[such_a_lady]

(Original post by SpiritedAway)
I'm sorry to hear about your nana, even if she was old and no matter how well you knew her, it's still not nice .

I need to go revise too. On a plus note, as some of you may know from fb, I now know where I am going in Germany (or at least the state) so I am super excited...in under 2 months my overseas LDR begins again and the boy has already got his tickets booked to see me in Italy .

Omg hi Miss seeing you on the German Learners' Thread! Which Bundesland are you going to?


And thankyou Katie Feeling a fair bit better now!

And as for the FB thing...someone I know put a status on this morning gushing about what a weird feeling it was having his AMAZING girlfriend put petrol in his car! Like...really? At least it wasn't a euphemism

[22KT22]

I must admit gushing about my bf finishing his dissertation but it was something he's been working on for months and is an achievement! 4 weeks till we see each other, kinda want a visit in between but that may be pushing it

[Sephrenia]

(Original post by jeh_jeh)

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So, as some of you know the boy was diagnosed with depression in his first year, after having failed his exams. The failure was the catalyst, but the doctors pre-dated the diagnosis - that is, he was almost certainly depressed before then. He went through "blue" periods, but we just put it down to the stress of a long-distance relationship. With hindsight, though, it was definitely more than that.

Anyway, fast forward to today and he called me, sounding like he'd been crying, after what is his penultimate exam. It looks like he's going to bring his existing appointment with the student support office forward, and he's going back to the doctors. People always say to me (when they find out about his depression), "Oh, it's because he failed his exams because he didn't work in the year." He has been working, though. It's hard to quantify "enough" with medicine because it's so hard, but I know he's been working so much more than he was last year, for example. I'm increasingly beginning to think that his depressive periods are triggered by periods of intense stress - he works himself into a panic about the exam (because he's failed before) so he's ineffective at absorbing the information, so he thinks he's done badly and then the feelings of low self-worth kick back in. It's not even just, "oh, I've done badly on this exam" - there's a hollowness to his voice that's come back, and it's horrible. I don't know what I can do, though. And I know this probably sounds really bitchy, but I feel like it reflects badly on me because I'm always having to defend him to my family and friends who just think he's a slacker.

Depression is a bitch, not you for sticking up for him.

[such_a_lady]

(Original post by jeh_jeh)

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So, as some of you know the boy was diagnosed with depression in his first year, after having failed his exams. The failure was the catalyst, but the doctors pre-dated the diagnosis - that is, he was almost certainly depressed before then. He went through "blue" periods, but we just put it down to the stress of a long-distance relationship. With hindsight, though, it was definitely more than that.

Anyway, fast forward to today and he called me, sounding like he'd been crying, after what is his penultimate exam. It looks like he's going to bring his existing appointment with the student support office forward, and he's going back to the doctors. People always say to me (when they find out about his depression), "Oh, it's because he failed his exams because he didn't work in the year." He has been working, though. It's hard to quantify "enough" with medicine because it's so hard, but I know he's been working so much more than he was last year, for example. I'm increasingly beginning to think that his depressive periods are triggered by periods of intense stress - he works himself into a panic about the exam (because he's failed before) so he's ineffective at absorbing the information, so he thinks he's done badly and then the feelings of low self-worth kick back in. It's not even just, "oh, I've done badly on this exam" - there's a hollowness to his voice that's come back, and it's horrible. I don't know what I can do, though. And I know this probably sounds really bitchy, but I feel like it reflects badly on me because I'm always having to defend him to my family and friends who just think he's a slacker.

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Actually my own family has a history of depression etc and I'm susceptible to depression as well as panic disorder and general anxiety disorder. The depression is thankfully milder than other cases I've seen (i.e. I've never had to use medication to cope) but for me it's also triggered by intense stress, especially because everyone I know thinks I'm incredibly hard-working and amazing when in reality I'm disorganised, scatty, often lazy and a terrible procrastinator. I'm under incredible pressure to be this wonderful A* student and sometimes I leave stuff and leave stuff because it looks too intimidating and then I have a breakdown because it's all too much, and then I can't face the world to get out of bed and actually show that I'm not all amazing and that I don't do all my work constantly and on time. So...I can't really give you advice because I'm really really bad at giving any kind of advice, but as long as you keep that (perfectly justified) feeling of worrying about how you'll defend him yet again DEEP down inside you (or at least confined to places he will not find out, such as here), then it should be okay. GermanBoyfriend was pretty shocking at coping with the panic attacks and stuff, I have to say. Not in a mean way. He was just scared and didn't know what to do. Just make sure you're a pillar of support, a beacon for him, and it'll be okay.

[*Interrobang*]

Jess, for both posts

Also Katie - at least your dissertation proposal was OK

[miraclemile]

I will admit to the odd Facebook gush too Like yesterday, I did mention how proud I was of everyone involved in the shows at the weekend, but then they've been working so unbelievably hard on them, and they were fantastic. So it's only rare occasions for important things like that. Can't stand the people that update their status to 'i luv my bbygurl so much mwah mwah ur the best xxxxxxxxxxx' and similar drivel every 5 minutes though!

And Jess:

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The boy and I went through a similar thing for quite a long time. I was the only one who knew the whole extent of it, and it took him a long time to get any help, by which time it had already had a massive impact on his work and everything else. I just felt so useless, but I felt completely selfish and bitchy on top of that for feeling that way about it at all

I know how difficult it is, trying to defend someone to people who don't fully understand the situation, and trying to take yourself out of the picture is really hard - you don't sound bitchy at all, you sound completely normal. And to be fair, it sounds like this has come at a pretty bad time for you, with your great nan too, so you're probably coping fantastically well, all things considered.

If you ever want to talk about any of it with someone who's been through it from the side of being the girlfriend, rather than the one actually suffering with depression, you can always PM me or anything you like

[22KT22]

Jess: I know how you feel The boy went through something similar last year and it was horrible. There is so much misconception about that.

[Flo[ProActiv]]

Don't really know what to offer, Jess, apart from lots of for both of you.

[jeh_jeh]

(Original post by such_a_lady)

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Actually my own family has a history of depression etc and I'm susceptible to depression as well as panic disorder and general anxiety disorder. The depression is thankfully milder than other cases I've seen (i.e. I've never had to use medication to cope) but for me it's also triggered by intense stress, especially because everyone I know thinks I'm incredibly hard-working and amazing when in reality I'm disorganised, scatty, often lazy and a terrible procrastinator. I'm under incredible pressure to be this wonderful A* student and sometimes I leave stuff and leave stuff because it looks too intimidating and then I have a breakdown because it's all too much, and then I can't face the world to get out of bed and actually show that I'm not all amazing and that I don't do all my work constantly and on time. So...I can't really give you advice because I'm really really bad at giving any kind of advice, but as long as you keep that (perfectly justified) feeling of worrying about how you'll defend him yet again DEEP down inside you (or at least confined to places he will not find out, such as here), then it should be okay. GermanBoyfriend was pretty shocking at coping with the panic attacks and stuff, I have to say. Not in a mean way. He was just scared and didn't know what to do. Just make sure you're a pillar of support, a beacon for him, and it'll be okay.

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Thanks for the guys, and thanks for this. This is the thing with boy - he was so hard working at school, and I think the transition to medical school has been hard. At Sixth Form, you have an exam board, there's a syllabus and a list of learning objectives; whereas at medical school you're basically expected to know a body's worth of anatomy by the end of first year, for example, and even, and especially, in second year you're swimming in a vast ocean of stuff with very little direction. It also doesn't help (forgot to mention this, sorry!) that my oldest youngest(!) sister is also at the same medical school, but the year below. She's clever - although I wouldn't say she's any more intelligent than the boy - but she's taken like a duck to water to medical school, and it shows in her exam results. Her average last year was 60%+, whereas the boy's was more like 50%. The pass mark is 50%, but he passed some modules by compensation because he was really, really close. I try really hard not to brag about her results, but he's always asking and I can't really lie, especially since they obviously know each other and see each other regularly.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm graduating this year, doing a Masters at his uni next and there are two worst case scenarios for him if he fails the summer re sits (which he could do if he has a lot of modules to retake): he has to re sit the year, or he's kicked out. If he re sits the year, he'll be in year two next year instead of year four of five, and if he's kicked out he's back to first year of whatever he wants to do. I want to move in with him post-Masters, but this isn't going to happen, both in terms of education (he'll be in uni all the time) and money (I guess his Student Finance'll be shot to hell). And then I'll have to get a job at home the year after and be stuck here, still in long-distance.

(Original post by miraclemile)
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Thanks! Will drop you a line when I've calmed down a bit. I also have an exam on Friday, and so I'm desperately trying not to curl up on the floor and die. The really sad thing is that he was on anti-depressants for a year plus, and came off them about a year ago. He's been receiving help, and it just feels like a giant step backwards. Don't get me wrong, I didn't expect a miracle cure, I just honestly thought his head was in a better place.

[Stray_talk]

(Original post by jeh_jeh)

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Thanks for the guys, and thanks for this. This is the thing with boy - he was so hard working at school, and I think the transition to medical school has been hard. At Sixth Form, you have an exam board, there's a syllabus and a list of learning objectives; whereas at medical school you're basically expected to know a body's worth of anatomy by the end of first year, for example, and even, and especially, in second year you're swimming in a vast ocean of stuff with very little direction. It also doesn't help (forgot to mention this, sorry!) that my oldest youngest(!) sister is also at the same medical school, but the year below. She's clever - although I wouldn't say she's any more intelligent than the boy - but she's taken like a duck to water to medical school, and it shows in her exam results. Her average last year was 60%+, whereas the boy's was more like 50%. The pass mark is 50%, but he passed some modules by compensation because he was really, really close. I try really hard not to brag about her results, but he's always asking and I can't really lie, especially since they obviously know each other and see each other regularly.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm graduating this year, doing a Masters at his uni next and there are two worst case scenarios for him if he fails the summer re sits (which he could do if he has a lot of modules to retake): he has to re sit the year, or he's kicked out. If he re sits the year, he'll be in year two next year instead of year four of five, and if he's kicked out he's back to first year of whatever he wants to do. I want to move in with him post-Masters, but this isn't going to happen, both in terms of education (he'll be in uni all the time) and money (I guess his Student Finance'll be shot to hell). And then I'll have to get a job at home the year after and be stuck here, still in long-distance.

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Thanks! Will drop you a line when I've calmed down a bit. I also have an exam on Friday, and so I'm desperately trying not to curl up on the floor and die. The really sad thing is that he was on anti-depressants for a year plus, and came off them about a year ago. He's been receiving help, and it just feels like a giant step backwards. Don't get me wrong, I didn't expect a miracle cure, I just honestly thought his head was in a better place.

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Sorry to hear about that m'dear, must be a hard situation to be in. I can't really offer much advice since I've not ever been in that position but I guess what I can say is this. He is obviously working hard and should be get through it he will appreciate what he has that much more. It may not sound like much but I suppose he can pass that on through whatever job he gets at the end of it. Ben had to resit a few modules as he failed some due to depression. He managed to pull through and whilst didn't get a sparkling first or the like, he did it and now has a good job. I guess you get to appreciate the small things that way. This is probably all a load of nonsense, sorry

[jeh_jeh]

(Original post by Stray_talk)

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Sorry to hear about that m'dear, must be a hard situation to be in. I can't really offer much advice since I've not ever been in that position but I guess what I can say is this. He is obviously working hard and should be get through it he will appreciate what he has that much more. It may not sound like much but I suppose he can pass that on through whatever job he gets at the end of it. Ben had to resit a few modules as he failed some due to depression. He managed to pull through and whilst didn't get a sparkling first or the like, he did it and now has a good job. I guess you get to appreciate the small things that way. This is probably all a load of nonsense, sorry

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It makes me appreciate it more, too. When he passed the year first time last summer, we had a "proceed party" (they don't tell you you've passed, but that you may "proceed to the next year"!) that involved us jumping up and down on the bed, literally. It was the happiest day ever. I was even happier than when I got my own results. I know it'll work out somehow, it's just hard to see how right now.

[22KT22]

(Original post by jeh_jeh)

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Thanks for the guys, and thanks for this. This is the thing with boy - he was so hard working at school, and I think the transition to medical school has been hard. At Sixth Form, you have an exam board, there's a syllabus and a list of learning objectives; whereas at medical school you're basically expected to know a body's worth of anatomy by the end of first year, for example, and even, and especially, in second year you're swimming in a vast ocean of stuff with very little direction. It also doesn't help (forgot to mention this, sorry!) that my oldest youngest(!) sister is also at the same medical school, but the year below. She's clever - although I wouldn't say she's any more intelligent than the boy - but she's taken like a duck to water to medical school, and it shows in her exam results. Her average last year was 60%+, whereas the boy's was more like 50%. The pass mark is 50%, but he passed some modules by compensation because he was really, really close. I try really hard not to brag about her results, but he's always asking and I can't really lie, especially since they obviously know each other and see each other regularly.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm graduating this year, doing a Masters at his uni next and there are two worst case scenarios for him if he fails the summer re sits (which he could do if he has a lot of modules to retake): he has to re sit the year, or he's kicked out. If he re sits the year, he'll be in year two next year instead of year four of five, and if he's kicked out he's back to first year of whatever he wants to do. I want to move in with him post-Masters, but this isn't going to happen, both in terms of education (he'll be in uni all the time) and money (I guess his Student Finance'll be shot to hell). And then I'll have to get a job at home the year after and be stuck here, still in long-distance.

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Thanks! Will drop you a line when I've calmed down a bit. I also have an exam on Friday, and so I'm desperately trying not to curl up on the floor and die. The really sad thing is that he was on anti-depressants for a year plus, and came off them about a year ago. He's been receiving help, and it just feels like a giant step backwards. Don't get me wrong, I didn't expect a miracle cure, I just honestly thought his head was in a better place.

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He probably was but unfortunately everything can seem ok and the slightest thing can trigger it.

[jeh_jeh]

(Original post by 22KT22)

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He probably was but unfortunately everything can seem ok and the slightest thing can trigger it.

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But you know when you just think someone's doing so well? I could cry purely for the fact that this has even happened to him again, without considering any of the potential implications of him failing the exams. It just seems so unfair. And I feel so useless, and like I should just go and be there, even though he has another exam tomorrow (which he's going to sit), and I have an exam on Friday. Rationally, I know that being there isn't going to solve anything, anyway. I just feel so far away.

[Stray_talk]

Sodding stupid continuous updates about bloody football.
I would "unfollow" him but it would be out of the blue and a really petty reason. He just constantly goes on and on about it and it made me realise that him dumping me was a good thing. I'd not have been able to put up with that amount of crap for too much longer.

I am feeling completely useless as a teacher. Lots of stupid little doubts have been buzzing around in my head for the last two weeks and now the children seem to be quite uninterested in my lessons. It's me and my teaching and it's just confirming the doubts that have taken up residence in my mind.

I'm a big ball of anger and frustration, currently.

[DrGalago]

Jeh - sorry to hear things are so bad at the minute, fingers crossed things will start looking up soon (would say more but can't work out how to put it in spoilers and get the impression you're keeping it low profile...)

My flight tickets for sydney have arrived at the travel agent got to go pick them up tomorrow... EEEK! 25 days!! It feels like it's so close, but not quite quick enough now... (although I am torn between this and 'please can I have a few more weeks before exams?!')

Also... can't remember who it was that posted the KittenCam thing a little while back... the boy and I are now suitably addicted (I'm very lucky to have an OH who appreciates the cute in life ) And it's keeping me smiling through revision! So thanks

I know it's old but well done on the driving Flo!! I have rebooked mine for the 25th, fingers, arms, legs, eyes, toes, whatever else crossed I don't get any crazy drivers on the road like last time :\

Get well vibes for any that need them too

[22KT22]

Jess: I know what you mean, i shed many a tear over the boy and the unfairness of it all. I also know he struggles with it from me as I've been through it before and I can feel myself slipping again. All you can do is be there for him and be his rock, he knows you're the other end of the phone and just make sure to check in.

Stray: If you were a rubbish teacher you wouldn't have qualified, keep plodding on! You've done fantastic so far plus kids get edgy this time of year! If you can affiord to take tonight off, have a nice bath and tell those doubts to do one!

DrGalago: for the tickets That times gone so quick, hope the next few days go quick for you too!

[jeh_jeh]

(Original post by Stray_talk)
Sodding stupid continuous updates about bloody football.
I would "unfollow" him but it would be out of the blue and a really petty reason. He just constantly goes on and on about it and it made me realise that him dumping me was a good thing. I'd not have been able to put up with that amount of crap for too much longer.

I am feeling completely useless as a teacher. Lots of stupid little doubts have been buzzing around in my head for the last two weeks and now the children seem to be quite uninterested in my lessons. It's me and my teaching and it's just confirming the doubts that have taken up residence in my mind.

I'm a big ball of anger and frustration, currently.

I assume this is Facebook? Just remove his posts from your newsfeed? Then you can still stalk him if you feel so inclined.

I'm sure you're not a rubbish teacher. If you were feeling doubtful before, they're probably just going through a fidgety stage and then the irrational part of your brain is going, "SEE! I TOLD YOU! YOU'RE RUBBISH", when in reality it's just a horrible coincidence.

(Original post by 22KT22)
Jess: I know what you mean, i shed many a tear over the boy and the unfairness of it all. I also know he struggles with it from me as I've been through it before and I can feel myself slipping again. All you can do is be there for him and be his rock, he knows you're the other end of the phone and just make sure to check in.

Yeah, it's just hard, but you know that!

(Original post by DrGalago)
Jeh - sorry to hear things are so bad at the minute, fingers crossed things will start looking up soon (would say more but can't work out how to put it in spoilers and get the impression you're keeping it low profile...)

Don't feel like you have to reply to my moany rants, but for future reference it's [*spoiler]x[*/spoiler] without the asterisks.

In happier news, I've got more than half of the content for my oral exam on Friday... and then it's boy time! And we've got at least until the end of May together this time! Eee!

[Stray_talk]

(Original post by jeh_jeh)
I assume this is Facebook? Just remove his posts from your newsfeed? Then you can still stalk him if you feel so inclined.

I'm sure you're not a rubbish teacher. If you were feeling doubtful before, they're probably just going through a fidgety stage and then the irrational part of your brain is going, "SEE! I TOLD YOU! YOU'RE RUBBISH", when in reality it's just a horrible coincidence.

It's Twitter! I don't think there's a way to hide twitter stuff, is there? If anyone knows, please let me know!
Thanks I think I'm over worrying as I've got an observation looming. I talked to another teacher who had one the other day (rated Very Good by OFSTED) and she only got satisfactory with elements of good. I'm really concerned if she didn't do that well I stand no chance. And I'm fed up of the LDR and knowing another year of not seeing Ben when I want and not knowing if I can cope with more of that alongside the stress of teaching.

Bah, bad thoughts day!

[22KT22]

Jess: thats understandable, i find it really hard to not be able to help them when they're most in need if you want to pm or fb me feel free hun

[Lil-Lele]

(Original post by Stray_talk)
And I'm fed up of the LDR and knowing another year of not seeing Ben when I want and not knowing if I can cope with more of that
Bah, bad thoughts day!

My thoughts exactly right now, so annoyed, frustrated, angry, alone.