Anxiety experiences and support

It's really up to you, maybe talking to your personal tutor. I don't mean tell everybody, I would admire anyone who was that open. Certain people could quite easily use it against you, though.

I would only tell your tutor to make them aware; if your marks start dropping, you start missing lectures/presentations...etc, it's not down to laziness and they could offer support. It's something I would do if I went back, but I know exactly what you mean and that's why I didn't at the time. You don't have to go into any detail.

I feel quite similar to you there, being patronised is probably the worst thing to come from SA. I guess that's where the arrogance comes from...

With the presentations, it was a whole module...
Couldn't really get away with not doing it. Though, I managed it in the end and did a couple of group presentations since then. It did get easier, slightly. I never thought I would ever be able to present at one point. Your experience sounds awful, so I can understand where you're coming from there. Uni students are far more mature with regards to anything like this I've found, but I know it doesn't quite work like that, in terms of rationalising.

Uni wasn't too bad, third year played out much better.
Hmm, I told my parents briefly. They didn't quite understand so I left it at that, but they are supportive and know I'm seeing a Therapist. My friends don't know; though, they know I have have problems in crowded places like busy pubs/bars/nightclubs...etc (regularly go outside for air, can't stay if it's too busy).

Other than that, I come across as pretty laid back, oddly. I actively try not to look nervous because I don't want to bring attention to myself.
I've even had people saying how they wish they could be as easy-going as me.

Going back to the doctor's on friday. After trying what feels like everything, don't really know what else there is left on offer (especially as my doctors, all the ones I have seen, never seem to take it too seriously).

But I am getting really ill from this. I'm just not eating and not sleeping. It's really starting to take a toll on my body and I just feel ill all the time on top of the constant nerves.

Is there a measure of anxiety, do some people be more anxious than others? how does a person find out that he or she has anxiety?

What things have you already tried? There are always more options, they just might seem difficult to find. If you're really not getting along with your current doctor, you could try seeing a different one - all you have to do is ask to see someone else when you book the appointment.

That's how I felt, everyone seemed so calm and confident before me. It made no sense...
Yeah, I have improved a lot since then. I still can't get over the physical symptoms of SA, though. It just seems to kick in automatically in certain situations and takes over. I'm not sure how to work through that.

I've noticed I already do that without thinking, I have to be able to see the exits/toilets wherever I'm sitting. Haven't even made that link before.

It's quite odd for me; I used to be really inattentive as a child, zoning out all the time and not responding to my name being called by parents/teachers. Progressed onto me struggling at school (poor memory, not concentrating), unable to follow conversations...etc. It's still a problem now tbh. I think that may have partly caused the anxiety which made me more perfectionist. Trying to look calm and laid back is quite natural to me, I just revert back to zoning out of the situation.
It's definitely better than looking nervous or blushing.

Not necessarily agoraphobia, because I can be in a room with people just fine. It's just when I'm in a room of people and I can't leave I have a problem. A form of panic disorder and social anxiety combined.

It's just stretched into every part of my life to the point where I struggle to stand in queues. I even struggle to go up town and just hang about with friends because I know that once I get there, I'm there with them for a while before it would be acceptable to leave if something did happen.

Doctor told me what I already knew. Really nothing much they can do.
They told me to go back in 3months time if I'm still not any better and they'll put me on anti depressants. I don't want to be put on them.
She asked me a lot of questions to make sure I was happy as a person. I really felt like she was almost treating me like I was depressed and suicidal in that she kept making sure I was happy. I expressed I was frustrated with myself a lot, but I accepted the situation
I totally get why she asked, as it is that type of illness that leaves you feeling that way.. but it made me wonder, do I come across that way?

I came out into the waiting room, told my mum they said there's nothing they can do. She of course got angry and blurted out "They have to do somethng. You're not yourself anymore. You're not you."

I don't think she meant it as such. But didn't stop me from having to hold back the tears. :/

I don't know. Maybe I am slipping the slippery slope into depression. But I just can't prevent it.

Not necessarily agoraphobia, because I can be in a room with people just fine. It's just when I'm in a room of people and I can't leave I have a problem. A form of panic disorder and social anxiety combined.

It's just stretched into every part of my life to the point where I struggle to stand in queues. I even struggle to go up town and just hang about with friends because I know that once I get there, I'm there with them for a while before it would be acceptable to leave if something did happen.

I'm reluctant to go on the pills because my mum was depressed when she was my age and was on them and they made her really bad, so she has a stigma for using drugs, especially anti-depressants. And as she always says to me about them, they're just a plaster for the problem, they don't solve it.
I can't be living on anti depressants for the rest of my life.

So nervous about getting my haircut this morning going early so it's nice and quiet (hopefully)

I don't even know why I get so nervous, i know exactly what I want and my barber has always done a good job. I think it's just because I feel awkward just sitting there when everyone else is chatting and my barber is quite a *ahem* loud character

The thing with mental health stuff like anxiety, depression, OCD and all those kinds of things, is that they so often end up going together. If you think about it, they have to in a way. It's pretty hard to be so anxious you can't leave the house and not end up feeling depressed. Similarly, it's pretty hard to be depressed and not start feeling anxious about things that are difficult. And it's hard to have a severe phobia and not get really bad intrusive thoughts about it and resort to compulsions to reduce the anxiety. When I look back at the times my anxiety was worst, I think I probably was depressed, and I started doing OCD behaviours as well, just because they all do go together. It wouldn't surprise me if you were depressed - if some kind of 'official' test showed that, because in a situation like yours it's difficult to be happy all the time. I think the important thing is not to treat them as different things - you don't 'now' have "anxiety AND depression", you just still have "really horrible mental stuff that makes you anxious and depressed". I know it doesn't seem that different but I think treating them as part of the same whole makes it easier to deal with - you don't have to try and treat them separately somehow, just try to treat the whole problem and they will all, eventually fall away. I promise.



I just have to say that I really relate to the feeling of being trapped and unable to get out of somewhere. That's pretty much my main sticking point too - I'm terrified of things like lifts, trains (and especially planes), as well as places where the 'trapped-ness' is more subtle and social, like school (like you said about it not being appropriate to leave when you're out with your friends).

But also I have to say that I think you need to think about those situations differently. Just imagine if you did leave soon after you'd arrived in town with your friends. What would actually happen? They might think it was a bit odd, but they'd probably be worried about you more than anything else. They'd just want to know you're OK. How much do they know about your anxiety and stuff? Maybe if you told them a bit about situations you struggle with they'd be able to support you a bit (if you haven't already that is). I normally find the best way to reassure myself is to tell myself that I really could leave, whenever I wanted, and nothing would actually happen. People might think it was strange, they might be a bit disappointed that the day out had ended early or whatever, but apart from that - what would the consequences be? Nothing, no one would die, no one would hate you, nothing life-altering would happen. Maybe when you're going into one of those situations, you just need to give yourself a bit more perspective on whether you really care about 'socially acceptable' or not. In my opinion, when you're in the depths of something as horrible as you're going through, it's not worth trying to maintain social rules. You just need to start being selfish and doing things for yourself, because that's the only way you're going to cope better day-to-day.



OK, there's two things I have to disagree with here. The first is that they were a problem for your mum. It's not nice that she had trouble with them, but you really can't use that as a reason for you not to try them. Everyone reacts differently, some work better than others and there are so many different types of antidepressant anyway, it's silly to base your opinion on them on one incident. It's fair enough to be reluctant to go on medication, because so was I. But there's really no harm in trying, because they can have a truly miraculous affect.
The second thing is that they don't solve the problem. That is true in one sense - they don't do anything about whatever the true underlying cause of the anxiety/depression is. But they shouldn't be viewed as a plaster which just covers it up - instead they're a plaster cast. They don't just mask the problem, they make it more possible for you body to solve the problem itself - or more accurately, your mind. They give you the boost you need to get back into ordinary life and figuring out, and sorting out, what it is that's causing the anxiety. They don't try to treat the cause, they just make it possible for YOU to treat the cause. Because really, you are the only person who can do that - it's your problem, in a sense you're the only one who can ever do anything about it. Just like there's nothing doctors can do to physically fix a broken leg, all they can do is put you and your leg in a situation that makes the healing easier - keeping your weight off it, putting it in a cast so it heals straight, and so on. Any treatment you get for the anxiety is just helping you to deal with it, and antidepressants are just another tool you'll have in your arsenal to help you cope day-to-day so you can work on it properly. I urge you to at least consider them.

And this is exactly why CBT didn't work. I know all this stuff already.
I can tell myself this stuff til' I'm blue in the face, but it doesn't stop my body reacting as if there's a threat and that's the problem. It's not because I'm actually afraid of going, I know there's nothing to be scared of. But my subconscious still reacts.

I really don't know how to explain why I don't want to go on drugs... I just don't. I don't think it'll help. It's just something I'm not comfortable with.
Of course I'll try it if I must, as it's the only thing they have left to offer, but I'm just very much against it.