How important are similarities between people in a relationship?

Do you think having similar interests or being similar types of people (e.g. from the same sort of background etc.) are important when in a relationship? Do you think a relationship is easier if you have things in common, or can it produce problems? If you found out pretty soon after going out with someone that, for instance, they were more adventurous and outgoing, but you were rather quiet and reserved, would you think it would not work in the long term and you should therefore break up? Discuss.

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Reply 1

volcanic_ash

not at all. i have dated people with very different interests than mine. I think oposites can attract.

Reply 2

Hellz_Bellz!

I don't think they're that important. My boyfriend and I have surprisingly little in common :smile:

anyone else?

Very important - you don't see beautiful people dating ugly people, do you?

No.

Reply 5

-strawberry-

I don't know if they're important, but I do know that my boyfriend and I look so similar we look like brother and sister, and we like mostly the same things :lol:

It's good to have someone to get excited about the new Doctor Who series with :tongue:

Reply 6

Gryffindor

Obviously having things in common with someone is important for a relationship, but not absolutely essential... You know what they say, opposites attract!

Reply 7

Tilly87

Original post by im so academic

Very important - you don't see beautiful people dating ugly people, do you?

No.

Not really what i was getting at - say you had a very academic person going to university going out with someone who was more interested in say working in a fairly generic job, or someone who had interests in art versus someone who had interests in sports.

Reply 8

DiZZeeKiD

Original post by im so academic

Very important - you don't see beautiful people dating ugly people, do you?

No.

I think OP means more than just looks... :rolleyes:

I think fundamental similarities make for a good relationship; basics morals and principles, family values and so forth but to use the cliche "opposites attract" - having different opinions makes for interesting conversation. I'd hate to be with someone who agrees with everything I say. That would get boring very quickly.

Reply 9

Tilly87

Original post by Hellz_Bellz!

I don't think they're that important. My boyfriend and I have surprisingly little in common :smile:

do you ever have very different points of view that can cause difficulties or arguments?

Reply 10

normalothercitrusfruit

I guess having something in common gets you talking in the first place, but its all about gut instinct imo; chemistry etc.

Reply 11

Tilly87

Original post by DiZZeeKiD

I think OP means more than just looks... :rolleyes:

essentially I agree with you, however on the other hand, it can be hell if you disagree with your partner all the time. for instance, me and my ex were both passionate about music but hated each other's tastes - which may sound petty, but we really annoyed each other about it.

Reply 12

Artvandelay

Well I can date guys that are more extroverted than me, but not too far the other way (if he's a non stop blabbermouth, it can never work out).
I think to a large extent some similarities are good. I usually go for the same social background, similar education, same opinion on which food is good, same opinion on what is good style etc. It helps that he likes good food and that we can share a meal we both love. That he has a dress sense I like and that he doesn't look at me in a Valentino dress and go "you don't have something shorter and more sparkly?". We don't have to have the same hobbies, but the fact that you can understand the other person's interest in something is important. I don't play any musical instrument, but I wish I hadn't given up on piano and I'd love it if a guy could play something :smile:

(particularly classical!)

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 13

No Man

I think having a very different background to your bf/gf makes a relationship more interesting, so you'd develop a better chemistry because of it, although I think it's be essential to have some shared interests, etc.

Reply 14

xnatalie01x

My ex wasn't at all similar to me in terms of interests and personality. I suppose more similarities would be nice in a relationship but I wouldn't want it to be like dating a male version of myself :tongue:

Reply 15

DiZZeeKiD

Original post by Tilly87

Yeah I know what you mean. Especially if you live with the person - some differences become glaringly obvious and can annoy the hell out of you if it's something that means a lot to you. My ex had no respect for his parents and this used to really annoy me because my family means the world to me.

Reply 16

littledreams

It depends, I think polar opposites would struggle to stay together for long. Me and my boyfriend have a number of differences but what makes us alike is our moral stance on things.

Reply 17

Tilly87

Original post by DiZZeeKiD

I agree and I had a similar thing - my ex didn't like my parents which just made me a bit angry, especially as I liked his mum. grr :tongue:

Reply 18

Tilly87

Original post by littledreams

It depends, I think polar opposites would struggle to stay together for long. Me and my boyfriend have a number of differences but what makes us alike is our moral stance on things.

I think it's important to share moral views yes - if you believe completely different things it can really reveal things about the other person which you may not like and find it difficult to get on from then on.

Reply 19

Anonymous #1

It would be nice if we had more in common, but in the end it goes a bit deeper than mutual interests.
I think compatibility in bed is quite something for some couples :P.