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Bullied at work?

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    I feel like I can't talk to anyone in real life about this because - well, I'm embarrassed. I feel like an idiot.
    Where I work, the staff are really friendly, but there is one exception. The supervisor is this really unfriendly middle-aged woman, never smiling, really short with everyone, but she's taken a real dislike to me. She never misses an opportunity to put me down. I can never do anything right. Whatever I say, she'll say the opposite. The worst thing is, she tries to humiliate me in front of customers. If I do something slightly wrong--more often than not, I haven't but she thinks I have--she tells me really loudly, right in front of customers, in this patronising voice.
    And you know, I'm new, I'm young, I'm trying to get along with everyone, but sometimes I've had to go off to the toilets to cry--does that make me pathetic?--because I don't know how to cope with this. She's the supervisor and everyone sucks up to her, so I can't really voice it.
    I don't know what to do. What can you possibly do?
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    If there's nothing you can really do to stop it, then I guess you will have to bear it, as useless as that is. All I'd say is just don't take it to heart (certainly don't feel bad enough about it to cry and tell yourself she's quite short to everyone and not just exclusively you) and do everything you can to not give her any excuse to pick on you. I understand that she might be going out of her way to pick on you and you might not be able to do much about that but do try and minimise it by doing everything to the best of your ability. Other than that, try and avoid her if possible.

    Also, are you the newest person there? Maybe, it's just what she does to the more newer people as she's not used to you, yet. Other than that, if her birthday is soon - give her a card or something. Might soften her a up a bit.
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    Join the union!
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    If it carries on more and more after a few weeks, complain to someone higher up about it, it could just be because you're new though so possibly stick through it.
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    All companies should have a formal grievence procedure go through that, it may make your life a little bit more difficult in the short run although it is definately worth the effort of getting the harrassment documented, start keeping a diary with dates, times, people present what she did and how she made you feel. Then go to stage one of the grievence procedure with your evidence and keep escilating it until you are happy with the outcome.

    Good luck sorry you are going through such a hard time!
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    (Original post by booksnob)
    I feel like I can't talk to anyone in real life about this because - well, I'm embarrassed. I feel like an idiot.
    Where I work, the staff are really friendly, but there is one exception. The supervisor is this really unfriendly middle-aged woman, never smiling, really short with everyone, but she's taken a real dislike to me. She never misses an opportunity to put me down. I can never do anything right. Whatever I say, she'll say the opposite. The worst thing is, she tries to humiliate me in front of customers. If I do something slightly wrong--more often than not, I haven't but she thinks I have--she tells me really loudly, right in front of customers, in this patronising voice.
    And you know, I'm new, I'm young, I'm trying to get along with everyone, but sometimes I've had to go off to the toilets to cry--does that make me pathetic?--because I don't know how to cope with this. She's the supervisor and everyone sucks up to her, so I can't really voice it.
    I don't know what to do. What can you possibly do?
    One word: Jealousy
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    when I say I'm new, i've been there are few months now, and it shows no sign of stopping.
    The card idea--I think that would do more harm than good. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but it feels her behaviour is reactive to mine. I'm quite a friendly person, and she always puts me down when I'm friendly to her. When she's insulted me and I'm off with her, she'll say something uncharacteristically nice, and win me over, but then she'll turn on me again.
    It's like some kind of mating dance!

    I feel I'm giving her way too much thought, and usually I can stick up for myself pretty well, but when I'm being patronised, I don't know how to react. When someone makes me feel stupid, I begin to believe it.
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    (Original post by dipless)
    All companies should have a formal grievence procedure go through that, it may make your life a little bit more difficult in the short run although it is definately worth the effort of getting the harrassment documented, start keeping a diary with dates, times, people present what she did and how she made you feel. Then go to stage one of the grievence procedure with your evidence and keep escilating it until you are happy with the outcome.

    Good luck sorry you are going through such a hard time!
    Maybe. Do you think her behaviour is extreme enough for that. I suppose she could say she's only giving me things to do and correcting me, but it's how incessant it is and the way she does it that counts. Her and the manager are old friends.
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    (Original post by booksnob)
    Maybe. Do you think her behaviour is extreme enough for that. I suppose she could say she's only giving me things to do and correcting me, but it's how incessant it is and the way she does it that counts. Her and the manager are old friends.
    The bottom line for me is if one of my team came to me with claims of bullying or harassment then i'd take it seriously. At the end of the day bullying is about how the victim is feeling not how it was intended! If it's not serious speak to her in the first instance and if she brushes it off and does nothing to change then go through this.

    It makes no odds on how good friends her and the manager are, what industry do you work in?
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    (Original post by dipless)
    The bottom line for me is if one of my team came to me with claims of bullying or harassment then i'd take it seriously. At the end of the day bullying is about how the victim is feeling not how it was intended! If it's not serious speak to her in the first instance and if she brushes it off and does nothing to change then go through this.

    It makes no odds on how good friends her and the manager are, what industry do you work in?
    Retail. It's a small clothes shop.

    One thing I didn't mention. It was the tipping point today. I recently dyed my hair from blonde to a dark brown. A colleague was complimenting me on it, but as I was making tea for everyone, about three metres away the supervisor was talking to the colleague, clearly about my hair. I heard "dye it" and "maybe ginger, but not brown!' I told myself she wasn't being bitchy, because who has the audacity to say something like that in earshot. But my colleague looked really uncomfortable listening to her and like she wanted to be anywhere else. Then I heard my supervisor say "She didn't hear me anyway" and the colleague mumble, "No. She didn't."

    How do you even react to that?
    I feel a bit like telling her to piss off once and for all, but jobs around here are like gold dust. I think I'll just blatantly ignore her, do what she says civilly but make no conversation with her. Not even acknowledge her existance.
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    (Original post by booksnob)
    I feel like I can't talk to anyone in real life about this because - well, I'm embarrassed. I feel like an idiot.
    Where I work, the staff are really friendly, but there is one exception. The supervisor is this really unfriendly middle-aged woman, never smiling, really short with everyone, but she's taken a real dislike to me. She never misses an opportunity to put me down. I can never do anything right. Whatever I say, she'll say the opposite. The worst thing is, she tries to humiliate me in front of customers. If I do something slightly wrong--more often than not, I haven't but she thinks I have--she tells me really loudly, right in front of customers, in this patronising voice.
    And you know, I'm new, I'm young, I'm trying to get along with everyone, but sometimes I've had to go off to the toilets to cry--does that make me pathetic?--because I don't know how to cope with this. She's the supervisor and everyone sucks up to her, so I can't really voice it.
    I don't know what to do. What can you possibly do?


    Awwwwwwww. Not much you can do just try and avoid her, I know how you feel though, I had 'friends' in school in who would be really bitchy and made me want to cry, but I couldnt tell no one either bcuz it was embarrassing!
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    (Original post by booksnob)
    I think I'll just blatantly ignore her, to what she says civilly but make no conversation with her. Not even acknowledge her existance.
    This seems like a good tactic. Act like her very existence is inconsequential and means jack all to you. If she insults you, just carry on being really happy and smiley as though what she said doesn't even matter. This will surely piss her off, because like all bullies, they like to feel as though they are powerful enough to make you feel a certain way.

    I really wish I knew who your supervisor was, I'd kick her in the vagina.
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    (Original post by FelixFelicis)
    This seems like a good tactic. Act like her very existence is inconsequential and means jack all to you. If she insults you, just carry on being really happy and smiley as though what she said doesn't even matter. This will surely piss her off, because like all bullies, they like to feel as though they are powerful enough to make you feel a certain way.

    I really wish I knew who your supervisor was, I'd kick her in the vagina.
    Probably. Not sure how convincing I'll be - she really really gets under my skin.
    And yes , that's just what she needs.
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    (Original post by booksnob)
    Retail. It's a small clothes shop.

    One thing I didn't mention. It was the tipping point today. I recently dyed my hair from blonde to a dark brown. A colleague was complimenting me on it, but as I was making tea for everyone, about three metres away the supervisor was talking to the colleague, clearly about my hair. I heard "dye it" and "maybe ginger, but not brown!' I told myself she wasn't being bitchy, because who has the audacity to say something like that in earshot. But my colleague looked really uncomfortable listening to her and like she wanted to be anywhere else. Then I heard my supervisor say "She didn't hear me anyway" and the colleague mumble, "No. She didn't."

    How do you even react to that?
    I feel a bit like telling her to piss off once and for all, but jobs around here are like gold dust. I think I'll just blatantly ignore her, do what she says civilly but make no conversation with her. Not even acknowledge her existance.
    That's crap sorry she is being a beeeatch! I'd kick her in th vagina too like another poster said, but being a guy i'd probably get arrested The ignore her sounds like a plan do that, but if it does get any worse and you need some advise just drop me a PM I have been on both sides of the fence.
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    Obviously go to her boss, raise a complaint.

    Or man up and put her in her place, ask her directly what you're doing wrong and how it should be done. If you're correct, like you say you are, she'll have no come back. Don't take that **** in front of customers either.
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    What you should do =
    1)Join the union
    2)find an employment lawyer that can write letters into senior people at your workplace on your behalf
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    (Original post by booksnob)
    I feel like I can't talk to anyone in real life about this because - well, I'm embarrassed. I feel like an idiot.
    Where I work, the staff are really friendly, but there is one exception. The supervisor is this really unfriendly middle-aged woman, never smiling, really short with everyone, but she's taken a real dislike to me. She never misses an opportunity to put me down. I can never do anything right. Whatever I say, she'll say the opposite. The worst thing is, she tries to humiliate me in front of customers. If I do something slightly wrong--more often than not, I haven't but she thinks I have--she tells me really loudly, right in front of customers, in this patronising voice.
    And you know, I'm new, I'm young, I'm trying to get along with everyone, but sometimes I've had to go off to the toilets to cry--does that make me pathetic?--because I don't know how to cope with this. She's the supervisor and everyone sucks up to her, so I can't really voice it.
    I don't know what to do. What can you possibly do?
    I've been in the same boat actually. My first job I was a sort of admin taking care of financial transactions etc. Anyway the accounts were a complete mess. None of the receipts (which were on gmail) had been printed out or recorded in like 3-4 years. Anyway I missed a few receipts or some just weren't there on the account and she had a go at me infront of my colleagues (who are both older) which was degrading and when they did it, they couldn't find all the missing accounts either but they didn't get told off. My advice is to leave. There is no other way.
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    (Original post by ritchie888)
    Obviously go to her boss, raise a complaint.

    Or man up and put her in her place, ask her directly what you're doing wrong and how it should be done. If you're correct, like you say you are, she'll have no come back. Don't take that **** in front of customers either.
    It would be pretty hard to put her in her place, considering she is pretty much my boss.
    The idea of complaining is completely offputting. It's a pretty cliquey environment and I'm sure no one would listen. I guess all I can do is play her at her own game, just stop making an effort with her, make up contact minimal.

    The only way to describe her in like Carol Jackson off Eastenders (yep, I watch it, oh the shame!) but 10x worse and much more manipulative
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    have her assasinatied.

    want my no?
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    BTW I hate to bring gender into this but women bosses are notorious for being ill-disciplined.

    Now a university study finally proves that the opposite is true.
    In fact, women who work for other women suffer more from both psychological and physical ailments - depression, insomnia and headaches among them - and are more likely to end up embroiled in workplace conflict.


    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...#ixzz1RB7uVtsA

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