stress and other things have triggered it again and now I'm constantly fluctuating between on top of the world and battling the urge to think of myself as the absolute useless scum of the Earth. It gets better when I'm busy doing things I enjoy, such as spending time with my boyfriend and others who have a positive influence on me.
How has it affected your life?
It has brought out traits in my personality that weren't present before, such as jealousy and anxiety. These in themselves have meant it's a lot harder for me to maintain relationships with people. I'm a very sensitive person and get triggered very easily, which is horrible and I'd change that, out of anything, if I could. I don't like talking about my feelings to anyone, so I bottle things up and end up letting them get to me a whole of a lot more than they would if I'd just spoke them at the time. This leads to me being the type to sit and cry myself to sleep over stupid things that shouldn't bother me but do, I'll over-think until the only problem I can see with situations is myself, and end up feeling as though if I removed myself from the problem there would be no problem. It's made school work hard for me, because I'll constantly have a low opinion of myself and feel as though whatever I produce will not be good enough. It's made my part-time job position suffer because I can't bring myself to spend the day smiling to customers and acting "normal". Since my depression started I have pushed away a lot of people, and I am left feeling as though if I fall out with my boyfriend I am completely alone. Alone and isolated are feelings I regularly face and have no idea how to cope with.
How are you coping now
I don't cope. I am the worst at coping. I feel like a problem to my family, I feel my illness is annoying to my boyfriend as he finds it difficult to understand me now, I just overall feel like a complete waste of space and time and that if I were normal I'd be happy all the time. I feel like now is my chance to be happy, I'm away from my manipulative boyfriend and in a relationship that I'm truly happy in, but I can't be happy because I'm not capable of staying happy. It's so frustrating.
Who you are
I'm ??? And I'm 17
When it started
Late 2009
How long you've had it
Up until late 2011 where depression and OCD symptoms reduced significantly, some of it however remains now but I'm in a far better place, and feel very in control of life
I look back and think of how silly I was.
Official diagnosis
OCD (I was depressed too. But I wasn't diagnosed it)
Therapy/medication
CBT, however I chickened out after a few sessions due to feelings of embarassment and not telling parents because they wouldn't have understood, so there was nothing to motivate me. I then relied on myself, confronting my demons on my own.
--------------------
Basically my message is that, I've been through some dark moments of my life, but it DOES get better so don't think you're life is over. Time is a great healer of things. I now am the happiest I've ever been!
I'm ??? And I'm 17
When it started
Late 2009
How long you've had it
Up until late 2011 where depression and OCD symptoms reduced significantly, some of it however remains now but I'm in a far better place, and feel very in control of life
I look back and think of how silly I was.Official diagnosis
OCD (I was depressed too. But I wasn't diagnosed it)
Therapy/medication
CBT, however I chickened out after a few sessions due to feelings of embarassment and not telling parents because they wouldn't have understood, so there was nothing to motivate me. I then relied on myself, confronting my demons on my own.
--------------------
Basically my message is that, I've been through some dark moments of my life, but it DOES get better so don't think you're life is over. Time is a great healer of things. I now am the happiest I've ever been!
Original post by Anonymous
Who you are
A 16, (17 soon) year old girl.
When it started
I was raped when I was 13, and since then I changed completely, for the past 4 years I have spent all my time thinking about what did I do to deserve something so awful? I decided that I deserved it all, that I must be a horrible, disgusting slut who deserves the worst things in life to happen to her. To make matters worse, people found out, as the monster who did this to me told everyone that I was lying about being raped, and everyone picked on me for being a 'liar', and this made me feel like I deserved it even more. Since then, I have never had any friends, I spend most of my time at home. My parents don't know about this, or even that I attempted suicide a month ago, they are extremely religious and I don't think that I could ever tell them, they have very conservative views on suicide and a very old-fashioned view on depression, besides surely if they cared they would have noticed that something was wrong by now? This makes me feel extremely isolated and lonely, I have nothing. I had a very difficult child also, which I believe contributed towards how I am feeling.
How long you've had it
4 years
Official diagnosis
No official diagnosis yet, I am yet to be seen by a psychiatrist. Most probably depression and post traumatic stress disorder.
Therapy/medication
Counselling since November 2012 with relateen at schoo, I have now been referred to CAMHs and during my session yesterday I was told that I am having a meeting in a week with a psychiatrist to talk about starting antidepressants.
When it got worse/when it got better
It started getting worse in November, but the lowest of the low was April when I attempted suicide.
How has it affected your life?
It hasn't really affect my school work for starters, I always aspired to be a doctor, however I have lost all hope, I'm ****, I'm not good enough and why on earth would anyone offer me a place? I don't think about the future, there is no place for me in the future.
It has also affect my relationship, I have huge trust issues, I have a low self-esteem, and due to the rape any physical contact makes me feel sick, I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years, however a relationship is making me feel worse, he makes me feel worse, he told me that 'I am not normal' yet I stick around with him, I think it's because once I lose him, that is it, I would have no-one left. I have no social life, I have no friends, I have nothing. I have been comfort eating a lot which made me put on a lot of weight, I feel disgusting.
How you are coping now
I once read somewhere that 'coping your way through life is not a way to live'... I don't want to cope anymore, I don't want to live anymore.
A 16, (17 soon) year old girl.
When it started
I was raped when I was 13, and since then I changed completely, for the past 4 years I have spent all my time thinking about what did I do to deserve something so awful? I decided that I deserved it all, that I must be a horrible, disgusting slut who deserves the worst things in life to happen to her. To make matters worse, people found out, as the monster who did this to me told everyone that I was lying about being raped, and everyone picked on me for being a 'liar', and this made me feel like I deserved it even more. Since then, I have never had any friends, I spend most of my time at home. My parents don't know about this, or even that I attempted suicide a month ago, they are extremely religious and I don't think that I could ever tell them, they have very conservative views on suicide and a very old-fashioned view on depression, besides surely if they cared they would have noticed that something was wrong by now? This makes me feel extremely isolated and lonely, I have nothing. I had a very difficult child also, which I believe contributed towards how I am feeling.
How long you've had it
4 years
Official diagnosis
No official diagnosis yet, I am yet to be seen by a psychiatrist. Most probably depression and post traumatic stress disorder.
Therapy/medication
Counselling since November 2012 with relateen at schoo, I have now been referred to CAMHs and during my session yesterday I was told that I am having a meeting in a week with a psychiatrist to talk about starting antidepressants.
When it got worse/when it got better
It started getting worse in November, but the lowest of the low was April when I attempted suicide.
How has it affected your life?
It hasn't really affect my school work for starters, I always aspired to be a doctor, however I have lost all hope, I'm ****, I'm not good enough and why on earth would anyone offer me a place? I don't think about the future, there is no place for me in the future.
It has also affect my relationship, I have huge trust issues, I have a low self-esteem, and due to the rape any physical contact makes me feel sick, I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years, however a relationship is making me feel worse, he makes me feel worse, he told me that 'I am not normal' yet I stick around with him, I think it's because once I lose him, that is it, I would have no-one left. I have no social life, I have no friends, I have nothing. I have been comfort eating a lot which made me put on a lot of weight, I feel disgusting.
How you are coping now
I once read somewhere that 'coping your way through life is not a way to live'... I don't want to cope anymore, I don't want to live anymore.
Believe me, you can cope. You WILL be fine. X
I'm ready to share my story:
My depression originally started when I was 15, my Grandad had died a few weeks before and I didn't know how to cope. I' never had a pet and no one else in my family had died, I had no idea how to cope. I would have usually spoken to my mother about how I was feeling, but as it was her father I didn't feel like I could as I didn't want to burden her anymore. My father on the other hand, decided he was going to spend the majority of his time either at work or in the pub and was rarely at home so I was unable to talk to him about it.
In the end I did the only thing I could do to cope, I was so depressed and overwhelmed with emotion I turned to self-harm. I self-harmed for around about 3 or 4 years. I never went to the doctor or told any of my family as I was too ashamed about what I was doing to myself. My friends eventually noticed and helped me through it. I still have moments where I go back to feeling that depressed and want to self-harm again.
I am now volunteering with Mind to help people who are or have been through what I have been through and am also studying a Psychology degree to help people professionally.
If anybody needs to talk to me about anything they're going through, I'm more than happy to help or just chat
Hope this helps people
xxx
My depression originally started when I was 15, my Grandad had died a few weeks before and I didn't know how to cope. I' never had a pet and no one else in my family had died, I had no idea how to cope. I would have usually spoken to my mother about how I was feeling, but as it was her father I didn't feel like I could as I didn't want to burden her anymore. My father on the other hand, decided he was going to spend the majority of his time either at work or in the pub and was rarely at home so I was unable to talk to him about it.
In the end I did the only thing I could do to cope, I was so depressed and overwhelmed with emotion I turned to self-harm. I self-harmed for around about 3 or 4 years. I never went to the doctor or told any of my family as I was too ashamed about what I was doing to myself. My friends eventually noticed and helped me through it. I still have moments where I go back to feeling that depressed and want to self-harm again.
I am now volunteering with Mind to help people who are or have been through what I have been through and am also studying a Psychology degree to help people professionally.
If anybody needs to talk to me about anything they're going through, I'm more than happy to help or just chat
Hope this helps people
xxx
Just after a bit of advice - think I have depression but I'm not sure (spoilered as I describe how I have been feeling and don't want to drag anyone else down). If this is in the wrong place could you let me know?
Thanks
Spoiler
Thanks
Original post by Anonymous
Just after a bit of advice - think I have depression but I'm not sure (spoilered as I describe how I have been feeling and don't want to drag anyone else down). If this is in the wrong place could you let me know?
Thanks
Spoiler
Thanks
Those definitley sound like depression symptoms. Like with GPs, how the service is depends a lot on the therapist i think, but my experience of cbt has been that its really helpful as long as you engage with it.
Its much better if you can sort it without medication, you just need to engage with it. If you do end up needing medication tho, don't think its a bad thing! A lot of people use medication, and it can really help. Best of luck to you!
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Original post by Meaty_man
Those definitley sound like depression symptoms. Like with GPs, how the service is depends a lot on the therapist i think, but my experience of cbt has been that its really helpful as long as you engage with it.
Its much better if you can sort it without medication, you just need to engage with it. If you do end up needing medication tho, don't think its a bad thing! A lot of people use medication, and it can really help. Best of luck to you!
Posted from TSR Mobile
Its much better if you can sort it without medication, you just need to engage with it. If you do end up needing medication tho, don't think its a bad thing! A lot of people use medication, and it can really help. Best of luck to you!
Posted from TSR Mobile
Thank you!
[INDENT] Who you are
26 yr old female
When it started
with hindsight, probably by the time I was 12
How long you've had it
on and off ever since
Official diagnosis
Aged 16
Therapy/medication
none currently, waiting to talk to someone first
When it got worse/when it got better
Due to not revealing some external issues (an addiction to chat rooms and experiencing what could probably be called grooming) I ever really got better the first time round.
How has it affected your life?
I ruined everything. I lost my friends, hurt my family and spoilt my educational and career chances. I pushed myself through uni but it was completely the wrong choice and I was involved in self destructive behaviour- really I was just running away and have left myself worse off than before.
[/INDENT]
26 yr old female
When it started
with hindsight, probably by the time I was 12
How long you've had it
on and off ever since
Official diagnosis
Aged 16
Therapy/medication
none currently, waiting to talk to someone first
When it got worse/when it got better
Due to not revealing some external issues (an addiction to chat rooms and experiencing what could probably be called grooming) I ever really got better the first time round.
How has it affected your life?
I ruined everything. I lost my friends, hurt my family and spoilt my educational and career chances. I pushed myself through uni but it was completely the wrong choice and I was involved in self destructive behaviour- really I was just running away and have left myself worse off than before.
[/INDENT]
Personal experiences:
I'm a final year student at a university in the south west. I have been suffering with depression and Anxiety attacks since December 2012, I have to do work placements around my course and it started then when I suffered disability discrimination and bullying on placements and then raised it all with my lectures and they told me it was acceptable behaviour to be told I should be on my course every day, my supervisor couldn't be bothered to work with me and a number of other issues and the placement before that where I was told I was being marked down as I'm dyslexic. I was 31 at the time. I've been trying to cover up my symptoms until recently but its all caught up with me. my anxiety symptoms, could last for a few weeks and often came on at night or before having to face lectures, or when uni brought up placement issues and dismissed it. I wouldn't be able to sleep, I'd shake, lose my confidence and concentration, flash hot and cold, butter flies in my stomach, burning sensation in the middle of my chest. My depression symptoms I have been trying to hide, but these have been increase in weight, increased fatigue, difficulty getting on to sleep, lack of concentration, I struggle to decide what to watch on telly and can't concentrate on a film longer that 15 minutes, I have become withdrawn, my mood bounces up and down and have become irritable and often lose my temper easily which is unusual for me. My drinking has gone up, I've lost interest in my hobbies that I enjoyed, I just now want to spend my spare time lasing around because I can decide what to do, I've lost trust in those around me, do sometimes wander if and whe I will get out of my hole I feel I am in. But I fear I will struggle until my issues at uni are resolved. I've had some student counselling at uni which has helped me and would recommend to feel more comfortable at facing up to my depression and anxiety and feel a bit more comfortable talking about it with people, without feeling I will be judged. I've been trying mindgym CBT at the request of my GP but I find this hard as its lots of reading and being dyslexic and having issues with concentration, I find it hard to focus on the tasks and take in the information. I have been given contact details for a CBT class to attend. I've just started on Citalopram, a few days ago, originally I turned down med's as I didn't want my life being run by med's. It does have a odd taste, and have had few concerns over side affects, often feel hungry all the time and have serious hunger pains, some occasions where swallowing is difficult in late pm, sleep its even harder to get of, have had few flushes, I feel that it is bringing my anxiety symptoms back on really, but was told it may take 2-4 weeks for it to make a difference to how i'm feeling. As I could do with a pick me up. As a result of my depression I have failed assessments at uni, and am on the verge if I haven't already been kicked of my course which I think is unfair. I'm hoping I win my appeal over the disability discrimination and bullying, to help try and put the cause behind me to try and climb out of my hole I'm in, it's hard putting on a show for people. I'm hoping I'll be allowed to complete my last 1.5 modules of my degree. I'm now starting to talk about how I feel and it's affecting me. not feeling so worried if people know, as I think they have probably seen through my trying to act like nothings wrong. I do have some fears, that my depression and anxiety may come back to haunt me and how long it will take me to get back to the person I was 12 months ago before the issues of disability discrimination and bullying.
I'm a final year student at a university in the south west. I have been suffering with depression and Anxiety attacks since December 2012, I have to do work placements around my course and it started then when I suffered disability discrimination and bullying on placements and then raised it all with my lectures and they told me it was acceptable behaviour to be told I should be on my course every day, my supervisor couldn't be bothered to work with me and a number of other issues and the placement before that where I was told I was being marked down as I'm dyslexic. I was 31 at the time. I've been trying to cover up my symptoms until recently but its all caught up with me. my anxiety symptoms, could last for a few weeks and often came on at night or before having to face lectures, or when uni brought up placement issues and dismissed it. I wouldn't be able to sleep, I'd shake, lose my confidence and concentration, flash hot and cold, butter flies in my stomach, burning sensation in the middle of my chest. My depression symptoms I have been trying to hide, but these have been increase in weight, increased fatigue, difficulty getting on to sleep, lack of concentration, I struggle to decide what to watch on telly and can't concentrate on a film longer that 15 minutes, I have become withdrawn, my mood bounces up and down and have become irritable and often lose my temper easily which is unusual for me. My drinking has gone up, I've lost interest in my hobbies that I enjoyed, I just now want to spend my spare time lasing around because I can decide what to do, I've lost trust in those around me, do sometimes wander if and whe I will get out of my hole I feel I am in. But I fear I will struggle until my issues at uni are resolved. I've had some student counselling at uni which has helped me and would recommend to feel more comfortable at facing up to my depression and anxiety and feel a bit more comfortable talking about it with people, without feeling I will be judged. I've been trying mindgym CBT at the request of my GP but I find this hard as its lots of reading and being dyslexic and having issues with concentration, I find it hard to focus on the tasks and take in the information. I have been given contact details for a CBT class to attend. I've just started on Citalopram, a few days ago, originally I turned down med's as I didn't want my life being run by med's. It does have a odd taste, and have had few concerns over side affects, often feel hungry all the time and have serious hunger pains, some occasions where swallowing is difficult in late pm, sleep its even harder to get of, have had few flushes, I feel that it is bringing my anxiety symptoms back on really, but was told it may take 2-4 weeks for it to make a difference to how i'm feeling. As I could do with a pick me up. As a result of my depression I have failed assessments at uni, and am on the verge if I haven't already been kicked of my course which I think is unfair. I'm hoping I win my appeal over the disability discrimination and bullying, to help try and put the cause behind me to try and climb out of my hole I'm in, it's hard putting on a show for people. I'm hoping I'll be allowed to complete my last 1.5 modules of my degree. I'm now starting to talk about how I feel and it's affecting me. not feeling so worried if people know, as I think they have probably seen through my trying to act like nothings wrong. I do have some fears, that my depression and anxiety may come back to haunt me and how long it will take me to get back to the person I was 12 months ago before the issues of disability discrimination and bullying.
Who you are:
I'm Jay. I'm 20. Off to Uni this year to study Physics.
When it started:
Probably when I was in my last year of GCSEs (year 11 - so when I was about 15/16).
How long you've had it:
Although I still get down, I wouldn't say I was depressed any more. It probably didn't start to abate until I was about 19.
Official diagnosis:
When I was 16. The depression is coupled with what I describe simply as a mash up of several anxiety disorders - officially diagnosed with anorexia however I also had OCD and social anxiety.
Therapy/medication:
Saw a few therapists. Had CBT, etc. but to be honest nothing helped. It wasn't until I tried to get better of my own accord, by myself and for myself, that I saw any improvement. I have never been on medication as I refuse it. I don't believe it's a solution.
When it got worse/when it got better:
Things were bad around my 17th birthday as I dropped out of sixth form. They hit another crisis point when I was about 18 and a half, which ended with a hospital admission. It got better when I found a routine or something to work for - going to college once a week at first helped a lot, followed by going to college full time the next year.
How has it affected your life?
It has made me a much nicer, wiser person. It's opened my eyes to the world, it's helped me to be more understanding and accepting of everyone. It's made me very strong - I feel like I could deal with a LOT more than I could a few years ago. It has certainly aged me mentally - I feel old compared to a lot of people my own age because I've seen things that a teenager shouldn't have seen (especially in hospital - it was a MH ward). It delayed my education by 2 years - I'm now going to Uni aged 20 when I would've been 18 before. I lost a lot of friends. However it has made me appreciate life a lot more. Plus I feel much more ready to go to University than I would've done at 18 without the experience of mental illness. Although the worst moments of my life have happened over the last 4 years, I've also learned more about myself and about life than I have ever done.
How you are coping now?
I still have down days. I still have wobbles. I still have distressing thoughts. I'm not completely free of OCD. I still have some way to go with recovering from my eating disorder. But I have come a LONG way from where I was. I haven't self harmed in about a year and half now, which says a lot. My emotions and thought processes are a lot more balanced and logical than they once were. Things are not perfect, and I still feel that I'm a little sensitive in some ways. But life doesn't overwhelm me any more and the thoughts / feelings I have no longer stop me from functioning. I can get on with my life. I expect I will always have the traces of depression, anorexia, etc. in the background, but they won't be my life any more.
I'm Jay. I'm 20. Off to Uni this year to study Physics.
When it started:
Probably when I was in my last year of GCSEs (year 11 - so when I was about 15/16).
How long you've had it:
Although I still get down, I wouldn't say I was depressed any more. It probably didn't start to abate until I was about 19.
Official diagnosis:
When I was 16. The depression is coupled with what I describe simply as a mash up of several anxiety disorders - officially diagnosed with anorexia however I also had OCD and social anxiety.
Therapy/medication:
Saw a few therapists. Had CBT, etc. but to be honest nothing helped. It wasn't until I tried to get better of my own accord, by myself and for myself, that I saw any improvement. I have never been on medication as I refuse it. I don't believe it's a solution.
When it got worse/when it got better:
Things were bad around my 17th birthday as I dropped out of sixth form. They hit another crisis point when I was about 18 and a half, which ended with a hospital admission. It got better when I found a routine or something to work for - going to college once a week at first helped a lot, followed by going to college full time the next year.
How has it affected your life?
It has made me a much nicer, wiser person. It's opened my eyes to the world, it's helped me to be more understanding and accepting of everyone. It's made me very strong - I feel like I could deal with a LOT more than I could a few years ago. It has certainly aged me mentally - I feel old compared to a lot of people my own age because I've seen things that a teenager shouldn't have seen (especially in hospital - it was a MH ward). It delayed my education by 2 years - I'm now going to Uni aged 20 when I would've been 18 before. I lost a lot of friends. However it has made me appreciate life a lot more. Plus I feel much more ready to go to University than I would've done at 18 without the experience of mental illness. Although the worst moments of my life have happened over the last 4 years, I've also learned more about myself and about life than I have ever done.
How you are coping now?
I still have down days. I still have wobbles. I still have distressing thoughts. I'm not completely free of OCD. I still have some way to go with recovering from my eating disorder. But I have come a LONG way from where I was. I haven't self harmed in about a year and half now, which says a lot. My emotions and thought processes are a lot more balanced and logical than they once were. Things are not perfect, and I still feel that I'm a little sensitive in some ways. But life doesn't overwhelm me any more and the thoughts / feelings I have no longer stop me from functioning. I can get on with my life. I expect I will always have the traces of depression, anorexia, etc. in the background, but they won't be my life any more.
Who you are
I'm a 20 year old girl.
How long you've had it
I think it was a downgoing spiral during many years, and then I got depressed and felt miserable during about a year.
Official diagnosis
I got my dianosis in November 2012
Therapy/medication
Both. Citalopram 20mg, and cognitive behavior therapy. My therapeut was seriously a lovely person, and I think I might send her a card soon or smthg...
When it got worse/when it got better
It got worse Oct 2013, one year ago. As soon as I got my medication it all became so much better, but I still felt broken inside. During this year I have recovered pretty well, and this spring I'm going to study in the UK, feeling good about it
How has it affected your life?
The depression started partly because of social anxiety. In my therapy sessions we talked a lot about my social anxiety, and I learned so much. That's the positive thing. I'm less anxious and self aware now, than before. Also I have become stronger, and I know what it feels like to be at the bottom. That makes me fight a lot more.
On the other hand, a depression is a horrible experience to all of us. It still makes me quite sad to think about how fragile and inconsistent life can be. I don't always feel safe and often I feel kind of lost. But I guess that will get better in time.
How you are coping now?
Really well.
I'm a 20 year old girl.
How long you've had it
I think it was a downgoing spiral during many years, and then I got depressed and felt miserable during about a year.
Official diagnosis
I got my dianosis in November 2012
Therapy/medication
Both. Citalopram 20mg, and cognitive behavior therapy. My therapeut was seriously a lovely person, and I think I might send her a card soon or smthg...
When it got worse/when it got better
It got worse Oct 2013, one year ago. As soon as I got my medication it all became so much better, but I still felt broken inside. During this year I have recovered pretty well, and this spring I'm going to study in the UK, feeling good about it
How has it affected your life?
The depression started partly because of social anxiety. In my therapy sessions we talked a lot about my social anxiety, and I learned so much. That's the positive thing. I'm less anxious and self aware now, than before. Also I have become stronger, and I know what it feels like to be at the bottom. That makes me fight a lot more.
On the other hand, a depression is a horrible experience to all of us. It still makes me quite sad to think about how fragile and inconsistent life can be. I don't always feel safe and often I feel kind of lost. But I guess that will get better in time.
How you are coping now?
Really well.
(edited 10 years ago)
I'm Rachael, I'm 19 and I was diagnosed with mild to moderate depression in August. Although my diagnosis is quite recent, I believe I've been suffering from it since I was fourteen. I was bullied pretty badly in school as I was very, very shy and thus an easy target. It got really bad when I was fifteen and tried to commit to suicide by taking a lot of pills, luckily I had a moment of rationality and threw it all up.
For a while after that it got a little better because I realised that there was a small part of me that didn't want to die, and that part could be a lot stronger than the part that did want to die when it needed. It progressively got worse again and for months at a time I wouldn't want to leave the house or see anyone, I distanced myself from my friends and when I started sixth form, cut ties with friends I had from school who were attending different colleges. Depression then sort of came in waves where for ages I'd be fine and then for months I'd be incredibly sad. At the time I assumed that this was all a normal part of growing up and even believed that most people my age try to kill themselves.
When I started university last year things were better than they'd been in years, I found it easier to befriend my new flatmates and did really well in all my classes eventually finishing first year with a 1st and a 2:1. Then over the summer I felt like I began paying for the fact depression hadn't really affected my first year of uni, I cried almost constantly and started having panic attacks, I often heard a voice in my head telling me to kill myself and I felt like I was worthless and a burden on my friends and family. I eventually told my mum how I was feeling and then with her support, decided to see a doctor. The GP I saw was kind of a bitch, she told me I was wasting her time because I'd unknowingly made an appointment for an emergency clinic (vomiting, bleeding etc) and that I was an idiot for not doing anything about it sooner. She got me to fill out a form and told me to write that I had never tried to kill myself. She diagnosed me with depression and gave me a leaflet on psychotherapy but said she didn't think it would be much use since I was going back to uni soon.
After my diagnosis I was embarrassed that I was being over-dramatic and whiny about how I felt so decided that it would be best if I didn't talk about it again. When I returned to uni things got worse. I was left alone for most of September, two of my flatmates not having moved in yet and the third spent everyday with her boyfriend. When uni started I rarely went to my lectures and seminars partly because I'd completely lost interest, found the thought of dragging myself into uni frightening and because I wasn't sleeping well at night so slept for most of the day. The two flatmates that were absent in September began to notice that I wasn't very well and have been very supportive, I told them about my diagnosis and they encouraged me to see a counsellor. I planned to kill myself again a couple of weeks ago, but upon seeing a counsellor decided not to go through with it.
Currently things are the worst they've been for a while, when I planned to kill myself for the second time I thought I'd hit rock bottom. It's good that I've started seeing a counsellor and it's nice that someone is finally taking me seriously and not making me feel like I'm overreacting. I'm not sure yet if things are going to get better, or if I'm ever going to feel like I'm normal. I'm hopeful I guess, which is something.
For a while after that it got a little better because I realised that there was a small part of me that didn't want to die, and that part could be a lot stronger than the part that did want to die when it needed. It progressively got worse again and for months at a time I wouldn't want to leave the house or see anyone, I distanced myself from my friends and when I started sixth form, cut ties with friends I had from school who were attending different colleges. Depression then sort of came in waves where for ages I'd be fine and then for months I'd be incredibly sad. At the time I assumed that this was all a normal part of growing up and even believed that most people my age try to kill themselves.
When I started university last year things were better than they'd been in years, I found it easier to befriend my new flatmates and did really well in all my classes eventually finishing first year with a 1st and a 2:1. Then over the summer I felt like I began paying for the fact depression hadn't really affected my first year of uni, I cried almost constantly and started having panic attacks, I often heard a voice in my head telling me to kill myself and I felt like I was worthless and a burden on my friends and family. I eventually told my mum how I was feeling and then with her support, decided to see a doctor. The GP I saw was kind of a bitch, she told me I was wasting her time because I'd unknowingly made an appointment for an emergency clinic (vomiting, bleeding etc) and that I was an idiot for not doing anything about it sooner. She got me to fill out a form and told me to write that I had never tried to kill myself. She diagnosed me with depression and gave me a leaflet on psychotherapy but said she didn't think it would be much use since I was going back to uni soon.
After my diagnosis I was embarrassed that I was being over-dramatic and whiny about how I felt so decided that it would be best if I didn't talk about it again. When I returned to uni things got worse. I was left alone for most of September, two of my flatmates not having moved in yet and the third spent everyday with her boyfriend. When uni started I rarely went to my lectures and seminars partly because I'd completely lost interest, found the thought of dragging myself into uni frightening and because I wasn't sleeping well at night so slept for most of the day. The two flatmates that were absent in September began to notice that I wasn't very well and have been very supportive, I told them about my diagnosis and they encouraged me to see a counsellor. I planned to kill myself again a couple of weeks ago, but upon seeing a counsellor decided not to go through with it.
Currently things are the worst they've been for a while, when I planned to kill myself for the second time I thought I'd hit rock bottom. It's good that I've started seeing a counsellor and it's nice that someone is finally taking me seriously and not making me feel like I'm overreacting. I'm not sure yet if things are going to get better, or if I'm ever going to feel like I'm normal. I'm hopeful I guess, which is something.
Original post by Rachael1234
I'm Rachael, I'm 19 and I was diagnosed with mild to moderate depression in August. Although my diagnosis is quite recent, I believe I've been suffering from it since I was fourteen. I was bullied pretty badly in school as I was very, very shy and thus an easy target. It got really bad when I was fifteen and tried to commit to suicide by taking a lot of pills, luckily I had a moment of rationality and threw it all up.
For a while after that it got a little better because I realised that there was a small part of me that didn't want to die, and that part could be a lot stronger than the part that did want to die when it needed. It progressively got worse again and for months at a time I wouldn't want to leave the house or see anyone, I distanced myself from my friends and when I started sixth form, cut ties with friends I had from school who were attending different colleges. Depression then sort of came in waves where for ages I'd be fine and then for months I'd be incredibly sad. At the time I assumed that this was all a normal part of growing up and even believed that most people my age try to kill themselves.
When I started university last year things were better than they'd been in years, I found it easier to befriend my new flatmates and did really well in all my classes eventually finishing first year with a 1st and a 2:1. Then over the summer I felt like I began paying for the fact depression hadn't really affected my first year of uni, I cried almost constantly and started having panic attacks, I often heard a voice in my head telling me to kill myself and I felt like I was worthless and a burden on my friends and family. I eventually told my mum how I was feeling and then with her support, decided to see a doctor. The GP I saw was kind of a bitch, she told me I was wasting her time because I'd unknowingly made an appointment for an emergency clinic (vomiting, bleeding etc) and that I was an idiot for not doing anything about it sooner. She got me to fill out a form and told me to write that I had never tried to kill myself. She diagnosed me with depression and gave me a leaflet on psychotherapy but said she didn't think it would be much use since I was going back to uni soon.
After my diagnosis I was embarrassed that I was being over-dramatic and whiny about how I felt so decided that it would be best if I didn't talk about it again. When I returned to uni things got worse. I was left alone for most of September, two of my flatmates not having moved in yet and the third spent everyday with her boyfriend. When uni started I rarely went to my lectures and seminars partly because I'd completely lost interest, found the thought of dragging myself into uni frightening and because I wasn't sleeping well at night so slept for most of the day. The two flatmates that were absent in September began to notice that I wasn't very well and have been very supportive, I told them about my diagnosis and they encouraged me to see a counsellor. I planned to kill myself again a couple of weeks ago, but upon seeing a counsellor decided not to go through with it.
Currently things are the worst they've been for a while, when I planned to kill myself for the second time I thought I'd hit rock bottom. It's good that I've started seeing a counsellor and it's nice that someone is finally taking me seriously and not making me feel like I'm overreacting. I'm not sure yet if things are going to get better, or if I'm ever going to feel like I'm normal. I'm hopeful I guess, which is something.
For a while after that it got a little better because I realised that there was a small part of me that didn't want to die, and that part could be a lot stronger than the part that did want to die when it needed. It progressively got worse again and for months at a time I wouldn't want to leave the house or see anyone, I distanced myself from my friends and when I started sixth form, cut ties with friends I had from school who were attending different colleges. Depression then sort of came in waves where for ages I'd be fine and then for months I'd be incredibly sad. At the time I assumed that this was all a normal part of growing up and even believed that most people my age try to kill themselves.
When I started university last year things were better than they'd been in years, I found it easier to befriend my new flatmates and did really well in all my classes eventually finishing first year with a 1st and a 2:1. Then over the summer I felt like I began paying for the fact depression hadn't really affected my first year of uni, I cried almost constantly and started having panic attacks, I often heard a voice in my head telling me to kill myself and I felt like I was worthless and a burden on my friends and family. I eventually told my mum how I was feeling and then with her support, decided to see a doctor. The GP I saw was kind of a bitch, she told me I was wasting her time because I'd unknowingly made an appointment for an emergency clinic (vomiting, bleeding etc) and that I was an idiot for not doing anything about it sooner. She got me to fill out a form and told me to write that I had never tried to kill myself. She diagnosed me with depression and gave me a leaflet on psychotherapy but said she didn't think it would be much use since I was going back to uni soon.
After my diagnosis I was embarrassed that I was being over-dramatic and whiny about how I felt so decided that it would be best if I didn't talk about it again. When I returned to uni things got worse. I was left alone for most of September, two of my flatmates not having moved in yet and the third spent everyday with her boyfriend. When uni started I rarely went to my lectures and seminars partly because I'd completely lost interest, found the thought of dragging myself into uni frightening and because I wasn't sleeping well at night so slept for most of the day. The two flatmates that were absent in September began to notice that I wasn't very well and have been very supportive, I told them about my diagnosis and they encouraged me to see a counsellor. I planned to kill myself again a couple of weeks ago, but upon seeing a counsellor decided not to go through with it.
Currently things are the worst they've been for a while, when I planned to kill myself for the second time I thought I'd hit rock bottom. It's good that I've started seeing a counsellor and it's nice that someone is finally taking me seriously and not making me feel like I'm overreacting. I'm not sure yet if things are going to get better, or if I'm ever going to feel like I'm normal. I'm hopeful I guess, which is something.
Sorry to hear about how bad things have been for you recently. Seeing a counselor is a good step however, have you thought about perhaps trying medication? University counseling services can be quite limited in the impact they have on people (although it's great that it's working so well for you) whereas if you've had chronic depression you might need something more i.e. medication.
Original post by Sabertooth
Sorry to hear about how bad things have been for you recently. Seeing a counselor is a good step however, have you thought about perhaps trying medication? University counseling services can be quite limited in the impact they have on people (although it's great that it's working so well for you) whereas if you've had chronic depression you might need something more i.e. medication.
I've thought about it and am toying with the idea of going back to another GP to get a second opinion, but my first visit to the doctors was so awful I'm apprehensive about going back.
Original post by Rachael1234
I've thought about it and am toying with the idea of going back to another GP to get a second opinion, but my first visit to the doctors was so awful I'm apprehensive about going back.
I had a pretty bad experience the first time I saw a GP too and it took me a long time to pluck up the courage to see another one but the way I was treated the second time was so completely different to that first moron. I'd definitely advise talking to your GP. What you've said sounds like pretty severe depression.
Hey there!
Who you are - I'm Beth, a 2nd year Sports Therapy student but hoping to become a physiotherapist.
When it started - Particularly hard to pin-point... Around 4 years ago... Probably came on gradually but became exacerbated when I injured myself.
How long you've had it? - Lol, 4 years! XD
Official diagnosis - Adjustment disorder and clinical depression.
Therapy/medication - I've had 2 lots of CBT, which helped at the time, but I think it might have just been having someone to talk to that helped. Currently on Sertraline 100mg, not sure if it's working as I am increasingly feel more down again.
When it got worse/when it got better - Well, it goes worse when: I injured my knee, I was in an abusive relationship, my friends ditched me, my parents got into HUUUGE debt, my grandad's leukaemia got worse, my mum had 2 miscarriages, I flunked my A levels due to it, I left school and I didn't get into university. My parents have never really understood teenage depression, and I didn't tell them for ages. It gets better in the summer when I'm away from the horrible uni course, I'm travelling and the sun's out!
How has it affected your life? I believe it causes me to do worse in my exams, gives me anxiety... Although it has meant a really close relationship with my boyfriend, thankfully!
How you are coping now? - Not too great in recent weeks... As stated above, my parents are struggling with the fact that I can have depression... Therefore, the support is minimal. I think it's possible that my mum is depressed, because she can be pretty awful to me at times. Not sure what's going on with myself at the moment. 
I write a blog about my struggles with depression, you're all welcome to check it out and give me some tips if you want.: http://dreamsyetdisasters.blogspot.co.uk/
Who you are - I'm Beth, a 2nd year Sports Therapy student but hoping to become a physiotherapist.
When it started - Particularly hard to pin-point... Around 4 years ago... Probably came on gradually but became exacerbated when I injured myself.
How long you've had it? - Lol, 4 years! XD
Official diagnosis - Adjustment disorder and clinical depression.
Therapy/medication - I've had 2 lots of CBT, which helped at the time, but I think it might have just been having someone to talk to that helped. Currently on Sertraline 100mg, not sure if it's working as I am increasingly feel more down again.
When it got worse/when it got better - Well, it goes worse when: I injured my knee, I was in an abusive relationship, my friends ditched me, my parents got into HUUUGE debt, my grandad's leukaemia got worse, my mum had 2 miscarriages, I flunked my A levels due to it, I left school and I didn't get into university. My parents have never really understood teenage depression, and I didn't tell them for ages. It gets better in the summer when I'm away from the horrible uni course, I'm travelling and the sun's out!
How has it affected your life? I believe it causes me to do worse in my exams, gives me anxiety... Although it has meant a really close relationship with my boyfriend, thankfully!
How you are coping now? - Not too great in recent weeks...
As stated above, my parents are struggling with the fact that I can have depression... Therefore, the support is minimal. I think it's possible that my mum is depressed, because she can be pretty awful to me at times. Not sure what's going on with myself at the moment. I write a blog about my struggles with depression, you're all welcome to check it out and give me some tips if you want.: http://dreamsyetdisasters.blogspot.co.uk/
(edited 10 years ago)
I chronicle my battle with depression on YouTube, check it out:
http://www.youtube.com/user/IncandescentBuddha/videos
http://www.youtube.com/user/IncandescentBuddha/videos
