Very Homesick, should I stay at uni?

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Reply 40

andyBANG

Give it a week or so and you'll feel better :smile:

I was the same as you, but I'm in my 3rd week now and I feel much more settled :smile:

Reply 41

kevin6767

Original post by FrankiieeC

Is there anyone here who has dropped out of uni? Do you regret it? Or do you think you made the right decision? and what did you do once you'd dropped out? Sorry for all the questions :tongue:

I left uni in a similar state to you. The first thing you feel when you get home is slight relief but then the thought kicks in of what do I do now? Jobs are hard to come by and it will get worse before it gets better. I would advise you have some sort of plan for life after uni if you decide to withdraw. Visiting home sounds like a good idea but I would really advise you to think about this carefully and what you will do afterwards. You really don't want to end up on Job Seekers for 6 months like I did, it isn't any sort of life and I guess most of your friends will be at uni too.
I do not regret for a moment the decision I took to withdraw, I was lucky in that once I had done some resits I reapplied to uni and scored an amazing internship with a political party throughout the general election and still hold connections there. I also raised funds to go on a private summer school course at Oxford Uni which too was amazing. After that I did go back to being unemployed largely for another 8 months, patches of work but nothing substantial.
It gave me the courage to change courses from biology to politics and as I am about the start at York Saturday I hope it turns out differently this time. I still fear what might happen and there is every chance it wasn't the course it was uni itself and I am just not suited to it but time will soon tell.

I was offered a course transfer at the uni I was withdrawing from the day freshers started after having a year out but it was an impossible offer. I had no where to live in the area, the uni refused to let me go in halls and basically couldn't do it all in time I had.

What I am saying is this; think about this rationally, what will you do if you leave uni? Is there a job out there you can count on? What will you do after that? What training courses or other options are there for you? I know it is hard but try to think rationally about your immediate plans. Don't do anything hasty, talk it over with student services, that is what they are there for.

Reply 42

Cicerao

Original post by FrankiieeC

I thought that once I started lectures I would feel better because I'd have a routine and something to concentrate on, but in my first lecture earlier I felt just as awful as I've been feeling all week and that made it really hard to concentrate.

Did you honestly expect to get into a routine after a singular lecture?! That's impossible! The whole idea of a routine is that it's something you regularly do. Maybe you will feel better after you actually have a routine!

Reply 43

FrankiieeC

Original post by kevin6767

I know that if I took a year out I could work with my dad in his business :smile:

I would have to research any other options before I made a decision.

Reply 44

FrankiieeC

I just found out that my uni would let me 'interrupt' my course, which means I could stop by course at Christmas this year for example, then continue from term 2 next year without paying higher fees. Then, if in that time I decided I wanted to do another course, or even not go to uni at all, I could still drop out, but I would have the option of starting my course again if I wanted to. The real question is if I'll be more ready for it next year. I know some people will say you're never ready to move away from home, but I don't think that's true for me personally, and I think that perhaps if I was more mature and got gradually less dependent on my parents throughout my gap year, I'd be more ready for uni next year, although of course there's no way to tell. Would interrupting my course be a good option for me?

Reply 45

Cicerao

Original post by FrankiieeC

It's better than dropping out in any case. But you should decide that closer to the time if at all possible, and discuss it with your tutor if you have one. Remember that you will be starting again in terms of making friends with those you live with and those on your course.

The real question is if I'll be more ready for it next year. I know some people will say you're never ready to move away from home, but I don't think that's true for me personally, and I think that perhaps if I was more mature and got gradually less dependent on my parents throughout my gap year, I'd be more ready for uni next year, although of course there's no way to tell.

I don't know you as a person, but unless you're going on a gap year to somewhere, I doubt that you'll be significantly more ready. What you told us in the first post is all about how you're homesick. Not that you don't feel you're ready to learn to cook or clean up or anything else that you could improve staying at home, but that you're homesick. Going back home for a year is not going to make you any less homesick. Why would it? All you'd be doing is spending a year being surrounded by all the things that you love about home. It's an option, but I'd re-evaluate your reasons for doing it and what you expect to gain from it.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 46

Pochi_X

Want to add something,

Defeat your homesickness, because you'll always remember your days and the fun when you are studying at a University later on after you graduate, and up to being an old geezer.

Reply 47

EffieFlowers

I don't think it's that your missing your home so much (although that obviously plays a part) but I think it's more to do with the fact that you are in a completely different, unfamiliar environment which, until you get used to it, feels like the opposite of home.
Ask yourself, if, instead living at halls, you instead lived in a private flat with that friend you previously mentioned? You probably wouldn't miss your family half as much and you'd feel so much more relaxed and at home.

... what I'm trying to say is that, right now, everything is out of your comfort zone, but soon you will settle in, familiarise yourself with your new environment, and it will start to feel like home to you.

I promise you, things will improve you just have to stick with it. Don't worry about enjoying the whole freshers experience, just take things in you stride, relax and be yourself. :smile:

Reply 48

ellanachughtai

Just take it easy and give it few days its very normal to feel like that

Reply 49

BabyGirl92

You will feel much better once you have a real routine but it will take a few weeks for that to come and for everything to settle, don't worry it will come. And don't make any big decisions too soon, because you might regret it. By Christmas you will know how you feel and hopefully will be able to make a proper decision. You could even apply for somewhere else like I did, then decide at the end of the year which is right for you :smile:

Reply 50

FrankiieeC

thanks guys :smile:

my parents came down on saturday and I'm going home this friday for the weekend, because I thought that if I was visiting home more often it might help me settle in. I certainly feel much happier knowing I'm going home at the end of the week :smile:

but will this actually help me in the long term or make it harder to settle in?

Reply 51

Joist

Original post by FrankiieeC

thanks guys :smile:

but will this actually help me in the long term or make it harder to settle in?

Hi!

3 years ago, I found myself in a similar situation and what you're saying is ringing a few bells with what happened to me.

I went to university after college, not long after turning 18, simply because everyone else was and that was the natural progression.

So I arrived, and, like you, had a really great time in Fresher's week, made some good friends, and generally enjoyed it. But there something in my mind that made me homesick often, and I was questioning whether or not I really wanted to be there.

I spoke to my personal tutor who was really nice about it told me that there would be no problem in just deferring my entry for a year, so I could go home (this was about November, so not long into university life) and return the following September and start afresh.

This is what I did. I got home, was delighted to be home, until about a week passed by. I then realised that there is little at home for me; no real career path, and if I stay at home then I'm just going to stagnate and progressing my life would be incredibly difficult. I also remembered the fun I had meeting new people, and realised how much I enjoy learning. So, one week into my impromtu 'gap year', and I wanted to return to university!

I got a job and just waited it out pretty much. 2 years ago, I started again (got to have a second Fresher's week!) and have loved every minute of it. But I know for a fact that it's because I took that year out; even though it wasn't especially productive or exciting, it made me realise that I really wanted to be at university.

So I would say the main thing is, DONT be scared at the thought of taking a year out. I would personally advise every single A-Level graduate to do it, because it allows you to think about what you really want to do.

It's nice that you're going home this weekend- use it to assess what you really want and think about the consequences of leaving university for good and staying at home. A move to a university nearer home might sound appealing but it runs the risk of being too easy to go back home at the drop of a hat and thus counteracting any growing up and progressing that university is partly about. A lot of people simply aren't ready for the huge step that university is at the age of 18, I know I wasn't, and that's nothing at all to be ashamed or worried about. I know a lot of people will tell you to stick it out til Christmas and I was given the same advice, but at the end of the day, you know your feelings better than anyone.

I hope everything works out for you!

Reply 52

qlzd55

I don't think this has been suggested yet, but I'm coming to the end of the first term now, and near the beginning of the first term my parents got me some St. John's Wort. It's a mild herbal anti-depressant. I started taking it and felt a bit better, but I wasn't sure whether it was working so I stopped taking it. I immediately felt incredibly homesick again, so started taking the tablets again, and they do seem to work. I would definitely recommend them.

Reply 53

PhoenixFortune

Original post by FrankiieeC

thanks guys :smile:

but will this actually help me in the long term or make it harder to settle in?

How's it doing, OP? Are you still at uni?

Reply 54

stef-anie93

it's my first week at uni..I feel really homesick,I try not to think about it,but I end up crying.we don't have dormitory(campus whatever) here so I live alone at a small aparment..I'm 12 hours away from home so I can't visit my family whenever I want ,like weekends...I am sad,nervous because of this..I hate the fact that uni is so so far away from home,I wish I could visit family every weekend it would really help m,e but I can't.I don't want to drop out cause I know I'll disappoint my parents so i have to stay here and continue my stydies..it's just so hard feeling homesick & knowing you can't visit family when you need them...

Reply 55

ekjj7

This honestly sounds like I've written it myself! I felt the exact same at Freshers, it's like I felt awful in the morning and afternoon and just cried about not being at home, but once it hit 4 o'clock in the afternoon i was absolutely fine. I promise you it does get easier, and you just need to push through this uncomfortable time. I know exactly how you feel and it's almost as if you hope it won't work out so you can drop out and go home, but please try and just think of the positives. I mean look, you've already managed to last this long, that's an achievement in itself! And your new flat mates are going to be friends for life, think how much you would miss them if you left now. You just need to keep going and allow yourself time to find your feet and adjust to this new lifestyle. Of course go home when you can because it's important to still see your family, but don't go home every weekend otherwise you'll find it harder to settle in to your flat. I hope this helps, stay strong and pray about it ! You can do this!