Fear of intimacy

I need some advice.

The mere thought of getting (emotionally) close to someone makes me panic. I can go for quite a long time without making this obvious to the other person, but a lot of things will stress me out about maintaining a friendship/relationship. It sounds ridiculous but it's a very real issue for me and is getting me down.

When I like someone, I get intensely attached very easily. I find it hard to believe people can like me as much as I like them, even if they reassure me and give me good signs that they like me too. When they are nice to me it scares me, because I feel we are getting closer. When a relationship starts to get deeper it makes me want to run in the other direction. What is wrong with me?

I like this person a lot and like the idea of intimacy but I don't like the other person knowing how I feel. For example, I think by replying to their sweet messages I am revealing that I like them too. I think admitting how I feel about them makes me vulnerable to their judgement, I think they will think I'm desperate, pathetic, needy, sad etc.

This isn't even in serious relationships, this is with people I am just getting to know.

Why is it so hard for me? Normally what I do is run the other way, this fear is ruining all my relationships, I try to fight it but a lot of the time the fear is stronger than I am. For the past two days I've been trying to respond to a message someone sent me but its arousing so many horrible feelings in me, again, because it's someone I'm starting to care about. What's wrong with me?

How can I get past the fear of responding to messages as they start to get deeper?

Thanks x

Reply 1

Angelus

Do you think that by saying how you feel will allow them to take advantage of you?
Have you always experienced this or only after a situation with someone in the past?

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

I know exactly how you feel. I managed to let go of this feeling with one guy in the past and he hurt me badly so now its worse than ever! Sorry this isnt helpful advice buts its reassuring to know you're not the only one and people feel the same.

Reply 3

Anonymous #3

i have a hard time with intimacy aswell, though for different reasons, it's not because i'm scared of rejection or that they'l take advantage of me or anything... I just find it so difficult, even saying thank you and sorry to people is hard for me

Reply 4

Angelus

Original post by Anonymous

i have a hard time with intimacy aswell, though for different reasons, it's not because i'm scared of rejection or that they'l take advantage of me or anything... I just find it so difficult, even saying thank you and sorry to people is hard for me

Some people fear saying such things is a sign of weakness. They tend to be the independent type wanting to be strong for themselves. I don't suppose you can relate to these feelings?

You could try putting more effort into thanking and apologising to people so it gradually gets easier. Perhaps with practice you can open up to others without as much difficulty.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Angelus

Do you think that by saying how you feel will allow them to take advantage of you?
Have you always experienced this or only after a situation with someone in the past?

It's more to do with trusting that the other person actually cares about me and isn't being nice to me because they pity me/ulterior motives/taking the pss.

I've never managed to fully open up to anyone, I've come kind of close once or twice but am always to scared to reveal my innermost fears/if something is bothering me - I just don't think anyone really cares or will think I'm stupid or will not want anything to do with me.

I find it hard to trust people with my delicate feelings.

Reply 6

katebrighteyes

I'm on the other end of this. the guy I was seeing told me he sees intimacy as a sign of weakness but in the end it has ruined things for me. He just hasn't been able to give me what I want emotionally and it has caused the breakdown of our relationship.

I really hope you're able to overcome this. But I understand it's easier said than done. Good luck. Emotions are signs of weakness :smile:

Reply 7

Angelus

Original post by Anonymous

It's more to do with trusting that the other person actually cares about me and isn't being nice to me because they pity me/ulterior motives/taking the pss.

I've never managed to fully open up to anyone, I've come kind of close once or twice but am always to scared to reveal my innermost fears/if something is bothering me - I just don't think anyone really cares or will think I'm stupid or will not want anything to do with me.

I find it hard to trust people with my delicate feelings.

I think that if another person trusts you with their feelings, you'll find it easier to trust them with yours. You can begin to see you're not alone.

Fear of intimacy

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