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Really Really Really Racist Parents

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    (Original post by jam277)
    I understand how you feel, do what you want, but don't let them know. When you have the power to do what you want, stuff them.
    :yep:
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    (Original post by Dragonfly07)
    Yes, I'm Asian and I understand. My advice to you is to go against your parents as hard as you can because otherwise your whole life will revolve around them. You won't have a life. I'm one of the very (ridiculously) few people in my culture who rebel.
    This is true, it's so hard when some parents want to overly control their children, but why live a life where you have no ownership? I understand why people like the OP's parents think the way they do, but really life is for living and people should be allowed to do as they please. People should live their lives for themselves, not for other people. Easier said than done. But it can be done, even though it may take as risk.

    I still wonder, why live here if they don't like white people? So stupid. It's unfair to raise someone in a culture where freedom of choice and individuality are the norms, then deny them that. People often escape from other countries for a better life, better opportunities and freedom.
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    Most people might say that you shouldn't lie to your parents but in this case you SHOULD so it doesn't infringe on your quality of life. Maybe tell them that you and this guy are over, whilst still dating him? I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now and have never told my parents (incidentally he's white, I'm black but thats not why- my family just don't do the whole 'meeting the boyfriend' thing which isn't the tradition where my parents are from. My sister went straight from single to engaged- no questions asked!!)

    It just seems pointless if you have a good relationship with your boyfriend to end it just because of your parent's narrow-mindedness and will make you even more resentful. Of course there is the other route-trying to talk to them calmly and logically- although your parents don't sound like they're operating from a place of rationality, hence why I suggest keeping your relationship a secret.
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    (Original post by Dee Leigh)
    Maybe your mum thinks that way because of the slave trade and the British Empire?????
    Yeah, I think that's got a lot to do with it but she should realize that people in Britain today had nothing to do with what happened decades ago, she would have more of an excuse If she's had racism directed towards she herself but no..I guess she's angry at what happened to her ancestors :confused:
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    (Original post by someonesomewherexx)
    Yeah, I think that's got a lot to do with it but she should realize that people in Britain today had nothing to do with what happened decades ago, she would have more of an excuse If she's had racism directed towards she herself but no..I guess she's angry at what happened to her ancestors :confused:
    It's not just her, a lot of black people are angry and resentful about the British empire, the slave trade and the UK's and US's dominance in the world. But to be honest, I don't see the point of people from my current generation to feel sorry for something they didn't do or weren't involved in. It's like saying that the Germans should feel continuously guilty and sorry for what happened to the Jews. Or that the Japanese should feel continuously sorry and guilty for oppressing the Koreans. Or that the Turkish should feel the same for how they treated the Armenians. It's pointless. Maybe I should be sorry for the slave trade, because some African people were involved too - maybe my ancestors were involved. :rolleyes:

    No matter what, I shall only be accountable for my own actions, and no one elses.
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    I'm not at all saying it's acceptable, but to those saying "Why move to a white country, if you hate its citizens so much? Why not integrate?", they aren't moving here with racist views. They aren't getting off the plane muttering "I hate these people". From speaking to family members, they come here thinking that they'll be accepted and they'll be able to easily integrate. Of course for people that came here in the 70's, that wasn't the case. They'd move into a new house and try to integrate with their neighbors, but the neighbors don't want to be around them. They'd try to get a job suited to their qualifications, but the only things offered to them would be the lowest paying, most menial jobs that are barely above the amounts paid to those receiving benefits. It's rather sad to see somebody with a PhD cleaning the streets or working as a meter maid and then most of the time, the English people that they're working with may not even have GCSEs Then coupled with all of that, they still see all the BNP members and such, shouting at them that they are benefit scroungers. (How must that feel if you work two jobs?) They stay because they think it will get better over time, but it obviously doesn't. (How many black managers are there, honestly?)
    After a while, this sort of hatred just builds up. Not all black people hold this view, of course and I'm not saying it is acceptable, but I just wanted to clarify that the people aren't moving here with this view.

    I wouldn't say that black people are particularly bitter about the colonial history, but I suppose they can be when they hear people saying that "blacks should go back to where they came from because we never did anyfink to their country and they're ruining our country" - Fairly rude...

    It's like saying that the white people is South Africa should "go back to where they came from" because there are a fair few number that hate the blacks there and even want to separate South Africa. (Of course, the racism goes both ways.)
    Not a good ideal, either way...
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    It's your life, not you parents' life. You have to do what makes you happy. If the person you love and want to spend your life with is not the same race, so be it.
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    Yeah, its a hard one... to deal with, especially being DEPENDENT on your parents.

    Ie. their house, their rules.

    Its a hard one to do really and be truly honest with your parents/bf and family to accept. Sometimes love & family traditions is irrational...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Today must be the worst day of my life.

    I'm so so so sick of my parents.

    I'm a black female who grew up in a predominantly white area so obviously most of my friends are white.

    Today I brought my boyfriend round for dinner because we had planned this for soooo long. My parents know his white but seem to just think I'm joking and stuff.

    My mum is the WORST my mum came here as an immigrant in the 70's and just has this concept that all white people are racists and the enemy and they wanna destoy blacks and keep blacks down, ruin their self esteem etc etc.

    In her eyes any white person is a racist who should be steered clear of. She see's them as 'devils' who ruined the lives of Asians and Blacks during the British Empire era to build themselves up blah blah blah.

    My dad is better but he just thinks I should be 'careful' with white people and see's them all as evil too .

    I have been seeing my boyfreind for about 6 months and have told my parents over and over and over that his white. I think they judged it as a phase.

    Today he met them for the first time and immediately my mum started speaking in yoruba (Nigerian language ) saying 'why did u bring this pink pig to our house'.

    It was bad because he couldn't understand what they were saying. Through out the dinner my mum made so many mean and snide remarks in our language to my dad then they'd both start laughing. It was sooo awful and awkward. My boyfriend knew something was up and left early. They clearly showed him he wasn't welcome.


    Anyway his gone now and my mum, dad, older brother and my uncle who is also a 'pastor' (ironic as hell) all gathered me in the living room for about 30 minutes saying all sorts to me calling me an 'oyinbo lover' 'coconut' 'disgrace' my uncle even tried to say I need to come to church for a prayer because my mind 'is not right'. They are also sure this is a result of me mixing with 'bad influences'.


    To be honest, I'm just clueless. I love my boyfriend but being an african I can't do the typical 'leave me alone let me live my life' thing, they already think I need prayer, I can imagine them calling all my family and 'pastors' to 'pray for me'.

    Now they are talking about EVERYTHING, how they think I should stay home for uni, how they will ship me back to Nigeria blah blah blah blah, this has just opened a can of worms.

    Do u think I should dump my bf and just forget everything to avoid any further trouble ????

    I don't know any yoruba boys I like


    Please I'd appreciate responses from Asians/Blacks/People with strict parents who understand going against the rules isn't really an option.


    x
    Oh wow. I'm African and I can totally understand where you're coming from, I think at times there's more racism towards white people than the other way round.

    On the whole prayer thing, no disrespect to your uncle but using religion as an excuse is utterly wrong and un-Christian like. Period. Jesus loved people of all races and creeds, the Bible has lots of mixed race couples; Moses married an Ethiopian woman (Zipporah from modern day Ethiopia) and he was a Jew, clearly not black.

    I'm Kenyan and let's just say I don't find Kenyan boys that appealing (just a phase, who knows?), I've made it clear to my parents that I'm not fussed about the whole race thing since I find guys of all races attractive. Yes, you can't do the whole "let me live my own life" thing, my parents would probably say "sure" and make me swim back to Kenya or something, but it's important that you discuss this with them.

    If you really like your boyfriend, sit down with your parents and talk to them. If you want to dump him, fine, just remember this issue will keep coming up time and time again.
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    I'm yoruba like you, and I totally get where you are coming from. I wouldn't say my parents are as strongly racist as yours, they can mix with white people, but just like you, if I was to date a white girl, all hell would break loose.

    Funnily enough, I dated a white girl once, but I hid her from them. As many have said, just hide the relationship, and when you're older, you could break contact (which isn't ideal at all) or you could do the easy thing and just end the relationship.

    Unfortunately, their isn't any other way about it
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    (Original post by Sugarandspies)
    I'm not at all saying it's acceptable, but to those saying "Why move to a white country, if you hate its citizens so much? Why not integrate?", they aren't moving here with racist views. They aren't getting off the plane muttering "I hate these people". From speaking to family members, they come here thinking that they'll be accepted and they'll be able to easily integrate. Of course for people that came here in the 70's, that wasn't the case. They'd move into a new house and try to integrate with their neighbors, but the neighbors don't want to be around them. They'd try to get a job suited to their qualifications, but the only things offered to them would be the lowest paying, most menial jobs that are barely above the amounts paid to those receiving benefits. It's rather sad to see somebody with a PhD cleaning the streets or working as a meter maid and then most of the time, the English people that they're working with may not even have GCSEs Then coupled with all of that, they still see all the BNP members and such, shouting at them that they are benefit scroungers. (How must that feel if you work two jobs?) They stay because they think it will get better over time, but it obviously doesn't. (How many black managers are there, honestly?)
    After a while, this sort of hatred just builds up. Not all black people hold this view, of course and I'm not saying it is acceptable, but I just wanted to clarify that the people aren't moving here with this view.

    I wouldn't say that black people are particularly bitter about the colonial history, but I suppose they can be when they hear people saying that "blacks should go back to where they came from because we never did anyfink to their country and they're ruining our country" - Fairly rude...

    It's like saying that the white people is South Africa should "go back to where they came from" because there are a fair few number that hate the blacks there and even want to separate South Africa. (Of course, the racism goes both ways.)
    Not a good ideal, either way...
    I totally get what you are saying, but I know African people, and trust me, a lot of them (that I know) are rather bitter about "what the whites did" and have a "us vs them" mentality. Now I now that back in the day, black people may have stuggled to get jobs and experience far more racism than my generation. Of course they would feel bitter. But a lot of the African and even Asians really don't like white people, I guess there will always be that resentment because of the slave trade and the Empire and racism and discrimination. Now I understand they are not happy with the history and are clued up about it, but they are racist about white people as a result, but are more secretive about their racism and hatred.

    Also a lot of them that I know do not have this delusion of living in America and Britain like they are perfect places. Some do but some don't. Yes some people do move away and want a better life and want as such, and some people (older generation) are so not clued up about the world at all, but come on, anyone with a bit of sense will know that there is no such thing as the 'American dream' or 'British dream'.
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    (Original post by Sugarandspies)
    I wouldn't say that black people are particularly bitter about the colonial history, but I suppose they can be when they hear people saying that "blacks should go back to where they came from because we never did anyfink to their country and they're ruining our country" - Fairly rude...

    It's like saying that the white people is South Africa should "go back to where they came from" because there are a fair few number that hate the blacks there and even want to separate South Africa. (Of course, the racism goes both ways.)
    Not a good ideal, either way...
    Also ITA :yep: if us black people should "go back to where we came from" then the same should be applied to the white South Africans as well. As well as the black people in the Americas.

    :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by elle77)
    Oh wow. I'm African and I can totally understand where you're coming from, I think at times there's more racism towards white people than the other way round.

    On the whole prayer thing, no disrespect to your uncle but using religion as an excuse is utterly wrong and un-Christian like. Period. Jesus loved people of all races and creeds, the Bible has lots of mixed race couples; Moses married an Ethiopian woman (Zipporah from modern day Ethiopia) and he was a Jew, clearly not black.

    I'm Kenyan and let's just say I don't find Kenyan boys that appealing (just a phase, who knows?), I've made it clear to my parents that I'm not fussed about the whole race thing since I find guys of all races attractive. Yes, you can't do the whole "let me live my own life" thing, my parents would probably say "sure" and make me swim back to Kenya or something, but it's important that you discuss this with them.

    If you really like your boyfriend, sit down with your parents and talk to them. If you want to dump him, fine, just remember this issue will keep coming up time and time again.
    I notice this too, but I find it's not very explicit or obvious. Certain comments tend to be said behind closed doors.
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    (Original post by omilawal)
    I'm yoruba like you, and I totally get where you are coming from. I wouldn't say my parents are as strongly racist as yours, they can mix with white people, but just like you, if I was to date a white girl, all hell would break loose.

    Funnily enough, I dated a white girl once, but I hid her from them. As many have said, just hide the relationship, and when you're older, you could break contact (which isn't ideal at all) or you could do the easy thing and just end the relationship.

    Unfortunately, their isn't any other way about it
    Why isn't it ideal? I know it's a very tough situation to be in (losing your whole family, not just your parents, though you could still stay in contact with some relative via certain means) but in some ways (as long as you are 100% independent and smart enough to stand on your own two feet) then in some ways, it can be a blessing in disguise.

    There are actually the few people (ridiculous amount) who have gone against the traditional family politics and traditional cultures and are living their lives the way they want and are a lot happier - they've got their independence, freedom and individuality - which is great.

    For me it's either two choices - I live the life I want, or I'd rather be dead. Harsh but true of myself. But I know some people are different from me in that sense.
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    AT LAST! Racist people that are not WHITES!
Updated: April 9, 2012
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