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Too 'tight' for boyfriend and sex is incredibly painful...

i got together with my BF a few weeks ago, we have tried to have sex a few times and it just isnt happening. :frown:

it's definitely not because i'm not turned on enough - each time i was very turned on and had orgasmed once already from oral, was very wet and relaxed, but when it came to literally penis into vagina, it was so sooo painful.

my last bf who i lost my virginity to was about 5 inches, average girth and that was fairly painful.
this guy is 8 inches and its 'thick' too, add that to me being tight, its just not happening... :/
every time he tried, it was too painful and i had to stop, last time we tried he got about halfway in and i was literally in tears because of the pain.

we really dont know what to do, tried lube and its not really making much difference.. :/

any suggestions at all anyone?

Reply 1

Sabi_

Here is an article to read about it;
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/pink/from_ow_to_wow_demystifying_painful_intercourse
You might find it useful.

But I think you should go to the doctor - you might have an STD or infection.

Reply 2

ShakeyJJ

I would heavily suggest investing in some lube. It really helps the process, just make sure you don't go for Durex brand flavoured lube, that stuff is a bit dodgy.

Reply 3

Itdib

Hi, sex tips aren't allowed so can't really give much advice, other than keep at it and be imaginative in the positions you try

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by Itdib

Hi, sex tips aren't allowed so can't really give much advice, other than keep at it and be imaginative in the positions you try

i know, i'm not asking for sex tips, more how to make the pain stop / possible reasons for the pain. :/

we tried again today - used lube and i'd already come once and it was fine until about 1/2 inches in, after that it literally feels like it just hits a brick wall and suddenly starts feeling like i'm being stabbed! even though fingering is fine.. i just dont get it.

Reply 5

Clumsy_Chemist

Original post by ShakeyJJ

I would heavily suggest investing in some lube. It really helps the process, just make sure you don't go for Durex brand flavoured lube, that stuff is a bit dodgy.

Definately get lube, but in my experience Durex flavoured is better than normal as the normal stuff seems to disappear.

Reply 6

ShakeyJJ

Original post by Clumsy_Chemist

Definately get lube, but in my experience Durex flavoured is better than normal as the normal stuff seems to disappear.

A lot of people have a weird reaction to flavoured lube you see. We use a particular brand ordered from the internet, it's fantastic. For the life of me I can't remember what it's called though!

Reply 7

We love gays :)

not have sex or have you ever thought you had a penis :smile:

Reply 8

Itdib

Original post by Anonymous

I think you should go and see a doctor about this, there could be a medical reason for this.

Reply 9

Mitchell904

From the information you've given, it could indicate a mild form of a condition known as vaginismus - google it. Basically, the pain is caused by muscles in the vagina tightening, which prevents penetration, or at least makes it very difficult. It's a reflex action that your body takes and can't be helped, although it often has it's causes rooted psychologically. I know this because my current girlfriend of over a year suffers from it quite severely - she can't even use tampons. It seems her case is caused by a strict upbringing regarding sex, coupled with a belief that penetration will be painful (she's a virgin). Now, the condition appears to be entirely curable, but you'll have to do your own research since my girlfriend won't take the treatment for some reason. The primary thing for you is to try and not lose the intimacy in your relationship. This has happened for me and it's not pretty. I certainly didn't plan on spending my university years sleeping next to a girl who has no interest in any form of sexuality - especially as a I've only had sex once... Ever. Despite two separate long-term relationships...
If your relationship is very serious, then break it to your boyfriend slowly. Guys can get freaked out by the possibility of no sex for a long period of time, but if he cares for you, he'll try to understand. Like I say, intimacy is important and it would be vital to keep displaying affection to make the relationship function without feelings of guilt or rejection.

So yeah, that's my bit to add. It's a lot to deal with for a young person who expects sex to come naturally and to be a fun act, not an objective to conquer over time.

Perhaps I'm way off the mark here, but this is what I think it sounds like. If you decide to visit a doctor, mention the possibility of this relatively unheard-of condition before they refer you to some other kind of treatment for an STI or whatever.

I hope this helps!

Reply 10

Vanbrugh

If it is not an STI then it is vaginismus

Reply 11

Anonymous #2

I had this...although I've only been with one partner. Worse still i couldnt bare condoms or lubricant (with the exception of "yes" lubricant". original thought was vagimitus but no problem entering etc but just a lot of pain. Went to gyno and he said my skin was too sensitive (not a surprise since it is sensitive everywhere else) and gave me some anaesthetic gel to put on the area causing me pain and its really helped. I still have a bit of pain afterwards but he said this should resolve itself eventually.

If your pain is restricted to a certain area then this might be your cause. But i would deff go see a gyno

Reply 12

Colour Me Pretty

You may just be a bit tense, it's weird when you're with someone new.

As people above have said: use lube, and maybe just have fun without having sex. Remember eight inches (sexface :smile:

is above average so it's bound to be painful the first few times! Take it slow, and if it's still not happening visit your GP :smile:

Reply 13

applepiemyguy

I have this problem too, the farthest I ever got with my bf was 1/3 of the way (he's about 8in too) before it becoming painful to the point the I was shaking and holding back tears. it feels like a stretching pain that turns into a very sharp pain when he reaches about 2-3 inches in. I even try "stretching out" down there with my fingers and nothing helps. what is the treatment? is it a pill you can take to make you relax down there? I really want to be able to enjoy penetration with him.

Reply 14

DustyFowler

A solution for you is to masterbate with big toys when your man is not around. Try stretching yourself with a well lubed cucumber. Start small and build up.

Reply 15

Maam lady

Let him slip his fingerss in one at a time and get you really muscle relaxed and wett..Let him hold your hands tight while he slowly pushes it in while laying on top of you. If that doesnt work use ecstacy condoms that will make you intrigued for him inside you that will take your mind off of the pain.💋💣💥💦💫

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 16

Hsubs

Work things into it. The vagina is a muscle like anything else. It's like saying, it hurts to do the splits. When I go too far it hurts.Ok... Put a plug or dildo in there and leave it in and then keep doing that with bigger and bigger until it takes it. The tightening and the wall feeling goes away.

Reply 17

Care4udesigns

Yeah see it public floor physical therapist you have vaginismus I have it too and it freaking sucks trust me but I've been dealing with it for 3 years now and have been having unsuccessful sex for the last 3 years only having successful sex part of the time so they call it secondary vaginismus anyway look into it I swear that's what you have I promise and pelvic floor physical therapist will help because my symptoms are of the tightness are getting better so it can be fixed but it's just a long process so be ready for some serious work sorry but that's really what it is just trying to help you cuz I have the same thing going on like textbook