How do you join the OTC?

Yes.

How about if you want to join in your second year and you're having a year abroad in the 3rd Can you still join then. And is there a vigorous physical test?

How about if you want to join in your second year and you're having a year abroad in the 3rd Can you still join then. And is there a vigorous physical test?

If male, make sure Daddy is at least a Brig and owns half of Yorkshire. Be sure to wear hunter wellies, shirt, chinos, blazer and old school tie. Speak in a loud, braying voice and constantly tell everyone that being in the OTC is the same as being in the real Army, especially since you have a scholarship gained from a few strings being pulled when you were sixteen and slightly less of an arrogant bell-end than you are now. Go skiing every winter, and summer in France. Make sure all the females are aware of how good you look in combats, especially if you've somehow blagged your way on to a PTI's course/TA P Coy and can swan around looking speshul. Talk loudly about blood grooves on bayonets and how you don't really want to kill anyone, but it's the job man.

If female, smile, giggle, flutter eyelashes at training staff and become very good at noshing off the latter and the former, apply cam cream like makeup, whine about carrying anything more in your daysack than cosmo and a pair of hair straighteners, be given a firearm only under very controlled, highly supervised circumstances, live rounds even more rarely. Make the most unfit male biff look like Usain Bolt.

Both must be sure to put 'British Army' under 'employment' on facebook, and have token 'warry' photo as profile picture. Said profile picture usually taken seconds before the C/Sgt who should really know better but is still banging the female unteroffizers screams blue murder at you for making a safety error that in the real world would probably end up in you gunning down half your platoon, but luckily since your gas parts are irretrievably rusted to buggery, merely results in a soft click, while you mutter under your breath about Daddy's shotguns never being this crap.

Did I miss anything?

Or occasionally you have the fem that has more balls than all the male OTC around her, and is undoubtedly a rather scary lesbian, but looks damn fine in lycra.

Well, I don't know how often that happens, but it did. 2 years ago on Annual camp. Rosie

Did I miss anything?

Anyone who replies 'but it's good for recruiting' or the usual ballocks justifications will receive a cyber size 10 up the jacksie.

No - your bitter and sad monologue appeared to nicely wrap up both of the chips you shoulder with such diligence. I am sure you will be a superlative asset to the RM if you can cast off your inverse snobbery and just get on with it.

In fairness, I'd imagine it's less that they assume multitudes will go through the OTC and emerge ready to fight for Queen and country and more that they think it's worthwhile having the some of the more educated half of the masses in favour of the military. It makes it easier to get public support for the armed forces if managers all over the country still fondly remember the night when the "we should huddle together in this bivvy to conserve body heat" line actually worked.

Not having been through it myself, can't comment on anything you've missed but I imagine there must be the "I know it all already, I was in cadets, you know" type too.

I've rarely met a female orrifice cadet that was anything other than massively below par, and certainly never one that was even approaching above average. It staggers me that someone in the MOD still thinks it's a worthwhile investment to chuck money at these clowns, what with the tempo of Ops and the recent defence review. Anyone who replies 'but it's good for recruiting' or the usual ballocks justifications will receive a cyber size 10 up the jacksie.

Well to be honest, the same could be said about the ACF, a massive waste of funds in one sense. But then you do get a whole lot of people with military-ish mindsets, who are in favour of the military and know the sort of things they have to deal with. Personally, for the amount of cash they use I think they're good schemes.

Would you guys recommend it?