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Vibrators in relationships

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I do when we're together and i dont mind it. It's just when we're apart and im sexually fustrated it gets annoying :frown:

get yourself a sex toy. its only a toy not another guy.

Reply 41

SugarPuffs

You're mad at her because the vibrator does a better job at making her climax faster than having sex with you? :rolleyes:

Really you should be encouraging her to use it more, then she'll be extra horny when it comes around to you two having sex.

Reply 42

viriol

Original post by Anonymous

So in your opinion, is halfway her using a vibrator and me using my hand? or her using her hand and me using nothing? Because both of those i seem to be drawing the short straw.

No. One example would be the nobody using anything. Still, you'd have to talk with her and find out. Ultimately, it comes down to a compromise between what makes you guys feel good and uncomfortable without any of you finding it fundamentally wrong. If it makes her feel good at the cost of making you feel bad, she'll surely feel less good about it. But there might be other ways around it. And you haven't refuted my arguments for its not being immoral, which makes me think you don't really think it is fundamentally wrong.

(PS.: Don't get me wrong, I understand that one might feel rather uncomfortable in that situation. I'm just saying that sometimes you have to put up with things you're uncomfortable with for the sake of a relationship. You just have to speak with her!

Reply 43

navarre

You're being, to put it bluntly, a stupid prick.

Get over yourself and leave your girlfriend be.

Reply 44

hippieglitter

Original post by -strawberry-

You're being ridiculous. Most girls have vibrators, and a lot of guys think it's sexy. She's not cheating on you.

This is true, my boyfriend has been away for a week and loves to know that I'm using my rabbit. A vibrator is a toy not another man, I wouldn't mind if my boyfriend was using a fleshlight.

Reply 45

aeterno

Jeez, no wonder the girl needs a vibrator with you being such a wet blanket :indiff:

Reply 46

K the Failure

I call a troll because nobody can be this stupid and be at university.

Reply 47

PinkMobilePhone

Volunteer Team

cheating = having sex with someone other than your partner

someONE not someTHING.

Reply 48

gingerben

then u gotta stop floggin the dolphin aint ye =]

Reply 49

Schmokie Dragon

There is no absolute right and wrong in terms of relationship ethics. Obviously, it's not OK to exploit or abuse someone but working out what specific behaviours are acceptable is down to the couple.

If you are uncomfortable with her using her vibrator, you can do three things:

1) Convince her not to use it anymore
2) Deal with your feelings and not expect her to change
3) Leave her

Being in a relationship does not automatically mean that you have exclusive rights to her sexual pleasure, vagina, emotions, etc. The limits of the relationship are something you should mutually decide.

In terms of what you should do - work out why you feel the way you do. What about her behaviour is threatening or upsetting. Do you feel entitled to 'cash in' on these feelings by asking for a change in her behaviour or is this something that is better handled by you trying to overcome your emotions? What are the risks involved with what she is doing?

Personally, I don't see sex toys as a threat. Being with someone doesn't grant me the 'keys' to their body and soul. I don't feel 'reduced' or 'diminished' by not being the only source of pleasure in my partners' lives, and don't worry that sex toys will prove to be more satisfying than intimacy. I had a partner who would only allow me to use sex toys if they were used on my by him. He kept my sex toys at his house and wouldn't let me have access to them without him being there. Frankly, it was a laughable situation. I wasn't allowed sexual pleasure without him and although there was no risk of STDs, pregnancy, intimacy or love from these objects, he still felt entitled to censure my experiences. It was suffocating and the relationship fell apart because he couldn't get over his whims and jealousies.

You keep asking why it's right that she uses toys - why is it wrong?

Reply 50

username391622

'Oh woe is me, my girlfriend is cheating on me with her vibrator!'

You are ridiculous, grow up. Are you jealous of her hand too?

Reply 51

Gambit791

Bahaha. My my, aren't you a silly fellow.

Reply 52

dj11

lmao wow do you not realise how possessive you sound?! its a vibrator not another guy, get over yourself and be thankful she isn't a slag who sleeps around with half of her campus.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 53

FrigidSymphony

You're being an idiot.

If it helps, next time you see her tell her you'd like to use the vibrator on her. Might give you a different appreciation for it.

Reply 54

viriol

Original post by Anonymous

So in your opinion, is halfway her using a vibrator and me using my hand? or her using her hand and me using nothing? Because both of those i seem to be drawing the short straw.

Halfway should be decided between you two. One example being nothing for both.

Reply 55

Zamolxes

Ahh I can't read 3 pages of responses to something as silly as this.

But if you're feeling left out, just buy yourself a fleshlight. Problem solved mate.

Reply 56

For The Love Of Giraffe

You're being ridiculous. Cheating is when you go off with another person and it's wrong because you're meant to just be with one person for that. Using a tool to masturbate IS NOT CHEATING! It is simply using something to enhance pleasure and to make things easier. That's like saying you both brush your teeth but your girlfriend flosses too to get rid of the extra plaque, but you think that's wrong as you should only do that by brushing with a tooth-brush really hard. It's not like she's betraying your trust or anything. And relationships are not just about who you get pleasure from.

Seriously, grow up. She's just using something that vibrates instead of making the motion with her hands. It's just a lazier and easier form. I bet if you bought a fleshlight, she wouldn't even care.

Reply 57

Schroedinger's Pandora

Wow. This is possessiveness and insecurity on a whole new scale!

I would dump you, for damn sure.

Reply 58

Anonymous #2

Whereas in my relationship with my girlfriend of 2 years.....I've just moved away to university and of-course, due to us not seeing eachother that often we're both masturbating considerably more. My girlfriend text me one night last week saying "I think you should buy me a sex toy, seeing as I miss you so bad" which I did the same night off ann summers! I encourage her to use it as she has every right to enjoy and pleasure herself when I'm 200 miles away from home :smile:

whats the issue?

Reply 59

little_wizard123

She's imagining that the toy is you. I can see why guys get jealous initially, but in a secure relationship, it should be seen as a positive rather than a negative.