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Coping with a messy break up.

Basically asking for advice here:

Me and my boyfriend had been going out nearly 2 and a half years, it was a very serious relationship and we were planning on going to university together. We have been through a lot (he basically helped me pass my GCSE's and I helped him through the death of his dad and granddad). We mean a lot to each other but argued often about silly things, but we would always make up. We fell out recently because he went on my Facebook to see who I was talking to (blatant lack of trust but I am lost for the reason as there has been no problem before), we made up eventually with him BEGGING me to forgive him. Then he started talking to one of my friends, it turned into more and we fell out about it, the next day he cheated on me with her. He hid it from me but I found out later that day, he had sex with me that night (after I found out, as I was an emotional wreck I wasn't in the position to say no) but then I called it off and basically publicly humiliated him on facebook (immature I know, but at the time he also agreed he deserved it). I regret that now and he regrets what he did too. We agreed to meet today to talk about our feelings, I basically went there with the idea to convince him to stay with me. He made it clear that he didn't want that and he needed time. We ended up having the most amazing sex, but he still ended it.

I am basically left feeling like an empty shell, I know we were both stupid. Please give me advice on how to cope and your views on the situation. Thanks.

TL;DR Me and serious bf of 2.5 years fell out, he cheated, now I want him back and he is not interested, advice for coping.
Reply 1
Avatar for RobGray
RobGray
It's obviously a hard time for you at the moment, and as you said, you and your boyfriend helped each other through the hard times, so it's only natural you'd want him at this point as he's the one you want to help you deal with the pain.

Do you think that space could maybe help you aswell, and not just him?

I recently broke up with my girlfriend (we'd been together 1.5 years) and we both needed space, and after about a week, we both wanted to give it another go :smile:
This may or may not be your case, but either way, it may help you in the long run :smile:
Reply 2
Avatar for VickyJ
VickyJ
OP
Yes that is exactly it whenever I feel pain he is the one I go to and now I can't do that. I do also need the space for myself but I do love him so it is extremely hard not to contact him. I hope that he does see what he is missing with me, sooner rather than later.
Reply 3
Avatar for RobGray
RobGray
I can't think of anything that won't sound horribly cliché.
Don't listen to people if they say 'There's no point in moping, go out and do something etc.'
Bull****.

If moping makes you feel better, do it. If moping makes you feel worse, don't.

I hope you sort it out with him, although it sounds as though he has a bit to make up for, and I can't honestly say I'd be that forgiving.
But seriously, good luck :smile:
You need to be strong during these kinda situations, easier said than done, believe me, I know. What I find is easiest, is think of it as a third party point of view. If this was a friend, what advice would you give them?

Give it a bit of time, yes it's difficult not to contact them, but sometimes space is what people need, either to miss each other more, realise they can't be without each other, or to realise they can be without each other. It is clear that you really love him, so I really hope it works well for you, just be real about the situation, and don't be clouded by your feelings.
It's a wee bit crappy of him to expect sex from you despite hurting your feelings, twice! He pretty much sounds like he used you. And he cheated on you. I don't like the sound of this guy.

I like the sound of you though. You seem like a great person, but you know what lady, you have to grow a backbone and never let anyone walk all over you like that ever again! That's not on.

Instead of thinking of all the good things about him, list all the crap he's given you. I'm actually kind of angry for you because he doesn't sound like the greatest boyfriend at all. Seriously, get the pen and paper out.

Also, if you are both quite young, he's going to be maturing later than you so he's probably just gone through a phase of growing up, learning about himself and this has resulted in him drifting away from you. It's crap when people do that, but you kind of have to expect it with young people.

Also, young people's attitudes to relationships annoy me sometimes. Perfectly illustrated by the pain the OP is going through just now.

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